o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o
Chapter 14
They walked through the forest, and found the path to the calling sea.
Her grandmother sung the old words, leading them forward, "Come Great Spirit, help us sing this story of our land, of our people," the Elders repeated in Quileute, and people around them bowed their heads, muttering their own prayers, her grandmother raised her voice, Aunt Joy helping her get to the coast, her carved walking stick piercing the mud as they went, "of the whale, of the seal, of the harvest of clam and shellfish, and for the birds of flight, the mighty T'ist'ilal that brings whales to our coasts, to Q'wati, the great Transformer that has kept our people safe, and gave us plenty," her wrinkled hand rose like a bird itself raising to the setting of the sun, dusk upon them. This ceremony was so different from the gospel songs, the church's bell, and homily given by Pastor Weber at the Baptist Church, "and of the great wolf Taha Aki, that watches over us still."
Leah and Seth stepped forward with two baskets full of gifts, food, clothes, things that their father had created with his own hands, placing them in circle of standing stones, the prepared bonfire of unlit wood was ready to be lit, but not just yet, "step forward and take what you deem fair," said their grandmother Julia to the procession that had followed them here, "let what was my son's possessions, be of some use, put to rest the spirit," and so that is when the tribe members stepped forward to participate in their age old ceremony, taking things that they found useful.
Jude watched them take in respectful silence.
The Potlatch Ceremony.
Weddings. Winter Feasts. Births and Funerals.
It was seen more in the dead of winter, the families of the Quileute Council would sacrifice their plenty in great splendor and feasts that could last up to a week. During these ceremonies, it was tradition that people could pluck what they wanted from the pile of assembled goods, it was a great honor to share in the plentiful of the well-off families, and whatever was not taken…
Jude lifted her eyes to see Billy's wheelchair had made it to the beach. The person that had brought him stood over his shoulder, a mountain of strength and calm as his handsome face looked to the ocean. Jacob. He had insulted her, and yet he still could remain civil after it all. For some reason, when she looked at him, watching his gaze remain in deep thought as the dark waves lathered in the orange of the setting sun, she felt like he understood the longing, the longing for someone that caused you only pain.
"Jude, pay attention," Jude felt Leah pinch her side when she was tempted to look again.
"Sorry," that stopped her from looking at Jacob, and acknowledging the ceremony that would only happen once for her father's released spirit.
Jude payed close attention when the words, "My son," her grandmother raised her voice louder, the same words she had said when her husband's potlatch had been done before the tribe, "may you go in peace to the other world, may the Great Spirit carry you on wings, and Q'wati set all things right." As a tribe they said one last prayer to Q'wati, just as they had prayed in the Baptist Church for their father too with the members of their tribe that practiced both faiths.
Jude felt someone leave her side, her hand becoming empty without her warm hand, "I light his fire," said their mother whom had stepped forward to the light the fire of her father's belongings, "so that they may be free too."
"May you go in peace," Sue repeated their grandmother's words, as all of her father's things burned, everything they had taken from his closet, under the bed, out in the shack, the bonfire got so big, no wonder it was so close to the sea, and in the open expanse of the rocky shoreline, rather than the cedar and pine.
Her mother returned to her side, and Leah held her other hand. They decided to go home rather than to see what was left of their father's things smolder into black nothing.
That night, she was sharing a bed with Leah.
Both their heads together, the covers over them both, "are you awake," Leah whispered.
"I am," Jude was not sure she could find rest, "we should be sleeping," she told her, but it was difficult when her father's funeral would be tomorrow, and it would not be like the private ceremony the potlatch had been. For some reason that upset Jude, the various ways she had to publicly say goodbye to her father, and not allow them all to grieve in the comfort of each other.
"I can't," Leah said the words, assessing the roof above the bed, swallowing, her voice rough, "this is some bullshit, Mom and Seth, and I have to imagine," she said, "I have to imagine what would have been if Sam didn't turn-"
"Sam?" The enemy, this was uncharted territory.
"I was going to marry him one day," Leah swore, "and now I have to be stuck in his-" she straightened her body, raising a hand over her head, "it doesn't matter," her voice slipped to a low timber, "if were being honest, this is the first night I don't mind sleeping with someone. Having you here," Jude was ready for the put down, "it's nice."
Jude opened her mouth, Leah's eye snaring her attention, how wary it looked, "I like being here too sis."
"Good," Leah sighed, and they laid there, listening to each other breathing.
The small moment of peace ended too quickly, "Sue! Where is the grease, I have to cut this meat up, and lather it," said Aunt Lizzie in the kitchen, she was so loud, even in the dead of night, when her mother was trying to get some sleep, willing to wait till the morning to finish the meals that had yet to be cooked, "Sue! Where is it?"
"I got this, don't get uom," Jude got up from the warm bed, shutting the door behind her so Leah could get some sleep.
She went to help in the kitchen before her mother decided to give in, seeing the mess her Aunt was doing to prepare for tomorrow, "and what are you doing?"
"Help me," was her Aunt's command. Jude reigned in every curse word she could think of.
It would seem, the person that was on Aunt Lizzie look-out, Aunty Joy, had fallen asleep at the kitchen table, the cut lettuce against her cheek. She was dead to teh world, probably because she had skipped her night shift to help, and she stopped Aunt Lizzie from daring to wake her sleep-deprived mother or Aunt Joy as they finished what was left to be made.
When Jude only had three more hours until waking, all the traditional meals prepared in foil tin, the house was finally silent as her cousins slept in Seth's room, Seth slept on the couch, and Aunt Lizzie shared a bed with her mother, and for some reason, the too filled house, too many people snoring, too many people breathing in this place, it still hurt Jude. She decided to forgo the hot rooms and breath in the cold air outside. She threw out the trash that had accumulated in the kitchen, serving herself a cup of a coffee, and finally waking Aunt Julia when the sun began to creep up.
"It's morning, it's time to go home Aunt Joy."
She rubbed the red marks on her face, lettuce in her hair, "Shouldn't you be sleeping too?"
"I'm fine," she sipped on her cold strong coffee, Jude wiped the traitorous tiredness from her eyes, "go get some sleep. We need to be ready in a few hours."
After walking Aunt Joy to her car, she swept up the kitchen, wiped the counters, the oven, and for some reason she could not even stop as everyone woke up, the morning quiet before the cluster-fuck that was no doubt going to come when they buried her father's body.
"Can you throw this out," her mother handed her the trash from the restroom, and she had to stop herself from closing her eyes like she was going to knock out any second.
"Sure, mom," their trashcan outside was overflowing, Jude made it work, and that is when a caw made her jump on her feet.
"What the hell," it was a hopping Raven, that jumped on the fence when she tried to ignore it, leaning over right above her head, cawing louder, and then speaking in a woman's snarling voice, "come on. come on Bayak."
"Bayak is right," Jude cursed the Raven in Quileute, someone must have been just as pissed at this talking bird, it was probably the reason why he was so confident, getting closer to her, it ripped a caw as she turned, she almost slipped on the back door steps, the trickster had got her once again, "you little devil."
It cocked a single dark eye at her, intelligent, puffing it's neck, and cawed, "Moonsea!"
Jude froze.
"Moonsea! Moonsea! Moonsea!"
"Not this again," someone was seriously messing with her now, especially when it kept repeating, even as they were pulling out their car from the house, Leah asking what the hell it was cawing for, yelling at it to shut-up, and it still wouldn't stop cawing, repeating the same awful word, Jude's deadpan face wanting to shoot the smug feathered creature from it's perch, "you've got to be kidding me-"
o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o
They put her in one of her mother's old dresses.
It was one from before Sue had been married to their father, or even thought of having children, let alone having three. Jude's long hair was tied up in a tight braid, the same way Sue had made Leah's, and Seth was wearing one of Jacob's suits, and when she was feeling aggravated with the hundred of conversations that refused to rest her headache filled mind.
At least the ceremony was started when a very familiar man wheeled himself to the front of the field, right before the raised coffin, "Hello everyone, can I have your attention," the chattering ceased, people cutting down on the sheer volume that filled the clearing, "thank you for attending Harry Moses Clearwater's funeral procession from his home to these sacred grounds."
If the crowd as big before, it was huge now.
At least a few hundred had come for the funeral service, only fifty chairs were available, and many gave their aggravated remarks that there had not been such a crowd since Old Quil's father had passed away, and how long was everyone expecting them to stand.
"Ignore them," Jude muttered to a shaking Leah.
"Easy for you to say, I can hear every fucken word they say," Leah muttered just as angrily back.
"You're not the only one," Seth muttered with a sigh, "at least they came to pay their respects." He was right, many of the peoples of the Makah and Hoh had come. For sitting arrangement, the immediate family and a few of the extended were sitting in folding chairs at the foot of the grave while the rest encircled and hovered next to the burial site of the La Push cemetery.
It was a sea of people, and Billy Black, the official spokesperson was giving the funeral rites, "We are here as a community of brothers and sisters, to lay him to rest among our ancestors, on the soil that served as a resting place for those that have come before and those that come after," Billy Black's rhythmic voice was calming as the waves that could be heard, and just like in the comfort of her kitchen, it put he at ease.
As she looked at the cemetery, it occurred to her that everyone would be interred here, well, except for the chief's of the Quileute tribe, like Billy, they would be buried on James Island, as a sign of respect, and of tradition.
There was something beautiful about tradition. Jude was holding Leah and her mother's hand while Sue held Seth in the other. As they sat together, a family, their father was a few feet away, canoe casket closed, and a large picture of how he looked like in his twenties. It was a photo they had enlarged and Judith held her breath as she stared into her father's handsome and happy face.
Harry Clearwater had not looked like that in a long time.
Billy opened a piece of paper, "Harry asked for a burial in the old way, but at the behest of our Chief of Police," Charlie Swan nodded his head a few rows back, "we will bury him in the canoe that would have taken him out to the deep waters of Adlivun. For you see our ancestors would build a canoe for the deceased and let them sail off the edge of the world until Agloolik, the storm and ice god, would tear the canoe into deep waters and into the domain of Sedna of the Underworld."
He rolled his chair forward a bit, and his only son Jacob Black was at close hand to help him, "before I get away with myself here, and roll down the hill," there were a few giggles from the kids, and shushing from parents, because this was a funeral, and everyone was supposed to be serious, "I wanted to say how much Harry loved this community, friends, and everything it stood for. Relations between the Quileute people and the others we have immersed into our culture has not been easy, but he taught us to be open to change and growth," he opened the paper again, "to not be afraid of it. He was a wise man that wrote to me about many things, just like he wrote here 'Billy I met a girl named Sue Uley," she could fear her mother tense up, "and she is hottest chick I have ever seen,'" her mother relaxed at Billy's words, at her husband's words, and now there was inappropriate laughing from the adults and children alike.
Jude even felt Sue chuckle as Billy continued, "He was a funny man if you knew him. He enjoyed the good things in life, and above all he loved his family, his girls, and his son, very much." Jude almost broke down for the first time when Billy began tearing up, it was ridiculously sad to see him like this, "he was one of my very best friends. You don't get many of those," Jude felt her stomach clench at Billy's heartfelt words, "a great many will miss him, even if he did hog up fishing boats with all his junk."
"That's right," someone yelled, it had to be Charlie Swan, "we still loved him for it."
Billy folded the note, finished with his parting words, "I would like to invite Sue Clearwater to say a few words on behalf of her husband."
Jude let go of her mother, to allow her to stand up but instead Sue pushed her up. Jude was standing all by herself, all eyes on her, "my daughter will say a few words."
Judith couldn't believe her mother. No one had told her she was supposed to speak. "Mom," she whispered screamed, hoping her mother would see how much this terrified her.
"Jude, go up there," her mother gave her the letter she was going to read, "and say a few things about your father, please honey," her brown eyes were biting, and Jude knew the real reason now, it was obvious when she saw her mother's hands shaking, and her jaw trembling worse than anytime before.
Her mother was truly terrified of speaking in front of large crowds, and above all things, she needed her to speak on her behalf. It made her mouth go dry, and Jude's eyes landed on her staring sister that watched them both through sun-glass covered eyes..
Jude grabbed a powerful Leah, dragging her as hard to the stage, "hey, don't push" she growled as she let her pull her forward, "you don't have to push."
"Don't let me freeze, Leah, I swear to God," she muttered to Leah that mumbled that no one would even notice if she did. Jude opened her mother's paper, hearing her heart pounding in her ears, and to her utter horror, it was blank.
"Oh hell," this couldn't be it. This shouldn't be it. Her mother stared at her patiently, but she showed her mother the blank page, and like she guessed her mother stared back in horror. Some people were catching on and Jude felt her cheeks grow red with shame. She didn't need a piece of paper.
She folded it in half, "Harry Clearwater, has left behind wonderful memories of a loving son, brother, husband, father and a friend. My mother and father were high school sweethearts, best friends, and each others soulmates. Their story is a beautiful one," Jude knew it was right to talk about her parent's. They had a special story, "Our father was a family man, and you bet he didn't miss any family meals. People killed for his fish fry," Billy's' good vibe leaked into her own eulogy and it met with the same chuckles."He deeply cared about others, protected them, and provided wisdom to his loved ones. His brothers and sisters were never far from his mind and he went over Grandma Julia's house almost every day. He taught Leah, Seth, and I that in this life, family always comes first," Jude's eyes met her grandmother's and she nodded in understanding.
She looked at Billy, "My dad was a smart man. He knew how to listen. My father gained his knowledge from many of the older men and women that influenced his life: Billy Black, Charlie Swan, Old Quil, and his own father. In our family and in our culture, the past means something," she looked at Sam Uley and his group of tall henchmen in the back.
The pack of Spirit Warriors were a living testimony of that, and they didn't get a choice to devote their time and energy and possibly die against the undead and evils this world had to give, "If you knew my father," everyone here had known him in a way, "than you know his greatest talent was having patience when things went wrong," she felt her mind go blank.
"Mom, I am sorry," Jude tried saying, but Harry Clearwater stood and to her surprise struck her across the face, "get out of this house!"
So many words were left unsaid, and Jude felt that nothing was fixed from what came of that awful day, "I was his daughter, and even if I refused to give him the right for three years. He welcomed me with open arms," he wouldn't even look at her, let alone welcome her back, he said they would need years, and he couldn't even get a day, "he was the best of us." The words felt wrong, "It was an honor to have Harry Clearwater in our lives."
He would never be able to fix something if he was already dead, "it was an honor for both of us," Leah added when she noticed Jude didn't have anything more to say, and it was Leah that finished with, "thank you everyone for coming. We will miss him."
There was no clapping at funerals, and so they sat down and her mother gave her a wet kiss, "beautiful Jude and Leah. Thank you."
Jude squeezed her mother's shoulder and laid her head against it.
You are a liar, she told herself, You are going to hell.
"You did perfect," her grandmother said behind them, and Jude flinched. This was not right.
Her mother hands found her own, and they stayed that way for the rest of the ceremony.
Jude knew her mother's happiness was worth the pain that came with lying about how she really felt about losing their father.
o0o0o0o0o0TMS0o0o0o0o0o
After the funeral service, Jude had found herself hiding out on her childhood patio, blowing her red nose, and leaning her tummy against the patio railing.
The friendly chatter about: "her father this, her father that, how her father was everything she could have ever hoped in a father," was too much for her.
"You did such a good job," Aunty Joy told her when they passed around the fish fry. It didn't taste as good as her father's but it still did bring back good memories.
Uncle Mike slapped patted her shoulder before leaving for another year, "Way to go, did a good job Jude-bug."
A relative from the Makah rez, a spokesperson she believed, held her mother close,"I couldn't have done better! The girl is a natural Sue."
"You had such an amazing father," said Joseph Young who was carrying his two year old daughter, "Claire-bear, you going to say how good she did," she burrowed deeper into his shoulder and everyone found it adorable.
"She sounded just like her father," said Grandma Julia, "I knew we would have another Harry one day," and that was the last straw.
Judith started picking at the white paint on the patio railing, it got under her fingernails, but she could care less, "I don't sound like anyone," she mumbled to herself, "I sound like myself."
Jude looked out to the dark heavenly green, and imagined running into it, like she used to when she had been a small child with Leah. She would never be able to portray the wonder and enchantment she felt to the rustle of the fir needles, the occasional bird-call, and the rare but eerie hoot of an owl. The woods were enormous and even being for a girl that had once been a local, hiking with her family, and the weekend excursions they gave to tourists during the hunting still did not know all it's secrets, she once believed her father did. How did one capture the bigness of it? La Push fell into a completely different category, and meant so much more than a place for Jude.
On this spring day, the bright and dark green forest never looked so serene as it did now, maybe because she finally knew what was running around in the forest. Another mystery ticked off her list of terrors. She didn't need to be afraid anymore, because she had been introduced to the entire teenage pack and protectors of La Push.
"Don't tell them too much," Leah told her.
"They aren't bad Leah," Seth stood up for his new guy friends.
Like usual, her little brother was right, They were good guys, probably ate too much for their own good, laughed a bit too loud, and everyone of them was still under the finger of the guy she punched in the face, but Jude was safe all the same.
"It's different now," because apparently it was common knowledge that she was forgiven for leaving. Her mother never failed to show her affections under the scrutiny of the funeral guests, by rubbing her hair, praising her, including her, and everyone followed along. If it wasn't for the black dress-code and music-less rooms she would have guessed this was a family reunion. In a sense that is exactly what it was. The whole family only got together for weddings and funerals.
It wouldn't be long for a wedding the way Sam and Emily kept looking at one another, and Jude hoped death would be far away for all of them. She had her full of funerals.
The wind picked up, the raven's caw floating with it, "fuck you spirits," she whispered to the wind. It blew harder making her long hair tickle her arms. She could travel the world, but there was a distinct aura that surrounded La Push, she loved it as much as she hated the power it wielded.
This was it, the place she could never truly run away from, "I am right back in the middle of it," she was exactly where she would be if she had never left. At least that is what she kept telling herself.
As she blew her nose loudly, someone pounced on her, "hah! caught you!'
"God!" It wasn't Leah, "Sheesh," Judith turned her back on the porch railing, and found the guy that had been eyeing her inside.
He had finally found her, and that just put her in a different bad mood, "So you are Leah's big sister," asked the guy that had introduced himself as Paul, another wolf like Leah, "why haven't I seen you before? You are kind of cute," she lifted her eyes up to him and he shrank, "I mean that in a completely respectful way of course."
"Respectful?"
Something told her this guy was anything but. Just look at where they were, they were having Harry's funeral reception at her house, but it was feeling more like Sam's with all his cronies walking around, eating, taking up all the space with their ridiculously huge bodies. Leah and Jude were not very happy about it. Leah had gone to the restroom and Jude had completely left the house. Some people didn't get that she needed to be alone.
She called this Paul out, "Are you hitting on me? After my father's funeral?"
"Well, I won't tell if you won't," he winked. Jude felt extremely uncomfortable with his lustful gaze, because oddly enough she was attracted to him. He was very handsome, scratch that, he was probably the most handsome out of the group, but like the rest, he her younger by three years. All she needed was gossip to spread over La Push about how she tempted and defiled a younger boy. Jude had hoped, if she made some distance, played the wet towel compared to her fiery sister, he would leave. Apparently he didn't get her avoidance at all.
She remembered something funny, "Didn't I babysit you when you were a baby? I swear the last time you had mud on your face."
He smiled widely and she found his teeth very white, "Want to do it again?"
Someone else joined them, "That is disgusting Paul," the other wolf she now knew now as Embry agreed, "even by your standards." This wolf was taller and lankier than the muscled Paul. If no one told her than she would have guessed Embry was the younger of the two, yet after introductions to everyone expect Kim's Jared Cameron and the thankfully elusive Jacob Black she had learned they were in the same year. Junior year. High-schoolers. I am getting old, Jude agreed.
"Why don't you go eat something Paul?"
"I am trying to," he leered at Jude.
Jude laughed, "you wish," and she began sneezing, "I think I am getting sick," she moaned and Paul's face fell.
"Does that mean, making out is out of the question?"
"Paul, come on man, have some class," Embry waked his head and he growled, "Sam is sending someone out because you aren't behaving." How could they know that? Super-hearing?
Judith laughed when Jacob Black ducked out of the house and looked at Embry, "you guys Sam wants us for a meeting." He didn't even acknowledge her or see her unwelcoming grimace at his need to ignore her, especially when it was so painfully obvious, and so Judith just turned back to the forest.
"Coming! Fuck Jake, don't hit me," they all left, their huge bodies making them look like La Push security squad rather than soon to be high-school dropouts, Jude exhaled a relieved breath, and Leah came out, wiping her hands on her butt, returning from the long bathroom break, "it's a good thing Sam has them on a leash, and I don't have to do a damn thing he says today."
Those words sounded wrong coming from Leah, she had to ask, "Why do you mean that you have to do anything he says?"
Leah made a face, like she swallowed something disgusting, "Sam is the Alpha of our pack, Jared is the Beta," she sighed at Jude's confused expression and joined her, putting her elbow to Jude's, pushing the gap that had come with the years apart, "and you are looking at the Omega. That means," she finally explained, "that whatever Sam says is more than just an order," she shrugged, "a command has to be followed through. Seth can be okay with that, but don't get me started on getting a front row seat on what these guys are thinking," she shivered, "I never wanted to read people's minds, and let me tell you it is more of a curse than a help when we are hunting."
"You can read minds too?" Jude froze. Just when she was becoming comfortable with the whole wolf thing; as comfortable as she could get with only a few days since they sprung it on her, and now Leah was throwing out explanations like being able to read people's minds.
Leah found her horror amusing, "No, I can't read your mind, just the pack when we phase into our wolves, and let me tell you," she whispered, "there is no gag reel. When I turned back the last time, my god, the next time I phased I got to see what those pervs actually thought about my ass."
"Disgusting," Jude wrinkled her nose.
"Yeah, they are disgusting!" Leah looked glad for some reason, "I am glad someone can see these guys for what they really are."
Someone screamed from inside, "We can hear you!"
Leah yelled back, "you are meant to!"
Jude whispered, aware of what she was saying now, "They can hear that?!"
Leah found it funny, "wolf-hearing, we can literally hear a pin-drop. It gets annoying fast."
That meant Jacob had heard every time she had nestled her head against the wall next to his room, that he knew about her eavesdropping on him, ieven when she had pretended ignorance of his singing capabilities, "that sounds," Jude makes a face, "nightmarish. Can't you choose not to phase?"
Leah sighed, more acceptance than denial, "We can't stop phasing, not with the vampire that is trying to attack La Push. We need every able bodied wolf to protect the borders. God forbid, she comes here for her next meal," Leah looked less happy about that fact, and Jude felt the same.
The word meant something dangerous now, something that reminded her never to go into the woods outside La Push alone, "Vampire," Jude found the word scarier than usual, because maybe it was no longer a wives tale, "there are vampires, like the Cold Ones?"
"Exactly," Leah leaned closer to her, "the redhead vampire is called Victoria, and she is after Bella Swan. A wannabe vampire that was dumped by her leech boyfriend, and now is our problem."
"Bella? Bella Swan?" Out of all the people that could have been in the middle of this supernatural shit-storm, it had to the be the delicate beauty, "she knew all about this stuff? For how long?" She made it seem like she didn't know shit about their Legends, about what happened to Jacob, and now… she was not so sure about the brown doe-eyed girl.
"She dated a vampire," like that was explanation enough, "Edward Cullen, all of the Cullens were her vampire buddies so I guess they were the ones to tell our Legends," and for once Casey's story of the arrogant beautiful and rich family didn't seem so simple, "last year, she got into a fight with Victoria's mate, he got killed by Edward-"
"Jesus fuck, what the hell is that girl trying to do, get herself killed-"
"Yeah," Leah chuckled morbidly, "and now we are stuck with the angry female that wants revenge for her boyfriend."
"Damn Bella," that girl was a danger-magnet, she should win an award or something, "she must feel like shit, for bringing this crazy vampire into her best friend's life," Jude sure the girl had hoped dumping her vampire boyfriend that she would find a little bit of peace, but this just rotten luck at it's finest, "at least she broke up with the vampire," Jude said aloud, "at least she tried to get away from it all."
"Oh no, she wanted them to stay, they were the ones to leave her," Leah corrected her, and Jude didn't know if she could be any more surprised.
"You have got to be kidding me," Jude whistled, "when you think you know someone."
"I was going to say the same thing about you," Leah shot right back, "You aren't freaked out Jude? You don't look so good," Leah put her extremely hot palm to Jude's clammy forehead.
She brushed it away, no longer worried about her safety after hearing Bella's horribly nightmarish life, "Just sick, sick of all these people, it's nothing serious," she told Leah, brushing if off, "how are you holding up?"
"Same," Leah muttered. Jude understood. She didn't need people worrying about her. Jude felt a whole lot more grateful to have the Spirit Warriors in their lives, but she didn't need them breathing down her neck, she sighed, "at least like grandmother said the spirits are still protecting us when our lives are going to shit."
"I don't see it that way," Leah played with her cropped hair, threading her fingers through it, "if they really cared," she dared, "then they would give us a way to get rid of all this supernatural stuff for good. Life is too crazy to add the supernatural to it. Now, I might never age again, the werewolf gene stops that, and since I can't age that means I can never have kids while I am like this," Jude gasped at the onslaught of news, her sister couldn't mean...
It couldn't be true, "Leah, you can't," anything could happen now it would seem, "Can that happen?"
"That is what the Elders are telling me, Sam agrees too."
"Fuck, all this is fucked up," Jude was having a migraine from the information overload. Her nose was dripping and she needed a tissue before she became an even bigger mess. Though the bigger mess was leaning next to her. At first their father was dead, then her sister and brother became Spirit Warriors, and Leah was the only female werewolf in Quileute history. What did she do to deserve this? Leah and Seth supposedly gained immortality with the werewolf gene but it was Leah that was cursed with infertility. The spirits never did anything in halves.
"My god," she leaned back to get a good look at her, "how are you talking about this so calmly? Shouldn't you be the one blowing up, I would be pissed out of my mind, I would tell those Elders where to shove it-"
"I don't know, all I felt was anger at first," Leah shrugged, "it's what triggered me phasing," her own brown eyes brighter around the edges, lupine, "maybe it's because I don't want to controlled by my anger. I am tired of it, from Sam being a tool, Dad," she paused, "and because you actually care about me now," that was mind-blowing, "and you cared before I was like this, before my life went to shit."
"It isn't shit Leah, our family isn't like that, we aren't going to let you go through this alone," Judith felt brave and embraced a softened Leah, "I can't believe you are opening up to me."
"Me too," she confided, "but it feels good just to get it off my chest. Seth and Mom would have told me to just forget it, and move on."
"Grieving isn't a weakness, I am glad you shared it with me," that was something Susan taught her, after losing her son and daughter to a car accident, "I am glad you came to me Leah," Jude agreed, "that was all I wanted."
After a few tense moments, the old Leah reared her head, "I am not going to change though," Leah snarled, "I am still angry at you, at Sam, hell even our mom for inviting his ass here."
That sounded like she hadn't lost the part Jude loved, the wrath she so admired, "I wouldn't have it any other way," Jude laughed, "well as long as you take it out on Sam," that brought a smile to her sister.
"JUDE CLEARWATER!" A car with the window down pulled up behind the dozen other cars in their driveway, "Why have you not answered my calls!" Jude gritted her teeth, just remembering that she had left her phone charging in her room.
"Shit." Shit indeed. Casey jumped out her car the moment it was parked, her mother right behind her, and that was when Jude knew, she was not going to get any rest today, "hey Casey."
"Is that your girlfriend," Leah teased knowing full well it was Casey Whitney, the same one she had spoke over the phone at Jacob's house.
Jude cracked a smile, "she likes to think so sometimes."
Leah nodded, losing the humor, "I didn't get to ask her why she never told us where you went," there was accusation in her voice, "she knew where you were. All this time, isn't that right Jude?"
"Don't take it out on her," Jude muttered as she saw Casey came closer, weaving through the parked cars, "I told her to keep it a secret, even from her own family, from him too," she said as Casey and her mother came towards the house, carrying a plate for the reception, both nicely dressed woman walking up the rickety porch's steps.
"Come here, you big baby," Casey opened her arms wide when she was before her, "you said I couldn't come, and of course I came," Casey's little body, big attitude wrapped her arms around her, Jude held her too, looking over to see Casey's mother nod once, before entering into the home she had never entered when she had been dating Connor. It felt odd for both of her old worlds to be crashing into one, all she needed to hear was her mother talking to Mrs. Whitney, and that settled her nerves of both mothers finally meeting after all these years.
Casey squared her shoulders, sizing up Leah's new and improved warrior's build, "Hi Leah, you've been hitting the gym?"
"Hi Casey," she sized up the smaller young woman, "didn't grow any taller I see."
"We all can't be giants," was her snarky remark, "at least Jude isn't the tallest person I know anymore," Paul and Embry walked out of the house, Paul giving them a wink as they left.
"Very nice looking boys around here Jude," was Casey's sly remark, "too bad I swore off guys for the foreseeable future."
Leah gave her a look, Casey doing the same, as if she was their mother or something, "At least she isn't slobbering over them," Jude reasoned to her own sister, "that means she is trying."
"I am still here right here," Casey's lip began to tremble for some reason, "I have always been here."
"Do you want an award or something," Leah said snidely, "being a liar for my sister doesn't make you the best friend of the year now does it."
Casey weighed her words, "I was there every single day for Jude."
"I'm sure you are mistaken," Leah said snidely, going to sit on the couch behind them, getting comfortable with argument that no doubt was coming, "because I know for a fact you were right here, in Forks, where I could see," like Leah had been keeping tabs on her, "so phone calls don't count Casey."
"Can I talk to you Jude, in private," Casey said tugging on Jude, as if she expected her to just ditch Leah, that gave her a look from both of them.
"Please don't start a fight right now," Jude looked at them both, "that is what I usually do," stirring the shit pot, as Grant had once put it. Sam would love everyone to see how much of a fuck-up Leah and Jude could make when outsiders came to visit, give him a reason to ban Casey from coming, "and let me tell you guys' it's never pretty, please Casey, for once do as I say, please."
"Fine," she bit into her fist, "I behave, even if my mom is driving me fucken insane," Casey looked over her shoulder, still frightened of her, but still willing to reveal what was going on at her home. Casey looked at Leah and then at Jude, "he is back. He is back and my mother almost threw him out of the house."
"Who?" Leah furrowed her eyebrows, "Who's back?"
It could only be one person, "Conner," Judith spoke before Casey could say the name that would make it all real. If he was back then that could mean only one thing, "that is the only person that the he, can be."
"That's not all," Casey wrung her expensive scarf tighter around her neck. Jude already knew, "he has a fiancee from San Francisco. A lawyer and she-" Casey could have explained the most perfect person, and it still wouldn't have mattered. So, he had done it. He talked about going away so many times, and only coming back to get married and then off to California again. Where the people and cities had more things to do, and sunny days were the norm. Conner was not living in his past, not like Jude did on most days, and so she scolded her face into a smile.
She sat back down with her sister, making her body relax, "That sounds great Casey."
Casey became infuriated, slapping her foot against the patio wooden floor, "Didn't you hear what I said, they said she came highly recommended, like she was applying for a fucken job, who the hell explains a person like that-"
"Oh I know what," Leah muttered, "she came highly recommended to suck cock," Leah teased, and Jude made a face. She didn't need to say that, it was rude, and for the record it brought all types of ugly images to her head. The last thing she needed to do was vomit on the porch and piss off people even more. The thought of someone's head bobbing in front of Conner's, nope, she was not doing it.
Jude tried breathing out the stress, "I don't know why I have to know all about this Casey," she cleared her head, "why don't you congratulate him for me. We can talk about this later. Go home and hang out with him while he is back," Jude said the hollow words, "he deserves to be happy and have his family support him."
Both Leah and Casey looked at her like she was an alien, "Support him?"
"Yeah," was that so hard to believe, "that is what I said," Jude sneezed into her nasty napkin, "do I have to spell it out too?"
Casey looked like they were going to jump her right there. That was not what she wanted. Casey had always been one to always keep her informed, always keep her in the bubble. Just because she didn't like what she had to say didn't mean she had to bully the messenger.
Jude put her hand on Whitney's shoulder dragging her down to sit with Leah, this was mean to be a conversation amongst friends, "thank you for telling me Casey," Jude sniffled, "I am truly happy for him Casey, go enjoy being with him. I know you do."
"But that is just it, so do you, you love him!"
"Loved-"
"Same thing, this is so unfair. He is making a huge mistake and you aren't going to tell him the truth. He should have the right to know Jude," Casey said with so much obvious secrecy she might as well have screamed it aloud with all the wolves hearing, "you can't keep this a secret anymore. It is not healthy!"
Leah growled, "shut your mouth Casey, we don't want the family to get wind of this," they all knew about Jordan,her son, no doubt her mother and Casey's mother would be talking about it soon, about the grandson they shared now.
"Jordan is not a secret that can be shoved in the closet," Casey said, "you can't ignore him," Jude pulled her friends so close, she might as well kiss her ear.
"You need to shut-up about this," that was the least of fit, "What do you think you are doing," she said through gritted teeth, "you have no right to come on my father's funeral, make these demands, and get away with it."
"You are a mother Jude," Casey whispered back just as viciously, "Connor deserves to know he is a father, he deserves to know about his son, for Jordan to know him too," Leah was the not the only one that was growling now.
There was no space for argument in Leah's voice,"That is my sister's choice, not yours to make."
They were silent for a great while.
Despite the argument, it was Casey that broke the silence, "You are still his mother Jude," like she would ever tell herself otherwise, "you have the right to give him the chance to be with you, and the chance to have a father that I know will love him."
She already knew what to say to that, "If you love me like a sister and truly care for Conner you will never speak a word of this again," none of them deserved to be overwhelmed with the news, to be overwhelmed when Susan and Peter had always taken care of Jordan, loved him like a son, he was practically theirs more than hers, and that pain was mean to only be hers, the tears that would no doubt go down her face when she thought hard of the decision to give her son to adoption services, "I swear Casey I will not be forgiving next time if you leak this information again."
Casey looked like she would like nothing more but to slap her across the face, but it didn't matter, "Okay I promise," she promised with an icy indifference.
"Casey!" It was her mother, "we are leaving."
Of course Mrs. Whitney wasn't going to stay, there was no reason for her to stay with Conner's leftovers.
Casey was different now, less jovial, and so Jude shook her arm as she tried leaving to leave, "promise Casey, don't let your mom say anything either, please."
"I know," Casey met her gaze, there was something dangerous there, and Jude squeezed until, "Okay, okay, okay, geez. Don't rip my arm off. I will not speak to a soul. I swear."
That was what she needed to hear.
She didn't expect Casey to still hang there for a moment, expecting something,"Answer me this Jude," even Leah perked up in her seat, "what if he changes his mind, what if he calls the wedding off. Would you take him back," her eyes were so hopeful, "could you guys ever get back together?"
Jude took precautions to school her face. Everyone didn't need to know their business, but Casey looked so hopeful, it would hurt her dearly if she didn't answer, "It is not a question of if I would take him back," Jude said aloud, finally feeling her love for Conner brush every nerve-ending of her mind, the kisses she had given Jordan on the head, imagining that she could transfer the love to his father in some small way, "we both know that answer. The question you should be asking, is if he would take me back?"
Her victory whoop made Jude smile, her energized Casey returned once more, "I will tell him you are back. He is going to freak out," Jude frowned at the news that he had not been told, and what he would think that Casey and his mother had dropped in for a visit, "he will take it in the good way. Well, I think. Also, maybe I will let him know you are interested… interested in seeing him again that is."
"You will do no such thing." she said to a giggling Casey.
"Maybe I will hint something," she was far too happy for something that was never going to happen. Conner would never speak to her, he was too smart to go back to her, "bye Leah, take care of her stupid ass."
"I will nosy ass," she bit back the retort.
Jude could not hold it in any longer, her anger not lethal, but bruised, "you are so bad Casey I swear, if I didn't love you so much. Don't go running into the Rez without an invitation, and be better to your poor mother."
"She isn't poor Jude," she rolled her eyes, "you should hear the things she told my brother," she chuckled, and Jude knew there was a story there, and all she could do was watch Casey get into the car with her mother, and drive off.
Leah leaned back to stretch like a cat, or a wolf, both seemed likely, "thank God she left, I thought she was going to talk her head off."
"Yeah, that's Casey for you," Jude looked up at the sky, "Wanna go for a walk?"
"What," Leah was thrown off.
"Do you want to go for a walk, my car is trapped by Sam's stupid Jeep," it was true, there was no way they could take their cars out now with the congregation of idle cars parked like they were trying to survive the Great Flood or something, "I need to stretch my feet Leah, come on," Leah made a noise between and laugh and a hell no.
"Fine," Jude got up to take one by herself, "see you in a bit."
This is what she needed. Not sleep, not another heart-to-heart conversation. She needed away from prying eyes, from her judgy sister, and most of all the judgy looks she would get from the eavesdropping pack members. No one had come up to her to talk about Jordan, about the fact that she had a son in New Mexico no one was allowed to talk about, but it would no doubt come up now. Her home invaded by big Native brutes.
As she walked by herself on the dirt road, the sky was a clear baby blue, not a cloud in sight, and so she kept walking and she kept going until she hit the main road and then decided to pick her pockets. Damn. No phone, only a few dollars as she decided to still go forward, to make her way to the downtown, maybe she could pass by Mark's Mart… maybe for old times sake.
Her breath was visible as she breathed in the cold Spring air, and she didn't even have a heavy sweater to protect her from rain, but she searched the skies finding it safe from rain.
They were perfectly clear. She should be okay.
She could hitchhike on her way back or just walk…
Walking was not so bad anymore.
