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AUTHOR's NOTE: Thank you so much for all you wonderful readers that took the time to review this story, and have stuck through this abnormally long hiatus. I will never give up on this story, and I am so grateful that I have found the inspiration again to write for this story. I would love your reviews about where you would like this story to go, your reviews are my fuel, give me the suggestions, and I promise to supply more. Thank you and love you all!
Chapter 19
(2 weeks later)
It was so difficult to remember the way things were before.
Time creating a distance from those years hiding with Jordan in New Mexico. All those dreadfully poor attempts at being his mother, and the blessing of being given a saintly couple, a couple that made the effort to check on her even to this day. Jude knew how blessed she was to still have a part in that simpler world.
"Hello Jory."
"Mama!" She could feel the love through the phone, healing her, and knew that some time very soon their time would grow shorter. Their conversations would become more strained, and when he grew older, when he knew better, her little Jory would see through her poor excuses. "What are you doing mommy?"
"Nothing important baby." At least she still had him now. "What are you doing right now? How is preschool?"
"Great mommy, so much fun!"
Their ritual of morning phone calls was ever the reminder of the life she left behind, and of the son that she now had realized that she needed therapy to continue speaking to. She received such instructions from both Winona (her new mentor for all things supernatural and spiritual) and Dr. Clarice Williams in Forks (her provider in all things reality), and both experienced woman lent a patient ear to the guilt-ridden thoughts that haunted Jude in the darkest of her nights.
It was too cold.
"Kim," she called out from the back of the store. "Did you shut the front doors it's freezing in here?"
A ponytail Kim yelled from her place at the front counter, "Yeah I did."
"Then why do I feel like it's open," she muttered, as Jude put wood in the furnace in the back of Mark's Mart, she wiped the soot and traces of termites on the reddish-brown wood on her mother's already dirty old apron. It was a faded yellowish white with a sewed-on fat little blue jay on her right hip, and holly flower vines bordering the edges.
"Kim, you still here?" She found her trusty broom once more and got back to work on the chores for the day, and at the job she never thought to have again.
"I'm here right here!" Kim said as she popped her gum at the counter, her eyes looking through the large pane windows, a comic book between her fingers, while she was attempting to man the cashier for Jude that kept sweeping the rows of Mark's Mart like a pro. "Uh oh. Hey Jude, look, the groupies are coming again."
"I know." She could hear them coming, giggling girls and whoops from the guys. It struck her as funny that Kim made them worse then they actually were. Horny teenagers weren't all that bad. "So why are you freaking out Kim?" She humored the timidest of imprints. "Do they make you feel uncomfortable, make you talk about Jared?"
"No, of course not. You just don't get it. I'll be in the back if you need me, get me when they are gone," Jude did not believe her for a second about not being intimidated by them, and stifled back a laugh when she went into the back with Billy and Old Quil. Kim would rather brave the smoke-riddled room than the posse of high schoolers that jumped on the wooden awning as if they owned it, but thankfully this time they came inside to buy first.
Jude was there to meet them. "How may I help you?"
"Oh, I want… three sprites, and whatever they want," said one of the girls that reminded her a bit of Casey as she attempted to kiss her boyfriend or whatever. The boyfriend looked like all the rest of the male highschoolers, skinny, scrawny and so boyish, and the difference of youth was so unlike the highschoolers that she spent the time with.
"Sure," Jude rung them up, watching how some of the girls in the back whispered behind their hands, and the new Jude smirked at the so faint displeasure at being known as a follower of Sam's gang, at Harry's still struggling, single-mother daughter. She didn't like that the Elders allowing the tribe to gossip like that, about her, about Sam's so called gang, and most especially her families part in it all. If anything, Jude knew Sam's gang were more like a pack, a big dysfunctional and too honest with one another wolf family, and even if her part in it had once been so uncertain, she never felt stronger during Emily's Sunday morning breakfast, and the way the pack made her feel safe and warm.
"Have a nice day," she channeled that same warmth, seeing how it left most of her customers happier. "Thank you for shopping at Mark's Mart, come again soon." Now that was just something she added in hopes of resurrecting peace with her reluctant boss, something that just made Old Quil raise his bushy eyebrows and mumble something about crazy overachiever.
"What did they buy?" Speaking of the devil.
"Oh just a few sprites, and some snacks." Jude said to Old Quil, grinning from ear to ear, for some reason being checked on by Quil's old man for the thousandth time reminded her a bit of how her father had drove around town to check on her too, always at another person's house instead of her own. How she wished she could hear her father's pick-up now. Feel that same feeling of how much she both irritated and worried about him. Oh Dad. The sadness would never leave her, being fatherless was not something anyone could forget, but that didn't mean she couldn't be happy too.
She was sure Aunty Joy would be happy too to know her father-in-law got his exercise by watching her like that damn Raven Winona had run off with her sage and chants. At least that got him off his butt.
"Are you paying attention Jude, I can't have you daydreaming on the job."
"You know." She caught herself. "I just wanted to thank you for giving my old job back."
"Well... let's see how long you can keep it," Old Quil gave her hell.
Jude gave him hell right back. "But I really appreciate this opportunity, and it has really given me back purpose. I know it is hard for you to trust me from the last time, but I won't let you down Old Quil, not this time," he swiveled quickly at her heartfelt apologies, disturbed by her earnest words, and grumbled at her, walking back into the safety of his kitchen cave.
"Thank you Old Quil!"
"Yeah, yeah."
Jude smirked to herself at getting to him, feeling as if she had proved something after a week back at Mark's Mart, back to where all the trouble had begun, and despite those haunting memories she cleaned behind the counter with ease, enjoying the feeling of scaring Old Quil away with the positive outlook Clarice had taught her to work on.
As she was dusting behind the containers of alcohol, the rumble of a familiar engine caught her attention. The Rabbit pulled up outside, the faded paint and low hum of the engine brought a smile to her face. "Jake," even her subconscious knew him.
Jake turned off the car, forgetting to stop jumping over his hood like a world class gymnast, and with athletic grace jumping onto the awning like some cat. Jude smiled at mentioning it to him, perhaps later when he was inhaling food.
He seemed to be a good mood when he rubbed his hands along his massive wooden stature of a wolf he had made before she had the pleasure of meeting him. His wolf, he protects me even when he's not here, she reminded herself to not get too excited as he pushed through the door open. The bell tinkling above his classically beautiful grin.
"Hey Jude."
"Hey Jake, how was school?"
"It was fine, they have a bunch of homework for me to do. I was patrol for the last two days so I wouldn't expect anything else," he leaned against his place at the counter, his massive weight and cut-throat muscled arms only leaving so much space for her, but she didn't mind it, knowing it was not his fault. The imprint was always so much easier when he was closer. "How about you? How is Old Quil treating you?"
"I'm not his favorite person in the world, but I think after a few weeks he'll remember how great of a worker I was."
"Oh, I wouldn't say a few weeks," now he was teasing her, he did that thing with his eyes when he was trying to. When his chocolate irises had this playful glitter in them, she knew for sure Jake was in a good mood. She was dying to know the reason. "Maybe after a few years."
They both laughed at that
"A few years," she humored him. "How will I ever cope?"
"Yeah," he leaned over his arms, like every boy his age trying to make them appear bigger. "Maybe in a few years he will stop mentioning that you tore up Old Mark's room, and he's too afraid of your dad's ghost to say no to you."
For a second, Jake's warm eyes shifted towards her face, suddenly more man than boy. He seemed to be searching for a reaction about mentioning her father, about the rumors that she was the unrivaled crazy person, the ones that had not even been buried a month. Perhaps when she finally broke into tears, he would give her that overflowing sympathy she had fallen under the spell of.
Jude steeled her eyes and strengthened her smile, knowing that she would rather go back to New Mexico than play on his giving heart. I am okay, she hoped he got the message loud and clear, I am okay talking about it. "I am sure my dad would pull Old Quil's foot when he sleeps for turning me away. Perhaps, only then he'll believe me about this place being haunted."
"Hah! Love to see that," he went over to the freezer, pulling out the drinks as his fellow classmates did on their daily pilgrimage. His shirt rid up, and she looked away for his sake and hers. "How much for the Sprite?"
She fought the urge to blush when he righted his shirt subconsciously, she pretended to be irritated. "The same as for everyone else Jake." Jude was not babying him, didn't want him to get that smug idea into his mind, and she was not going to start now when he batted his eyes like a first-class flirt.
"Now that doesn't sound fair," he remarked for the first time, tempting the waters and waiting for her answer. "Can't you cut me a break this one time?"
"Life isn't fair," she felt stupid even saying it, forgetting how easy it had become to talk to Jacob Black after that car-ride to killjoy Bella Swan's home.
"You're right, I forgot." He put the Sprite on the counter to reach into his back pocket of his cut-offs, fingering through his worn old wallet Billy had probably passed on to him.
Sometimes she forgot too. She forgot he was sixteen-year-old boy, probably living paycheck to paycheck to pay for expenses, and he didn't have money to spare for situations like these. Sometimes she forgot that they shared a connection so new and deep that it frightened her, and they weren't like normal friends, couldn't just be friends, no matter how much they would like to pretend it was that easy.
"Jude?" He noticed it immediately. The attention bothered most days, but not today. "I was just kidding, you know I always pay for it. Hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing." She lied, "do you want to get started on your homework?" She motioned for the books he must have left in the car. "We could finish it, so you don't have worry about it later." Jude had never been great at school, but she would try for him. God knew when he would get the time to finish it all with Sam the Tyrant getting moodier with the wolves' constant patrol of the La Push treaty line.
"Sure, sure," Jake took the hint that they would need his syllabus and books, and when he went outside to get it from the Rabbit, Billy Black rolled from the back kitchen, with a smiling Kim. Now what were they up to?
"Jude," Kim said in a tone she was immediately distrustful of.
"No."
"Oh, come on Jude, give the poor girl a chance." Of course, Billy would be on Kim's side, those two had gotten closer over the weeks both she and Kim had been hired on as staff for Mark's Mart. Jude full-time, and Kim per diem reading a comic book, and doodling Mrs. Jared Cameron like Jude still teased her from time to time.
"Fine Kim, what is it?"
"Well, as you might already know, I am free this Saturday, and Old Quil said that he would take over for things on Saturday too so that you could be free too. So that makes us both free."
"Why would he do that?"
"Well," she looked at Billy, whom nodded. "I wanted to give you the option," Billy coughed, "no, I wanted you to come with Jared and I to Seattle for dinner."
That was unexpected. Something told her that there was more to this, "I don't get it Kim, like we will all be hanging out? Just the three of us?" Talk about being known as the third wheel.
"Yes, and no," that is when her fingers became preoccupied with her shirt, "and I might have invited Jake too. So, I wanted the both of you to join us."
Jude did not believe it, it couldn't be her, "Jake?" My Jake. Why would she do that?
"Hey Dad." The very Jake in question grabbed a stool and pulled his books and himself to the counter in front of Jude. He was even taller sitting down, and his great posture only made it worse when she had to look up at him, "what you guys talking about? Jude?"
"Apparently." Jude chuckled at his equally worried face, "we are double-dating with Kim and Jared."
That made him almost fall over in his seat, and her intent to throw him off just left her with the biggest smile on her face.
"Oh my god Jake, don't kill yourself, you big baby," she laughed at his upset face. Jude could not find it in her heart to be nervous and embarrassed when Kim seemed to be going through all those emotions herself. She found it so silly that she would get stressed over something as small as this.
"Did Jared put you up to this?" Jake interrogated Kim. "Did he mean it as a joke?"
"Oh don't be mean to her Jake." Jude would have not of that talk, Kim was too sweet to mean it as a joke. "Look at her, she's already freaking out with me saying no, don't you be like that too." Jude pushed on his big hot arm when he got back on his seat.
"I'm not-" was his grunt.
She didn't even wait for his approval before saying. "Of course, we will come with you to Seattle." It seemed that they didn't have much of a choice. "Stop getting nervous about asking favors, it's just us Kim. If you want us there, we will be there."
"Thank you! Thank you for saying yes!" Kim seemed very thankful for some reason, daring to give Jude a big hug when she told her it was nothing.
The excitement for the weekend reminded her of Casey, and she pushed that nagging thought outside her head. She could be nice to Kim. If being alone with her love-struck imprint boyfriend Jared caused her enough stress to ask others to join them, then she would help her out with at least getting a bit of the confidence she knew lurked inside this girl.
"Oh, we could go to this cute Italian restaurant. I love it there, thank you so much for joining us." Jude could not guess why Kim was so grateful in the first place, or why Jake seemed to grow paler at Kim's overwhelming happiness at the double-date this weekend.
It took a few moments, but Jude only had to look at the growing grin on Billy's face to know, she had been played.
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At the end of her shift, she got an awkward goodbye by Jake, and a rather smug one from Billy. Feeling as if she had done something terrible to Jake, she got into her Honda and drove back to the Clearwater home in deep thought.
Did she overstep her boundaries as Jake's friend? Did he feel uncomfortable that this was a double-date? Or did he feel uncomfortable about the blaze way she had went about it, as if they had such a strong friendship that she could already knew his stance on the proposal? Kim did say she told him, but something in her mind said that he had never agreed in the first place?
"Oh God," had she forced him through the imprint bound. The wolf will be whatever the imprint chooses to be. "Oh God, I took his choice away from him. He must hate me." If there was one thing she was sure about Jacob Black, especially the one that had rejected the imprint at first sight, was that he hated his choices being taken away from him.
Despite her worried thoughts as she walked up to her home, Jude noticed a silver pick-up truck parked in front of her lawn. It had a leering dragon tattoo guy leaning over the truck's bed, a cigarette sticking out of his mouth, he looked like a dragon too. She usually associated his presence with a certain silver-haired Spirit woman. "Hey Tony."
The middle-aged Tony waved playfully as she walked past him.
Without knocking, Jude entered her home, noticing both Leah and Seth's rooms' doors were wide open, and void of her siblings. She smelled someone cooking, "Mom, I'm home."
"In the kitchen." She was in the kitchen, and with Winona.
"Hello, Judy dear," Winona said that horrible nickname, "you don't mind if I came to keep your mother a bit of company, we didn't have much time to talk on our usual Tuesday meeting." She had a long drive to the Makah Reservation, and most nights her mother came late too. Both her mother and Winona had not met before today, and perhaps that was a good thing.
Despite her instincts that it was not, she showed restraint. "No, it's fine, make yourself at home." Jude did the exact same, grabbing a cup of milk and making herself a peanut butter jelly.
"Oh, you'll spoil your appetite Jude," of course her mom would say that. Sue's fish fry filled the kitchen making Jude's mouth water, but it wouldn't be ready until thirty minutes as the timer said, and like most things, she was unwilling to keep her rumbling stomach waiting.
"I'm just leaving more food for Seth and Leah, you know they are always hungry."
"Sure, but I want you to have dinner."
"I had a big lunch Mom, Billy had Aunty Joy come and bring some take out for us at Mark's Mart for lunch, I only need this," Jude was lucky to have this since Seth, Leah, and if they were unfortunate to house another wolf would butcher whatever remained in the refrigerator that was stocked at the very least three times a week.
"How is William?" Winona butted in, always curious about Billy Black. It was like she had a crush on him or something, and there she went imagining them together, oh god, she was happy she would never have to share a pack mind.
"He's fine," Jude smirked around the sandwich. Grinning just like Billy had, "he was asking about you, he really wanted to see you."
"Oh, he did?" Winona's face reddened, and Jude knew success when she saw it. "Well then I will have to pay him a visit, won't I." She half expected her to get up there and then, but then her mother reached across the small dining table, claiming a warm hand over Jude's own.
"Winona comes with good news. Such good news," her mother pointed out. Her first reaction was to freeze. It scared Jude to think that these two women had been together, chatting or plotting it would seem. "She made the effort to come out as soon as she found out the answer we have been looking for."
Now that just tickled her excited, or terrified, probably both. "What Mom? What did you guys find?"
Jude was not sure whom she was speaking to, her excited mother, or a very quiet Winona, a small smile playing at the tips of her wrinkled mouth.
"She can help get rid of your visions once in for all," her mother did not spend a single moment for Jude to take in it. "She has found a way so that you never have to fear them again." Her mother hugged her tighter than Kim did, but she did not feel any of the warmth, only misery at her mother's excited words. Her mother must have thought this was the answer Jude had been waiting for... but it wasn't, it really wasn't.
Her mother noticed her grim face, "Jude? What's the matter?"
How could she tell her mother? How could she steal her hope and happiness when hers was taken a week ago? There was much Jude learned these past two weeks, "Mom." She didn't know what to say. She had not been taught how to crush her mother's hopes, she didn't even know if she was capable of it.
"There is more to this." Jude started there. If there was one thing she learned about Winona, with her spiritual lessons… she looked at the elderly woman that was more than what she appeared, and could see the glimmer of greed in her eye. Winona delved far deeper into the spiritual world than anyone she had the pleasure of meeting. She could see why Billy had tried to protect her the first time she had meet the spiritual woman.
Jude had seen screaming spirits with Winona, had experienced mighty wind that tore through windows when Winona went into the other Realms with her power of astral projection. Something that would have frightened Jude before, but now only filled her with cold resolve to never experience it again. There were just some things... people should not dabble in.
"There is more to this Mom. Winona probably didn't tell you, but we had this conversation before, and I have since then refused to accept her request. That is why I am a bit surprised she came to you to ask, when the answer is already no." Jude turned to a simmering Winona, there was anger in her eyes, her words came out in a tired way. "What is the price Winona? What is the price to your offer this time?"
"The price will not be steep," Winona was ever stingy with her knowledge after learning Jude's discredit to her practice. It was apparent they could not go back to those first meetings, not after what Jude had seen her capable of, "you will not miss it when it's gone."
"Let me be the judge of that Winona."
"How can you be the judge when you refuse to see the possibilities?"
"Possibilities." She was a stubborn old little woman, this was just a rehash of the previous argument, and Jude knew she would have to be more harsh in her refusal. "Winona. You come into my house, seeking my help, so I think I should judge what is best for me." Jude knew how her lessons with the spiritual healer usually went. With Winona displeased with timidness to reach out to the Spirit Realm.
"How will you protect the pack?" Winona bit back, "how will your inability save the ones you love?"
"That is not fair," Jude knew that. "I should not have the power to choose who lives or dies. I can't save them with powers that you don't even fully understand, you said this was all uncharted territory. This could be dangerous."
"Of course it's dangerous, if you get into that mentality, then no one will be able to help the wolves against the Cold Ones." There it was. There was only one thing that mattered Winona, she had heard the brutality of those Quileute, Makah and Hoh ancestors that had ventured into the spiritual plane, making worthwhile discoveries for Spirit Healers centuries later, using it in warfare against the white settlers and Cold Ones. Those daring forces of their ancestors waited on the other side, that is what she said. Those stories about Spirit Healers just like them, and the type of sacrifices it had taken them to break or remake the barrier separating this world from the next, to kill the Cold Ones, any enemy, and that responsibility weighted too heavy on Jude.
"Be reasonable Judith. I am giving you the way out this time, I understand your unwillingness to help, so then someone else should be given this gift." Jude did not like the sound of that, someone being cursed just like her. Winona did not see it like that. "This is the out you wanted from me, and now that I present it to you, you shrink away, why?"
"My imagination is why. What I imagine is too much for what you ask," Jude said coldly. "That is what keeps me from ever approaching the problems that I had hoped you would fix. I have come to peace with seeing spirits, and I will not give this burden onto someone else when I know how terrible it can be."
Sue butted in, her voice shaking. "What is she talking about Winona? Jude, you never spoke of this?" Her mother had no idea, and Jude had told Winona to keep it that way. It would seem Winona wanted more of the same, to use her to reach further into places they had no rights to reach for. Jude would take part in this. She was very comfortable in the peaceful life she had made for herself in a supernatural fighting pit of seen and unseen monsters.
"I want you to leave my family out of your plans," Jude felt responsible for them now, and she would not sacrifice any precious time or discussion with someone that could not respect that.
"I did not bring your family into this." Winona clarified in that regal voice of hers. "I never thought we would get into this conversation in the first place," said Winona, scratching on her wrinkled arm, reaching forward for her cane. She used it to stand. "I never meant to cause your family or you any harm Judith. I only meant to give you answers, and provide you and your pack the security where you had none."
"I want you to stop talking about this." Jude was aware of when Winona's eyes meeting the amulet around her neck. Winona's dark eyes were daggers on the protective stone that protected her still, keeping her from her true potential.
"please, see things my way Judith."
"Thank you for coming." Jude remembered that she still had to give her respect as an Elder of the Makah Reservation. "But please, listen to my wishes before coming into my home."
"You don't need to repeat yourself. I know when I am no longer welcome." Winona stalked forward gravely upset with Jude. She was a hunched proud little woman, nodding to her mother in respect, even when her mother's stone face scared even her. "Thank you for your hospitality Sue, I will take my leave of your home, and your daughter."
Winona did as she said. her much younger dragon tattoo son or lover, Jude did not have the heart to ask or care, drove like hell from their house. The screech of tires seems to stretch between her and her mother.
Sue jumped her. "Why did you lie to me Jude?"
"I didn't."
"Why didn't you tell me Winona was making you do things you didn't feel comfortable doing?"
"Because what I was asking her to do was not comfortable mom." She had known the path of healing would bring back worse memories, possibly make the visions and ghostly apparitions worse. Jude had been prepared. "You want to believe that getting me to stop seeing spirits was going to be a walk in the park. Well it wasn't. It was hard, and it took a lot out of me. I learned that the amulet was the only I was going to stay out of their world, and Winona did help mom. She gave me prayers to keep the spirits away... but she just asked for too much back in return. I couldn't do the things she asked, not with the possibility of losing myself in the process."
That made her mother silent. After a few minutes, a weak whisper came from Sue."Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to make you worry." That was part of it, "and these was my monsters to deal with. I just never thought there were worse things than the things I had already seen. A whole world of it," Jude touched her amulet, thoughtful. "I can live with them if I can't see them, and now I know they can't touch me, it brings me peace Mom. It's enough." Well, that is at least what she told herself, herself and Dr. Clarice Williams.
"I thought Dr. Williams would have been the one to make you upset like this." Her mother noticed Jude's hand shaking, and she pulled her hands into her lap. It was hard to shake off this feeling, "oh Jude, you should have told me, I would have understood. At least to have someone to talk to about it."
"I wanted to tell Casey about it," Jude felt the tear leak out the side of her eye. "When I was gone, she was the first person I called, and now…" she hated herself for still caring, despite all the calls her so called best friend had not answered. The refusal to even meet her at the Diner, to speak about her brother's coming wedding, and why she felt the sudden need to pretend as if she didn't exist. "I feel as if I lost her mom, and I told Leah about it. How can I not? She catches onto everything. But it's not the same, it's like I lost her." Of course, she had told Leah about it, Leah would at least understand how important Casey was, and out of all her family, she had seen how close they had been.
"I would have tried." Her mother's voice shook. "I would have tried to understand, I am your mother, what else am I supposed to do?" Her mother began tearing up too, the pain reflected in her eyes, "oh Jude, you don't have to be alone anymore. You have to let me in if you want me to help you."
She had hoped for all this, but now. "I don't want to hurt you anymore mom. I already hurt you too much. This would have just been another way you couldn't save me. You never asked to have a daughter that could see spirits, and maybe I didn't want to see you hurt anymore, least of all by me."
"Oh, my Jude." Sue took her in her arms and hugged the hell out of her. "I will always protect you, I am your mother, you expect me to stop just because you're older? No Jude, your mine," she put it plainly, wiping the tear from her eyes, "you, Leah, and Seth. You are all mine, and I am yours. We are family Jude, you don't have to be alone anymore."
She didn't know what to say. "Thank you, Mom." They hugged until it became too much, and then held each other's hands. They had not spoken for ten or more minutes and it did not matter, the quiet between them settled Jude's stirred mind. Too bad the stress had leaked between the imprint bond.
Jude felt her phone vibrate, and then a honk from outside.
She groaned, the same time Sue chuckled.
"Sorry mom, it's Jake. He probably felt me stressed out." She hoped it was the car that was pulling up outside. She hoped Jake had gotten over today, because she really needed him, and she wanted someone to listen, someone that could take all the pain Winona had opened. "I apologize mom for ruining dinner. I am sure Leah and Seth will finish it for me."
Her mother followed her half-way there. As if she was afraid to lose sight of her. "Don't stay out too late Jude! Make sure Jake brings you back before midnight."
"Sure, sure," she was no Cinderella, but she did respect her mother to at least try to listen this time. Time seem to leak by when she was with him.
Walking up to the Rabbit, the engine still on, and Jake waiting with his hands gripping the wheel, when she opened the door his eyes spoke volumes. She had never seemed him so stressed out, not since they had taken that ride to Bella's house. Something had happened, and every part of herself wanted to explain to him whey she had felt like a lion was stalking her every move. Tell him why she had subconsciously called out to him.
"Hey." He needed someone to listen too, "we need to talk Jude."
"I know." She agreed, "I do too."
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They sat at First Beach together, the rhythmic waves a calming background to their less than relaxed conversation.
He had something to show her, he had been fiddling with it in his hand. "She answered me."
"Bella?" She knew it was his Bella that had inspired the happiness she had caught this morning, right before she made Jake stress over the silly double-date, and Winona's untimely visit. "So, she actually came to see you? I thought you said the Cullens were keeping her on their side of the treat line? Did she come by herself?"
"Well, she didn't come to see me." Jake showed Jude the piece of paper they had been apparently passing between each other, some of the lines had been crossed out, as if they had been doing this for a while. "I feel like these count. Even if Billy and Charlie are our messenger birds, at least she is trying."
"Trying." She looked at Jake's personal note to Bella and gave it back to him without reading it. It felt wrong to read something that was not addressed to her. "I don't know if this is trying, it looks more like kids passing notes to me."
"I am not a kid. This is serious Jude."
"I know how serious it is for you." Jude knew it, but to Bella… she was not sure on what world that girl came from. "I just don't want to see you hurt if things don't go the way you want them to. You could want the world for someone, but it's up to them to want what's good for them too, and if that person can't see it the better choice, that it will keep herself and her family safe"-
"If Bella can't see it's the better choice"- He grumbled, leaning on his knee, while Jude defensively brought her legs against her chest, giving a lazy look at his upset face. "Why can't you say her name Jude? Does it make it easier to judge her if you don't use her name?"
"No." Jude sighed, "I just see what it does to you when I say it. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."
He reached a hand over her shoulder, making her heart stop for a moment. Jude had not expected him to ever reach out, but her flushed senses became cold at his words, "Don't worry. I know I can do it. Bella will come around. I won't let her give up on a human life."
Jude's worry for him only grew.
