A/n: This gives a little bit of insight into how Mike and Angela started getting past Bella's walls after her fight with Jake, and how Bella dealt with everything. Not the best chapter, but I had major writer's block for this one, so it was the best I could come up with .
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series or the characters. I can only wish.
I was numb again, refusing to allow myself to feel anything. It hurt too much to feel. What had once been a soothing balm to my hurt and pain was now the cause of my pain. I really thought that I could trust Jake. My Jake.
I shake my head; no, he wasn't my Jake. He never was. He could have been, I supposed. If I had never met and fell in love with Edward, maybe I could have been with Jake the whole time. Would it have stopped Jake leaving me? I didn't think so. After all, I wasn't worth the trouble. I truly believed that now.
Charlie came home that night, and found me laying on the couch and switching through the TV channels mindlessly. Billy had called, but had only told him that Jake and I had a fight. I scoffed; a fight was the biggest understatement of the year.
For weeks after that day Charlie constantly tried to get me to go to La Push and make up with Jake. To apologize to him if I needed to. Finally the day came when he tried to intervene and invited Billy and Jake over to watch the game and eat dinner. I didn't find out until I came home from work to find them sitting in my living room.
For a moment I just stared as the awkwardness hung in the air. Charlie's eyes were telling me to make up with Jake. Jake looked at me, his face a hard mask, but his eyes held a deep sadness and regret. I refused to acknowledge the latter. But Billy was looking at me with a warning in his eyes. A warning for what? Not to tell Charlie exactly why Jake and I weren't speaking? Who the hell did he think he was?
It was Billy's look that finally caused me to tell Charlie exactly why I didn't talk to Jake anymore. Right at that second, Billy and Jake were forced to watch as I told Charlie exactly what Jake told me. That we couldn't be friends anymore. That he was tired of piecing me back together, and tired of me. That I wasn't worth the trouble. That I wasn't worth it period. And then I told Charlie that just weeks before, Jake had told me he loved me and he promised to wait for me and never hurt me.
I don't think that there are any words to describe just how pissed Charlie was. He kicked both of them out, all thoughts of watching the game gone. Since that day, he has refused to talk to his best friend, no matter what I said. I didn't blame Billy, the only one to blame Jake. I think a large part of his anger was that Billy had lied to him and made him think the fight was over something stupid.
At school I became even more withdrawn, refusing to let anyone in again. I just couldn't bring myself to believe that the next person I let in wouldn't tire of me too. Anyone that I let in would surely see the truth; I wasn't worth it. I was protecting myself from feeling the same kind of pain a third time in my life.
I had an icy exterior. For a while people still tried to talk to me, but after a couple of weeks most gave up. Some just faded into the background. Others made it their mission to be deliberately cruel to me. Only 2 stuck around, defending and protecting me to the others when I wouldn't stand up for myself.
Mike and Angela. After witnessing them defend me a few times, I started calling them my champions. My protectors I started making an effort to at least say hi to them every day. I started talking to them more after a few weeks. But it was mostly small talk, or talk about school. I kept them both at arm's length. I didn't want to trust either of them enough to let them in.
I knew that one day they would have to choose between their crowd of friends and me. Once that day came, I knew that they would leave me too.
But I never imagined that they wouldn't. I never imagined that they would pick me. But they did. And in the process, they thawed the icy walls around my heart, if only just a little. I found myself beginning to let them in.
