Chapter 4:
I sat in the main room on the couch, sitting Indian-style, as I quietly ate a blueberry granola bar. Gustave hadn't made breakfast this morning. He was overwhelming my thoughts. I couldn't stop thinking about last night, how wrong I feel now, despite that I begged for him to do it. I was drunk and so was he. I guess I could leave it at that. But I can't. There was a throbbing, sore pain between my legs that nagged me. It really hurt when I woke up and it hurts when I move. My neck was sore, too. And my arm was sore from him wrenching it behind my back roughly.
What bothers me the most is how little I know about him. He was recruited to the team a couple of days after the bank fight, since our old medic had been shot to death. I've known him less than two months, and he's so secretive. I have never had an experience like I did last night. I kept myself busy and liked to do things by myself to ever give guys a chance to get so close. But for some reason, I craved him. Maybe I just needed to get laid, and the booze brought it out of me. I'm driving myself nuts trying to make sense of last night. I've never been so… submissive… Thinking about it now makes me annoyed. I don't like to consider myself a "typical" girl. I don't fall for men just like that, and I like to be in control! But I was in another world last night. Truthfully, when I think of how good he felt last night, I get goosebumps and I blush. My feelings are so mixed.
I finished my granola bar, then returned to the kitchen for a glass of water. My head hurt. It hurts between my legs when I walk, too. I feel like I was split wide open. I lean against the counter and take a drink of my water right as Mute comes up and sits down at the table.
"Hello," he says, looking at me. I respond with a nod.
"How are you today, Ela?"
I look into my water, feeling exhausted, "I'm fine."
He put his hands on the table, crossing his fingers together, looking thoughtfully at me, "Are you?"
I flash a small, fake smile at him, "Yeah. Worried about Blitz, that's all." Well, it wasn't a lie. I never stop thinking about him.
"Mm, yes, we all are. I'm worried about something else, though," his gaze doesn't break from me. I can't look into his eyes, but I feel him looking at me. I feel nervous. Does he know what happened with Doc and I? I'm being paranoid.
"What are you talking about?" I ask, taking another sip of water.
"I'm not going to dance around it. Did you sleep with somebody last night?" My heart nearly stopped. I was trying my hardest not to blush, and to keep a calm face. Before I respond, he say, "Let me rephrase: You slept with someone last night, Ela." He sounded upset.
I keep my voice calm and chuckle, "What makes you think that? I was too drunk to even stay awake."
"It was Doc, wasn't it?"
"What? Why are you saying this?" I defend myself.
"Look at me and tell me I'm wrong," he dares.
I immediately look into his eyes, but I'm a little taken aback by his angry face. I don't see it often. I look away immediately, "I didn't—"
"Ela," he interrupts, "Don't try to lie to me. You have the guiltiest face I've ever seen, and you're a terrible liar," I'm blushing now, unable to say anything. The embarrassment cripples me.
"Did he take advantage of you?" he asks more quietly.
"No," I respond, almost in a whisper. Now I've officially affirmed his accusation.
He crosses his arms and takes in a deep breath, then sighs. I feel like a kid being scolded.
"Ela, it's really none of my business, and I don't want to know anymore than I do. But… Pulse isn't fond of him. I trust Pulse. And I like you at times," I'm a little relieved to hear him being playfully dickish again. He continues, "So I recommend you don't let it go any further. Knowing you, you'll make it a point not to listen to my advice, so, at least don't let Pulse find out."
"Why doesn't he like him?" I softly ask.
He shrugs, "It's not my place to speak for him. Ask him yourself."
I feel like I can barely breathe. I'm so embarrassed, and my face is hot. Mute knows…
"Mark, how did you know?" I suddenly ask.
"You're not joking, right? I heard you. In fact, I heard you quite clearly."
I feel like I could die right there. I was so afraid I was too loud last night, and Doc wouldn't let me quiet myself. Oh god.
I hear a laugh from Mute. I look at him, offended. He continued, "I thought, at first, that perhaps you were just having… 'time to yourself', so to speak. But then I realized you were talking to someone. We were all in our rooms, so it was easy enough to figure it out,"
"Oh no… what if Pulse heard, too? What about Thatcher?" I ask, terrified.
"If they heard, they hadn't said anything to me. But I am closest to your wall. I believe Thatcher was asleep, and I doubt Pulse could have heard. Hopefully he wasn't messing about with his heartbeat sensor in your direction…" he jokes, evilly.
"Oh god! No! Don't say that!" I blurt out, genuinely worried. He laughs at me again. I turn and bend over the counter, hiding my face in my arms, mumbling, "shit!"
"By the way, Ela. We're moving base on Friday. We will actually be closer to the bank. It's a house much like this, but in a relatively decent wooded area. There's an old garden there. You'll enjoy it."
I don't move from my position. I groan, covering my head under my hands. I don't want to stand up or look at him.
After a minute of silence, Mute speaks up again, "It's awfully rude he didn't make you breakfast this morning…"
"Shut up, Mark! Just shut up." I glare at him. He actually looks amused. "It's not like that."
"Oh? I'll take your word for it, then. Don't let yourself get distracted. We still have work to do."
I look down and sigh, annoyed and tired and upset, "You sound like you're fathering me," I complain.
"I am. You still act like a child."
"You're younger than me, you know," I defensively remind him.
"Yes, but I'm still your superior. And I need you to be focused. Once we find Caveira, we'll take a break before our next mission is assigned. Who knows, perhaps some of us will get to go home." He hums, thoughtfully.
Caveira… she's the only one left. I hope I can strangle her with my own hands. I hate her.
I don't say anything as I leave the kitchen, feeling Mute's eyes follow me, but he also says nothing. Gustave avoided me more than ever the entire day. We never spoke once for the next few days, and I barely even saw him around.
It wasn't until Thursday evening, almost 3 weeks since we found Blitz, he finally woke up.
Doc had quickly gathered us into the room, where we all surrounded Blitz's bed. We were all in awe, not knowing what to say first. The first thing I did was hug him, gently, and I didn't let go. He hugged me back, weakly, with one arm. He was still too weak to sit up. I started crying immediately. The guys gave me room to continue my long embrace with him.
I heard him whimper briefly before speaking in an almost inaudible voice, "Don't cry," I was so happy and sad at the same time. I pulled away, holding his hand, and looked into his hazel eyes. His face was still wrapped up in bandages, but finally, his eyes were open and he was alive. My smile started hurting my face, it was so big.
The guys told him how glad they were to have him back. I know Blitz wanted to talk to all of us, but it was clear he was still so weak. I hope he's not still in too much pain. Doc was standing off to the side, as he didn't know Blitz as well as we do. But he was smiling.
"How do you feel, Elias?" I quietly ask Blitz and carefully squeeze his hand. His hand squeezes back.
He clears his dry throat, struggling to get out the words, "I feel happy." I chuckle, just out of joy, replying with a happy, "Good! We're happy too!"
"You're a tough son of a bitch, Elias," Pulse says, smiling. He gently pats Blitz on the shoulder.
Doc steps up to the bedside, looking over Blitz, "You're recovering well. Much better than I expected, actually. Keep resting and eating, and we'll start physical therapy asap."
"You'll be getting your exercise sooner than you know it, mate," Thatcher interjects, "Because early morning tomorrow we're heading out to our new base."
Blitz looks up at him, mumbling, "I just started to get cozy here…" We chuckle. I hope he can walk. We have a vehicle, but we will need to help him get in. We don't even have a wheelchair here. But I can't wait to see him out of this damn bed.
I stayed at his bedside until he fell asleep. Thatcher did as well, having carried on a quiet conversation with Doc for a while about their past medical experience. It was a casual, friendly conversation. It was nice to see Doc talking to him like that, like they were good friends. Off and on, we would make eye-contact and feel a mutual awkwardness, but would smile at each other and look away. I kept Blitz's hand warm between my two hands and watched him sleep peacefully, feeling unspeakably glad to know he'll be awake again in the morning.
