Dialog

"-And then the fire sprinklers went on and emus started eating the baseball caps," Spencer said to Sam and Carly one afternoon in the Shay's apartment. "So the SWAT team had to be called in which of course caused the lemurs to freak out and start throwing breadsticks everywhere."

"So…I'm gonna assume there's not going to be a second date with that Danielle girl," Carly said.

"No, she already changed her number and started the restraining order," Spencer sighed.

"Eh, don't worry, my mom's gotten plenty of restraining orders," Sam told him, looking up from her Pearpad. "There's always a loophole in them somewhere."

"Oh yeah, you're mom is good at finding loopholes in legal documents," Carly nodded. "Hey, anyway, are you and Freddie doing anything tonight?"

"Yeah, actually my cousin just got a new job as a busboy at that new lobster place, so we managed to get a table," Sam said. "You wanna come with?"

"You want me to go on your date with Freddie?" Carly frowned. "Wait, I'm not gonna have to referee fights, am I?"

"Nah, Freddie and went out last night, so this can just be dinner with three friends," Sam chuckled. "Although Frednub better know he's still paying for me…"

"Well alright," Carly smiled. "Sounds fun."

"Just make sure there's no emus in the parking lot," Spencer said, shuddering slightly.

"Hey! Look at this!" Sam suddenly exclaimed, holding up her Pearpad. "You know that show on the Horror Channel that goes all around the world collecting super creepy things like shrunken heads and voodoo dolls?"

"Yes, you've forced me to watch it a few times," Carly nodded.

"Well they're going on tour to show all the stuff they've found, and they're coming to Seattle next Saturday!" Sam said. "I have to go! I can get a picture with the bat with three wings!"

"Wait," Carly said. "Isn't next Saturday Freddie's formal end-of-the-year dinner with the AV club? I thought you he wanted you to go with him as his date."

"Oh crab, you're right!" Sam moaned. "Stupid AV club, they always mess everything up!"

"Sorry," Carly said. "Well, maybe you can see the very end of the tour after the dinner."

"It won't be the same," Sam mumbled. "You know what? I'm going to that exhibit…"

"You can't just cancel on Freddie," Carly said.

"I'm not gonna cancel, Freddie's gonna let me go," Sam said, a sly smile sneaking onto her face. "You see, Carly, this past year of being in a relationship has taught me something."

"Oh jeez," Carly sighed.

"It's all about give and take," Sam continued. "It all comes down to something I like to call, The Relationship Vault."

"The Relationship Vault?" Carly repeated.

"Yeah, see, if I want Freddie to willingly let me skip his AV club dinner to go the exhibit, I just need to do something equally nice for him before," Sam explained. "That way I'll have something in the vault to use when I bring up the exhibit."

"Um…so you're saying you actually keep track of the nice things you do for Freddie so that you can use them for your benefit later?" Carly frowned.

"Duh, that's what being in a relationship is all about," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "Now I just need to think of something that would get me enough in the vault to get me to that exhibit…"

"I feel like I should give some big moral speech here," Carly said, shaking her head.

"Ah-ha! I found something perfect!" Sam said triumphantly as she scrolled through her Pearpad. "There's some big silent film festival tomorrow night in the park, and one of Freddie's favorite directors is gonna be showing some of his films there! He'll love it and I'll be super board! He'll have to let me blow off this dinner!"

"Sam," Carly started. "Do you really think that's fair to just-"

She was interrupted, though, as Freddie came into the apartment

"Hey," he said. "I just heard this weird story on the news about this guy who almost shut down the zoo while he was out on a date."

"It wasn't my fault!" Spencer yelled, getting to his feet and stomping off towards his room. "That reptile house was dark!"

"Do I wanna know?" Freddie frowned, coming to sit down next to Sam.

"No you do not," Carly said as the couple exchanged a quick kiss.

"Hey, baby I have a surprise for you," Sam grinned as Freddie put his arm around her.

"It's not gonna hurt, is it?" Freddie asked reluctantly.

"No," Sam assured him. "You know that director you really like? Paul Gisso?"

"Yeah, that guy's a genius with a camera," Freddie nodded. "What about him?"

"Well tomorrow night he's going to be at the silent film festival in the park," Sam said. "I thought you and I could go there and see some of his stuff."

"What?" Freddie exclaimed. "Baby, that'd be great! You really want to go?"

"Yeah, it'd be…fun," Sam nodded.

"Wow, I can't wait to meet him," Freddie said. "I could have him autograph my video camera!"

"Yeah, that will be so cool," Sam said, a strained smile on her face. "So cool."

…..

The next night, Sam struggled to keep her eyes open as her and Freddie sat on a blanket in the park, watching the silent film on the screen in front of them.

How can this movie go on for three hours without any talking? Sam thought, trying to contain a yawn. All this movie has is a bunch of people sitting around looking off into the distance! Where's the car chase? The zombies? The killer gorilla?

Finally, the ending credits flashed onto the screen, and Sam quickly pulled herself together and clapped along with the rest of the audience.

"Wow," Freddie said, clearly still moved by the film. "How amazing was that? Did you see the characterizations? The inner conflicts? The use of light in place of dialog to convey the message of man's constant battle for answers?"

"Yeah, I totally got all that," Sam said. "Well, now that the movie's over, I guess we should head home."
"No, we're in luck, baby!" Freddie grinned. "They're about to show the sequel!"
"The-The sequel?" Sam frowned.

"Yeah!" Freddie nodded. "So we get another three hours of pure captivation!"

"Oh…how nice," Sam said as the second film popped onto the screen.

"Shh! It's starting!" Freddie said.

"Why does it matter if I talk? There's no sound in the movie anyway!"

"It takes away from the simplicity!"

"Oy," Sam mumbled under her breath. "That three-winged bat better be worth this."

…..

"It was amazing, Carly, I still can't believe somebody could use symbolism in such a complex way," Freddie said later the next day as the teens sat up in the iCarly studio. "Right, baby?"

"Yeah…it was six fun hours of symbolism," Sam said.

Carly chuckled. "Well at least you could understand what was going on. When I had to see that Russian flick with that Kyle guy, I was completely lost."

"Yeah, I'm sure that was much worse," Sam said, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. She turned to Freddie. "Anyway, Freddie? I actually have something to run by you."

"What is it?" Freddie asked.

"Well you know how your AV dinner is Saturday, right?"

"Of course, I have my fancy tie with the HDMI cords on it all ironed and ready to go," Freddie smiled.

"Yeah…well, as cool as that sounds," Sam said. "I-I was thinking…how about you go to that while I spend the evening looking at three-winged bats and mummified brains."

Freddie frowned. "What do you mean?"

"The Totally Disgusting Collectors show is coming on tour to Seattle," Sam explained. "And they'll only be here on Saturday. Come on, you know how much I love that show!"

"But-But you and I already made plans to go to my AV club's dinner," Freddie said slowly.

"So? You can still go," Sam shrugged. "It's not like you'll be the only guy there who doesn't have a date. Actually, if I go, you'll be the only guy with one."

"But I was really looking forward to you going with me," Freddie said. "And I thought you were even a little excited. They're gonna have steak, you know."

"Yeah, but…mummified brains!" Sam pointed out. "Come on, baby, I went to that film festival for you last night."

"Well yeah, and I really appreciate that," Freddie said. "But I-I'd still like it if you went to this dinner with me. It would-Wait…Sam? Did you only go to that film festival so that you could use it to get out of this dinner?"

"I…no," Sam said lamely.

Freddie raised an eyebrow.

"Well you had a good time!" Sam defended. "That should cancel out me not going to the dinner!"

"Um…I think I'm gonna go get some plum juice," Carly said, quickly heading to the door. "I think you guys need some alone time."

"Sam, look, if you wanna go to the exhibit, then go," Freddie sighed, as Carly left the studio. "I'm not in charge of you; I can't make you do anything. I just…I really wanted you to be there on one of the most special nights of the year for me."

"Well now you're just trying to make me feel guilty," Sam groaned.

"I'm not trying to make you feel anything," Freddie said simply. "You don't have to go to the dinner…like you said, I won't be the only guy with no date. But…just know, Sam, when I do things for you, I don't expect anything out of them except us having a good time together."

"Freddie-" Sam started, but Freddie had already turned and walked out of the studio.

"Wow, someone looks fancy," Spencer said as Freddie walked into the apartment a few days later wearing a suit.

"Thanks," Freddie said, giving him a small smile. "I'm about to head off to my AV club dinner."

"Is-Is Sam coming?" Carly asked.

"Nah, she's probably already at that exhibit thing, trying to sneak some shrunken heads home," Freddie sighed. "Oh well."

"I'm sorry, I know you were looking forward to going with her," Carly said.

"It's fine," Freddie shrugged. "It's no big deal."

Though Carly could tell by the look on his face that it was a big deal to him.

Just then, as Freddie was about to turn and leave the apartment, the door opened again, and Sam walked in wearing a stunning black dress.

"Hey, good, you're all ready," Sam said to Freddie.

"What are you doing here?" Freddie asked. "I thought you were at the exhibit."

"Nope," Sam said simply. "I already have plans with you tonight."

"But Sam, the dinner's going to go on for a few hours," Freddie told her. "You'll probably miss the exhibit by the time it's over."

"Yeah, well, there will be other exhibits with gross things," Sam smiled. "This is your last year in the AV club before you graduate. You're never gonna get to do this again. I want to be there with you for it. Now come on, I wanna sit before my feet fall off from these heels."