AN-This oneshot is actually not a request like all the rest, but I really wanted to write it. It's loosely based off of an old episode of one of my favorite sitcoms Everybody Loves Raymond.

…..

Comprehensive

"Hey, Sam!" Carly said brightly, letting herself into the Benson's house.

"Hey, Carls," Sam yawned from the couch, where she was nursing her three-month old son, Jason. "What's up?"

"Nothing, I just thought I'd swing by," Carly replied. "Oh, and I stopped by that cute little baby boutique and picked up this cute new bib for Jason."

She opened up her bag and pulled out a blue big with a picture of a puppy digging on it. "See, it says 'I dig my mommy'. Get it, because of the dog?"

"Aw, thanks," Sam smiled as she began to put he bib on Jason. "I dig him too. Even if he does like to keep me up all night."

"Oh, cool, did you and Freddie go to Pottery Barrel?" Carly asked, spotting the large Pottery Barrel bag in the middle of the floor. "What'd you get? I heard they had some new fancy-"

"Don't. Touch. That. Bag!" Sam said firmly, startling Carly.

"What? Why?" Carly frowned. 'Oh, Sam! You didn't buy more Japanese fireworks. You have a baby in the house!"

"No I didn't buy fireworks," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "But that bag stays right where it is! It's a matter of pride!"

"Okay…I know I shouldn't ask what's going on, but I've had a pretty slow day, so why not?" Carly sighed. "Why can't I move the bag?"

"Because," Sam said. "It all started last week…Frenub's mom was watching Jason for us, so we decided to go to the mall. So we had a nice three-hour break of shopping and corndogs. But Freddie kept getting all whiny because I made him carry all the bags. He made way too big a deal out of it; it was only like, five bags. And so when we got home, while he was carrying the bags up to our room, he dropped this Pottery Barrel one. Now, at first I thought it was an accident and he'd come back and get it. But he didn't. And so I thought maybe he forgot about it. But for the past week he's bee blatantly walking past it and stepping over it. And last night I realized that nub actually went into the bag, got the sheets we bought, and put them on our bed! Do you realize what's happening?"

"The two most stubborn people are living under the same roof?" Carly suggested.

"No! Freddie's trying to rearrange our whole power order!" Sam exclaimed. "He wants me to pick up that bag! He thinks he can suddenly start calling the shots around here!"

"Oh come on, if Freddie carried all your bags at the mall, can't you just bring this one upstairs?" Carly said. "Isn't that fair?"

"Hey! I carried his son for nine months!" Sam pointed out. "You think I wouldn't have loved for him to carry Jason around for even a few minutes and have him deal with the heartburn and the back aches and the peeing ever ten minutes!"

"I-I don't think science is quite there yet," Carly said.

"Well I do all the real work around this place," Sam said. "I always cook for him and stay home with Jason and I even started doing his laundry. His laundry!"

"So you're just going to let this giant bag sit here until Freddie breaks down and picks it up?" Carly said in disbelief.
"That's right," Sam smiled.

"You know…now I don't know why I'm so eager to get married," Carly said, shaking her head.

….

"Freddie? Freddie!"

"Huh, what?" Freddie stammered, snapping his eyes back open. "Oh, sorry Gib. Were you saying something?"

"I was telling you about this great new place I found to have your pants steamed," Gibby said indignantly. "What kind of man falls asleep in the middle of another man's trouser story?"

"Sorry," Freddie said again. "It's just having a baby really takes its toll on your sleep schedule; I'm surprised I can comprehend anything you say. I think I got three hours last night…and that's actually pretty good!"

"Yeah, you know, you do have some pretty gross-looking circles under your eyes," Gibby nodded.

Before Gibby could reply, Sam came into the room with Jason in her arms.

"Hey, baby," she said. "I need to run out and pick up some more diapers for Jason. You want me to bring him with me or are you gonna keep hanging out here?"

"I'll watch him," Freddie said, and Sam set the infant down in his lap. "We'll have fun together, won't we Jason?"

"Alright, I should be back in an hour," Sam said, giving her husband a quick kiss. "I'll pick up something for dinner while I'm out. Later, Gibwad."

Freddie waited until Sam had left before turning to Gibby. "Man, did you see that?"

"I know! How many times do I have to tell her it's pronounced Gibby?"

"No! Not that!" Freddie said. "Did you see how she just waltzed in here and totally ignored that Pottery Barrel bag?"
"Oh yeah, you know, you should probably move that," Gibby said. "It's making the room a little unsightly. See, I watching some Oprah reruns the other day, and she said that clutter like that in a room can really-"

"Oh I am not moving it!" Freddie said. "Nope, no way! I'm sick of being the one who always has to move the bags!"

"What do you mean?" Gibby frowned.

"I mean our whole relationship, Sam's always been able to get me to do whatever she wants," Freddie said. "She gets me to make our bed every morning, she gets me to do all the vacuuming, she gets me to lug all her bags through the mall and throw out my back! Well you know what? The bus stops here!"

"Dude, you really are sleep deprived," Gibby said. "There's no bus."

"It's a metaphor!" Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "I means I'm putting my foot down and I'm not going to be a doormat for my wife anymore. I'm a father now; I can't let my son see my get pushed around by my wife, he'll think I'm a total whimp!"

"But you are a total whimp."

"Gibby!" Freddie snapped. He looked back at the bag. "It won't kill Sam to actually pick up a bag and bring it up to our room where it goes. I mean I love her, but she needs to start sharing the responsibility around here."

"But it's Sam," Gibby said. "You can't win anything against her."

"Oh yes I can!" Freddie said. "She's going to move that bag…and I'm gonna make sure of it. Give me one of your socks."

"What are you going to do?" Gibby asked as he kicked off his loafers.

"Just giving myself a little bit of an edge," Freddie grinned as he tried not to puke at the stench of Gibby's feet. "See, ever since she had Jason, her hormones are still a little wacky, and she still has a really strong sense of smell. If I plant this stink bomb in the bag, it will annoy her to no end and she'll have to move the bag if she wants to get rid of it."

"Hey, my socks only smell like that because I have a condition that makes my feet sweat more than usual," Gibby said.

"Well your abnormal feet have just helped me out a lot, Gib," Freddie said triumphantly as he dropped the sock into the bag.

….

"Okay, Jason, you're all fed and changed. Now don't you want to take a tiny little nap so mommy can sit down?" Sam said as she gently bounced the fussing infant in her arms. "Please?"

But the infant continued to cry as Sam walked into the living room.

"Well it was worth a try," Sam sighed. "At least I know you got my yelling skills. That will come in handy one-Ugh! What's that smell?"

She quickly checked Jason's diaper again. "No…Okay, what is that? It smells like two fish died in a sewer in the middle of July!"

She walked around the room, trying to find the scent. As she approached the Pottery Barrel bag, she was almost knocked off her feet by the stench, and she carefully knelt down and looked inside it.

"What is-This is Gibby's sock!" Sam exclaimed, pulling the source of smell out. "What is this doing in-Oh…that nub! He thinks this is gonna make him win! I grew up in the same house of my mom! I can handle disgusting smells! You know what, Jason? This means war. Daddy's going to learn that he can't win against mommy this easily…"

"Happy National Galaxy Wars day, baby!" Freddie said brightly a few days later, coming into the living room wearing his Nug Nug T-shirt.

"That's not even a real holiday," Sam said, rolling her eyes.

"It's the twenty-year anniversary of the final movie release; it's a big day!" Freddie said. "And to celebrate I'm going to sit here on this couch, eat my special caramel corn and watch my entire DVD set of the trilogy. Today's gonna be a good day. It's gonna be-Hey! Where are my DVDs? They were here by the T.V. last night!"

"Hmm…interesting," Sam said, smiling to herself. "I wonder where they could've gone then."

"I don't think I moved them," Freddie frowned, beginning to look around the living room. "Where could they-"

He stopped in midsentence as he passed the Pottery Barrel bag and spotted the corner of the DVD case sticking out of it.

Oh she didn't! Freddie thought to himself as he quickly grabbed the case. He opened it up and found that the discs were missing.

Suddenly, he spotted a glimmer coming from something showing from underneath the bag.

Freddie's mouth fell open as he realized what his wife had done. She had put his discs underneath the bag. If he wanted to get them…he was going to have to move it.

"Did you find your DVDs, baby?" Sam asked sweetly from the couch.

"Alright, Sam, that tares it!" Freddie said, stomping back over to her. "You-You-Move that bag!"

"No way!" Sam said, getting to her feet. "You want your DVDs for your nubby holiday? You're gonna have to move it!"

"No, Sam! I move all the bags! It's your turn for once!"

"Not gonna happen!" Sam said, planting her hands on her hips.

"Oh you get over here and move it!" Freddie said, putting his hands around her and lifting her up, as she had done to him so many times when she was younger.

"Put me down, Benson!" Sam yelled, punching his arm. "I'm not moving that bag!"

"Yes you are, Benson!" Freddie said, struggling as Sam freed herself from his hold and quickly jumped on his back, toppling him to the ground.

"Pick up that bag!"

"No! You do it!"

"No! You-"

"Enough!"

Sam and Freddie untangled themselves and looked up to see Carly standing behind them, her arms crossed as she glared at them. "You two are insane!"

"She's the insane one!" Freddie snapped.

"I'm not the one who used Gibby's sock as a weapon!"

"You took my DVDs on the most important day of the year!"

"Stop!" Carly yelled again, causing Sam and Freddie to fall quiet. She stepped over to them and picked up the bag, causing both of them to gasp. "There! I'm moving this bag! Honestly, you two, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were children! What sort of adults argue about moving a bag? Sam, you don't always have to be the one in control in this relationship. Freddie, you don't have to be so stubborn about your principles! You know, this behavior was ridiculous in high school, but now? You guys have a baby! Maybe you two should think about setting an example about how to act for Jason next time you get into one of your stupid little arguments!"

And with that she headed upstairs, still carrying the bag.

"Wow," Freddie sighed, helping Sam to her feet. "I-I guess she has a point…maybe we did get a little immature about the bag."

"Yeah, maybe a little," Sam agreed.

Freddie gave her a small smile. "I'm sorry."
Sam smiled back. "Me too."

She leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss.

"Although…if you would've just moved the bag in the first place…" she said.

"Me?" Freddie exclaimed. "Why me? You have arms!"

"So do you!"

"You know what, Sam?"

"What, Frednub?"

"You're-ugh!"

"Ugh!"