She hadn't been expecting to feel so empty. Laying in the berth of the Fiertia, staring at the ceiling and listening to everyone else breathing in their bunks, she had never felt so at home and yet so alone. She was exhausted, drained of every drop of energy she had and might have ever had. Everyone had given everything, had carried and dragged each other off the tower, had made sure everyone else was taken care of, had been a family that Rita had never had and had fought together to save the world they loved so much. And yet, she was crying.

It was stupid. It wasn't even like she was crying out loud. It was just that tears were running out from under her eyelids and she was too tired to wipe them away. It felt like some part of her chest were missing, right where the blastia in her necklace had been.

=Why are you crying?=

She shot straight up, nearly bashing her head on the low bunk above her.

"The hell? I-I'm not crying. Who's there?" She wiped her face against her sleeve, the fabric painfully rough against her windburnt cheeks. Then she saw it "

"H-hello?"

She knew instantly what it was, but she wasn't quite sure what she was supposed to say. She wasn't sure she could actually say anything. There was a lump in her throat and her hands went all clammy and cold and she was pretty sure she was shaking.

It was so tiny. And fragile. Like a little cat, but not. Head too big and ears too small, but with a tail that lashed and trailed a wisp of smoke. She'd been expecting... something different. Not really sure what, just something different. It could have fit in her cupped palms and been able to stretch out comfortably. But it glowed blue-hot, almost white. And its eyes...

It blinked at her, two eyelids of flame closing down over empty sockets that seemed to go forever. Tilting its head from one side to the other, it examined her, its heat drying the surface of her eyes as it bobbed gently in the air in front of her.

"Don't you," Rita ventured, "I don't know... Have somewhere else to be?"

=Do you want me to go away?=

It wasn't a voice per se. Undine's voice had brought to mind the little spatters of dew on grass and the roar inside the curl of a wave. Efreet had sounded like a coal just about to die and the whine and hiss of tree sap boiling. This... this just sounded like... Home. Of little burbles and pops and clanks and a gentle, gentle ringing in her ears that should have been annoying but instead just caused her fingers to go warm and her forehead relax.

"No, not really. I just figured you wouldn't want to be trapped or something." She sounded like Yuri trying to pretend he didn't care.

=I like it with you. I always have. You understood us.=

That did it. She reached out with one tentative finger, trying to ignore the tears that were still making their way down her face again.

"Then why did you leave me?" she whispered.

It stared at the finger for a moment, then carefully, oh so carefully, touched the tip with its nose. It was the gentlest Rita had ever been touched and yet it scalded like a pot on a stove. Rita didn't flinch - countless beakers broken by such reactions had trained her to at least pull back slowly - and after a moment, the contact ended. Rita could feel the blister beginning on her finger and she drew her finger to her mouth absently.

=I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It's all a little new still.=

She didn't know if it was talking about leaving or the burn on her finger. The little head tilted to the side. It was so small and delicate-looking, but it felt as though it contained enough energy to level a city.

It had come slipping out of the hollow of her collarbone. It felt as though it were pulling at a cord tied around her stomach, tugging all of her insides towards her throat as it emerged. She had known it was going to happen, that what they were doing would cause all the blastia to change.

But she hadn't been prepared for it to hurt. For her to feel so lonely.

But now it was back. The spirit – her spirit – considered its own surface, evaluating. Then it curled out of the air to settle gently on her hand. This time it did not burn but left little charcoal smudges, shielding her from its heat as if it were wearing gloves. And she turned her hand over to cup it in both palms and lifted it to her collarbone, right where it used to sit. And the spirit – her spirit – nestled against her skin. And suddenly it was as if it had never been gone.

=Is this better?=

Rita didn't answer. Couldn't. So she curled around the spirit, her knees pulled up to her forehead and her hands lit from its light, blue instead of the familiar red but still good. Everything was okay again. New and different and melancholy, but okay. The warmth dried her tears and the smell of heat and fire tickled her nose. And the gentle, gentle ringing – almost like a cat's purr while still being nothing like a cat's purr – in her ears sang her to sleep.


A/N: Yikes, sorry about that formatting issue people. Should be fixed now. Let me know if you see anything else weird.

This was an idea I had years ago, back when Hand in Hand was still in its infancy. And it never made it into the story, but imagine that it did. It just didn't work for Rita to have a little familiar or daemon all this time, but I want to one day expand on this idea that everyone's bodhi blastia ended up as spirits that didn't mind being around their respective people.