Coach

"Can't your granddad take care of himself after his knee surgery?" Sam moaned as she watched Carly pack up a small suitcase.

"He won't be able to walk," Carly pointed out. "And I'm just staying for the weekend. On Monday some nurse is coming in to help him."

"How'd Spencer get out of going?"

"He has some sculpture to finish by Sunday," Carly said, rolling his eyes. "Which he conveniently let go until the last minute so he could use it as an excuse."

"Smart man," Sam grinned.

"Yeah, now I have to rub cream on his knee myself," Carly said, gagging a bit.

"Well what am I supposed to do here by myself?" Sam asked.

"You have a boyfriend," Carly shrugged. "Hang out with him."

Sam looked over at Carly's ice cream sandwich loveseat, where Freddie was intently playing a game on his laptop, oblivious to the girls' conversation.

"Yeah, I'm sure he'll be real entertaining," Sam scoffed.

"What's he doing?" Carly frowned.

"He's on some sort of World of Warlords streak," Sam sighed. "So he's been playing the game nonstop. Here, watch this."
She cleared her throat. "Hey baby? Wanna go make-out?"

Freddie didn't look up from his screen.

"Wanna help me pick out a new bikini for the beach this summer?" Sam asked, again getting no response from Freddie.

"Wanna go to that train museum you've been begging to go to?"

Freddie was once again, completely silent, except for the small sounds coming from his computer.

"See?" Sam said, turning back to Carly. "Completely out of it."

"Wow," Carly chuckled. "He's gone."

"I can't believe you're sticking me here alone with my lame, zombie boyfriend," Sam sighed, flopping down on Carly's bed.

"Zombie?" Freddie said suddenly, finally looking up from the laptop.

"Oh, so you hear that but you don't hear my offers to go bikini shopping with you?" Sam smirked.

"Really?" Freddie said excitedly. "You're getting a new bikini?"

"Too late, nub," Sam said, thumping the back of his head. "Wipe the drool from your face."

"Since when are you so into World of Warlords?" Carly asked. "I mean I knew you were a geek when it came to that game, but you've never been this bad."
"Since I finally found the perfect quest partner that can get me into the Valley of Torndant," Freddie said happily. "It's some girl from Australia. She's a level forty-six orc master."

"You see what I have to put up with?" Sam said, shaking her head.

"So you have a weekend alone with your girlfriend," Carly said slowly. "And you're going to spend it playing videogames?"

"Well what else would we do?" Freddie said, returning his attention to his game. "Yes! I got the Sword of Nettles!"

"I am so sorry," Carly said softly to Sam.

…..

"Alright Mr. Coffee Cup sculpture, one more layer of paint and you'll be all done," Spencer said, working on his sculpture in the living room the next day. "Wow, doing this whole thing in one day was a latte work. Ha! Get it? Latte?"

He looked around the empty apartment. "Dang it! Why is no one ever here for my good jokes?"

Just then the door opened and Freddie came in.

"Hey," Freddie greeted him. "Cool sculpture."

"Thanks," Spencer said. "I woke up at six to start it."

"Nice," Freddie nodded. "Anyway, is it cool if I hang out here today and do a little gaming on War of Warlords? My mom's giving me a hard time over at my place. She said this game is rotting my brain and giving me an inaccurate representation of medieval life."

"Yeah, sure," Spencer agreed. "When I finish this sculpture, I might log on and do a little gaming myself. My org's robe of sensibility was just upgraded!"

"Whoa! That's awesome!" Freddie grinned.

"I know!" Spencer said.
"Well I'll see you later," Freddie said, starting for the stairs. "Hey, Sam is supposed to swing by later."

"Alright," Spencer said, turning back to his sculpture. "I'll send her up when she gets here."

When Freddie went upstairs, Spencer continued to work on his sculpture. About an hour later he had just finished the last touches and he stared proudly at his work.

"Done!" he said triumphantly. "And Carly said I should've started this weeks ago…ha!"

He took one last admiring look at the sculpture. "Okay, time for some good old War of Warlords! Hey, let me go see if Freddie wants to double up and go hunt in the Forest of Falsehood!"

He went up the steps to the iCarly studio. He was just about to open the door, though, when he heard Freddie's voice wafting down the hall as he talked to someone on his phone.

"I just don't know what to do anymore, Gib," Freddie sighed. "She's killing me! She's literally destroying me. Who would've ever thought that a girl could cause so many problems?"

Spencer frowned, pausing as he listened.

"I know I thought this would be a good thing," Freddie continued. "But it's just turning into one big nightmare. I may sound selfish, but I think I really need to end this relationship before it takes anymore of a toll on me."

End a relationship? Spencer thought curiously. What is he talking about? What relationship is he-No! He can't be talking about his and Sam's relationship!

"I mean already today she was supposed to meet me and she's late," Freddie said. "She's constantly taking my stuff, she yells at me for stupid things and she's completely irresponsible. I know she'll probably be heartbroken, but at this point, I don't care. I need to think about myself and what's best for me. And the thing that's best for me is getting out of this while I can."
Spencer's eyes widened. Freddie was talking about breaking up with Sam! But-But how could he do that? He thought their relationship was going fine; was Freddie really that unhappy with it?"

Oh no, Spencer suddenly thought. Sam…she's going to be crushed. She-She really loves Freddie.

Slowly, so Freddie wouldn't know he had just heard his conversation, Spencer headed back downstairs and into his room.

What did he do now? He didn't want to see Sam get hurt. She was practically another little sister to him. She was going to be a wreck after Freddie did this to her…She was after the first time, after all, and that had been a mutual break-up. Spencer remembered how horrible he felt for her when he found her late that night in his living room…

Spencer yawned as he shuffled out of his room for a cup of water. He was still thinking about Jenna. He supposed it was smart to end things with her; it was getting rather weird, dating someone who thought she was still your babysitter.

Still, she was super hot…

As Spencer stepped out into the living room, though, he heard a soft sniffling noise and he saw that the T.V. was on, but no sound was coming from it. He looked over at the couch and was surprised to see Sam.

"Sam?" he frowned. Normally when she stayed the night, she crashed up in Carly's room.

Sam spun her head around when she heard his voice, quickly wiping her eyes. "Oh…it's you. What are you doing up? It's three in the morning."

"Sam?" he said, his voice serious for once. "Were-Were you crying?"

"No!" Sam said a little too quickly. "No, I-I just-no."

"But your eyes are all red and you have tearstains all over your face," Spencer observed, glancing down at the box of tissues Sam had tried to hide behind a pillow. "Are you okay? Want me to go wake Carly?"

Sam shook her head. "No…"

"Want me to go get Freddie?" Spencer continued. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind coming over here. He'd want to know why his girlfriend was so upset."

"I'm not his girlfriend anymore," Sam mumbled, looking down at her lap. "We-We broke up."

Suddenly, Spencer understood exactly why she was crying. "What?" he said gently. "You guy-You really-You broke up?"

"Yeah," Sam whispered, her voice shaky. "A few hours ago. We-We decided we were too different to be in a relationship."

"Sam, I-I'm so sorry," Spencer said. "Er, are you sure you don't want me to go get Carly for you?"

"No, I-I'll tell her everything in the morning," Sam said. "I was just about to, um, go up and get some sleep anyway…sorry I woke you up."

"Sam?" Spencer said. "Are-Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Sam said at once. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just-I just…no."

And with that she had broken down, tears streaming down her face.

So Spencer sat down next to her and put his arms around her and stayed with her the whole night.

….

Spencer sighed. Was she going to be that devastated again? He couldn't stand to see Sam cry.

He suddenly felt a very strong surge of anger towards Freddie. He had always thought Freddie was a great kid, but now? Now he almost wanted to go back upstairs and teach him a lesson or two.

….

A few minutes after Spencer had gone into his room, Sam let herself into the apartment.

"Hey? Anyone here?" she called.

She looked around the empty living room, shrugged, and then headed up the studio where sure enough, Freddie was sitting on the beanbag chairs, playing his computer game.

"You gonna pause that long enough to at least kiss me?" Sam said, rolling her eyes as she sat down next to him.

"Hey," Freddie smiled, giving her a quick kiss. "Where were you? I thought you were gonna be here an hour ago."

"I stopped for some chicken," Sam said simply. "So how goes your stupid warlords?"

"Bad," Freddie sighed. "You remember that girl from Australia who I joined up with?"

"Sure," Sam nodded. "Well pretend I listen to you when you talk about this chiz."

"Well I thought she'd be a great gaming partner," Freddie said, ignoring Sam's comment. "But she sucks! She's been stealing my gold coins, she was late for our quest to take down the trolls and she just let me get shot with an arrow because she was busy picking apples form the tree of tranquility!"

"Aw, is your Internet chick not good enough for you anymore?" Sam smirked.

"No!" Freddie said. "She's horrible! I was just telling Gibby that I'll have to end our quest relationship before she winds up costing me my game status."
"So then end it," Sam said.

"I can't! I don't know how to end an online quest relationship!" Freddie said. "Hey, you do it."

"Me?" Sam moaned.

"Yeah, come on, you're my girlfriend," Freddie said. "It's your job to end any quest relationships I get myself into. I would do it for you."

"Like I'd be caught anywhere near this game," Sam said, rolling her eyes as she snatched Freddie's laptop from him. "Fine, I'll do it. But I'm not responsible for any emotional damage I may cause her."

"Thanks, baby, you're the best," Freddie said, kissing her again. "Hey, how about I take a break from the game and the two of us go get some smoothies. My treat."

"You better believe it is," Sam said.

"Great," Freddie said. "Once you finish this, then we can-ugh!"

"What is it?" Sam asked, looking up as Freddie stared down at his phone.

"My mom," Freddie told her. "Apparently my sneakers didn't pass her weekly dirt inspection and now I have to go home and let her soak my feet in some weird chemicals."

"Wow," Sam chuckled.

"I'll be back in a little bit," Freddie said, shaking his head. "After my feet get abused."

"Have fun," Sam grinned.

After she finished sending the break-up letter to Freddie's Australian quest partner, Sam headed back downstairs and sat down on the couch. She grabbed the remote and turned on the television.

At that moment, Spencer came out of his bedroom. He spotted Sam sitting so happily on the couch, not a care in the world.

I have to tell her, he decided. At least if I warn her, she won't be caught so off guard.

"Oh, hey Spence," Sam said, looking over her shoulder. "Hey, come watch this show. It's about some dude who has to coach his daughter's soccer team after he switches brains with a fish. It sounds so stupid it has to be good, right?"

"Um, Sam?" Spencer said heavily. "I need to talk to you about something."

Sam frowned. "Um…is this about me eating your special cupcakes? Because Carly didn't tell me they were yours until after-"

"No, it's not about that," Spencer said. "It's about you and Freddie."
Sam gave him a confused look. "Me and Freddie? What about us?"

"It's-It's something I overheard," Spencer sighed, sitting down next to her.

"Well what is it?" Sam asked, turning off the T.V.

"Okay," Spencer said, taking a deep breath. "Before I do…just know that even though Carly's not here right now, I'm still here and I'll help you get through this."
"Dude, you're freaking me out," Sam said. "What's going on? Is he okay?"

"He's just fine," Spencer muttered darkly. "It's just-Freddie…he-he-he's going to break up with you!"

Sam's eyes widened. "W-What?" she said softly.

"I didn't want you to be caught off guard," Spencer explained gently. "But I overheard him talking about doing it."

"But-But I thought we were doing pretty good," Sam said, her eyes already growing wet. "We've been back together for six months…he seemed happy!"

"I know," Spencer said.

"Are-Are you sure he's breaking up with me?" Sam asked desperately.

"Yeah," Spencer said, putting an arm around her. "I'm so sorry, Sam. I know how much you loved him."

"I-I just-I don't understand," Sam mumbled. "I was upstairs with him five minutes ago and he seemed normal! We were even about to go get smoothies…oh jeez, you think he was gonna break up with me then?"

Spencer handed her a tissue. "I'm sorry," he said again. "Do you need anything? Food? Ice cream? Light-up socks?"

"No," Sam said weakly. "I-I just…I'm gonna go upstairs. I sort of want to be alone. Um, thanks for telling me, I guess."

"Sam, you sure you don't want me to get you anything?" Spencer asked, his heart shattering at the look on her face.

She shook her head. "No…"

I'm gonna murder Freddie, Spencer thought as he watched Sam go upstairs. How could he do this to her? How could he just break her heart and-

"Well good news," Freddie said, bursting in through the front door. "I managed to talk my mom out of the foot cleaning! Now we can-Oh, hey Spence. I thought Sam would be down here by now. She still upstairs?"

"Yes!" Spencer snapped. "She is!"

"Um…okay," Freddie frowned. "Well then I'll just go up there and-"

"No! You've done enough!" Spencer said firmly.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Freddie asked. "Why are you acting all weird?"

"Because," Spencer said, crossing his arms. "I, unlike you, care about Sam's feelings!"

"What do you mean I don't care about her feelings?" Freddie said, confused. "Of course I care about her feelings; I love her."
"Sure you do," Spencer scoffed. "That's why you don't care about stomping all over her heart. I should stomp all over your face!"

"Dude!" Freddie exclaimed. He had never seen Spencer so angry. "What are you talking about? How am I stomping all over her heart? I was just about to buy her a smoothie!"

"Oh I see, you were going to buy her a smoothie!" Spencer jeered. "That would make up for everything wouldn't it?"

"Make up for what?"

"Well let me tell you something, mister!" Spencer continued. "You can't just buy a girl a smoothie and then break up with her! Especially not Sam! Don't you care about how hurt she's going to be? How sad and-"
"Break up with her?" Freddie repeated. "Okay, what are you going on about? I'm not breaking up with Sam! I told you, I love her!"

"Oh give it a rest, I heard you talking with Gibby," Spencer said. "You said you were ending your relationship because she was irresponsible and yelled at you and blah, blah, blah. Well guess what? I already told Sam all about your little plan so she's not going to have to have her heart destroyed in the middle of the Groovy Smoothie!"

Freddie's eyes widened. "What? Spencer! You told Sam I was breaking up with her!"

"Yes I did," Spencer said proudly. "You think you can things past old Spencer? Ha! Think again! You'll have to be smarter than that to-"

"I wasn't going to break up with her!" Freddie yelled. "What you overheard me talking about…that was about my quest partner on War of Warlords!"

Spencer's smug grin faltered. "Er, what?"

"I was telling Gibby that I was going to end my quest arrangement on the game because my partner was horrible!" Freddie cried. "I wasn't talking about breaking up with Sam!"

"I-Oh…" Spencer said lamely. "Oh…well, um, maybe-maybe we should get upstairs and do some explaining…"

"Why? Just because you made my girlfriend think I was gonna dump her?" Freddie snapped.

"Alright! I might have made a tiny mistake-"

"Tiny?!"

"-But shouldn't we be concerned with fixing this?" Spencer said.

"Fine! Come on!" Freddie said, starting for the stairs.

Him and Spencer went up the studio where Sam was sitting.

"Sam!" Freddie said, rushing into the room. "Sam, this whole thing has been a huge understanding. I'm not-"

"Oh save it, Fredwad!" Sam said angrily. Freddie could see that her face was tearstained, but she seemed well beyond sad right now.

She looked positively furious.

"Sam, Spencer made a mistake," Freddie started quickly. "I never wanted to-"

"What? So you think you can just break up with me after all the chiz I've done for you?" Sam exclaimed. "I stopped those jerks from giving you and your AV buddies wedgies last week! I took you to the Space Needle for your birthday! I even spent three hours with you on the Internet trying to figure out what that mole was on your back! I was the best thing to ever happen to your nerdy little life!"

"Yes! You were!" Freddie nodded. "Sam, listen to me! I don't want to break up with you! I was never planning on breaking up with you!"

"Yeah right!" Sam said harshly. "Spencer heard you talking about it."

"Er…about that," Spencer said, giving a nervous chuckle. "Apparently there was a problem with the communication on that."
"What do you mean?" Sam frowned.

"Spencer though he overheard me talking to Gibby about breaking up with you," Freddie explained. "But I was just telling Gibby about my War of Warlords problem. You know, about me wanting to end things with my quest partner?"

"Yeah, Sam, I'm really sorry," Spencer said. "I just…panicked."

Sam looked over at Freddie. "You-You're not breaking up with me?"

"Why would I break up with you?" Freddie smiled. "I love you."

Sam smiled back at him. "Oh…well, um, good. So…we still on for smoothies?"

"Sure," Freddie nodded, holding his arms out.

Sam stepped into his embrace, hugging him tightly. When they pulled away, Freddie gave her a quick kiss.

"Hey, I-I'll meet you downstairs," Sam said to Freddie.

"Alright," Freddie agreed. He turned to head back downstairs.

"Hey," Spencer said quickly. "So…no hard feelings about me almost wrecking your relationship, right?"
Freddie rolled his eyes. "Nah, we're good."

"Cool," Spencer said, relieved.

Once Freddie had left, Spencer turned to Sam.

"Sam, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you that without being one hundred percent sure," Spencer sighed. "I just didn't want you to get hurt…"

Sam nodded. "I know," she said. She stepped closer to him. "Thanks for trying to protect me. Even though I didn't actually need you to…"

Spencer gave a small laugh, and Sam opened her arms and hugged him.