Gun

"Can you believe it?" Spencer said angrily, shaking his head as he pushed aside a large cardboard box. "Granddad sends you massaging pillow with a speaker in it, and he sends me-"

"A dictionary," Carly chuckled, holding up the large book.

"Yeah, what is that about?" Spencer said.

"I dunno, maybe it's his subtle way of telling you to go back to law school," Carly shrugged.

"Well he can send all the dictionaries he wants, I'm never going back to that place," Spencer said firmly. "They were mean there!"

Carly rolled her eyes. "You fell asleep in all your classes. What did you expect?"

"I didn't even know they still made these things," Spencer mumbled, looking down at his dictionary. "Who looks up words with this now? Everyone knows you can just look up any word on your phone now."

"Well some people still like to use them," Carly reasoned.

"Who?"

"I dunno, the elderly?" Carly said. "Anyway, I'm gonna go upstairs. Sam, Freddie and I are gonna hang out in the studio and watch the ninth season of Toddlers Gone Wild. Believe it or not, that show's really addicting."

"Fine, I'll just sit here and read the dictionary!" Spencer said, bitterly opening the book. "Aardvark! Boy, this is a real page turner already!"

Carly headed up to the iCarly studio where Sam and Freddie were waiting for her.

"Hey, check out this cool new pillow Granddad just sent me," Carly said, walking into the room. "It's one of those fancy ones that-oh come on!"

As she stepped into the studio, she spotted her two friends cuddled very close on one beanbag, so engrossed in their heavy make-out session they didn't even notice her.

"Guys!" Carly said loudly. "You guys!"

But still, neither heard her, or at least made no effort to stop.

Letting out a frustrated groan, Carly stomped over to the couple and literally pulled their heads apart on her own.

"Hey!" Sam said indignantly. "What was that for?"

"Yeah, Carly, there's a thing called boundaries," Freddie said, massaging his head.

"Well excuse me for interrupting you guys as you grope each other in my house!" Carly snapped. "What? I leave for ten minutes and you two can't keep your tongues out of each other's mouths?"

"Well we got bored!" Sam defended. "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is I don't like walking in on you two all the time!"

"Come on, it's not all the time," Freddie said.

"No? Today alone I've had to walk in on you two four times," Carly said. "And at least twenty times this whole week! Look, I'm happy for you two in your relationship and blah, blah, blah, but I'm sick of having to see everything."

"Then close your eyes," Sam shrugged.

"Sam…" Freddie said, rolling his eyes at his girlfriend. He turned to Carly. "Look, we're sorry. Sam and I promise we won't be as…hands-on with our relationship around here."

"Darn right you won't!" Carly said. "Because as of right now there's gonna be some ground rules for you two!"

"Rules?" Sam frowned.

"That's right," Carly smirked, grabbing a pen and sheet of paper.

"Um, Carly, don't you think that's a bit drastic?" Freddie said. "I mean-"

"Rule number one!" Carly cut him off loudly. "You and Sam will sit on separate seats!"

The couple looked down at their shared beanbag and Freddie hastily moved to the one next to it.

"Rule number two!" Carly continued. "You two will refrain from any 'making-out' while I am home!"

"But you're always home!" Sam moaned.

"Too bad!"

"Carly, come on, we said we were sorry!" Freddie said. "This is just-"

"Rule number three-"

"There's more?" Sam exclaimed.

"-You two will keep your hands to yourself while you're here," Carly went on. "Now, hopefully you two will learn how to act like people and I can stop having to wash my eyes out every time I walk into a room in my own home!"

"Ugh, you're being a baby," Sam said. "You're the one who's always saying I should be more affectionate with Freddie. Well how am I supposed to do that if you won't even let me kiss him here?"

"You could just stop putting pepper in his pudding cups," Carly said.

"Er, she does have a point, baby," Freddie said.

"Oh shut it, Fredbag!" Sam snapped, shoving him off his beanbag.

….

"Hey Spencer?" Carly said a few days later, coming downstairs. "Have you seen the glue gun? I need to glue a few rhinestones back onto the lamp in my room."

"Hey, did you know that 'agrology' is the study of soil?" Spencer said, looking up from his dictionary.

"Um, are you reading the dictionary?" Carly frowned.
"Yeah, you know how many different words are in here?" Spencer nodded.

"All of them?"

"Yes!" Spencer said. "Hey, 'Chlorophyta' is type of algae! Did you know that? I didn't know that."

"Spence? The glue gun?" Carly said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, I don't know where it is," Spencer said.

"You mean you haven't used it?"

"Carly, I set enough things on fire with objects that don't use heat," Spencer said. "Why would I go and use something that actually is flammable? Oh! A 'Gannex' is a traditional English raincoat…that's gonna be useful to know if I'm ever allowed back in the UK."

"Can you put down the dictionary and help me find the glue gun?" Carly asked.

"Why don't you just make Sam and Freddie help you," Spencer moaned.

"Because they're not here," Carly replied.

"Whoa, really?" Spencer frowned. "But there's food in the fridge."

"Eh, they're probably a little wazzed off at me still because I gave them a bunch of rules that would keep them from making-out every second while they're over here," Carly explained. "So they're probably over at Sam's or something. Maybe I overreacted a little bit, but I was just so sick and tired of walking in on them every day and-"

Just then the door opened and Freddie walked in. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," Carly greeted him. "Sam with you?"

"No, she's at the Groovy Smoothie," Freddie said. "I was just swinging by to finish up some updates on the iCarly site."

"Oh," Carly nodded. "Oh, okay. Um, listen, Freddie, about the other day. I hope you and Sam aren't too mad at me. I-I was just-"

"Hey, Sam and I talked about it, and we realized you were right," Freddie told her. "I mean, we do spend a lot of time, well, occupied with each other while we're here and that's not fair to you. We wouldn't want to walk in on that at our houses either. So we decided we'll follow those rules of yours."

"Oh," Carly said, slightly surprised. "Wow, I-I'm glad you guys see it that way. I was worried that you two-"

"Hey, you guys have to try this new smoothie flavor T-Bo came up with!" Sam said, bursting into the apartment. "He used that Greek yogurt stuff and-"

Her sentence fell short as she spotted Freddie. "Oh…I figured you'd be at your place."

"No, I told you I was coming here," Freddie said. "I thought you were gonna chill at the Groovy Smoothie for awhile."

"Nah, T-Bo kicked me out because I threw a corndog at some old dude," Sam shrugged.

"Ah," Freddie nodded. "Well, um…"

"Hey, why don't we all go up to the studio and try and come up with some new iCarly ideas for next week," Carly suggested, sensing how much the couple wanted to wrap their arms around each other and kiss the other senseless.

"Okay," Sam said quickly, darting her gaze away from her boyfriend, hoping a little iCarly planning would distract her.

"Yeah, good idea," Freddie said, trying not to think about how soft and inviting Sam's lips looked right now.

"Have fun, you guys!" Spencer called after the teens. "Actually, have an exhilarating time! Man, I love this dictionary…"

Up in the studio, Carly jotted down notes on her pastel index cards as her, Sam and Freddie came up with several ideas for next week's show. Or rather, Carly came up with several ideas. Sam and Freddie, on the other hand, seemed very…distracted.

"What if we do a bit where we have Gibby dress up like a used car salesman," Carly said thoughtfully. "And then we have him try and sell a car to a group of-of-"

She looked up at her friends who didn't seem to be paying any attention to her. Sam was tapping her foot as she stared at Freddie out of the corner of her eye, and Freddie was clenching his fists and biting the corner of her lip.

"Alright!" Carly sighed, tossing down her index cards. "I give up; this is just cruel. Go ahead and kiss or make-out or whatever it is you guys do."

"Huh?" Sam said, looking over at her. "What do you mean? I thought you said you didn't want to walk in on anything anymore."

"Yeah, what happened to your 'ground rules'?" Freddie pointed out.

"Look, guys, I-I know overreacted the other day when I made those up," Carly said. "You guys love each other; I mean it's only natural that you would want to be all coupley when you're around each other, and I don't want to stand in the way of that."

"Really?" Sam smiled.

"You mean that?" Freddie said.

"Uh-huh," Carly nodded. "You guys are my best friends. I want you to be happy. But, um, maybe-maybe you guys could try to keep the PDA to a minimum around here? Or maybe shoot me a text if you guys are up here so I'm at least prepared when I walk in?"

Sam and Freddie exchanged glances.

"That seems fair," Freddie said. "We didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Carls. Especially not in your own home."

"Yeah, we promise we'll calm it down with the kissing while we're hanging out with you," Sam agreed.

"Thanks," Carly grinned, getting to her feet. "I appreciate that."

"Where are you going?" Freddie asked as she started towards the door.

"Downstairs to get some fruit kabobs," Carly replied. "I should be gone for five minutes. So you two use that time wisely…"

"What is she talking about?" Freddie frowned as Carly left. "What are we gonna do in-"

"Dude, just come here," Sam said, rolling her eyes as she moved closer to Freddie, pressing her lips to his.