Chapter Three

Later that day, Severus was back in the Slytherin dormitory. His fellow Slytherins had yet to join him in their room. As he looked around at the familiar yet foreign surroundings, he felt very out of place. As a teacher, he had rarely gone into the dormitories, only stayed in the common room.

Now, standing in front of a mirror, Severus took in his younger self's appearance for the first time in this new life. There was nothing different about the way he looked from his previous life, but still, to suddenly be seeing himself only sixteen when seemingly yesterday he had been thirty-eight was shocking. He simply looked so... young.

Not that he'd been old when he had died, especially by wizard standards, but Severus realized now just how prematurely aged his face had looked before. He could have easily passed for a man ten years old than his age. He supposed years of being a double agent during the war and teaching idiotic students hadn't helped matters any.

Severus scowled at himself now. Yes, his mouth could still form the same thin-lipped expressions. His eyes were as ever like tunnels as they had been in the past. His nose was still... his large, hooked nose. He sighed.

He knew he ought to be happy. He had just spent a couple of hours with his Lily. So what was wrong with him? Still frowning at himself, he realized he never really cared much about his physical appearance... until now. Now, that was strange. Lily had been friends with him because she cared about him on the inside, not because of what he looked like. Why was he being so shallow?

Severus Snape was not shallow. Maybe he felt he had a reason to care more now. He knew he'd never be handsome, but he could at least wash his hair every day, he supposed... and perhaps not scowl and sneer as much. To see a younger, untainted face reminded him that he was being given the chance to start over, so why waste it?

Severus left the room and went to the bathroom, washing his hair vigorously, twice through. He had found a small bottle of conditioner among his things, not sure where it had come from, and decided to try it. When he was finished and dry, he looked in the mirror, amazed at how soft and clean his hair looked as it fell just beyond his shoulders. Reaching up, he felt a lock. It really was soft and clean!

He smiled slightly at himself, only to be interrupted.

"Hey, Severus! What're you doing? Admiring yourself?"

Severus recognized the sneering voice of his supposed friend, Mulciber. He turned and regarded the other boy. Mulciber was muscular and tall, a threatening-looking young man, to be sure. Michael Mulciber used his brute force to exert control over others, and Severus remembered now that he was only "friends" with him because he'd offered to help him with his studies (more like do his homework for him) if Mulciber agreed to help defend him from the Marauders. In the years that followed, Mulciber, intrigued by Severus's vast knowledge of things, dumbly held on to every word he said about Dark Magic.

Severus turned away from the mirror and made his way toward the door, not in the mood to talk with Mulciber. If he was to have any real chance with Lily, he knew he couldn't go being friends with the likes of Mulciber and Avery. He pointedly ignored him as he stalked past and returned to his room.

A few minutes later, Mulciber entered the room and slumped unceremoniously onto his bed. Avery came in a minute later. It was obvious the two of them had been talking before coming into the room.

"Oy, Severus," Avery called. "Mulciber said you've been ignoring him. Got something up your arse you don't wanna share with us? We heard what happened to you today down by the lake..."

"Shut it, Avery," Severus snapped, annoyed.

Avery smirked, and Mulciber released a series a guffaws. "Ooo, touched a tender soft, have we?" Mulciber teased.

With a quiet groan, Severus pulled the curtains closed around his four-poster bed and charmed them shut so no one could open them and bother him. He muttered another charm to silence the ruckus coming from the two dunderheads and forced himself to relax. As he drifted into slumber, Severus wondered how he could have been so daft as to have been friends with people like Mulciber and Avery. With the hindsight he now possessed, he could plainly see they only wanted to be "friends" with him because he could give them something they craved: his knowledge. They had fed on it like maggots on rotting flesh.

Scorning himself for being so naive, Severus realized he had only sought their company because they, too, offered something: their supposed protection. They were seldom there to save him from James Potter and Sirius Black, though, and he knew they found it just as humorous as the Marauders that he was an unpopular kid who was picked on for being different.

You really were an idiot, Severus, he chided himself. You had Lily, whose love you rejected because you never understood how she could love someone like you... because you felt like you needed to prove yourself to the world and be bloody important... and look where it got you. You'd best not blow it this time around.

x x x x x

A few days later, after their O.W.L. examinations were completed, Severus and Lily were boarding the Hogwarts Express, ready to head home for the summer. The past few days had been taxing for poor Severus. While his Potions exam was extremely easy because of his vast knowledge of the subject, his Transfigurations and Charms exams proved more difficult. It had been years since he'd been a student expected to take tests, and neither of those had been his strongest subject. He figured he would still earn an "A" in each subject, at least.

He'd tried to distance himself as much as possible from the likes of Avery and Mulciber as well. Thankfully, the fifth years were required to spend most of their time taking their O.W.L.s, but when he wasn't doing that, Severus would hide in the library, usually studying with Lily. He smiled fondly to himself, thinking of all the wonderful conversations he'd had with Lily this past week. Now, he would have the entire summer to spend with her.

He wasn't looking forward to returning to Spinner's End, though. With the mind of a grown wizard, it would prove difficult not to perform underage magic in his sixteen-year-old body, and he didn't want to see his father again. He'd hated the man in his past life, and he doubted anything would change about that now.

Lily and he were now seated in a compartment by themselves. Severus doubted anyone else would join them unless they had no choice. Thankful for the seclusion, he allowed himself to relax and released a deep sigh.

"Are you glad the year is over, too?" asked Lily, smiling at him from across the compartment.

"Yes," he admitted softly. "What a year, huh? Only two years left and then what?"

It was weird to be thinking about his future as being so open. He wasn't about to join the Death Eaters and ruin both his life and Lily's. Because of that, he would never have to spy for Dumbledore or work at Hogwarts. He figured he might do research, but he had time to think about it.

Lily shrugged. "I don't know... It's funny how fast five years have already gone. I remember how anxious I was my first day. You were so excited when you got on the train that day..."

"Yeah," Severus sighed, thinking how naive he had been. "And you were upset at me because of your sister."

Lily thought back to that day and laughed, rolling her eyes at the thought of Petunia. "You were so adorable, Sev... You should've seen the way your eyes lit up whenever you talked about Hogwarts when you were little."

Severus blushed a little at her words. She thought him adorable, at least when he was a kid? He snorted. "Only you would say something like that."

Lily smiled and reached for his hand with hers. She searched his eyes with hers, saying as she sobered, "You've been... different this past week, Sev."

"Different?" he queried, wondering if it was that obvious. Not like I'm about to tell her I'm reliving my life.

"Yes," she said. "In a good way, I mean. I was so worried about you the past couple of years, Sev... I mean, you were hanging around with Mulciber and Avery, involving yourself in the wrong crowd. Maybe I'm wrong, and I hope I am, but that group of people is going to go bad, I just know it. You-Know-Who is getting stronger by the day, and people like that are going to line up to join him. The thought of you..."

Severus knew what she was trying to say, for it had proven true in his past life. He knew the dire consequences of joining the Death Eaters: a life of servitude, Lily's death, and ultimately his death. A miserable existence. Not a life at all, but a mere sorry excuse for one.

He brought his other hand up and laid it on top of hers. "Hey," he said gently, "don't worry. That's not going to happen. I'm sorry I ever hung around with those gits. They were never real friends, anyway. They were only impressed with my knowledge of... er, Dark Magic."

"Why do you know so much Dark Magic, anyway, Sev?" Lily asked. "You're a good person. You don't need to resort to using that sort of thing."

He shook his head sadly. "You don't understand, Lily. It's not a matter of wanting to learn it because... because I want to use it. I admit that a part of me is intrigued, but I think it's fair to say that you need to know the Dark side to understand the Light side better. How can you teach Defense Against the Dark Arts without knowledge of the Dark Arts? I'm not saying it's okay to use them, except maybe in extreme circumstances, but... well... I guess part of me just wanted to feel important."

Lily squeezed his hand gently. "You know what, Sev? You are important, at least to me, and I don't think you need to do anything to change yourself. I like you, a lot. You're my best friend."

Severus's heart clenched, and he swallowed down a lump in his throat. He would not cry; he would not cry in front of Lily. But he couldn't help the tears he felt forming in the corners of his eyes.

If only you knew the truth, Lily... how I betrayed you to the Dark Lord... how I betrayed your friendship...

"Hey, hey," Lily said gingerly, reaching to brush a fallen tear from his face. "Sev, what's the matter?"

"You- you know I love you, don't you, Lily?" he whispered.

Lily knew he cared about her deeply and liked her as his best friend, but she had a feeling he meant something more than that. "Y-you do?" she asked.

"Yes."

Lily hadn't really thought of Severus in such a way... as a boyfriend, but that was because they'd been friends since childhood. When she stopped and thought about it, she knew there was no one else in her life like him. She told him everything, spent time just sitting in companionable silence with him, held his hand, had seen his laughter and tears. He only ever really opened up around her, so she now realized she did love him.

"I think I love you, too, Sev."

Severus felt his heart flutter. He wanted to jump about the compartment like a little kid on Christmas morning who had just received his favorite toy, but he refrained for the sheer fact of not wanting to make an ass out of himself.

"I think this summer is going to be just fine, then," Severus quipped, in a much better mood.