Severus was spending much less time confined to his room now that he had taken on the responsibility of caring for his mother. The task had become a full time job for him, and he had little time to devote to reading or leaving the house to meet Lily in the park. Thankfully, there had been no sign of Tobias. August came, and the days continued to be warm and gorgeous.
As much as he wanted to see Lily, he knew he couldn't leave his mother for more than a couple of hours unattended, and as the first of September drew ever closer, he worried what he would do once school started. A part of him didn't even want to go back to Hogwarts. He imagined certain classes being especially dull, since he knew far more than the curriculum covered. He would have to be confronted with the Marauders and his supposed Slytherin friends, and that was not something he wanted to deal with.
Worse than any of those things, however, was the prospect of simply being reminded. Being at Hogwarts brought back too many memories from his past life, and many of them hadn't been good. The place he had once called home was no longer his home. He didn't want to look into Dumbledore's blue eyes, knowing this was the man he had killed in another lifetime. He didn't want to walk the halls he had spent night after night patrolling, more out of the inability to sleep than anything. He didn't care to see professors who had known and taught him since he was eleven, the same professors who had forcefully driven him out of Hogwarts when he had been headmaster, a job he had certainly never wanted. He hated teaching, so Hogwarts was, all in all, a huge reminder of too many negative memories: from the more trivial of simply having no patience to try to educate students who didn't want to learn to the worst and darkest, seeing Dumbledore's limp body falling from the Astronomy Tower.
Severus forced himself to dwell no longer on Hogwarts. He wasn't there yet, and having lived this new life for a few weeks now, he was determined to take it one day at a time. If he allowed himself to be consumed by events past and what could happen if he wasn't careful, he would drive himself mad, and then what good would he be to his mother?
The past few times he'd met with Lily outside, she had offered to visit him. It had taken Severus several days to agree to this. While she knew about his situation at home, he wasn't sure how his mother would take to having a visitor, and he wasn't completely comfortable with Lily even knowing what she did about his home and family. Telling her was one thing, but actually showing her was another.
And so, it was now with growing trepidation that he waited for her to ring the bell. She had said she would be over at two o'clock, and it was now five minutes till two. Severus had done his best to make the rundown house presentable, and Eileen, groomed and dressed decently, was seated in her usual spot in the sitting room reading.
Everything will be fine, he told himself for probably the tenth time in the past half an hour. What do you have to be nervous about? You ought to know better. It's Lily, for heaven's sake!
Severus checked on his mother and then did a quick walk-through of the first floor. He glanced at the clock again and found it was now only two minutes until the hour. Just then, the doorbell rang.
He went to the door and opened it, and sure enough, Lily was standing there, smiling prettily at him.
"Hello, Sev," she greeted him.
"Hi, Lily," he returned. "Er, come in," he added awkwardly a couple of seconds later.
He stepped aside, allowing Lily to enter, and then closed the door. Lily had never seen inside Spinner's End in all the years she had known him. She had never asked about coming over in the past, as she knew it was almost a taboo topic. Now, however, she was standing in his home, taking it all in. She continued to smile and stated that she thought it cozy.
Severus snorted. He knew she was simply being polite. While another house similar in size for its smallness might be called cozy, that other house would also be inviting to guests, and Spinner's End most certainly was not welcoming. The shabbiness of the furniture, the threadbare rugs, the grimy light fixtures, the worn surfaces of the kitchen table and counters, and the dark colors did not speak of being cozy.
"Yes, well, it's not much," Severus said with a shrug, "but I suppose it's home."
Lily nodded, gazing up the stairs. Severus wondered if she wanted to go up there and see his bedroom, and he wasn't about to entertain that thought. He instead gestured toward the sitting room, saying, "My mother's in here if you want to properly meet her."
"That would be nice," Lily said pleasantly, following him in that direction.
While Eileen had made small improvements without Tobias around, she was still wont to sudden outbursts of demanding where her husband was or how Severus could have been so cruel as to have kicked him out. She still passed much of the time withdrawn into herself, staring off into space, murmuring incoherently to herself.
"Mum," Severus prodded, "I'd like you to meet someone."
Eileen kept the book perched on her lap and was looking down at it, her hair veiling most of her face. Severus watched her closely and noticed her eyes weren't moving, so she wasn't even reading.
"Sometimes she's like this," Severus whispered to Lily. "She might not even be responsive. It's kind of a matter of luck..."
Lily nodded. "That's all right, Sev," she replied. "I understand."
Severus gave her a sideways glance. A part of him was tempted to retort, "Do you really understand?" He held back, though, knowing it would be rude, and Lily was trying her best to be understanding. What did she know of an abusive father and a mother who was mentally unstable? She had two nurturing, loving parents.
"Mum," Severus repeated. "This is Lily Evans. You've seen her from a distance with me. She's the girl I've told you about."
Eileen's dark eyes slowly looked up and into Lily's face. Eileen didn't say anything, but Severus figured she was at least recognizing that Lily was there.
"Today is one of her bad days," Severus explained in a hushed voice to Lily. He felt bad talking about his mother when she was seated right there, but if Eileen's lack of speech was anything to go by, she wasn't really mentally all there at the moment, although Severus could never be sure how aware his mother actually was. Just because she didn't respond with words didn't mean she wasn't listening and comprehending what was going on around her.
"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Snape," Lily said politely.
Eileen reacted to Lily's well-meaning words by dropping her book and withdrawing back into the chair, cringing and whimpering in fright. Lily, feeling she had done something wrong, also jumped. Eileen obviously hadn't been expecting Lily to talk. Her voice was unfamiliar to Eileen.
"I'm sorry; I'm sorry!" Lily exclaimed, taking several steps back. She looked from Eileen to Severus apologetically. "Did I do something I shouldn't have?"
Eileen was still cowering in her seat. Severus pointedly refrained from answering Lily's question because his attention was solely on his mother. It took several minutes for him to calm Eileen down, and then he coaxed her into standing and began to lead her away.
"I'll be back in a minute," he told Lily softly, wondering if he'd just made a huge mistake by bringing Lily here.
Lily anxiously waited downstairs for Severus to return. Ten minutes later, he descended the stairs and joined her in the sitting room.
"I'm sorry," she said again. "I didn't mean-"
"I know," Severus interjected, trying not to sound too upset. "It's not your fault. I didn't know how she would respond. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine."
He sighed heavily and dropped onto the couch, leaning on his knees with his elbows. He buried his face in his hands and rubbed tiredly at his eyes.
Lily sat next to him and carefully placed a hand on his back. "You're exhausted," she observed, sounding concerned.
Severus removed his face from his hands and looked at Lily. "Yes," he breathed. "I just don't know what more I can do for her. I wish she'd been in a good mood."
"You're putting too much on yourself," Lily said gently. "You've been spending every day helping her, and that's great, Sev. That's really great, but... what are you going to do when school starts?"
He frowned. "I've thought about that a lot. I don't know. Maybe I could talk to Dumbledore about keeping an eye on her... maybe get permission to Floo in every night to check on her and come home on the weekends. I don't know, Lily."
"That's possible," she conceded, "but what about your father? Aren't you worried he might come back?"
"Of course I am," Severus retorted before he could stop himself. "That bastard will stay away if he knows what's good for him, but I know I haven't seen the last of him."
Lily was trying to find something comforting and reassuring to say, but no words came. Finally, she said, "You shouldn't have to deal with all this, Sev. You're only sixteen."
"No, I'm-" Severus started to say, but caught himself before he gave away anything. He had almost said his true age, but Lily would have thought him mad. "No, I shouldn't have to," he amended. "But we're back to where we started. What to do?"
The next couple of weeks passed quickly. Lily had returned the following day to Spinner's End, and she was greeted by a much calmer Eileen. Lily and Severus cooked dinner together and took turns reading to Eileen. The next several days that followed were passed in much the same manner. Severus had been right - Lily had, regrettably, visited on a "bad day" for Eileen the first time.
As the start of term approached, though, the niggling feeling of what to do about his mother grew inside Severus. He still firmly held to his decision that he wouldn't take her to St. Mungo's. There was the option of Muggle care, but being underage, he didn't have the power to admit his mother anywhere.
It was Lily who came up with the suggestion that made Severus think.
"What if your mum felt she needed the care and chose to admit herself?" she asked.
Author's Note: Thank you again for all the reviews! I'm just so touched by your readership:) I do try to answer all reviews I receive.
Just so you know, I will be gone over Labor Day weekend, and while there will definitely be an update tomorrow evening, I can't guarantee one for Friday before I leave in the afternoon. That said, there won't be any updates after tomorrow's until at least Monday evening, maybe Tuesday. I'm sorry!
