Chapter Twenty-Seven
"Severus, please come to my office immediately," came Albus Dumbledore's voice, sounding concerned and rushed.
Upon hearing those words, Severus felt his heart clench and drop inside. He had heard that level of panic in Dumbledore's voice on few occasions, very few occasions.
"What is it, sir?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even.
"Please, Severus," the headmaster implored. "Now is not the time to be difficult. Step through the grate and into my office."
Severus frowned in spite of the grave circumstances, whatever they might be. He wasn't trying to be difficult, but he wasn't in the mood to argue. So, he complied and went through the fireplace to the headmaster's office. Upon his arrival, Dumbledore said, as kindly as possible, "Do sit down, my boy."
Whatever Dumbledore had to say, starting it with those words never boded well.
"I'm fine standing," Severus replied impatiently, wishing the old man would get to the point.
A sad, troubled look from Dumbledore's normally twinkling eyes met Severus. Severus swallowed in anticipation. Why didn't the old man just bloody say what he needed to say?!
"Severus, I'm terribly sorry, but..." Dumbledore paused, collecting himself, "but I've just been informed that... that your mother is dead."
"No," Severus whispered in pure disbelief. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't be. This had to be some sort of sick joke.
"Severus, please-"
"NO!" Severus roared, balling his fists and clenching his teeth. His eyes were screwed tightly shut, as he could feel the inevitable, mocking sensation of tears starting to form in the corners.
"My dear boy, I know it's hard to believe, to accept, but it's the truth. Severus, please, do sit down." Dumbledore made to move toward the young man, and Severus opened his eyes just in time, stepping away from him as if Dumbledore were diseased.
"Don't!" Severus bellowed, sounding like a wounded animal. "She was-" he tried to say. "N- no, no, she was getting... better." Severus stopped trying to speak, as he was choking on every word with severe distraught emotion. He could no longer contain himself. The face of a seventeen-year-old boy glared back at Dumbledore with enough pain worth two long lifetimes, every injustice, every hurt, every raw and bitter emotion on display. Severus's eyes were red and puffy, and his normally pale face was suffused in blotches of crimson, with the telltale trails of tears crossing the terrain like deep rivers.
Dumbledore left Severus to his misery, and he began to calmly explain the circumstances. "After I found out your mother was being taken care of by Muggles, Severus, I made arrangements for her to be monitored. While I understand your reasons for choosing to take her to a Muggle facility, the wizarding world must still be made aware of a witch or a wizard who is in such a position, simply for the safety of all involved. Your mother was apparently making good progress and was released a week ago. She returned home, and everything seemed to be all right... until this morning."
Severus, who had been pacing in his anguish and remorse, stopped. "How- ?" He shook his head. "She was supposed to write to me! I told her not to leave without letting me know, and of course those idiot bastard Muggles didn't think to notify her bloody son that she had left! How... how did she do it?" he asked weakly, remembering plainly the first time when Eileen had killed herself in his other life.
"Come with me, Severus," Dumbledore said simply.
Severus, the truth of his mother's death sinking in, allowed the headmaster to lead him through the fireplace. Severus found himself in the sitting room of his home.
"Upstairs," Dumbledore said, motioning toward the stairs. "I'll be down here. Take as long as you need."
Severus didn't utter a single word. His head was spinning, and with every step he took, he wondered if his knees wouldn't give out from under him. His anger at Dumbledore months previously for invading his mind was forgotten. It was because of the headmaster that he had been properly informed, but he didn't have the wherewithal to be grateful right now. No, Severus had eyes only for each step that took him closer to the truth.
He slowly made his way up the stairs, disbelief still fighting with the realization that his mother was really gone. He walked down the hallway, stopping just outside the door to his mother's bedroom. Bringing his hand to the knob, Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Maybe this really was all just a twisted joke, a horrible dream...
He turned the knob and pushed the door open, forcing himself to open his eyes and face reality. After what he had lived through once before, he felt he could at least face something already so familiar to him.
He was wrong. When Severus's eyes took in his mother's limp body hanging lifelessly from the ceiling, a rope around her neck, his knees finally did buckle, and he collapsed to the floor, crying. Half-crawling to the area where Eileen had hanged herself, Severus reached desperately for the nearest part of her: her stocking-covered feet. He held those two feet to his face and sobbed into them, as if they were the most precious thing to him.
"Mum, oh, Mum... no..." he moaned helplessly. "Why? Why did you do it?"
For all his years of experience in seeing death and even dying once himself, Severus felt seventeen years old again. He was still the same lost boy weeping at his dead mother's feet. The memory was cruelly alive again, and Eileen was dead.
Author's Note: This was an extremely hard and heart-wrenching chapter to write, but I had this planned from the beginning of the story. Sadly, everything cannot be well in Severus's new life. I'm sorry to have to kill Eileen, but it was needed for the development of Severus's character, just as much as helping her was needed for his character.
