Disclaimer: I do not own MGLN but my girlfriend reckons she should!
Author's Notes: I'm really sorry everyone for taking so long to update. Life was a little crazy but hopefully it will be a little less crazy from now on and I will be able to resume regular updates. A massive thank you to Lance58; Will Lockeart; Redmoon21; nanofatelicious; Guest 1 and Derka for you beautiful reviews. A big thank you too to everyone who favourited and is following this story. I haven't forgotten it. I will finish it, promise!
A special thank you to Redmoon21 and nanofatehere for reminding me that people are waiting for an update :-)
Redmoon21: It has been a while :-) It's so nice to hear from you. I had wondered what happened but I fully understand, Natsuki and Shizuru are awesome too. I am happy that you are still reading this fic though :-)
Derka: Jail and Precia will get there comeuppance eventually (loved the butter knife imagery :-P)… but until then they will be pushing Nanoha and Fate to their limits. I haven't tried absinthe yet. Mmmm may have to write a chapter with Nanoha, Fate and a bottle of alcohol, could be interesting… :-P Have you tried Choya?
Without further ado here is the next chapter.
Chapter 23
Burn
Fate's POV.
"Alicia is that really you?"
I release Nanoha's hand. No it can't be. Arf! Memories of us laughing and playing invade my mind as I look at her. My heart starts to beats wildly. I feel sweat built up on my overheating skin.
"I'm sorry you must have me confused with someone else." I try and say as casually as I can muster. This is bad, really bad. What do I do, what do I say? I never expected to meet a person from my past, a person who knew the other me, the part of me that died when I killed Arf-kun.
"I could never confuse Alicia with anyone. I have been plague by memories of her, of you, ever since you disappeared when we were kids. I have searched for you for years. You are the reason I became a police officer." I hear the desperation in her voice. I wish I could embrace her for the pain I have caused her all these years of not knowing my fate but I can't. So much is at stake. I can't let Mother down plus the person she speaks of no longer exists.
I glance at Nanoha. She seems confused and is looking at me for answers. Everyone is looking at us. I need to get out of here.
"I'm sorry but my name is Fate not Alicia."
"We were inseparable when we were kids. We were best friends. Then just after you turned nine you vanished without a trace." Arf continues as if not hearing me.
"Stop!" I weakly interject. Please stop. Why did this have to happen? The past is too painful. Stop reminding me. I feel my heart rate go up a notch and my breathing follow suit.
"I tried going to the police but they didn't want to listen. I was a mere street kid at the time and they thought I was making it up. I vowed from that point that I would change my life and find you." Arf continues. My ears ring with the painful thud of my heart and rush of blood.
"No!" I try again. Why isn't she listening? I am not Alicia… anymore.
"You look almost identical to when we were kids."
"I am not Alicia." I say a little louder.
"I can't believe after so many years I have finally found you. I have dreamt of this day for so long."
"Stop!" I shout. "I'm not her!" Why are these people making me lose control like this? My head is starting to pound. All eyes are on me.
"But you are Alicia, Alicia Testarossa." At this all sound seems to be drowned out. I feel like I am in a vacuum. You could probably hear a pin drop. I can feel the sweat start to run down my spine. My heart is telling me to flee. I can't win this. I open my mouth to breathe more easily. Memories I don't want to remember flash much too fast behind my eyes. Reality is mocking my very existence. I swallow my saliva that seems to be much too viscous to comply.
I take a step back and stumble slightly on my injured leg. Nanoha takes a step forward to help me but I stop her with my eyes. I take another step back and slowly turn around. Intuition tells me that Arf has made a move to come closer to either stop or follow me.
"Alicia doesn't exist… anymore." I close my eyes. A hidden tear escapes and silently falls to its demise. I can't hold myself in anymore. I need to get out of here and fast. I hope that what I just said will stop anyone from following me.
I start to run pretending I have not had a giant dog bite my leg. The world is closing in on me. The darkness surrounding me is slowly closing in and suffocating me. My world is too far removed from this. They do not understand anything and would never be able to.
"Wait!" I hear someone call from behind me. I do not stop.
I run and run. I feel my lungs burning. I cannot stop. I was supposed to have everything under control for Mother but I am failing. My control is a farce. Obstacle after obstacle is hurled in my path and I feel like I am slowly crumbling under the pressure. My identity will eventually come out.
This double life I lead is eating me from within.
I'm losing control.
My resolve is always so much weaker in the presence of these people and now with the appearance of Arf I fear I may not have the strength.
I am a monster! I have done so many awful things. They could never accept me. Only Mother does.
I want to crash against a brick wall and feel the sweet release of nothingness. The current confusion in my head hurts.
The pain in my leg is becoming more and more noticeable as if to say that if I don't listen to my lungs then it will try to stop me.
I make it to the apartment I share with Linith. I startle her upon entering the kitchen. It seems I have disrupted her from writing something, probably case notes on me. She quickly closes her folder and stands ready for action. I have to tell her what has happened.
"Fate are you alright? Have you been running? What has happened?" She fires three questions in quick succession.
"Linith I can't take this anymore. I am losing my mind. I do not know what to do." I hold onto the table for support. I fear that if I let it go my mind will go with it. I have never been this candid with her.
Linith takes note of my distress. She stands next to me and places her hand on my shoulder.
"Tell me what has happened Fate?" She calmly asks.
I close my eyes and rub my temple with one hand maintaining support with the other. I feel dizzy and light headed.
"I saw a ghost from my past. I saw Arf and the irony is she is now a policewoman. She recognised me. I didn't know what to do. I had no control. I fled. Oh Linith, its not me that Arf thinks she remembers, it's Alicia. I thought I could handle the situation but lost it. I was so scared. I hadn't been confronted by it til today and I came undone. Linith, Mother is right, I am pathetic and weak. She has every right to be disappointed. I am still not strong enough."
Linith spins me around and crushes me in a fierce hug. Never has she ever done this.
"Listen to me Fate. You could not have predicted this. This situation was out of your control. I see you try so hard for your Mother. Don't doubt yourself because I certainly don't. I will contact Mistress Testarossa and inform her of the situation immediately. Fate, you are human and you have had so much happen in your young life. You haven't done anything wrong." At this I pull away from Linith.
"Oh but I have." I start limping to my room and sit on the bed. I hear Linith pick up the phone and moments later she starts talking. The conversation is pretty short and in less than three minutes she has hang up the phone and I hear her make her way towards me.
I look up and see her standing against the doorway. There is this look on her face.
"I spoke to Mistress Testarossa. She was, dare I say, amused by the situation and said not to say anything. She informed me that she will handle this." I look at Linith, there's more. She sighs and continues. "Mistress Testarossa also said to get ready as you will be briefly meeting with Regius again. It appears he is very enamoured by you. He wants to arrange an appointment with you but wants to make it with you personally as he doesn't trust the Project to pass it on properly. I am not sure what his involvement is with everything but Mistress Testarossa said we should indulge him for the time being."
I hear Linith take a deep breath and watch her clench her fist slightly. "She also said that you are probably aware of his sick desires and wants you to play along for the time being until told otherwise. She said once the appointment has been made you are free to leave. He will be picking you up in about half an hour downstairs and wishes that you wear the same if not something similar to what you wore at the Thunder Rage club. I am sorry Fate. You haven't even had time to recover and you are thrust into another mission. One I fear is quite dangerous."
I slowly get up and make my way to the bathroom.
"It's okay Linith. This is the life I chose. It is a small price to pay for the overall end result."
I shower and get ready. I bandage my arm and leg again. They are throbbing from their over usage since the incident. I wear a black long sleeve shirt. I need to hide the bandaged bite marks on my arm. I wear my usual black jeans and black boots. I look myself in the mirror. Oh how I wish this day to end. At least in the company of Regius I do not have to hide my true disgusting self. I am a monster just as he is. That thought doesn't make me feel any better. I turn away from my reflection in disgust. I have to head down to wait for him.
I let Linith know I am leaving with a wave. I'm thankful she doesn't say anything. I notice the look of worry in her eyes. I make my way outside and wait in front of the building.
"Fate?" Oh no, not now. I turn in the direction of the voice and see Nanoha and Hayate. I try to smile but fail miserably. They share a look with each other and Nanoha approaches me whilst Hayate stays behind a few steps.
"Are you alright?" Why is it that I feel so exposed in front of this girl? I fear my voice would betray me so I nod and manage a small smile. I feel defenceless in front of her cerulean eyes.
Nanoha closes the distance between us and reaches for my hand. I want to pull away from her but a force within me, the pieces of my shattered heart, stops me. My body is paralysed. I feel her hand make contact with mine and our fingers automatically interlace. My body betrays me momentarily as I briefly close my eyes and exhale at the comforting touch. I notice a smile adorning her face.
"Thank you Fate for coming to our rescue at the café against those thugs. I'm sorry for what happened after." Silly girl, it isn't her fault.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, you haven't done anything wrong." I have!
"I don't know what is going on but I care for you Fate. I am here for you, always."
"I…" I want to tell you everything but you will hate me, I am a monster who has done horrible things. You shouldn't care for me. I will just hurt you. I gaze into your innocent eyes. What is this power that you have over me? I want to give in to it yet I can't.
"Excuse me." A man in a black suit and dark sunglasses interrupts us. A black Mercedes Benz with shaded windows is parked behind him. I look back to Nanoha.
"I have to go for now." I feel her grip on my hand tighten. "It's okay I will be back." I take a step back and release her hand. I turn and make my way to the vehicle. The man in the black suit walks behind me. As I near the car another man appears and opens the backseat for me. A bitter cloud of smoke exists the car. I inhale deeply without looking back and step inside the vehicle. The man closes the door behind me.
"Hello my little jaded vixen. It has been way too long since our last encounter." I can't help but shudder in disgust at the sound of his voice. Regius is sitting in the backseat like a king with a cigar in his hand. The two men in suits get into the vehicle and we drive off.
"Your little friend seemed rather cute. We could always turn around and ask her if she wishes to join us." He laughs. No! Anger takes over me. He must not touch Nanoha. This world belongs to us and not to beautiful untainted people like her.
I shift and am practically straddling Regius to his surprise. In a swift motion I grab his hand twisting it so that he lets go of his cigar. I take hold of it and push his head with my other hand exposing his chunky neck. I move the lit side of the cigar millimetres from the flesh of his neck. Regius tries to counter me with his other hand but realising his predicament stops.
"Why would you want another girl when you can't even control this one? Am I too much for you to handle? How disappointing!" Regius reacts exactly how I imagine and snickers. Good he has taken the bait and has hopefully forgotten about Nanoha.
"Haha you never fail to amaze me my little vixen. It seems I have been wasting my time with all those other girls. You seem to know exactly what turns me on." As he says this he moves his neck towards the burning cigar.
I hear a hiss as skin comes into contact with the hot burning end of the cigar. His eyes close in pleasure. This man is even more twisted than I imagined. I do not pull away. I leave the cigar to burn him. I notice the distinct yet subtle smell of burning flesh. His hand grips mine that is holding onto the cigar and he pushes it further into his neck.
"Hmmm you are a girl after my own heart Fate. Well that would be true if I had one."
"Indeed." With his other hand he pushes me closer to him. His face is in my hair. I hear him inhale deeply. "I have things to do so tell me when you want to meet." I say.
"Why are you in such a hurry my broken vixen? The Project can wait. You want to know why? Because you are here to appease me. I requested you and the Project sent you to appease me. Did you know that the Project belongs to me?" What is he talking about?
"Hmmm seems like I have piked your interest. Well you will have to work harder to get more information but not today. I have something for you." Regius reaches to the seat next to him and grabs a black item. He pulls back from me and wiggles said item in front of my face. It's a phone.
"This is so I can get in contact with you personally my blonde vixen. Keep this on you at all times." He reaches towards my shirt pulls the collar down slightly and extends his hand holding the phone towards the opening.
I watch his face to see if it will betray his intentions. His eyes lock with mine and I see twisted delight in them. His hand suddenly makes contact with the top of my bra and I flinch ever so slightly. His grin gets wider. I am ready to grab his hand when he wedges the phone between my bra and breast and much too slowly for my liking retracts his hand.
"There, so that way I am close to your broken heart, hahaha." The car suddenly stops and the driver gets out, walks to the passenger door I got in from and opens it. "My dear vixen, we will be in touch."
I take this cue and get out of the vehicle. I watch the driver close the door and make his way back into the Mercedes. I can still feel Regius' eyes on me. The car slowly drives away leaving me in front of the apartment complex I reside in.
I sigh deeply yet again. I pull out the phone Regius gave me and place it in the back pocket of my jeans. I have to notify Linith of this development. Just what is Regius' involvement in all of this? Is he the founder of the Project like he said? Why would he lie if he wasn't? Who the hell is Regius?
Mother would say these are questions that do not concern me. I must simply obey yet…
I sigh again and make my way inside the apartment complex to the unit I share with Linith.
My leg hurts a fair bit. The running earlier was obviously not a good idea and walking on it when people are around so as not to draw questions doesn't help it either.
So much has happened today. The men from earlier could have hurt Nanoha. I close my eyes at the thought and shake my head with the images my mind has conjured of the possible scenarios had I not been passing by.
Focus Fate. You need to focus on Mother's happiness. Why am I so easily distracted by thoughts of Nanoha?
Please let this day end.
As I near my unit I hear voices. Is that Mother and Nanoha talking? I open the door to reveal Linith, Mother, Nanoha and Hayate. What the hell?
"Ah Fate finally you are back. I just had a lovely conversation with your friends and explained them your situation with Alicia."
"…" I do not know what to say. What did mother tell them? I look at Linith. She looks ashamed yet nods to me. I glance at Hayate and Nanoha. Is that pity in their eyes?
"They will notify that policewoman." The tone in which she said policewoman did not escape me, "Furthermore pack a bag. You and Linith will be heading with your friends for the week-end." Again the slight annoyance in mother's voice was not lost on me.
"I don't understand." I'm so confused.
"I can explain." Nanoha says. I turn to look at her. "You see we bumped into Precia just after you left. She explained a little with what happened with… Alicia." I notice Nanoha struggled to say my former name although I shudder to think of the explanation Mother has given them. "Also we asked Precia if it was alright for you and Linith to join us this week-end at a hot spring resort." A hot spring resort with Hayate and Nanoha. A hot spring resort with Nanoha…
This is bad…
Mother interrupts my thoughts. "Now if you will give me a minute with my daughter. We need to discuss business before she departs."
Both Nanoha and Hayate smile and excuse themselves to Nanoha's apartment. As soon as they have left mother turns to look at me.
"Quite insistent your little friends are. I will let you go and play this week-end but," Mother takes a step towards me and grabs hold of my left arm. Linith stands behind watching. "Do not disappoint me. I had to make my way here to get you out of your mess and then get hijacked by those two. To say that I am displeased is an understatement." Mother applies pressure to my arm. "Clearly you are missing your regular discipline." I wince at the pain. Linith is about to take a step forward but stops herself. "Inform Linith of what happened with Regius. I do not want to waste another minute of my time in front of you and Fate remember," Yet more pressure is applied to my bitten arm, "You belong to the Project. You serve and obey me and only me."
"I would never betray you Mother."
To be continued…
