Chapter Thirty-Six

Well, you've done it now, Severus. You're finally managed to drive Lily away, in spite of the promises she made to stay by your side, Severus thought bitterly.

Similar thoughts had gone through his mind the past few days since Lily and he had last spoken. He couldn't blame her for leaving, and while there was a time he would have almost believed her when she said she would never leave him, he knew the truth now. His existence, no matter what lifetime, was not meant for happiness. James Potter hated him for existing, and the more Severus thought about it, the more he realized how much his adversary might be right. Who would want someone so loathsome?

During the past week, Avery had made it his new mission to try and befriend Severus again. Seeing Severus full of hatred, the other boy was no doubt feeding on the opportunity, on Severus's vulnerability.

"Sorry about your mum," Avery had murmured to his old friend one day in Charms.

Severus had glared suspiciously at the other Slytherin. "Why would you care, Avery?" Severus had hissed.

Avery had shrugged. "Hey, I've got a mum, too, you know. I wouldn't want to lose her."

Frowning, Severus had ignored him and had turned back to his note-taking.

Now, it was Saturday, and Severus was serving his weekly detention for cursing Sirius Black. Dumbledore had assigned him to work outside with Hagrid on the grounds, and since it was a nice spring day, Severus felt it hardly a punishment. It was a chance to get away from the confines of the castle and get some fresh air and try to think about things.

What was Avery playing at? Severus knew better than to think Avery had no ulterior motives. While Avery's wide face had looked sincere enough, there had been a gleam in his blue eyes that Severus didn't like. Avery had not mentioned Mulciber or their attack on Severus months earlier. He had only tried to get Severus to study with him again, saying he missed his old friend.

"That's rubbish," Severus muttered to himself while weeding the vegetable garden Hagrid had behind his cabin.

Off in the distance, Severus noticed other students outside enjoying the pleasant weather. He couldn't make out who any of them were, but he wondered if Lily was among them. She had other friends she could hang around now that she was no longer with him, and as his thoughts turned even more sour, Severus wondered if Lily had latched onto Potter yet.

It's just like last time, he thought angrily, his resentment growing. Nothing's changed, and it was only a matter of time before I bolloxed up again.

Severus pulled the weeds with more ferocity, caged rage released with each rough tug. He knew he had made a mistake, but that was all it had been this time... and last time, even though he hadn't separated himself from those who had influenced him. How could Lily just turn her back on him like that, so easily? Her words were nothing but empty promises, and the fact she had chosen Potter, of all people, last time was another stab to the heart. Just because she wasn't with him didn't mean she had to choose his enemy!

As upset as he was becoming at Lily, though, he could never stop loving her, and maybe that was his weakness, he figured darkly. To not care, to not love, to not feel so damn much was preferable to being plagued with every raw emotion he felt so deeply. Throwing the weeds aside in a fit, Severus glared at the rest, mocking him to pull them, to kill them as well.

His walls needed to be rebuilt, then. He couldn't let his emotions take hold of him any longer. Resuming his chore, Severus pulled every weed infesting the garden. He was about to go find Hagrid when the grounds keeper's voice echoed, "Yeh finished, Mr. Snape?"

"Yes," Severus said tersely. "Is that the end of detention?"

"Act'lly," Hagrid replied, "since yeh finished the weedin' so quickly, yeh still have some time ter spare. Come with me ter the forest. I've got some thestrals I've bin keepin' an eye on. New baby an' all. Yeh can come with an' help me feed 'em."

Severus glowered, but complied. Carrying a bucket of raw meat, Severus followed the half-giant into the forest. After some time, they came to a clearing, and Severus saw them... those darkly beautiful creatures.

"I suppose yeh can see 'em?" Hagrid asked gruffly. Before Severus could respond, Hagrid nodded, saying, "Yeah, I suppose yeh can, what with losin' yer mum an' all. Sorry 'bout that, by the way."

"Don't be," Severus muttered, looking around for the baby thestral. Hagrid apparently didn't know the details of his mother's death. While Severus hadn't actually witnessed her demise, he had seen enough death firsthand in his other life to account for being able to see thestrals, but he wasn't about to tell Hagrid that.

Hagrid didn't say anything further on the subject, for which Severus was grateful. Instead, Hagrid knelt on the forest floor and pulled out a hunk of meat, carefully holding it out to the baby, murmuring for the little thing to come closer.

Severus sighed and rolled his eyes. Hagrid always had a ridiculous soft spot for creatures, but at least thestrals were harmless. Feared, but harmless. Severus set the bucket down and removed a piece of meat, holding it as far away from himself as possible. He carefully approached one of the beasts that was a short distance away, coaxing it to come closer. The thestral eyed him warily, despite the welcoming meat in Severus's outstretched hand. Severus stepped closer to the animal, understanding dawning. He felt a strange comfort around them. Like him, these creatures were different and not understood, but they were not evil.

The thestral finally approached Severus and sniffed the meat, then licked it, its rough tongue scratching Severus's hand. He smiled slightly at the animal and dropped the meat, watching as it proceeded to fiercely devour the treat.

Severus glanced around, noticing he could no longer see Hagrid. Either he had walked too far in pursuing the thestral, or Hagrid had moved as well. Severus didn't panic, though. He knew the forest well enough, and contrary to what the students were taught, it wasn't filled with as many truly dangerous creatures as they were made to believe.

Maybe there weren't too many dangerous creatures, but dangerous people were another matter. Severus was in the middle of petting the thestral between the ears when he heard a twig snap, and before he could react, someone had Stunned him. He felt himself go rigid, and unable to cry out for help, Severus mentally berated himself for being so stupid as to not have his wand out.

As moment ago, he had been at peace with the thestral, and now, he was at the mercy of someone who had ill intent for him. His black unmoving eyes gazed up at the canopy of trees, at the brilliant sunlight filtering through, and at the blue sky beyond. Then, he saw a face come into view. Avery.

"Hello, Snape," Avery said conversationally. "I see you fancied a nice stroll into the forest just like we did."

We?

Within seconds, Rosier and Wilkes were there next to Avery.

"We have someone we'd like you to meet," Avery continued. "C'mon, mates. Let's get him out of here before someone notices."

With a growing sense of dread, Severus closed his eyes, feeling his body being compressed as he was Disapparated along with his old friends. He knew who he would see when he opened his eyes, and with everything dear, he willed himself to be brave, to see two comforting green eyes instead of two malevolent red.

He opened his eyes, but it wasn't red that greeted him. Having forgotten what Voldemort had looked like before his resurrection, Severus now was looking at hazel eyes that held just as much evil as the red they would become. He thought he could see a red glint in Voldemort's eyes as the Dark Lord addressed him.

"Ah, welcome, Severus Snape," Voldemort said smoothly. "Your friends have told me much about you."