Chapter Thirty-Eight
Severus and Lily stayed locked together in their shared embrace for a long time in that broom closet, no more words exchanged. Severus felt a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders, and he knew without a doubt now that Lily meant what she said: She would never leave him.
And he never would leave her.
"Goodness, Sev, what happened?" Lily whispered into his ear after some time.
Swallowing, Severus readied himself and replied, "I was serving detention with Hagrid in the forest. Avery, Rosier, and Wilkes caught me off guard and took me to him."
Lily's eyes grew huge with shock and fear. "Him?" she asked in a small voice. "You mean, You-Know-Who?"
"Yes, him," Severus said grimly.
"My God, you must have been frightened to death," Lily breathed, clutching his hand tightly. "And then what happened? How did you escape?"
"They thought it would be a good idea to recruit me," Severus stated bitterly, reminded of his willingness to join last time without much provocation. "The Dark- er, he tried to brand me as one of his followers with his mark. I got away just in time."
Realizing how close he had come to slipping, Severus knew he needed to be careful. Lily wouldn't understand his referring to Voldemort as the Dark Lord. She was, however, giving him a quizzical look.
"His mark?" she questioned. "How do you know about that?"
"I know enough; trust me, Lily," Severus said repressively, hoping she wouldn't ask for more details. "You forget that my house is full of wizards wishing to follow You-Know-Who. Anyway, the point is... I'm not one of them."
"I know you're not, Sev," Lily said softly, wondering if he was trying to convince her or himself. "But you didn't answer my other question. How did you escape? It's not every day that someone manages a feat like that."
"I, uh, flew."
"What, on a broom? How'd you manage to have a broom with you?"
"No, not with a broom." Severus wished she would stop with the questions. He had learned how to fly from Voldemort, after all, and it wasn't a skill he intended to use unless absolutely necessary.
"You never told me you could fly," Lily breathed in awe.
"It's not something I want known," Severus explained. As much as he wanted to stay with Lily, he was growing weary of her questions and feeling horrible for not being able to answer them completely honestly, but how could he tell her the truth? Severus sighed, knowing he would need to tell Dumbledore about Avery and his friends.
"I suppose I ought to see the headmaster before too much time passes," Severus said.
Lily nodded with understanding. "You're right. The thought of those Death Eaters running around the school..." She trailed off, shaking her head. "I'm glad you didn't join them, Sev... more than glad."
Standing, Severus offered Lily a hand to help her up, and when she was standing next to him, Severus reached for her hand and held it, simultaneously holding his gaze into her eyes.
"Never, I'll never join them," he said firmly. With one last squeeze of the hand and a quick kiss, Severus left the broom closet and began heading toward the headmaster's office.
As he walked, Severus shuddered at how close he had come today to reliving his Death Eater days. It was true that he hadn't sought out the group this time around, but being branded with the Dark Mark would have made him a Death Eater all the same, no matter how much he didn't want to be one. He wondered if his behavior since losing his mother had led him down this path, had almost, unknowingly, driven him away from Lily once again and toward the Dark side. Forcing those thoughts down, Severus knew he would need to be calm and level-headed when he spoke with Dumbledore.
Now, standing outside the office, Severus realized he didn't know the password. He frowned at the gargoyle guarding the entrance to the revolving staircase and said, "Dumbledore would be expecting me. I don't suppose you'll just let me in, though, will you?"
Strangely enough, the gargoyle nodded and lept aside, granting Severus passage. Severus stepped onto the first step and was taken to the door. He knocked only once, not saying a word, and the door was beckoned open by a grave Dumbledore.
"Ah, Mr. Snape, I was expecting you. In fact, I have been expecting you for some time now. Have a seat and tell me the reason for your disappearance during detention with Hagrid this afternoon."
Severus noticed the use of his surname and the formal tones in which the headmaster spoke. He supposed it didn't help that he had already been serving detention when he had disappeared, making it look like he was simply running off, not caring about his punishment. Dumbledore was seated behind his desk, and so, Severus took the seat in front of the desk.
"Fine, I'll get right to the point, then," Severus stated. "The truth, sir, is that I was forcefully taken by Death Eaters to You-Know-Who."
For a moment, Dumbledore regarded Severus shrewdly, but then he spoke, strangely gently, "I trust you are indeed telling me the truth, Severus?"
Hearing his first name being used to address him and the tone of Dumbledore's voice, Severus relaxed a little into the chair. He nodded. "Yes, sir. I wouldn't dare joke about something this serious. It was... Avery, Rosier, and Wilkes. You can see for yourself. May I extract the memory?"
Hoping this would prove sufficient, as Severus still didn't feel comfortable with Dumbledore having access to his mind, Severus waited. Dumbledore acquiesced. "That will do, Severus. Whenever you are ready."
Thinking it odd that Dumbledore didn't ask any further questions, Severus removed the memory from his mind and placed it into the Pensieve. Dumbledore stood and gazed down into the contents, then looked at Severus. "Do you care to come with me?"
"Why?" Severus asked. "I already lived through it once."
"Very well, I shall be right back, then."
Severus watched as Dumbledore disappeared into the contents. A few minutes later, the headmaster was back inside the office, looking upon Severus with an expression Severus couldn't discern. He motioned for Severus to retrieve his memory, and Severus did so.
Dumbledore smiled slightly, but his eyes twinkled with a gentle sadness. "I apologize, my boy," he spoke in tones of admiration and sorrow, "for underestimating you all these years. You are by far much braver than most. After everything you've endured... and yet, you still refused to give in to the Dark side, Severus. Remarkable, simply remarkable."
Severus's breathing was shallow as he tried to keep the emotion out of his voice when he replied, "Do you have any idea how long I've wished to hear those words from you and for you to mean them?"
No, he thought. How could you? You know nothing of my other life... of how much I fucked up and how close I came this time...
Dumbledore gazed into Severus's eyes. "Is there... Severus, is there something more you need to share with me?"
"Sir, I-" He forced himself to stop and shook his head. The risk was too large. He couldn't tell Dumbledore or anyone. His shields back in place, Severus said harshly, "I suppose you'll make sure Avery and his friends aren't allowed back in the school?"
"Of course," Dumbledore replied. "You won't have to worry about the likes of them accosting you again at Hogwarts, but you do realize that you have made yourself a grave enemy today, have you not, Severus?"
"Of course I have," Severus spat, now annoyed. He didn't need Dumbledore telling him the obvious. The repurcussions of his actions were starting to sink in, and Severus wondered how much longer he could hide from the inevitable. There was a war looming, and while he was no coward, as he had told Dumbledore before, he wanted no part in this war. To Dumbledore, to Lily, to everyone else, though, they had no idea what he had already sacrificed. Only he knew the magnitude of his choices, both past and present.
"And you are all right? No physical harm was done to you?"
"Physically, I'm fine." Refusing to elaborate further, Severus asked, "May I go now?"
"Yes, Severus, you may."
Standing, Severus made his way toward the door, but just as he was about to leave, Dumbledore said, "You never told me you could fly."
"There are a lot of things I don't tell people," Severus muttered, then left.
Once the door was closed, Dumbledore was left thinking that he now had a powerful wizard on his side.
