Amateur
"So let me get this straight," Freddie frowned as him and Gibby walked towards his locker. "You traded your Pearpad for six packs of tomato seeds?"
"Uh-huh," Gibby nodded proudly. "I read about some guy trading his cow for some bean seeds and things seemed to really work out for him."
"Gibby, that's a fairy tale," Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "No sane person would ever trade something for vegetable seeds!"
"I bet you won't be complaining when I invite you over for freshly grown tomatoes in a few weeks," Gibby pointed out. "You'll see. This was one of the best trades I could've made!"
"Whatever," Freddie shrugged as he opened his locker. "But when you realize how much you miss your Pearpad, don't come crying to me thinking I'll-Ah!"
As Freddie opened his locker a cascade of green Jell-O came spilling out, landing all over the floor and his shoes.
"Dude, not a good idea storing your Jell-O in your locker," Gibby said, shaking his head. "See, why would I take seed advice from you?"
"I didn't do this!" Freddie snapped, pulling his now slime-covered textbook out of his locker. "Aw man! My history book is all destroyed!"
"Well then how did the Jell-O get into your locker?" Gibby asked.
"Hmm, let's think," Freddie said, his voice dripping in sarcasm. "Who do we know that loves pranking me just to annoy the chiz out of me?"
"You mean Sam?"
"Yes I mean Sam!"
"But you and Sam are a couple now," Gibby pointed out. "Why is she still pranking you?"
Freddie, despite having at least a pound of Jell-O soaking through his new sneakers, couldn't help but chuckle. "Because it's Sam. You know that she'll always get enjoyment from messing with me no matter if we're dating or not."
Sure enough, as Freddie turned his head, he spotted his girlfriend watching the scene from the top of the stairs, a huge smile on her face. Once she realized Freddie had spotted her, she headed down to join him.
"Wow, baby, looks like you're having a nice time," Sam smirked.
"Ha, ha," Freddie said dryly. "Sam, why would you fill my locker with Jell-O?"
"Oh I dunno, I had some time to kill during sixth period," Sam replied.
"You have anatomy sixth period!"
"Yeah, I wasn't in the mood for that," Sam said simply. "So I figured it's been a few weeks since I've done anything to you. You were overdue!"
"Sam, you completely ruined half my textbooks!" Freddie exclaimed. "And my book report that's due in three days and my shoes are all sticky now!"
"Aw baby, don't be mad," Sam said, putting and arm around him.
"Oh no," Freddie said firmly. "No, you're not gonna brush this off by playing the girlfriend card. I'm serious, Sam, I'm really upset. You can't just break into my locker and destroy my-"
He was cut off as Sam leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.
"Gross," Gibby cringed. "I'm out of here. I have tomatoes to plant."
"Good, I was getting sick of staring at you," Sam snapped, pulling away from her boyfriend.
"Why does everybody say that?" Gibby questioned before turning around and walking away.
"So you still mad at me?" Sam asked, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Um…yes?" Freddie said weakly, trying not to smile at the tingling sensation he still felt on his lips from Sam's kiss.
"Really? Because that's not what it just looked like," she grinned.
"I-Fine, I'm not mad," Freddie conceded. "But Sam, don't think you can just kiss your way out everything! You still need to help me clean off my textbooks and rewrite my book report."
"Yeah, yeah, sure," Sam said, rolling her eyes.
"I'm serious," Freddie said firmly. "Come on, we can go use the hose out on the school's patio to clean off all this Jell-O."
"Okay," Sam said. "But first, I need to go move my skateboard from behind Principal Franklin's car."
"What? You traded your skateboard for half a taco last week!" Freddie pointed out, but Sam had already turned and ran off towards the exit.
"She's not coming back," Freddie sighed.
Just then Carly came around the corner.
"Um…" Carly frowned, spotting Jell-O at Freddie's feet. "What's with the-"
"My girlfriend filled my locker with Jell-O," Freddie said simply.
"Ah," Carly nodded.
"Want to help me clean all this up?" Freddie asked.
"Sure," Carly smiled. "But shouldn't Sam be the one helping you?"
Freddie raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah…dumb question," Carly said.
"You know, I think Sam pranks me more now that we're dating than she did before," Freddie commented.
"It's Sam," Carly reasoned. "This is how she shows affection. You know she's not doing these things to hurt you. She just wants to have some fun with you."
"I know, I know," Freddie said. "Still, though…I'd kind of like to get her back."
"What?" Carly exclaimed. "Are you insane? You want to get Sam back? You tried that before and look how bad it turned out! You handcuffed her to Gibby and she publically humiliated you on the Internet! Don't you remember? She told the whole world you never kissed anyone!"
"Well she can't say that anymore," Freddie smirked.
"Okay…gross," Carly said, rolling her eyes. "But still, I don't know if-"
"Oh come on, you said Sam likes to prank me because it's her special way of having fun with me and showing affection, right?" Freddie said.
"Well…yeah," Carly said slowly.
"So then Sam will know I'm just pranking her to have a little fun with her," Freddie reasoned. "She's not gonna be mad."
"Um, do you know your girlfriend?"
"Trust me," Freddie said. "Sam's not gonna explode about me pranking her like she did last time. In case you haven't noticed, our relationship is much better now than it was when we were fourteen."
"Okay," Carly conceded. "Just be careful…Do you even know how you're gonna prank her?"
"Er, no," Freddie admitted. "But maybe if we brainstorm-"
"Oh no," Carly said firmly. "Leave me out of this!"
"Fine!" Freddie groaned. "I'll get Gibby to help me. He'll be much more helpful anyway!"
….
"I got it!" Gibby said three days later as him and Freddie sat upstairs in the iCarly lounge at the Shay's apartment. "I know how you can prank Sam!"
"Let me hear it!" Freddie said excitedly, grabbing a pen and a pad of paper filled with crossed out ideas.
"We tell Sam she won the lotto, right?" Gibby explained. "But…she didn't!"
Freddie blinked. "That's it?"
"Pretty great, huh?"
"No!" Freddie exclaimed, throwing the pen and paper down. "That's even worse than your idea about telling her Groundhog day got moved up a month!"
"Well that would mess with me!" Gibby defended.
"That's because you were dropped on your head when you were a baby!"
Gibby gasped.
"Sorry," Freddie sighed. "Sorry, I'm just stressed, okay. We've been at this for three days now and we've got no ideas on how to prank Sam. How does she come up with this stuff? She makes it seem so easy! She's like a mastermind of torture!"
"Well I thought Spencer was the King of Pranks," Gibby pointed out. "Why don't you ask him for help?"
"Because we don't want a repeat of what happened last time he got into pranking," Freddie replied, shuddering.
"Oh, right," Gibby nodded. "I'm still afraid of toilets…"
"Hey, what are you two up to?" Sam asked, suddenly coming into the studio with Carly.
"Nothing!" Freddie said quickly, shoving the pad of paper into his backpack.
Sam raised an eyebrow. "Why are you so wazzed up?"
"Um…because I-"
"Eh, you're boring me," Sam cut him off, sitting down next to him on his beanbag chair and giving him a quick kiss. "So you ready to plan some iCarly?"
"Yeah, I've got my index cards all ready to go!" Carly said excitedly.
"Um, sure," Freddie nodded. "We just need a few more bits, though. Any ideas?"
"Man, I wish I would've filmed you're reaction when that Jell-O fell out from your locker," Sam grinned. "That was hilarious."
"Yeah, it was real hilarious when I spent six hours trying to hose Jell-O off of my books," Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "You know I couldn't do the assigned reading for my physics class?"
"Eh, you stress about school too much, you needed a break," Sam said, putting an arm around him. "See, I helped you out."
Freddie laughed. "If you say so."
"So any other ideas?" Carly asked. "You know, since you didn't catch your immature prank on your boyfriend on camera?"
"I dunno, I can't think on an empty stomach," Sam moaned. She turned to Freddie. "Hey, take Gibwad and go get us all some smoothies. Your treat."
"What? Why do we have to get you guys smoothies?" Gibby said.
"Yeah, we went on the last three smoothie runs!" Freddie nodded. "Why don't you and Carly go for once?"
"They have a point," Carly said to Sam.
"Thank you, Carly," Freddie said.
"Thank you, Carly," Sam mimicked, getting to her feet. "Fine, we'll go get your smoothies while you sit up here and-"
"Wait!" Freddie suddenly exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "Um, actually, on second though, Gib and I can go and get the smoothies."
"But you just said-" Sam started.
"Sam, please, as your boyfriend it is an honor to get smoothies for you," Freddie cut her off.
"Okay, what?" Carly frowned.
"Dude, what's up with you?" Sam asked, crossing her arms. "Why are you acting weird?"
"I, um…okay," Freddie sighed. "T-Bo, um…T-Bo promised Gib and I we could be the first ones to get the new special Galaxy Wars promotional cups he ordered last week. The shipment just came in today, and I know if you two go, Sam will draw mustaches on all the characters on the cup."
"So you just want to go to get your lame little nerd cups?" Sam asked slowly.
"Er…yes," Freddie nodded.
"Whatever," Sam shrugged. "Just get me a normal cup. If I have to see NugNug while I'm sipping my smoothie, I might gag."
"I'm surprised T-Bo ordered promotional cups," Carly commented. "He's always going on about how expensive the plain ones are."
"Yeah well, this is T-Bo," Freddie said quickly. "He'll probably charge triple the price for them."
He leaned down and gave Sam a quick kiss. "We'll be back in a few! Come on Gib!"
Once the two boys hurried out of the studio, Freddie threw his fist up in the air.
"Yes!"
"I know," Gibby nodded. "How great is it that T-Bo got Galaxy Wars cups?"
"He didn't get any cups, Gibby," Freddie said, rolling his eyes.
"Huh? But you just said-"
"Dude, don't you see what a golden opportunity this is?" Freddie grinned. "This is just what I've been waiting for; this is my chance to get back at Sam!"
"How?" Gibby asked.
"Duh, I'm gonna mess with her smoothie," Freddie said proudly. "You remember that one time a few months ago when she put jalapenos in your milkshake?"
"Yes," Gibby said darkly. "She ruined my chocolate fudge swirl!"
"Well we can do the same thing with Sam's smoothie," Freddie explained. "We'll put in all sorts of gross stuff. Pickle juice, shrimp guts, Oystomato…it's gonna be great!"
"Wow, Sam's gonna hate that," Gibby said.
"I know!" Freddie beamed. "I'm finally gonna pull the ultimate prank on my girlfriend! This is the best day ever!"
….
"Alright, smoothies for four!" Freddie announced a short while later, returning to the studio with Gibby and carrying the beverages.
"What took you guys so long?" Carly asked, accepting the cup Freddie handed her. "Was there a line?"
"Um…yeah," Freddie nodded.
"Hey, I thought you were going to get those stupid Galaxy Wars cups," Sam commented.
"They were out," Freddie lied quickly. "Bummer, right?"
"Yeah, it's a real shame your collection won't get any geekier," Sam smirked, giving him a small peck on the cheek. "Now where's Mama's smoothie?"
"Here you go," Freddie said, carefully handing her the largest cup.
"You got me my Raspberry Rampage?"
"Uh-huh," Freddie nodded, barely able to contain his excitement. "Drink up."
Him and Gibby had really undone themselves. They had mixed over twenty different ingredients into Sam's smoothie, and Freddie couldn't wait to see Sam's face when she took her first sip.
We'll see who wears the pranking pants in this relationship now, Freddie thought excitedly as Sam lowered her lips onto the straw.
"Alright, so while you two were gone, Sam and I came up with a few possible iCarly segments," Carly said. "First we have-"
"Uck!" Sam exclaimed, spitting her smoothie everywhere.
"Ha!" Freddie cheered triumphantly, pumping a fist in the air. "Yes! In your face, Puckett! Yeah! My first successful prank; whoo!"
"Dude you were right, that was great," Gibby grinned as Freddie high-fived him.
"What just happened here?" Carly demanded as Sam continued to spit out the smoothie. "What prank did you just pull? Did it involve getting smoothie all over the studio? Because yeah, it worked!"
"When we went to go get the smoothies, I decided this was the perfect opportunity to get Sam back for that little locker incident," Freddie explained. "So we messed with her smoothie. Pretty smart, right Sam? Guess you can't say you're dating some pranking chump now, can you? Sam? Sam?"
Freddie frowned as Sam continued to cough and gag, dropping down onto her knees.
"Sam? Are you okay?" Carly asked, concerned, as she hurried over to her best friend.
Sam shook her head but didn't speak. She simply continued to gag.
"Sam?" Freddie said, rushing to her side as well. "Sam? What's wrong?"
"What did you put in her smoothie?" Carly asked.
"Uh-Uh-I dunno," Freddie said weakly. "Black pepper, jalapeno juice, spaghetti sauce, shrimp guts-"
"Shrimp?" Carly repeated. "Freddie! Sam's allergic to shrimp!"
"What?" Freddie exclaimed, his eyes widening. "I-I didn't know that! I-I didn't-"
"We have to get her to the hospital," Carly said. "Gibby, go downstairs and tell Spencer to get his car and bring it around to the front of the building. Freddie and I will meet you guys down there with Sam."
"Okay," Gibby nodded, running out of the studio.
"Sam, I'm so sorry," Freddie said desperately. "I didn't mean to-"
"Just help me carry her downstairs, will you?" Carly snapped.
"Right," Freddie said, carefully picking Sam up in his arms.
I can't believe this, Freddie thought to himself. I try to pull a prank and I cause my girlfriend to be rushed to the hospital. Real smooth, Benson!
…
"Shouldn't we have heard something by now?" Freddie said, pacing anxiously in the hospital waiting room. "This has to mean that something really bad happened, right? Maybe she's not going to be okay and it's going to be all my fault! Maybe-"
"We've only been here twenty minutes," Spencer pointed out. "I'm sure Sam is fine."
"Yeah, Freddie, you need to calm down," Carly nodded. "Why don't you sit down and-"
"I can't calm down!" Freddie exclaimed. "Do you not understand that I put my girlfriend in the hospital? I'm a monster!"
"Yeah, that is pretty bad," Gibby agreed.
"Gibby!" Carly hissed. She turned back to Freddie. "Look, it was an accident. You didn't mean to hurt her. You were just trying to pull a harmless prank."
"I should've listened to you and never gone with this stupid pranking idea," Freddie mumbled miserably. "You were right; pranking Sam was a bad idea."
"Freddie," Carly sighed. "You can't-"
"How could I not have known she was allergic to shrimp?" Freddie continued, shaking his head. "We've been dating for eight months! I should've known; when we go out to eat she'll eat everything else! But she never touches shrimp…I should've made the connection!"
"Freddie, stop-"
"Are you all Ms. Puckett's party?" a doctor wearing blue scrubs asked, coming over to the group.
"Is Sam going to be okay?" Freddie asked at once.
"She's going to be fine," the doctor assured him. "Her throat was beginning to close up from the shrimp she consumed, but we just gave her a shot of epinephrine and it stopped. We're going to keep her for a few more hours to make sure she has no delayed reactions. Also, we're going to need a parent to sign her release papers…"
"Her mom's on her way," Carly told him. "She's coming from work."
"Good," the doctor replied. "In that case you all are welcome to go see her. She's up in room 813. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go see another patient, but if you need anything, let a nurse know and I can be paged."
"See," Spencer said as the doctor hurried away. "Sam's perfectly okay."
"Perfectly okay?" Freddie spat. "I made her throat close up!"
"By accident!" Carly said. "Look, the point is that Sam's fine now. Why don't you go up and see her? We'll give you two a little while alone and then we'll-"
"Carly, I doubt Sam wants to see me," Freddie sighed.
"You're being ridiculous," Carly said firmly, crossing her arms. "Now march your butt up there right now to see her!"
"I-"
"Now!" Carly said, narrowing her eyes.
"Fine!" Freddie conceded.
He turned and headed towards the elevator. As he rode up to the eighth floor, he took a deep breath and leaned against the back wall.
She's gonna dump me, Freddie told himself. And why wouldn't she? I'm a terrible boyfriend! I almost killed her! I should've never pranked her…none of her pranks have put me in the hospital.
When the elevator reached the eighth floor, Freddie slowly stepped out and headed down the hall to room 813 where he hesitated for a moment before slowly stepping into the room.
Sam was sitting on the hospital bed, flipping through channels with the large, clunky remote attached to her bedside railing.
When he entered the room, Sam glanced over at him.
"Finally," Sam said, tossing down the remote. "I was wondering where everybody was. I'm lying here in the hospital and no one can bring me a pot pie or something?"
"Sam," Freddie said. "I-I'm so sorry. I-I can't believe my prank did this to you. Believe me, I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Yeah, I know," Sam nodded.
"It was a total accident," Freddie continued. "I just wanted to have some fun with you, you know, the way you do to me."
"Yeah, I figured," Sam said. "Dude, I'm not mad or-"
"You have every right to be mad at me," Freddie went on. "You should be furious. And I-I completely understand if you think we-we should break up."
"What?" Sam frowned. "Freddie, I don't want to-"
"Just do me a favor and do it quick," Freddie sighed. "So I can get it over with and go home and barricade myself in my room and-"
"Fredwad!" Sam said loudly, cutting him off. "Will you shut up? I don't want to break up with you!"
"You-You don't?"
"No!"
"But-But Sam," Freddie said. "My prank put you in the hospital."
"Come on," Sam said. "You were just trying to get me back for the three thousand, four hundred and twenty six pranks I've pulled on you through the years, right?"
"You've kept count?" Freddie frowned.
"I have a list," Sam said simply.
"Well…yeah," Freddie said. "I figured since you like pranking so much you'd like it if your boyfriend kind of got in on it. I wanted it to be a harmless prank, though! Not-Not this, never this."
"Freddie, I know you didn't mean for anything to happen," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "And I'm not mad at you. It was an accident, like you said."
"You're not mad?" Freddie repeated.
"Nope."
"Not even a little?"
"I mean I'm kind of wazzed off that I'm gonna miss the endless wing buffet at Tub of Chicken tonight," Sam shrugged.
"Alright," Freddie said. "So let me get this straight. Last week you blew up on me for not knowing that it would rain, but you're fine with this?"
"Do you want me to be mad or something?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Er, no," Freddie said quickly. "But I am really sorry, Sam."
"It's okay," Sam smiled, scooting over on her bed. "Now come here."
Freddie sat down on the bed next to her, wasting no time wrapping an arm around her.
"I guess now we know how bad you are at pranks, though," Sam commented, resting her head on his shoulder. "Should've known…nubs generally aren't good at cool things like that."
"Um, excuse me?" Freddie said. "That smoothie prank would've worked out great if it hadn't almost killed you."
"Eh, it was amateurish," Sam shrugged.
"Amateurish?" Freddie sputtered indignantly. "It was brilliant!"
"Yeah, maybe for a third-grader," Sam scoffed.
"You fell for it, didn't you?" Freddie pointed out.
"Only because I was too smoothie-deprived to be thinking clearly," Sam defended.
Freddie rolled his eyes.
"It's okay, at least you tried," Sam said. "Hey…maybe once I get out of here I can give you a few pointers."
"Really?" Freddie grinned. "You'll help me pull a prank?"
"Sure, Carly's always saying we need to find more couples activities other than making out on her couch," Sam nodded.
"Okay then," Freddie chuckled. "It's a date. Hey, I know you're probably starving. I'll go find your doctor to see if you're allowed to eat anything and if you are, how about I go grab you a burger?"
"Alright," Sam agreed. "But…can you stay here a little bit longer?"
"Of course," Freddie replied, leaning down to kiss her. "Whatever you want. You've had a rough day."
"Think I can use this as an excuse to get out of writing that English paper?"
"Er…probably not," Freddie said, giving her another kiss. "Hey, Sam?"
"Yeah?"
"I was just wondering," Freddie said. "Why'd you never tell me you were allergic to shrimp? I'm your boyfriend…that seems like a pretty big thing for me to know."
"Eh, I try not to mention it," Sam said. "Carly only knows because she was there when I found out about it. My mom was dating the manager at the Purple Lobster when I was nine, so one day after school she took me and Carly there for a free meal and I made the mistake of trying shrimp."
"What's so bad about a food allergy though?" Freddie asked. "I'm allergic to raspberry jelly."
"Because, it's like the shrimp is taunting me!" Sam exclaimed. "Here I am, practically a professional eater, and there's a whole branch of food off limits to me! It's insulting!"
"You're joking, right?" Freddie said.
"No!" Sam snapped. "It would be the same thing if you suddenly became allergic to a character of Galaxy Wars! Wouldn't you be wazzed off?"
"So many things wrong with that argument," Freddie said, shaking his head. "But you know what? Even though your logic is extremely flawed right now…I love you."
"And even though you're being a complete nub right now, I love you too," Sam replied, leaning up to give him one last kiss. "Now go get me that burger. And another smoothie too…you know, since I didn't actually get to enjoy my last one."
"That's fair," Freddie smiled. "Alright, one burger and an untouched smoothie coming up, Princess Puckett."
