Author's Note: Okay, I'm spoiling you all with another chapter just one day later! On a much more serious note, I'd like to point out something important. Several people have now requested a sex scene or wondered when I'm going to write one. I'm sorry, but that will not be happening in this story. This fic is rated PG-13, not R! If you're looking for sex, look elsewhere. I don't enjoy writing sex scenes. Sex will only be implied in this story, and it will not be happening while they are still so young. I cannot condone suggesting sex between teenagers, as I am an adult, and it goes against my personal beliefs. I'm not going to get into details about that, but seeing as it's my story, I am not going to do anything that I'm not comfortable with, and I ask you to please respect that. So, please, stop asking me to write a sex scene. Thank you.
Chapter Forty-Six
The following day when Severus went downstairs for breakfast, he noticed an owl at the window, and he instantly went to the window and opened it up. The bird dropped the rolled parchment onto the table and flew off without so much as a hoot. Severus picked up the scroll and unraveled it, finding his usual list of Hogwarts supplies and books. A second piece of parchment fell out onto the countertop, and curious, Severus picked it up.
He read the letter and reread it to be sure of what he was seeing. His eyes bulged in shock, and he placed the letter down in disbelief.
He had been assigned as Head Boy for his seventh year.
Me? Head Boy? That's preposterous. Potter was made Head Boy last time.
For all the world, Severus couldn't grasp why he had been made Head Boy. Was this another ploy of Dumbledore's to get Severus in the position he wanted? If he was Head Boy, he was sure Lily would be made Head Girl again. He could see no reason why she wouldn't be, as she was more mature than most girls her age, and she had always been a good student.
Since it was still early, Severus abstained from going to Lily's house for another couple of hours. However, once he felt the time was appropriate, he made his way over to her house and rang the doorbell. Hearing the rush of excited footsteps on the other side of the door, Severus was sure it was Lily who would be answering. Within seconds, he was confirmed correct.
"Hi, Sev!" Lily greeted him with a wide grin on her face.
By just the exhilaration on her pretty face, Severus knew she had good news to share.
"Hi, Lily," Severus returned, although not with the same level of enthusiasm.
"I got my Hogwarts letter," she said with preamble. "I also had another letter. Sev, I've been made Head Girl!"
Severus's face broke into a smile, and he hugged her. "That's great, Lily; really, it is."
After breaking free of the embrace, Severus sobered and frowned slightly.
"Sev, what's wrong?"
Severus gazed at her concerned face and forced a small smile, shrugging. "I suppose I ought to be happy, too, because, well... I was made Head Boy," he finished in a small voice.
"Oh, Sev, that's wonderful!" Lily shrieked, throwing herself at him and crushing him in a fierce hug.
Filled with warmth at her genuine happiness for him, Severus blushed slightly and murmured, "Thanks. It's just... surprising, is all."
Lily released him and scowled. "I don't think it's so surprising. You forget last year... you escaped the Death Eaters and refused to join You-Know-Who. You'll be admired, Sev. You were so brave, and I'm sure Dumbledore finally sees how much you've been underappreciated all these years."
Severus was quite uncomfortable at the prospect of this recognition, even though he deeply craved it. He didn't want it to be known by everyone.
"Maybe," Severus muttered, still not convinced.
"Hey, cheer up," Lily said, offering him another smile and a sincere squeeze of the hand. "It's only one year, and then we'll be done forever. Were you planning on going to Diagon Alley to get supplies this year?" she asked, changing the subject in hopes that it might lighten Severus's spirits.
"I don't really need anything, as I already use my mum's old books, but I can go with you if you like," Severus gave in.
The idea of going to Diagon Alley didn't sound half-bad to Severus. It would give him a chance to get out of the house and away from his neighborhood, as he had spent nearly the entire summer at Lily's house, the park, or at home.
"I might need some new robes," Lily commented. "My old ones are getting worn out. What about you? Haven't you grown a couple of inches since you last got them?"
"I have, but... I don't really have the money, Lily."
"Oh, that's right," Lily murmured, feeling ashamed for bringing up the topic of Severus being poor.
A moment of awkward silence passed, and while they were standing on the front porch, the door suddenly opened, and Petunia stepped out. When she saw Severus, she muttered, "Never mind, I'll come back another time."
"No, what is it, Petunia?" Lily asked kindly.
Petunia avoided meeting Severus's eyes, which was off-putting, but he supposed he didn't expect any different from her. Just because Petunia was getting on better with Lily didn't mean she would warm up to him. He chose to stare indifferently at the flower beds lining either side of the stairs leading down to the front walk.
"I was going to go to the corner store to pick up some things for dinner and wondered if you wanted to come along," Petunia said sourly, "but seeing as you're already occupied..."
Lily looked from Petunia to Severus, feeling the tension in the air. "Severus, would you like to go with us? Petunia, is that all right if Severus comes with?"
Both Severus and Petunia gawked at Lily as if she was crazy. Gaping, Petunia stuttered, "Er, n-no... I suppose that's fine," although she sounded anything but fine with the idea.
Severus scowled deeply, wishing Lily wouldn't try to be the peacemaker. "Don't worry about it. You go with your sister, Lily. I'll see you later."
With Petunia standing there, Severus felt dolorous displaying any sort of open affection toward Lily, but he leaned in and kissed her quickly on the cheek and retreated just as Lily started to protest.
"Sev, no, don't go!" she called despondently after him.
Severus tried to wave her off nonchalantly. "It's not a big deal; really, Lily!" he called back. "Go, have a good time with Petunia."
Severus kept walking away at a fast pace, and once he was a couple of houses away, he turned the corner and disappeared from view.
Lily watched him the whole time, feeling dejected for trying to include both Petunia and him. She gazed at her sister, and Petunia seemed smug.
"Did you really expect him to come along?" Petunia inquired, a little nastily.
Lily's shoulders dropped, but then she crossed her arms defensively. "Was it too much to believe you two might actually be seen in public together?" she questioned.
"Why are you yelling at me?" Petunia demanded. "I didn't do anything!"
"No, I suppose not," Lily sighed. "He can be so difficult sometimes..."
Petunia chose to ignore Lily's comment, as she didn't want to dwell on the subject of Severus. Instead, she posed, "So, are you coming or not?"
"Yes, Petunia, I'm coming," Lily relented.
As soon as Severus was on Spinner's End, he slowed down. He was far enough away from Petunia now, and feeling like a damned coward, he kicked moodily at the dirt along the side of the street. The smell of the filthy stream permeated his nose in the sultry summer air, and he felt the weather was beating down on him, making his disposition worse. Once he reached his house, he went upstairs and stripped off his clothes, feeling dingy and disgusting.
After he showered, Severus put on fresh clothes, but avoided looking at his reflection. The very idea of being made Head Boy made his skin crawl. He knew he should be pleased, but Severus Snape was not a man who allowed himself to accept happiness easily. Petunia was a reminder of what he would be met with when he returned to Hogwarts. So many others saw him with eyes marked for distain, or at least that was what he convinced himself of as the truth.
With time running out, Severus decided to push his bitter thoughts of the upcoming school year to the back of his mind and focus on something else. He hadn't yet been to visit his father at the rehabilitation facility, so he left the house, taking a picture from the old album, and took the bus to the place. Apparating was, once again, too risky, as it was broad daylight, and there were too many Muggles on the crowded streets.
As he left the bus stop and walked toward the facility, Severus wondered briefly what Lily and Petunia were doing presently. He wished Lily wouldn't have tried to invite him along, as he could plainly see Petunia would only have scoffed at the idea, and he knew that Lily knew he was uncomfortable with the whole idea.
Let her be with her sister if that's what she needs, he thought, trying to reason with his roiling emotions. You have your father to deal with, so you can both share your familial issues later.
When Severus entered the facility, he had to wait for several minutes before Tobias came into the front room where visitors could be received. Severus studied his father as he entered the room, finding he was presentable enough.
"Hello, Severus," Tobias said, glad to see his son.
"Hello, Father," Severus returned, a little stiffly.
Tobias made a gesture like he was going to hug his son, but when Severus took a tentative step back, Tobias momentarily frowned, but then he recovered and held his hand out. Severus shook his hand, hoping Tobias wouldn't try to pull him into an embrace. He wasn't anywhere near ready to show that level of affection toward the man he called Father.
"Thank you for coming by," Tobias said, taking a seat.
Severus sat down as well. "Not a problem," he murmured. "I trust things are going well for you?"
"Yes, I think so, at least," Tobias stated. "It was hard at first, but I think if I continue along this path, I ought to be able to leave by the end of August."
"Good," Severus replied. "It would be helpful if you were out before I return to school."
There was a lull in the conversation, and Severus wondered what he could really discuss with this man. He had grown up with him living in the same house, but he felt he barely knew him. Recalling the picture he had taken from the photo album, Severus withdrew it from his pocket and held it out to his father.
"What's this?" Tobias asked, taking the picture. He stared down at it for a minute, then smiled sadly. "Yes, I remember this. This was before your mother and I were even married. Where did you find this?"
"It's at home in an old album," Severus explained. "Surely you remember?"
"Your mother put all these pictures in that album years after they were taken. For the longest time, they were unorganized and all over the house, until she sat down one day not too long after you were born and spent the entire day organizing them. I remember how fondly she gazed upon each one as she carefully placed them into the album. I think... I think it was very special for her, that."
As Tobias spoke, Severus noticed a far-away look in his eyes. He had never witnessed such an expression on his father's face. Of course, Tobias had never recalled any fond memories like this.
"Father," Severus said carefully, "would you... would you tell me about Mum? What she was like when you first met?" He left so many questions unasked, but he was hoping his father would open up and perhaps explain what went wrong on his own.
Tobias glanced up from the picture, but continued to hold fast to it. "She worked at the bakery I used to stop by every Friday afternoon after work. You know the one... off Hollow Way, just a couple of blocks from home. We would exchange hellos and other such pleasantries. She was always kind toward me. After a few weeks, I finally worked up the courage to ask her out on a date. She seemed quite taken with me, which was strange, since I never felt I was anybody special, but I think the reason she was so interested was because she was intrigued by anything 'Muggle,' as you call it. Of course, I didn't know that until years later, and when I found out what she was... I was angry she had lied to me all those years."
The color in Tobias's face rose, and his grip on the picture tightened. His breathing was heavy for a few seconds, but he calmed and released his vice grip on the picture. Severus noticed creases all over it. He didn't say anything, in hopes his father would continue.
"We were married, as you know, and she became pregnant with you almost immediately. I was thrilled to think I would be a father, and then you were born. Only a few months old and you were already different. You somehow managed to summon every toy in your room into your crib, and while I thought there had to be a rational explanation at first, when I stepped into the room one afternoon when you were supposed to be napping and saw your favorite teddy bear floating across the room and toward you, I lost it. I ran out of the room and found your mother, intent on showing her. She seemed strangely calm when she watched you, and then she proceeded to pick you up and smile, remarking how happy she was to know you were like her. I demanded an explanation, and she started to explain, but I wanted no part of it. From that moment on, Severus, things were never the same between us."
"And that's when you decided to start drinking and hate your wife and son?" Severus asked accusatorily.
Tobias flinched and nodded. "Yes," he croaked. "It's no excuse, and I know that now. It's too late to go back and change all the things I did wrong, but trust me, if I could relive my life, I would have treated you both so differently."
Tobias's confession was haunting. Severus understood far too well what he meant. What was to be gained by regrets, though?
"I... I believe you," Severus stated gingerly. "You've told me enough for now."
"And what comes next?"
"That's your choice, Father. You seem to no longer want to be the man you were. Can you be the man who first loved Mother? Can you be the proud father you wanted to be?"
"I don't know if I'll ever be that man," Tobias admitted mournfully.
"I would say you're already on the right path," Severus said, standing. "I should go."
"Thank you for visiting."
"I'll see you soon, Father."
Severus left, not sure how to process everything he had just heard. Between the looming war, the inevitable return to Hogwarts, Petunia, and his father, his mind was whirling in all directions. If he thought his life had been complicated before, that was nothing in comparison to the life he had chosen for himself now.
One more author's note: The idea of making Severus Head Boy comes from Matt Quinn.
