Chapter Fifty-Eight

Word of who had been murdered that day in Hogsmeade quickly spread, and dinner time hadn't even arrived yet. In the Gryffindor common room, James and Sirius were struck with disbelief that one of their best friends was now dead. Mary sat by James's side at first, trying her best to console him, but he remained tight-lipped, not comfortable enough around her to open up. He shrugged off her attempts, eventually sending her away. Mary left, trying to understand, but feeling dejected and hurt.

"We should go see Moony," James said quietly.

Sirius nodded blankly.

The two boys left the commotion around them and headed toward the infirmary. As they walked, James wondered aloud, "Where d'you suppose Lily is?"

"Probably hiding away somewhere with Snivellus," Sirius said sullenly, glaring at the floor.

"Padfoot, mate," James said, a bit concerned. He stopped and rested a hand briefly on his friend's shoulder. "I know you're upset about Peter, and so am I, but why are you so angry? Snape-"

"He was friends... probably still is friends with those Death Eaters!" Sirius exclaimed. "He was spending an awful lot of time with Wormtail right before he suddenly wound up dead. You can't honestly stand there and tell me it isn't a coincidence."

"Padfoot, that's assuming a lot," James tried to point out. He was barely keeping his emotions in check, what with the tragedy that had just occurred, but James didn't feel like placing blame on anyone but the perpetrators.

Sirius didn't appear the least bit convinced. James sighed and motioned for him to follow. "C'mon, mate; let's get to Moony and see how he's holding up."

Sirius walked alongside James the rest of the way in silence. Once they arrived at the infirmary, they spotted Remus sitting up in one of the beds, looking physically fine, but his face was pinched as if he were sucking on a lemon and only brightened marginally upon seeing his friends.

"Prongs, Padfoot," Remus uttered softly, forcing a smile that looked more like a grimace.

"Are you okay, Moony?" James asked. "McGonagall told us you'd been attacked and were here."

"I'm fine," Remus muttered, glancing from James to Sirius. "I assume you heard?"

James nodded, and Sirius said with clenched teeth, "Yes, we heard, all right. What happened, exactly?"

Remus proceeded to explain the events to his mates just as he had told them to Severus a couple of hours ago.

"Wait a minute," Sirius interjected just as Remus described the curse used on him. "You were bleeding profusely from your side, like you'd been sliced open with a knife or something?"

Remus nodded. "Yes, why?"

Sirius's expression darkened, and he balled his fist, slamming it into his other palm aggressively. "Moony, that's the same curse Snape used on me," he ground out.

Remus's eyes were large with shock, but he didn't say anything. James knew what Sirius was thinking, and just as Sirius made to stand to storm out of the infirmary and no doubt find Severus, James grabbed him by the arm.

"No, Padfoot," he tried to say calmly.

"Let go of me, James," Sirius growled, much like his Animagus would.

James felt Sirius's entire body stiffen, and he tried to wrench his arm out of James's grasp.

"Now is not the time, mate," James stated firmly.

From the bed, Remus tried to reach for Sirius, but failed. His weakened voice pleaded, "Sirius, you know Snape had nothing to do with this. He was helping Peter. However that Death Eater found out that curse... You don't even know if it was the same one."

"I'll never forget it, Remus... what it felt like to be sliced open like a fish being gutted," Sirius said in a deadly whisper. "I assume because he healed me, only because he didn't want to get expelled probably, he is one of the few people who knows that curse."

"He healed me, too," Remus whispered, the realization hitting him that Sirius might be right.

"But that still doesn't prove anything," James pointed out, feeling Sirius slacken in his grip. He released his friend, and Sirius sank back onto the bed. "Snape healed both of you, and like Remus said, Sirius, Snape had been helping Peter. Remus, you were there during the training. I was there once, too. Did you ever see Snape do anything cruel, I mean abnormally out of line, to him?"

Remus shook his head. "No. He was a bastard to him sometimes, yelling at him and calling him names, but I think Snape's reasoning for doing that was to effectively train Peter... to scare him into actually fighting back."

Sirius gazed incredulously at his friends. "I can't believe what I'm hearing," he said, offended and betrayed. "You two are sitting here defending Snivellus. What's happened to you? Am I the only one who can see the truth for what it is? Our friend has just been murdered!"

"We know that, mate," James said in an uncharacteristically gentle voice. "You think we're not upset, too? That we won't miss our friend?"

"I wasn't saying that," Sirius said defensively, standing.

"Padfoot-" James tried to say.

"Sirius, please," Remus croaked, the emotion of the situation finally overwhelming him.

Sirius took a couple of paces away and turned to gaze upon his two remaining friends. His grey eyes were bright, as if he might cry, but he shook his head, and his expression immediately hardened. He walked away, and both James and Remus let him go.

"Maybe he just needs time to calm down," James said after Sirius was gone, although he didn't believe a word of what he was speaking.

"No, Prongs," Remus whispered. "I think Sirius has deeper problems than that, and what worries me is that he won't share them with us."

The Marauders were no longer who they used to be, any more than Severus was.

x x x x x

After quite some time together in their sacred broom closet, Lily asked gently, "Are you going to be all right, Severus?"

Severus didn't answer immediately. He thought of how two people had now died who he had tried to help in this life, and regardless of whether Peter would have turned rotten or not, there was no telling. He had died today. Severus wondered how Peter had faced death. He hoped, at least, that he had been brave in his final moments. Unlike Eileen, Peter hadn't been a lost cause. Of course, Severus hadn't thought his mother too far gone before. He now wondered if he had been deluding himself by thinking he could change the outcome of events this time around, but then he thought of his father's improvement, and looking the short distance across the closet, he gazed right into the eyes that spoke the deepest truth he knew.

Lily was with him still. She wasn't leaving. Nothing but possibly death would ever change that, but if there was one thing Severus could hold on to, it was this amazing young woman in front of him.

"I'll be okay, Lily," Severus finally replied, just as she began to worry. He took her hands in his own and squeezed them.

Come what may, he could face it.

x x x x x

After dinner that evening, Severus went into the Slytherin common room for the first time that day. He had gotten over the initial shock of Peter's death and now felt a rage growing inside, bubbling just below the surface. He knew if he saw Roger Mulciber and his gang, he would lose control of his temper. The little Death Eater wannabe was partly responsible for the attack today, and Severus felt something needed to be done.

As he surveyed the common room, Severus noticed most of the students were subdued. Even most of the Slytherins were shocked by today's events, and that was reassuring to Severus to know that more than half of his house didn't condone what had happened in Hogsmeade. When he saw Mulciber by the fireplace with his friends, though, the boy was laughing cruelly. Although Severus couldn't hear what the boys were whispering amongst themselves, he didn't care. His temper flaring, Severus strode quickly across the room and angrily jabbed his wand directly into Mulciber's chest. The other boys retreated, taken aback and even frightened by the menacing look on Severus's face.

"What are you-?" Mulciber started to ask.

"Shut up!" Severus yelled. He didn't notice everyone else staring at them. He didn't care.

Mulciber's eyes flashed fear for a split second, but then he mastered himself and glowered at Severus, daring him to continue.

"You told your brother about Pettigrew," Severus hissed.

"So what if I did?" Mulciber asked defiantly. "You came saving his arse, and I've seen you, Snape. You're sympathizing with Gryffindors and Mudbloods-"

Severus drove his wand farther into Mulciber's chest. "You dare utter such filth, you bastard. You think just because I'm not up for joining your brother and his friends that I am somehow above harming you? Let me assure you, Mulciber; I am not. You remember what I did to Sirius Black last year, I am sure? And that wasn't even intentional. The curse your disgraceful brother used on Lupin was my invention. He, Avery, and the whole lot of them never thought of anything original. So, I am warning you: Don't mess with me. Don't do anything stupid to another student, or else you'll find yourself worse off than expelled."

"Snape!" a gruff voice suddenly called.

Severus turned his head to see who was addressing him and saw Regulus Black standing not far away. "This doesn't concern you, Black. Go away," Severus growled.

"You're making a scene, Snape," Regulus said levelly. "Mulciber is a little shit, but the rest of us don't need to hear you say it."

Several of the students, Severus noticed, were holding their wands. Among them was Rose Clearwater, who normally avoided confrontation.

"Try anything, Mulciber, and you're toast," a boy in fifth year shouted.

Several others backed him up with threats, but other students, who were staying silent, stepped away, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. Behind Mulciber, about twenty others were standing, glaring back at Severus and the other students beyond him, and Severus could plainly see the division spread out before him in his house. Mulciber, although having been momentarily scared by Severus's words, felt emboldened by the support standing behind him.

"You're all talk, Snape," Mulciber said maliciously. "My brother and his friends have it right. You were a fool to have chosen the wrong side, the losing side."

Severus backed off, knowing it would do no good to rouse the entire Slytherin common room further. He now made it a top priority to inform Dumbledore of Roger Mulciber's past crimes and involvement in the day's events. He hoped the headmaster would see reason and expel any student who supported the Dark Lord, but that was not going to be easy. Not all supporters were as open as Mulciber, and besides, Severus knew Dumbledore would be more likely to keep the students at the school if they were underage, arguing that they needed protection regardless of their viewpoints. Severus didn't feel the same way.

As Severus stepped away, he didn't let his guard down. He gazed at Regulus suspiciously, wondering if the boy he saw before him was a future Death Eater or not. His eyes traveled to Regulus's left arm, and he briefly entertained the idea of grabbing hold of that arm and pulling back his sleeve to see if the Dark Mark was branded there. Regulus sensed Severus was thinking something and looked at him quizzically, but didn't say anything. They met eyes for a moment, but then Severus turned and walked away, leaving the room.

Right now, Severus only felt the reassurance that, no matter what, Lily would be there for him.

x x x x x

Peter's body was returned to his mother, and his funeral was held three days later. Severus didn't go to the funeral, even though Lily had wanted him to go with her. Severus assumed the Marauders had gone, and on that day, classes had been cancelled in observance of Peter's life. Students were somber as they reflected on how easily the life of one of their own could be taken.

Feeling lonely without Lily, Severus stepped outside onto the grounds to take a walk around the lake. He couldn't take having to see the sadness and fear on the faces of so many in the school, and he avoided those who supported Voldemort, knowing his anger was still fresh and could break through the carefully shrouded surface at any moment. He still needed to talk with the headmaster about Mulciber, but that could wait another day.

All future visits to Hogsmeade had been cancelled for the rest of the year, which didn't surprise Severus, but he wondered when he would get a chance to bring Lily back to the jewelry store to pick out a ring. With the aftermath of the attack in the wizarding village three days ago, it was difficult for Severus to find the happiness in knowing that he was now engaged to Lily. He always imagined if he were engaged to her, he would feel nothing but excitement and joy, but those happy moods were fleeting.

As Severus looked up at the grey sky and bare trees, he found that the atmosphere outside reflected very well how he felt inside. Winter was fast approaching, and right now, the world appeared dead and empty. Severus sighed and sat on the cold, hard ground, leaning against a tree, wondering what was wrong with him that he couldn't even bring himself to smile about the good in his life right now.

Was it because, regardless of knowing he had Lily, he still had a void inside needing to be filled... with what? Hadn't he tried to be a better man? He believed - no, he knew - he had. He couldn't define his current state, and that bothered Severus immensely.

Just when he thought no one would dare disturb him, however, he was caught unaware as he felt a rough jab in his side. He turned, shocked, and saw Sirius Black standing there with his wand pointing into his ribs.

"We're going to talk, Snape," Black said lowly. "Just you and me this time."