Chapter Sixty-One

After Severus left the headmaster's office that evening, Dumbledore sat for a while in his chair behind the desk, reflecting on the conversation they had just had. Severus had hurled accusatory words at Dumbledore, which confounded the old man. There had only ever been one other student who Dumbledore had taken such an interest in, had seen such power in at a young age, and had found reason to be apprehensive over, and that had been the young Tom Riddle, who was now trying to rule the world as Lord Voldemort.

Dumbledore thought back on Severus's years at Hogwarts, comparing them to Tom Riddle's. From the first time Dumbledore had met Tom Riddle, the boy had wanted to prove himself and had been cruel and yet knowing when to turn on the charm. Severus, while having possessed a gleam in his youthful eyes of wanting to be somebody important, had been a very different child. While Tom Riddle had had a circle of "friends" who he dominated, Severus had been mostly a loner. Even when Severus had fallen into the wrong crowd, he hadn't been their leader. Severus had been the boy who had been almost constantly ridiculed, while Tom Riddle had done the bullying.

Of course, Dumbledore himself had chosen to stand back and not intervene much on Severus's behalf. It wasn't until he had seen a dramatic shift in Severus's decision to separate himself from his old friends and thus embolden his friendship with Lily Evans that Dumbledore had taken an interest in him. Last year, he thought he had seen the beginning of a strong ally, one who opposed everything Voldemort stood for, what with having escaped from the Dark Lord's clutches.

Now, Dumbledore was growing tired of Severus's blatant refusal to make a firm declaration to join him. Dumbledore wanted to know why Severus was suspicious, and any time he had tried to access the young man's mind, Severus had severely blocked him.

The Occlumency, the flying, the dueling... all of those were skills Severus had at age seventeen that even Dumbledore himself couldn't boast having honed so well by that age. Was Dumbledore jealous? Intimidated?

Dumbledore sighed, a storm beginning to brew inside. The hour was late, and his aged body needed its sleep. As Dumbledore left his office and went to his chamber, he was determined to find out just what made Severus tick.

x x x x x

The next couple of weeks that followed Peter's untimely death were oddly devoid of much action. Every day when Severus would survey the Slytherin common room for trouble, Mulciber and his friends were either absent or sat sulking in the corner. Severus knew Dumbledore had given them two weeks' worth of detention, but he wasn't convinced by a long shot that it would have any lasting effect on their behavior. Glares would be exchanged between Severus and the unruly boys, but no words were spoken. Severus waited for the day when his temper would be tested again. He didn't think he would be able to refrain from doing real damage next time.

Severus continued to avoid the headmaster. Whenever he was in Dumbledore's vicinity, the old wizard would give him a searching look, and Severus would instantly avert his eyes. The more he seemed to try to distance himself from the headmaster's scrutiny, the more Dumbledore appeared to pursue him.

Severus continued to while away through each day, finding the emptiness inside him growing. Having Lily wasn't enough anymore. Of that he was certain. If someone would have asked him upon first returning to life what would have given him true happiness, he would have said having Lily back and having his love returned. Now, however, Severus felt his purpose was more than just fulfilling his once unrequited love.

The answer to his wondering about his purpose came soon thereafter, or at least the beginning of it. The reality of taking a firm stance and being more proactive in the war was brought to light one day in late November when Severus was performing his nightly duty of ensuring peace, albeit forced, in the common room.

Rose and Emily were sitting amongst a fairly large group of students opposite the side of the room Mulciber usually occupied. Emily, being the more assertive of the two, approached Severus and greeted him. Severus cast a sparing glance in the other direction, seeing that Mulciber and his crones weren't there.

"Good evening, er, Emily," Severus replied a bit awkwardly. He still wasn't accustomed to speaking with others who he had barely interacted with previously.

"Do you have a minute?" Emily asked, gazing into Severus's eyes. She blushed some and took a step back.

Severus frowned, even more uncomfortable that a girl might be flirting with him. Unsure of her motives, he replied, "I suppose that would require asking why you need a minute of my time."

"Not just me," Emily clarified, looking back at the group of students behind her. "We all wanted to talk with you."

Severus looked past Emily's head and saw roughly fifteen students gathered there, most of them younger than fifth year. He sighed. "All right."

Emily smiled too excitedly for Severus's tastes, but he followed her toward the others and stood there stiffly, wondering what they could possibly want. These were the students who had been among those who had backed him up a few weeks ago when Mulciber had threatened him in the common room. Severus knew he had nothing to fear as far as them trying to do him harm, but he found he was more compromised being looked upon with admiration.

"We know you were helping train Pettigrew before he was killed," a boy in the back asserted.

"And you were helping more than just him, right?" another mousy-haired boy questioned.

Severus clenched his teeth. He should have known it would get out sooner or later about his sessions with Peter, Remus, and Lily... and James the one time. James and Sirius were not known for being discreet and had probably felt it completely within their rights to inform the school of what had occurred. Still not over the incident in Hogsmeade from nearly a month ago, Severus hadn't bothered to start those sessions again. As he had told Lily, he didn't wish to, but now a whole group of students was inquiring after him about those damned lessons.

"Yes, I was helping him," Severus confirmed in clipped tones, booking no room for argument as he continued, "but I am not planning on carrying on with those sessions."

"Why not?" Rose asked, sounding put out.

"You weren't planning on it, but that doesn't mean you can't continue," a fifth year boy pointed out.

"Absolutely not," Severus stated firmly. "I have no reason to pretend to be one of your professors and teach you defensive techniques. Do you not attend Defense classes for that very training?"

"But maybe it's not enough," Emily cut in. "We're not the only ones who think so, Severus. You can't honestly tell me you haven't heard the mumblings going on in all the houses about you? You- you're a hero in so many people's eyes. We know you not only defied You-Know-Who last year, but you brought back Peter Pettigrew's body."

Severus shook his head, not able to believe what he was hearing. Deep inside, he had always wanted to be important and to be admired because of who he was, but he had long ago pushed those childish dreams into the most hidden recesses of his mind. The conversation he had had with Dumbledore came to mind, and Severus was reminded anew of his stance against being Dumbledore's puppet. To fight for what was right didn't mean he needed to do so according to the old wizard's precepts. Severus balked at the possibility of what lie before him. Dare he take the initiative to train young wizards and witches according to what he felt was the best strategy? After Hogwarts, he would be free to carry forth as he found necessary, and while he would be viewed by most as a loose ally to Dumbledore, Dumbledore himself would see him as a threat. Severus knew this. Dumbledore hated competition.

If only to piss the old man off, but really, Severus knew his reason for affirming his future actions ran much deeper, Severus nodded. "Fine, yes, I will look into it."

Emily and Rose beamed, and a small cheer went up in the group. Severus inclined his head and left the common room, eager to be away from the attention. As he returned to his room with renewed vigor, Severus didn't feel quite so empty. While the niggling void still persisted within, Severus believed in himself, just as Lily had always told him to do.

x x x x x

"You're really serious about this?" asked Lily when Severus told her the following day about starting the duelling sessions back up.

"Yes," Severus said, "although I hope it isn't against my better judgment."

They were in the library, trying to keep their voices down, lest Madam Pince become incensed and throw them out.

"I think it's a great idea," Lily declared. "I had hoped you would start the sessions again after Peter's death. Those students must have said something to change your mind."

Severus shrugged, not wishing to dwell too much on the topic. He was willing to give the session another try, and while he felt a renewed purpose in doing so, he wasn't going to jump to any conclusions.

"When were you thinking of having the next one?" Lily posed curiously.

"Perhaps next week," Severus replied. "I suppose there are more students than just those in my house who are interested."

"I'm sure Remus and James would want to return... and possibly Black," Lily stated. Noticing Severus's scowl at the mention of Sirius Black, she amended, "If that's okay with you."

"Fine," Severus ground out. "But if Black so much as tries even the slightest thing, he's out."

"Who would have thought, Gryffindors and Slytherins working together," Lily mused. "I'm sure there are plenty of students in my house who would come if they were invited, not to mention Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws."

Severus raised an eyebrow at what Lily was proposing. "And I suppose you will be helping to lead this operation?" he inquired dryly.

Smiling, Lily said, "Of course, Sev. Do you think I'd expect you to exert control over masses of students?"

"I don't know anything about masses," Severus replied skepically, "but next week, say Monday at seven, we shall meet in that old classroom we had been using. I'm not promising anything permanent, though."

"All right, Sev," Lily conceded, still smiling, knowing Severus wasn't going to let this go easily this time around.

And she was right. While Severus wouldn't admit it out loud, he hoped for success this time. Anything he could do to help ensure a better future for the wizarding world was worth it.

x x x x x

When Monday evening came, Severus arrived at the empty classroom fifteen minutes in advance, not wanting to be late. He was the first one there, and a couple of minutes later, Lily entered, followed immediately by the Marauders. Severus wished he could have been alone with Lily to go over last minute details, but with James, Sirius, and Remus present, he stiffened and kept his eyes on the door, relieved when Rose and Emily came in. Lily stood next to him, taking his hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Everything will be fine, Sev, more than fine," she whispered to him.

Nodding blankly, Severus watched as many more of the Slytherins who had inquired after the duelling sessions last week entered, and then came a few Gryffindors, including Mary Macdonald, who went over to James. The giggly Hufflepuff girls were next, and Severus wondered if they hadn't simply come because they knew he would be teaching them. More Hufflepuffs, a couple of Gryffindors, and a few Ravenclaws made their way in, and once it was seven o'clock, Severus locked and warded the door.

"It's time to begin," he announced. "Anyone who is late won't be able to get in and should learn that we will always start promptly at the scheduled time. The door is warded so we aren't interrupted, and," he waved his wand, placing further wards on the room, "any sound we make won't leave this room."

Severus took a moment to survey the gathered crowd before him. There were about forty students total, and Severus began to wonder what he had gotten himself into. He glanced at Lily uneasily, losing his resolve to speak.

Lily smiled and resumed the greeting. "Welcome, everyone. I hope you all know why you're here - to learn how to properly duel. If you are here for other reasons, please leave now. These sessions aren't going to be a walk in the park. There's war going on out there," she motioned toward the exterior wall of the castle, "and we need to be prepared."

When she stopped speaking, Severus expected a mass exodus. No one left, however. Steely-eyed gazes met his eyes, and Severus swallowed down the nervous lump in his throat. He wasn't going to be shy. He had been a teacher for years, after all, and hadn't let students ever intimidate him. He had instilled fear in them as a way of exerting control over them, of feeling more powerful and important. Now, Severus realized part of the reason he felt so uncomfortable in this moment was because he was going to be teaching them as their equal, as another student. While he had experiences and skills they didn't, to them he was just another student. More than that, Severus wasn't used to admiration, even in the smallest quantity, and the unease he felt in its presence made him feel just the opposite of important. While admiration was meant to make a person feel important, a modest person wouldn't let it go to his head. Of greatest importance, however, was the fact that Severus was not the same bitter man he once had been. That, he supposed, made nearly all the difference.

"All right, then," said Severus, finding his voice, "let's begin. Everyone needs to partner up, preferably with someone who isn't a friend of yours, and stand opposite of them in the room."

A few of the students muttered their protests, but they paired up, some even chosing to intermigle with other houses. Severus noticed that none of the Slytherins and Gryffindors were matched up, which didn't surprised him. Unfortunately, James and Sirius didn't seem to think it necessary to listen to Severus, for they were standing across from each other.

Severus sighed and approached them. "That means you two as well, Potter and Black."

Sirius raised his eyebrows innocently. "C'mon, Sniv, er... Snape. Who cares? Will you get off your high horse and just 'teach' like you're supposed to?"

James chuckled, as did a couple of the Gryffindors nearby.

Severus felt his cheeks burn with suppressed rage. His grip on his wand instinctively tightened, but he took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second, forcing himself to remain calm. He wasn't going to give Sirius what he wanted.

"I should have expected no less from you two," Severus replied coolly. "Very well, fine. Work together, but you won't be as successful as you would have been had you heeded my advice."

With a jerk, Severus turned away from the two troublemakers and returned to Lily, who gave him a smile. Severus wasn't going to be reduced to looking like every bit the idiot James and Sirius wanted him to appear, and so, he demonstrated the basic Disarming Spell on Lily, and she, in turn, did it to him.

"Hey, how come you're partnered with Evans?" Sirius called.

"I thought you said no friends as partners," James pointed out.

"Apparently the rules don't pertain to our esteemed teacher," Sirius added sarcastically.

"You may begin," Severus stated firmly and loudly over the two annoying Gryffindors. He chose to ignore their banter.

There were plenty of students present who genuinely wanted to learn how to effectively duel, and many of the younger ones didn't even know the Disarming Spell. Severus and Lily spent the rest of the time observing the others, pointedly avoiding James and Sirius, who were more making asses of themselves than anything. Several of the Slytherins kept glaring at them, shaking their heads, muttering about how immature they were.

After a little more than an hour, Severus called the session to an end. Many of the students had made good progress, and they didn't need to be pushed the way Severus had first taught Peter. He dismissed the lesson, saying they would meet again in a week. With everyone's busy schedules, it would be impossible to meet on any night other than Monday.

Once only Lily remained, Severus released a sigh he didn't know he had been holding.

"That was... rather taxing," he admitted, "but worth it, I think."

"You were wonderful, Sev," Lily stated. "And when James and Black tested your patience, you didn't give in."

"No, I didn't, and giving in would have been the reaction they were trying to provoke."

I should hope I'm beyond that by now... hopefully, Severus thought.

"Well, then, let's go," Lily said. "Until next time..."

"Until next time," Severus agreed.