Chapter Sixty-Four

Severus returned home late that night, finding that he didn't want to be alone anymore. He used to value solitude, but now had reached a point where he felt he had spent too many days by himself. Spinner's End, being the empty and cold place of his childhood, did not bring him the familiar comfort of having walls on all sides any longer.

The Evanses were practically a family to him already. The news of Mrs. Evans's cancer had been unexpected and disheartening, making Severus realize that foreknowledge of the deaths of Lily's parents would do him no good. Even if he could bring himself to tell her what he knew, she wouldn't understand. Breaking the news of the engagement was put on hold for the time being, as Severus knew Lily's mind would be occupied with her mum's cancer and the rough road ahead.

Severus went upstairs and stared at his trunk. It was pointless to unpack everything and put it in drawers, seeing as he would only be here for a couple of weeks. He shrugged off his clothing, throwing it unceremoniously onto the floor, and changed for bed, slipping under the covers. At least his own bed was welcoming, if nothing else.

His last thoughts before drifting off to sleep were of his own father. Severus wondered what state he would find Tobias in... if Tobias was still even living in the same place. For both of their sakes, Severus hoped his father had stayed clean and decent.

He would find out in the morning.

When morning came, Severus slept in some. The days were among the shortest of the year now, so even the sunrise was late. He eventually rose from bed and went about showering and dressing, wrinkling his nose in distaste at the Muggle clothes he was choosing. Robes were much more convenient and didn't require giving much thought, and all of Severus's Muggle clothes were hand-me-downs from his father, left with the faint scent of booze, not matter how many times they had been cleaned.

He had a quick breakfast consisting of merely tea, making a note to stop at the store to pick up a few items later that day. No food in the house wouldn't do, even if he wasn't planning on eating at home often. Severus was fairly confident he knew the location of his father's flat well enough to Apparate instead of taking the public transport, and there was an alley not far from the flat Tobias occupied that would do.

Severus closed his eyes and focused on the spot, and with a pop, he Apparated to the very alley he had pictured in his mind moments before. Appearing behind a dumpster and several dust bins, Severus made a face and held his nose at the rancid odor emanating from the rubbish. Quickly moving away, Severus glanced at a sign from a Chinese restaurant.

He crossed the street, careful not to slip on the ice, and now stood in front of Tobias's flat complex. Trash littered the curbside, and the snow along the street was black with grim from the traffic. Any of the cars lining the street were at least ten years old and rusty. The rundown areas of Manchester seemed to be all Tobias would ever know.

Severus pulled his coat's collar closer and began the trek toward the building. He entered and went to the second floor, stopping in front of the correct door.

He knocked.

A shuffle came from inside, and within a few seconds, the door opened. Tobias stood there, an annoyed expression briefly crossing his face, which disappeared upon seeing Severus.

"Severus!" he exclaimed, and he actually smiled. Tobias was still wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants, but his hair was combed, and he had shaven. Severus even noticed that his beer gut was smaller.

"Hello, Father," replied Severus, smiling slightly.

"I wasn't sure when to expect you... or if you'd even come back," Tobias said, opening the door farther to admit his son.

Severus stepped into the flat and looked around. Its furnishings were simple, but the place was overall clean. Gazing upon his father again, Severus stated, "You're looking well. Have you been exercising?"

Tobias shrugged. "Not really." He gazed down at his stomach and remarked, "I suppose stopping drinking has helped tremendously."

Severus nodded. An awkward silence fell between them. While Severus was glad to see his father doing well, their rocky past made it difficult for any deep or meaningful conversation. Finally, Severus decided he might as well just tell his father the truth.

"You seem to be doing well. I'm glad."

"Thanks," Tobias said. "It's nothing impressive, but it's become home." He motioned around the flat.

"So, you're still working, then?" Severus asked.

Tobias nodded. "Yes, and there's a group of guys who I meet with weekly. We keep each other in check. No drinking, period. One bloke said he'd gone out with his wife for their anniversary two weeks ago, and he'd had a glass of wine, and then when he got home, he drank a whole bottle. Said he felt like a right idiot for it the next day."

"I trust you're not keeping any alcohol in the flat, Father? The temptation-"

"No, nothing," Tobias roughly cut him off. "You can search the whole flat if you need convincing, Severus."

"I wasn't insinuating that you were hiding any," Severus replied pointedly. He sighed, then said in a calmer voice, "Look, let's not start arguing."

"I agree," Tobias replied. "My temper always got the best of me."

"I know," Severus muttered bitterly. "I inherited that and your nose from you."

"Sorry about that, especially the nose," Tobias jested. "I wouldn't wish this schnoz on anybody." He touched his hooked appendage.

Severus laughed, shaking his head. "There are worse things." Sobering, he thought of his engagement with Lily, then said, "I should tell you, Father... I'm engaged to Lily."

"Engaged? Already?" Tobias asked, surprised. "My, Severus, you are a man now, aren't you? Well, congratulations!"

The approval in Tobias's tone was a welcome surprise. Severus hadn't really given much thought to telling his father, and he hadn't known what to expect from him.

"Thank you," Severus replied.

"It would be nice... if it's okay with you, of course... to properly meet Lily," Tobias pointed out. "I'm afraid the only times I had seen her before were when I was drunk. Of course, I can't imagine she would feel particularly inclided to meet me, but if she is-"

"Lily would meet you, Father," Severus said sincerely. "She's a kind person and isn't going to hold your past against you."

"She sounds like a wonderful young lady already."

"She is; she really is."

x x x x x

After a good visit with his father, Severus returned home, heading out briefly to buy some groceries. Once that task was complete, he went to Lily's house.

"Petunia is due back a day early," Lily told him after letting him into the house, "so she'll be here for dinner. You're invited to stay, of course."

"Thanks," Severus said. He kept his mouth shut about Petunia, knowing he was likely to say something scathing.

Lily directed Severus to the sitting room, where her father was holding a cumbersome evergreen tree. Lily's mum was standing in the middle of the room, giving instructions as to where she thought the tree should go, but as soon as Mr. Evans would place the tree there, she would change her mind, much to his dismay. Lily giggled at the display before her, and Severus's mouth twitched a bit. He never understood why women would insist on decorations being perfect... as if perfection could really ever be achieved.

Finally, Mrs. Evans seemed satisfied. "There, that's just right," she remarked. "Well, maybe move it slightly to the left, Ross. We want to keep it centered in the front window."

Mr. Evans moved the tree a couple of inches and stepped back, wiping his brow. "Sweet heavens, Vi," he said, out of breath. "If I didn't love you so much..."

Mrs. Evans giggled in the same tone Lily used, appropriately sounding like bells at Christmas. She glanced over at her daughter and Severus and beamed.

"You're just in time to decorate the tree," she said excitedly.

Mr. Evans looked at Severus and laughed. "By the expression on Severus's face, I would say he isn't too inclided to follow your suggestion, dear."

Lily turned toward Severus, saying in a low voice, "You don't have to if you don't want to, but remember when we were kids? You used to love decorating the tree with us."

"That's because I never had a tree at home after I was seven," Severus mumbled, speaking before he realized the words had escaped his mouth. Embarrassed at his admission in front of Lily's family, he blushed a light red on his pale cheeks.

"All the more reason to join us, Severus," Mrs. Evans said gently. "Come on, dear..."

Severus sighed and gave in. "All right."

Severus spent the afternoon with Lily's family, feeling every bit as wanted and loved as a son. He had always liked Lily's parents, but now, being engaged to their daughter and knowing that Mrs. Evans was sick, he let the feeling of warmth brought by the season penetrate him to the fullest.

Once the box of lights and ornaments was empty, Lily gazed into it to make sure they hadn't missed anything. She suddenly reached into the bottom, pulling out a picture. She held it deftly in her hands and smiled fondly.

"Look, Sev," she whispered in awe.

Severus glanced around and saw that they were now alone. He stepped toward Lily and gazed down at the picture. There stood younger versions of themselves. They were dressed for the winter weather and were playing out in the snow. Lily was holding his hand and grinning at him, and little Severus was giving little Lily a tentative look, unsure of himself and her affection toward him.

Severus felt his heart rate increase, and a surge of memories came back to him from that day so long ago. He remembered feeling uneasy and warm at Lily's holding of his hand. On the picture, Lily's scrawl from when she was nine read, "Christmas '69, Severus & Me - Best Friends."

"I had forgotten about this picture," Lily said in awe. "I remember that day now." Her hand found his.

"What- what was it doing in this box?" Severus asked.

"I hung it on the tree that year... our first Christmas. Wow, Sev... that was eight years ago. Can you believe it?"

"Seems like longer ago than that, even," Severus murmured. It was true for him, after all.

Lily didn't find anything strange about his statement, though. "Yes, it was a while ago. We were so young."

"You're still young," Severus said, then realized how foolish he sounded. "Er... I mean, we're both still young."

Lily laughed. "I know. It's not like we're forty or something."

Severus's heart skipped a beat. For a second, he almost withdrew his hand from Lily. If only she knew his true age... Would she think him old and strange for going after her? He mentally shook his head. No, Lily loved him, and he knew better.

Lily noticed Severus's quietness and asked, "Are you okay, Sev?"

"What? Oh, I'm fine. Just... memories." He forced a smile and squeezed her hand, relieved he hadn't let go. He was more sure of himself than the little boy in that picture, but sometimes, he found himself slip briefly back into that child again.

Just then, the front door opened, and a shrieky voice announced, "I'm home!"

Lily released Severus's hand in her surprise at seeing Petunia return. She placed the picture back in the box and gave Severus a quick smile as she walked past him to greet her sister.

"Petunia!" Lily exclaimed.

Petunia gave Lily a brief smile and exchanged a short hug with her. Ever since the summer, they had been on better terms, but they still weren't particularly close. Lily tried her best to be friendly toward her older sister, wishing to keep a relationship with her and not give Petunia reason to think she was being left behind.

Petunia's gaze drifted to the sitting room, and she and Severus met eyes. Severus stared back at her and gave her a nod, but didn't say anything. Before she could react, Severus stepped out of view. Within a few seconds, Mr. and Mrs. Evans had joined the reunion, and for a moment, Severus felt like an intruder. Having Petunia around made him uncomfortable. When it was just Lily and her parents, he felt fine, but for some reason, he couldn't welcome Petunia the same way.

There were pleasantries exchanged in the hall, and the voices grew hushed. Severus thought he heard Lily's parents saying they needed to talk with Petunia alone, and soon after that, Lily came back into the sitting room, finding Severus on the couch.

She took a seat next to him and joined him in staring straight ahead. On the wall where their eyes rested, a large photograph of the Evans family from about ten years earlier hung. Petunia and Lily both had their hair in curly pigtails with ribbons, their smiles marked with missing teeth.

"They're going to tell her about the cancer," Lily said in a hollow voice.

Severus nodded blankly and took her hand. He didn't know what to say. What could he say?

Lily lapsed into silence for another minute. Then he heard a sniffle, and a small sob was emitted from her mouth. Severus's chest clenched, and he turned, seeing that tears were streaming down her face. Severus pulled her close and wrapped her in his arms and just held her, letting her cry.

After some time, Lily's sobs subsided, and Severus loosened his grip on her enough for her to sit up. Wiping her nose on her sleeve, Lily sniffled again.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Severus assured her, kissing her tenderly on the forehead.

Lily only nodded and wiped at her face more. "Do you... do you think we should tell them tonight?"

"About the engagement?" Severus asked softly.

"Yes."

"That's up to you, Lily."

"I don't know... Would it be okay? I mean, if my mum's dying, isn't it better she knows now? Maybe it will be something for them to be happy about."

"You don't know she's dying, Lily," Severus gently argued. "I should hope it would be taken well, but what if it just adds to their stress?"

Lily sighed. "I know my parents, Sev. It won't."

x x x x x

When dinner time arrived a couple of hours later, Severus and Lily felt much the same way they had the night before, only guilty as well. Severus hoped Lily was right in guessing how her parents would take the news about their engagement. He would know momentarily.

Once dinner began and everyone had been served, Lily said, "I, uh... There's something I'd like to share with you all, now that Petunia is back home."

Petunia gave her sister a quizzical look, her eyes still red from crying over the news about her mother. Lily's parents, however, cast her encouraging looks, so Lily reached deep for her prided Gryffindor courage and stated, "Severus and I... well, we're- we're engaged." She quickly slipped the ring on beneath the table and held up her hand for her family to see.

For a few seconds, the silence was drawn out. Then Petunia stood, put her napkin on the table, and left without a word. Mrs. Evans's face slowly cracked into a smile, and Mr. Evans glanced from Lily to Severus and finally to his wife, finding himself smiling as well.

"Well, this is most unexpected-" Mr. Evans started to say.

"But wonderful nonetheless," Mrs. Evans finished. "My only thought is... aren't you a bit young, Lily? Severus, you know we love you, dear, and nothing would make us happier, but you do realize you're only seventeen?"

"Indeed," Mr. Evans added. "But... if you are happy, then we are happy for you."

Lily sighed in relief. "Thank you, Mum, Dad... I'm sorry for the shock." She looked at Petunia's empty seat in sadness. "It would seem Petunia doesn't share in the happiness, though."

Severus remained quiet. In all honesty, he wasn't the least bit surprised by Petunia's reaction. He found he could breathe easier knowing the news of their engagement had been well-received by Lily's parents.

"It's something to be joyful about," Mrs. Evans conceded. "We needed some good news around here." Her smile faded when her eyes rested upon Petunia's empty chair.

"And since no one has officially said it yet: Congratulations," Mr. Evans added, his concern over Petunia showing.

"Thank you," Lily repeated.

"Thanks," Severus echoed, his eyes on Petunia's seat. Even though he was thankful for the positive reception of their news, he had a sinking feeling that Petunia would have something to say otherwise.