Chapter Sixty-Six

The day after Christmas was uneventful and was filled with growing anticipation in the Evans household as the hour of Mrs. Evans's surgery came nearer. While Lily had found solace with her parents since her argument with Petunia four days earlier, she still hadn't reconciled with Petunia. Petunia spent most of the day holed up in her room, and Lily wasn't about to knock on the door again. She knew what would ensue, and she had no inclination or desire for a repeat of the events from December 22.

Instead, Lily escaped to Severus's house for most of the day. The sun was out again, and with the temperature above freezing, it was comfortable enough to take a walk. They wound up at the park, a place full of memories for the pair, and since the snow had mostly melted, they were able to sit on two of the swings and talk.

Staring at the muddy ground, Lily dug her boot into the sludge beneath her and mumbled, "I never imagined something like this happening to my mum... to my family. I guess it's the old 'you never think something bad will happen to you until it does' thing."

Severus examined the chain he was holding onto, then looked at Lily. Her hair was falling forward, obscuring her face. "That's true," Severus conceded. "Of course, no one ever thinks anything bad will actually happen to them, but just because it's happening doesn't mean it's a matter of fault, Lily. I hope you realize that."

Lily's gloved hands clutched the chains more tightly. She sighed and her shoulders dropped. "It doesn't feel like that right now," she whispered. "This may sound crazy, Sev, but... I took things for granted for so long. I was always used to having things my way. Growing up in a house like mine, I wasn't lacking for anything. I feel like fate is somehow getting its revenge, and there's nothing I can do."

Severus heard her voice crack and knew she was crying. "Hey," he said gently, leaning toward her and pushing her hair back behind her ear. "Lily, it doesn't sound crazy. It's normal to feel that way, but you must believe me."

Severus knew from his experiences what he was talking about. His existence had been one awful event after another, stringing together into this joke called life, but he didn't feel that way anymore. Had Lily come to him with her concerns over her current predicament two or more years ago, Severus wouldn't have held the optimism and faith he now possessed.

Lily brushed the tears away from her face and sat up on the swing. "God, I hope you're right, Sev. If Mum dies tomorrow..."

"Shhh," Severus murmured. "Let's go back inside. It's getting colder."

Severus and Lily stood, and he put a protective arm around her, leading her back to his house.

x x x x x

December 27 arrived. Very early that morning, a couple of hours before the sun would rise, Severus went to Lily's house. He would be riding with them to the hospital.

The atmosphere was surreal inside. Lily's parents were quiet and only spoke to each other in hushed voices. Petunia hadn't yet come downstairs, and Lily greeted Severus with a drawn look on her face, leading him back to the kitchen, where she offered him coffee.

"I already had some, but thanks," Severus said.

"Did you have breakfast?" she asked.

"A bit."

"There are still some eggs left. I couldn't eat," Lily explained, her voice hollow. She went toward the pan on the stove and picked it up. "Would you like some?"

"That's all right."

Lily shrugged and placed the pan back down. "I guess I'd better leave them out in case Petunia is hungry. Dad didn't eat much, either. Mum can't eat because... well, you know."

Severus nodded. Yes, he knew. No one wanted to utter the word "surgery," it seemed. Not saying it wouldn't change what was about to happen in a few hours.

Then, Mr. Evans came into the kitchen, saying, "It's time we get going." His usual smiling face was absent.

Severus and Lily left the kitchen without a word, not bothering to put the eggs away. Once they were outside, Petunia was standing in the driveway, staring out into the street. Mr. Evans pulled the car out of the garage, and Lily saw that her mum was already in the passanger seat. Petunia gave Severus and Lily a half-hearted glare as they made their way toward the car. Petunia rushed to the other side and entered, and Lily frowned, clearly not wanting to sit next to her sister. Severus didn't press the matter, and so, he obligingly sat in the middle of the back seat, uncomfortably smashed between Petunia and Lily.

The drive started out silent. Mr. Evans flicked the radio on to hear the morning BBC news, but after a minute, he switched it off again. Five minutes later, the radio was back on, only tuned to some music. Severus listened as Bob Dylan sang away morosely, but he didn't know the song. Before another minute passed, the radio was off again.

"It shouldn't take long to get there," Mr. Evans finally stated. "Traffic is light right after the holiday."

No one had anything to add to this observation, so he continued to drive into downtown Manchester. At some point, rain began to fall, and Severus felt it entirely convenient that the weather agree with the thick feeling of depression in the car.

They finally pulled into the parking lot at Manchester General Hospital. The rain was falling harder, and no one had an umbrella, so they walked through the puddles and were soaked in the process, from above and below. Upon entering the doors, Severus felt himself shivering, wishing he could pull out his wand and cast a Drying Charm, but in a Muggle hospital, that would be risky.

Lily and Severus found seats in the waiting room, and Petunia sat on the opposite side, picking up a magazine and flipping through it. Mr. and Mrs. Evans approached the desk to check in.

"Today is going to last forever," Lily murmured.

Severus placed a hand on her arm. "It's better to be here than at home, though. I know it's going to be hard, but we'll get through it."

"And my mum? People sometimes die during surgery," she whispered fearfully, casting a worried glance at her mother.

Petunia frowned at them, probably for whispering, and looked briefly at her parents' backs. She then buried her nose in the magazine again.

"That's highly unlikely to happen," Severus replied just as quietly. "Don't worry prematurely, Lily." He tried to be as reassuring and gentle as possible.

They lapsed into silence, and then Lily's parents withdrew from the check in area, returning to the lobby.

"I'm going with your mother back to the area where she's to get changed," Mr. Evans explained. "After that, I'll be back out to wait with you. If there's something you want to say, now is the time." His voice was no longer as steady as it had been in the car.

Lily stood, going to her mum. Severus watched as she whispered something into her mum's ear, and they hugged tightly, Lily releasing a small sob in the process. Petunia stood off to the side, apprehension on her face and apparent melancholy in her eyes. When Lily released her mother, she stepped to the side to allow Petunia a moment with her mother. Severus looked away, wondering if he ought to say something, but he felt anything he said wouldn't help. When Petunia and Mrs. Evans refrained from embracing, Petunia quickly strode to the seat she had been occupying, not looking at anyone else.

Severus and Mrs. Evans then met eyes, and he offered her a timid smile. Finding his resolve, he found himself walking across the waiting room, and with Lily still standing there to witness the exchange, he placed his arms around the woman who had become like a mother to him. Mrs. Evans returned the hug with fervor.

"Thank you, Severus," she simply said.

Severus didn't trust himself to speak, so he simply nodded fiercely. Finally, he ground out, "You'll be all right."

When he released her, he could see tears in her eyes, but she was smiling. "All right, then," she sighed, trying to keep her voice hopeful. "I'll see you all in a few hours. I love you."

Mr. Evans wrapped an arm around his wife and lead her away, leaving Lily and Severus alone, save the stubborn Petunia in the corner. Once her parents were gone, Lily allowed herself to break down. She had been holding it in, trying to be strong in front of her mother. Severus kept a hand on her back and the other one clutching hers in her lap. Not too far away, Petunia overheard Lily's sobs and briefly lowered the magazine to watch.

Neither Lily nor Severus saw the tears brimming over her lower eyelids.

Some time later, Mr. Evans returned. He glanced expectantly from Petunia to Lily and Severus, saying, "Well, she's getting prepped for the surgery. The procedure is usually about two to three hours, and then it will be a few more hours before we can see her. Perhaps we ought to head to the cafeteria to get something to eat?"

Severus's stomach growled. He had eaten a minimal breakfast, and he was hungry. With Lily and Petunia not eating anything, he imagined they would be starving. Lily gave a small sigh and gave in. Petunia finally set the magazine down and stood, following the others down the hall to the cafeteria.

Breakfast was still being served, and even though Mr. Evans ordered plenty of food, everyone picked at it. Conversation was stilted. Returning to the waiting room, the four of them knew it would be a long day indeed. Despite trying to discuss other things, Violet Evans was on everyone's mind, and at this point, no one dared ask any questions, for fear their worst thoughts might come true.

When they grew tired of sitting, Lily and Severus would take short walks through the hallways, but being in the hospital was unnerving. Seeing patients in gowns, too vulnerable and afraid, being pushed on gurneys and doctors and nurses in their white, clinical uniforms was unsettling.

Lunch was another bleak affair, and the food lacked much flavor. Severus wasn't sure if this was because of anxiety or because it was hospital food, which Lily told him tasted horrible. They sat by themselves in the cafeteria this time, as Mr. Evans was off somewhere with Petunia.

"I had to spend a night in the hospital when I was seven," she told him. "Remember when I said I'd had to have my tonsils out?"

Severus nodded. The removal of tonsils was apparently a very common procedure in the Muggle world, especially in children, but he wasn't sure why.

"I was only at St. Mungo's for burning my hand when playing with my potions- er, chemistry set," Severus muttered, hoping none of the Muggles nearby heard him. "I was five, I think."

"You never told me that," Lily said curiously.

Taking this as a cue for conversation about something other than Mrs. Evans, Severus pursued it, hoping to keep their minds calm. They exchanged stories of childhood injuries, some of them previously shared and others new.

Shortly after returning to the lobby, a doctor came to tell them the news.

"The mastectomy went smoothly. We removed the entire mass, including some of the sentinel lymph nodes. A biopsy will be performed. She is still out, but in a couple of hours, if she is stable, we will place her in a stepdown unit, and you will be able to visit for a few minutes."

"Thank you," Mr. Evans told the doctor, who gave a nod and retreated.

Lily released a relieved sigh. Severus felt her body relax under his touch and felt his own body relax as well. The surgery was over, and hopefully it had been successful.

As the afternoon passed, conversation died. Everyone was anxious to see Mrs. Evans, making it impossible to talk about anything else. Finally, the doctor returned and said they would be allowed to visit.

Mr. Evans was the first to stand. He led the others to the room where his wife was recovering. Mrs. Evans's eyes travelled to the door, watching her family and Severus enter. Her mouth twitched a little on both sides into a small smile.

"Hello," she rasped. The bed was inclined enough for her to see her guests properly, but it would be some time before she could be sitting up.

Going to her side, Mr. Evans leaned down and kissed her. He ran his fingers through her hair tenderly. "How are you feeling, Vi?"

"Fine, all things considered," Mrs. Evans said weakly.

Lily was next. She smiled and said in a teary voice, "Hi, Mum."

"Lily, darling," Mrs. Evans replied, lifting her hand a bit from the bed. Lily took it and held it.

Severus came to stand just behind Lily and watched in silence. Petunia, however, seemed afraid to approach the bed.

"Petunia, honey, come here," Mrs. Evans said.

Petunia eyed her mum warily, but stepped farther into the room and finally came to stand on the other side. She hesitantly reached for her mum's other hand, careful not to hurt her.

"I'm glad you're okay, Mum," Lily said shakily.

"See? I told you not to worry," Mrs. Evans said gently. She winced, causing alarm in her daughters, but shaking her head, she continued, "It's nothing. The usual pain associated with the surgery. The doctor said to expect it for the next couple of days. I'll have to wear drains for a couple of weeks, too."

"When can you come home?" Lily asked.

"I'll be home in time for the New Year."

x x x x x

Mrs. Evans came home on New Year's Eve. The biopsy revealed that she had indeed had breast cancer, and some of the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes nearby, so she was scheduled to return for a second surgery to remove more of the sentinel lymph nodes in another month. The news wasn't what the Evans family had hoped to hear.

Lily found she couldn't be as strong as she felt she needed to be. Whenever she was alone, which she hated being, she spent hours crying in her room. Petunia still wouldn't speak to her, and every glare from her older sister was like a stab to the heart. Lily regretted her insensitivity toward Petunia on that first day back all the more, but nothing she could say would change things... or so she felt.

While Lily and the rest of her family were glad to have Mrs. Evans back home, they knew it was only a matter of time before the next surgery... and possibly further bad news. Then the chemotherapy was likely to start, ensuring a long, difficult road for all of them, especially Violet Evans.

Mrs. Evans, for her part, kept her resolve. Her spirits were high, and even though she succumbed to moments of weakness, she was the glue that held her family together.

On New Year's Eve, Lily went to Severus's house. Severus and she had argued over whose house they ought to be at for the New Year earlier that day. Severus had hoped Lily would want to be with her family, but he wouldn't push her. He feared the wedge between Petunia and her could do more damage.

As the hour neared midnight, Severus and Lily sat on the old, threadbare couch in the sitting room of Spinner's End. A low fire crackled in the grate.

"Do you think next year will bring good with it?" Lily posed, watching the second hand move on the clock above the mantle.

"I should hope so," Severus replied. "We will be graduating from Hogwarts... starting lives outside of school."

"1978..." Lily murmured. "I just hope Mum recovers."

Severus grasped her hand tightly, locking hope between their palms. The minute hand drew nearer to the twelve on the clock. The fire died down, the old year winding down, leaving embers in its wake, yet glowing, giving warmth for hearts such as these two young lovers.

The clock struck midnight.

Severus kissed Lily with the slightest brush of the lips, and despite the silent tear travelling down her cheek, Lily could have sworn she just felt Severus's heart beating in her chest.

Author's Note: I realize that writing about a real life subject like cancer is a sensitive topic for most people, but I felt like this was something I wanted to address. Everyone knows someone who has had cancer. My job in the real world (yes, I don't always spend my time writing) is in researching a cure for kidney cancer. I work at a hospital, where I see the sadness and worry, but also the hope, on people's faces. Cancer killed three of my grandparents, one being my grandmother who I was very close to, and that was 13 years ago. So, I understand how much it hurts to deal with a loved one who is going through cancer.

I have also witnessed so many strong, faithful people who have had cancer, whether they survived or not. I do not think it is so much whether someone lives or dies, but how they lived their life that matters. It is, perhaps, most painful for those left behind. I believe in God and in heaven, and I believe in the power of prayer. I believe that people who have cancer (or other illnesses) are healed in some way, although maybe not always the way we expected.