Chapter Sixty-Seven

A few days after the New Year, Severus and Lily returned to Hogwarts, much to Lily's dismay. She had had a difficult time leaving her family, knowing what would be ensuing in the weeks ahead. Promising to return home for her mum's surgery at the end of the month, Lily was at least glad she would be able to see her mum fairly soon, despite the circumstances.

Not long after their return, the daily routine of classes became habit once again. On Severus's eighteenth birthday, Lily was hoping to spend time with Severus in the evening, but she received a note during dinner that would change her plans. Curious as to who could have written to her, Lily opened the letter and found a message from Dumbledore, asking her to come to his office that evening.

She looked toward the Head Table, seeing the headmaster sitting in the middle, but he was in deep conversation with Professor McGonagall. Frowning, Lily folded the note and resumed eating.

"What's that you've got there?" James suddenly asked.

"That's not really your business," Lily replied coolly, trying to keep her composure calm.

James wrapped an arm around Mary and grinned. "Aw, touchy, aren't we, Lily?"

Lily glared at him, and James held his hands up in mock surrender. "Hey, hey, what's got your knickers in a twist?"

"James," Mary admonished, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend and huffing. Turning to Lily, she said, "Don't mind him, Lily. Sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it," Lily mumbled.

She finished eating dinner as quickly as she could, anxious to find out what Dumbledore wanted. In all her time at Hogwarts, she had never been called to the headmaster's office for a private audience. Before heading out of the Great Hall, Lily stopped by the Slytherin table.

Finding Severus, she said, "Happy birthday, Sev."

"Thanks, Lily," he replied. "Are we still on for tonight?"

Lily bit her lip. "Actually, besides wishing you a happy birthday, that's why I came over here." She leaned down and whispered into his ear, "I just got a summons from the headmaster. He wants to see me in his office."

Severus cast her a quizzical look. "Why?"

Shrugging, Lily murmured, "I don't know. I guess I'll find out in fifteen minutes. I've got to go, Sev. I'm sorry." With a peck on the cheek, Lily left a bewildered Severus sitting there.

Lily proceeded out of the Great Hall, noticing that Dumbledore had already left, and toward the headmaster's office. She gave the appropriate password, stepped onto the revolving staircase, and soon found herself facing the oaken door. She knocked a couple of times.

The door was beckoned open by Dumbledore's wave of the hand. He smiled genially at her.

"Ah, Miss Evans... Lily, thank you for coming on such short notice," Dumbledore greeted her. "Do come in and make yourself at home."

Lily, aware of the headmaster's overly-rehearsed greetings from Severus, entered the office and took the seat in front of the desk. "Good evening, sir," she stated politely. "What is it you wanted to discuss?"

"Lily, I know of your mother's condition. I am so very sorry. I wanted to start by asking: How are you holding up?" Dumbledore posed sincerely.

"I'm okay," Lily replied, but her brow creased in confusion. "But, sir, how did you know about my mum?"

"Ah, that," Dumbledore said lightly. "That is easily explained. Just because you had left Hogwarts doesn't mean you are unprotected and forgotten, especially Muggle families such as yours, Lily. With the looming war going on, I have done what I can to help protect my students and their families. It was observed that your family made a trip to the Muggle hospital in Manchester on the 27th of December. While I don't know what procedure your mother had done, I do know this much. How is she?"

Lily was touched by the headmaster's concern and the fact that he looked out for his students, even when they weren't at school. She had honestly had no idea. While she knew he was active in the Ministry and against what Voldemort stood for, Lily had yet to understand just how deeply involved Dumbledore was with the affairs of the wizarding world.

"She's doing all right, all things considered. Her spirit is strong, but she has to return for another surgery at the end of the month. She... she had.. has breast cancer, sir," Lily explained, her voice becoming strained at the end.

Dumbledore nodded slowly. "You will, of course, be permitted to return home for a few days for her surgery, then. Family is important. The neglect of family can tear it apart, and that is a tragic and terrible thing."

Lily saw Dumbledore's eyes take on a faraway, sad quality as he spoke of families, and she wondered if he spoke in such a way because of his own family. She wished to ask, but thought it inappropriate, seeing as he was her professor. Lily didn't know anything of Dumbledore's personal matters, so unless he chose to share them, she kept quiet.

"Yes, I agree," was all Lily said, wondering if this was why he had called her to his office, but based on what Severus had told her about the old man, he had hidden motives, so she awaited something more.

Lily wasn't surprised when Dumbledore proceeded to do just that.

"Lily, I must ask you," Dumbledore said, his tone becoming more serious, "how is Severus?"

"Severus?" Lily echoed, suspicious and perplexed. "He's fine, sir. Why?"

"I have no doubt that he is well in terms that you and he are very close. He has certainly come a long way in his time at Hogwarts and mastered many skills. Lily, I wonder... Was there ever a time in your combined history at Hogwarts when you noticed a sudden change in him?"

"Sir, why are you asking me this?" Lily questioned. "I mean, not to be rude or anything, but why not ask Severus himself? And do you not think that I won't talk to him later about our conversation? He already knows you have summoned me here."

"You may feel free to share the contents of our conversation with Severus," Dumbledore said mildly. "You are very good friends, so there is no doubt you would want to talk with him about this. I am simply concerned for him, Lily, and I have tried asking him. I have spoken with him, but he doesn't want to open up. He knows I am concerned, but I do not think he views it that way. Unfortunately, Severus doesn't trust me, although I cannot figure out why that would be the case."

Lily nodded. "Well, I was worried about him for a while, but that was nearly two or more years ago. I thought he was hanging around with the wrong crowd and tried to tell him repeatedly to stop being friends with people like Mulciber. He did stop at the end of fifth year... and he made that big stance against You-Know-Who last year. You know all this, though, sir. Severus has been adament about doing what's right, just like I always know he would. I admit - I had my doubts at times in fourth and fifth year, but the boy I met before Hogwarts was a good person and still is a good person, Professor."

Dumbledore listened intently to Lily's explanation of Severus's behavior, but he knew she had the bias of being a close friend, so she would defend him. He probed further, "And what of his abilities?"

"Like the flying?" Lily asked. "I just assumed... Well, he said he'd been practicing in his spare time. He is very intelligent, sir."

"I realize Severus is very intelligent, yes," Dumbledore replied. He thought Severus's abilities far exceeded that of any stellar seventh year, although he didn't vocalize this to Lily. He kept that information to himself. Lily apparently didn't know about the Occlumency.

Lily couldn't help but frown. She could tell Dumbledore wasn't being entirely open and honest with her, and thinking of Severus's distrust in the headmaster, she felt herself closing up. Had Dumbledore really only asked her here to discuss Severus, not out of concern for her family? Feeling slightly betrayed and hurt, Lily asked, "May I go now, sir?"

"You're upset," Dumbledore stated.

"No, I'm fine," Lily protested.

"It wasn't my intention to make you feel used, Lily," Dumbledore tried to explain, that gentle voice returning.

For a moment, Lily was almost taken in, but being around Severus had made her more on her guard. She wasn't to be fooled, whether Dumbledore was genuine or not. "Please, sir, may I please go?" she almost pleaded, wishing she didn't sound so vulnerable.

"You may. Good night, Lily."

"Good night," Lily said in a rushed voice. She stood and exited the office, hating herself for being such an open book.

x x x x x

The following day, Lily found Severus in the library after classes were over.

"You wouldn't believe the nerve of Dumbledore," Lily hissed, sitting down across from Severus.

"Actually, I would," Severus pointed out dryly. "Why? What did he say?"

"First of all, he knew I would tell you, anyway, so I don't think he told me anything he didn't want getting back to you. He started off by inquiring about my mum, explaining that he ensures protection of the students' families. I thought that was a kind thing to do, but then he asked about you, asking if I'd seen any major changes in you. He said you refused to open up to him."

Severus scowled. "How much more intrusive must he get?" he questioned, annoyed. "It's bad enough that he bothers me; now he's trying to drag you into the mix. What did you tell him?"

"Nothing he doesn't already know, not that there's anything to really say. I told him I'd been worried about you for a couple of years until you stopped being friends with certain bad influences and that you now opposed You-Know-Who. He then proceeded to question in regards to your abilities, thinking it suspicious that you could fly, for example. That's ridiculous. You're just really good at what you do."

Severus inwardly cringed. He hadn't told Lily about the Occlumency, and despite the duelling clubs, she hadn't seen him at his best in combat. There was so much Lily didn't know, but telling her was not an option, he felt. Those past memories needed to remain a secret. His shame of his past life's decisions had to stay deeply buried, almost to the point he could forget that existence.

"Well, he isn't going to get anything out of either of us, then," Severus stated.

"Why is he so interested in you, anyway?" Lily asked. "I mean, I know you chose to change what Slytherin stood for, what you stood for, but people can change their minds. Granted, it's hard and takes a strong person to do that, but you'd think Dumbledore would be happy you're on his side."

Lily's choice of words caused Severus anguish. "I'm not on 'his side,' per se," he tried to explain. "Why must the division simply be Dumbledore versus You-Know-Who? People have a right to take their own stance."

"Of course," Lily said, a bit put off by Severus's reaction, "but if you're good, and Dumbledore's good, then you're both basically on the same side."

"More or less, but I don't like it being called 'Dumbledore's side.' It's not as if Dumbledore is the know-all, say-all of what's good and right."

"But a lot of people look up to him," Lily said, "although I have to wonder if they realize he may be using them. I felt what you felt in his presence, but until you had brought it to my attention, I don't think I would have realized it."

Glad Lily had at least seen the light where Dumbledore's intricate, tiny manipulations were concerned, Severus conceded, "I hope you don't have to talk to him one-on-one again. It isn't pleasant, for all he tries to make it otherwise."

Lily sighed. "Enough about Dumbledore. N.E.W.T.s are coming, Sev, so we ought to study."

Severus gave an exasperated sigh. His mind wasn't on studying, but the reality of the war, both outside and inside the castle. Now that he was back at Hogwarts, everything regarding the war returned face-to-face.

x x x x x

Duelling sessions were resumed a little more than a week after returning to Hogwarts. Since finding out from Lily about Dumbledore, Severus felt all the more annoyed, hoping the headmaster would relent, but that wish was about as possible as Voldemort becoming good. With the mounting tensions in Slytherin, Severus was placed even more on edge, so he hoped to direct it toward training others effectively during the duelling club tonight.

Students seemed excited to be back, ready for the next round of training. Having already mastered Stunning, Disarming, and a plethora of other useful spells, Severus felt it was time to move to the next level: nonverbally casting of the spells. He realized this was asking a lot from the younger students, but to him, a person should always be ready and willing to learn new techniques.

"We will be learning nonverbal spells," Severus explained, not bothering to welcome the students.

"Nonverbal spells?" James asked loudly.

"Isn't that a little advanced for most of the kids here?" Sirius posed.

Taking their questions as criticism, Severus snapped, "If it's too much for you to handle, the door is right there. I am the one running this class, so therefore I shall decide what is and is not feasable."

"Class?" Lily asked softly. "Sev, this isn't a class. You're teaching us, but it's our choice to be here."

Severus realized he had spoken like the professor he used to be, and he mentally chided himself, which only fuelled his irritation. He was unpleasantly surprised by Lily's comment, but forced himself to remain calm.

"All right," Severus said. "We will begin trying to learn nonverbal spells, but it would be best of third years and younger stayed in one group and the older students in another. Lily, why don't you work with the younger ones?"

You're bound to be more understanding and patient, he thought.

"Okay," Lily said hesitantly.

She rallied the younger students to follow her, so Severus was left with the others.

"Okay, you know the drill. Find a partner," Severus said lazily.

Inevitably, James and Sirius decided to work together. Severus knew if he said anything, he would only upset himself further, so he chose to keep his mouth shut.

"Those who are in sixth year or above should know how this works, but it's still challenging. I suggest you close your eyes and imagine what spell you wish to cast and how you feel doing it and how it will effect your opponent."

Severus felt he was giving a lot more explanation than he would have in the past. His nerves eased some as he proceeded to explain. Finally, he instructed, "All right, now. Attack your opponent, and the opponent will try to block. Do this nonverbally, and if you can't, then just trying blocking nonverbally. That's usually easier."

The students began. It was a disaster, and Severus cringed at the poor attempts he was seeing. James and Sirius, being adept at Defense, were making nonverbal casting look like child's play.

Approaching the duo, Severus stated, "Showing off, are you?"

"No," James replied nonchalantly. "We just know what we're doing."

"Piece of cake," Sirius added.

"Indeed," Severus sneered. "Well, perhaps you would be so considerate as to split up your esteemed partnership and work with others? You know, actually help them?"

"You seem to be doing a fine job of helping them, Snape," James said, smirking.

"Don't patronize me," Severus snapped.

"Whoa, touchy," James replied in mock hurt. Sirius laughed.

"Then why are you two here, if not to cause trouble?" Severus inquired harshly. "These sessions are important. You're making it a joke, and I'm sure it's upsetting to others who aren't as advanced as you."

"Hey, no need to get so uptight, Snape," James said, holding up his hands in surrender. "You ought to learn to lighten up."

"Lighten up?" Severus asked, aghast. "In case you haven't noticed, Potter, there's a bloody war going on. In a few months, we'll be graduated and out in the world. Or have you forgotten that you lost a friend already?"

The smile on James's face evaporated. Sirius was glaring at Severus. Several of the students around them had stopped working. A little beyond, the group Lily was helping also noticed the lack of movement and sound, and they stopped practicing as well. Lily gazed at Severus, James, and Sirius, ready to intervene if necessary.

"I haven't forgotten," James growled.

"You dare bring up Peter-" Sirius started to say.

"James, Sirius, calm down," Remus suddenly said, stepping in between Severus and his friends. "Severus wasn't being disrespectful of Peter. Were you, Severus?"

"No," Severus said curtly. All eyes were on him, and feeling the discomfort growing, Severus barked, "The session is over."

"Severus-" Lily started to say.

Shaking his head, Severus held up his hand. "No, Lily, not now," he muttered.

The students exchanged glances and slowly began to exit the classroom. Severus could hear the Marauders mumbling and grousing among themselves, and it took every ounce of self-control he possessed not to yell at them. Once Lily and Severus were alone, Severus sighed and sank to the floor, burying his face in his hands, groaning.

"Severus," Lily said softly, concerned and put out. She sat down next to him and placed a hand on his back.

"I'm so... tired," he whispered at the floor.

"Of what?" Lily asked.

"Of Dumbledore, of Potter and his friends, of trying to help and not getting anywhere, of having to keep peace in Slytherin, of... of..." Severus trailed off, his breathing fast and shallow.

Lily hadn't seen him in this state in a long time, and it worried her. "Sev," she said gently, "of course you're tired. You've done so much, even been there for me through this whole thing with my mum and family."

"I wanted to be there for you, Lily," Severus blurted, looking up into her face. "I didn't mean-"

"I know you didn't mean it was a burden for you," Lily told him mildly. She took his face in her hands, slowly caressing his cheeks.

Severus allowed himself a small smile. "Thank you," he simply said. "I don't know why I lost it like that."

"You've been through a lot. It's no wonder you're exhausted... physically, mentally, emotionally. You deserve a break. Maybe we should't have the duelling session next week," Lily suggested.

"No, I don't want to do that," Severus countered. "It's important for them to learn how to effectively duel. Just because I'm having a hard time of things lately, that doesn't excuse me."

"At least think about it?" Lily asked.

"Okay."

Leaning in, Lily pressed her lips tenderly to his, and Severus returned the kiss with passion and fervor. He brought his hands to either side of her face and held her lips to his, drinking in her sweetness and vitality.

x x x x x

As January progressed, however, the level of stress Severus was experiencing only increased. The amount of energy it took to keep avoiding Dumbledore alone was draining. Even though there was progress slowly being made in the duelling sessions, Severus was still on edge every time they met. To make matters worse, Roger Mulciber must have made it his New Year's resolution to cause even more trouble. Detention and removal of house points didn't seem to faze him any longer.

Not wishing to seek Dumbledore's help, and Slughorn would be of little service, Severus appealed to talking with the Slytherin prefects. They met in one of the classrooms one evening. He realized he should have done so sooner, but it was difficult to know who to trust. Regulus was one of the prefects, and Severus still didn't know whose side he was on.

"We all need to work together to keep order in our house," Severus told the group. "I don't know if some of you agree with what Mulciber is doing, but if you do, I'm telling you right now that it's not going to stand. The lot of you do next to nothing to ensure peace in the common room and elsewhere, and I don't know if it's because you're afraid to speak up or because you think it's perfectly all right to harrass others."

"It's not that horrible," Regulus said. "We award Slytherin points when they deserve it, and that's because the other houses are always trying to give us a bad name."

"'Not that horrible?'" Severus inquired. "Have you been sticking your head in the sand, Black?"

Regulus scowled at Severus. "A few unruly students is nothing to get so worked up over."

"This is more than that," Severus argued. "Do you forget what happened in Hogsmeade two months ago?"

"No one who's still a student here was responsible for Pettigrew's death," the fifth year girl prefect, named Wilma Bulstrode, stated stiffly.

"Perhaps not directly, but I know for a fact that there are students who are supporters of You-Know-Who," Severus said, "and they are the ones giving Slytherin a bad name. If you want to appear noble, then do something about the problem."

"You sound like a Gryffindor," Dennis Masterson, the fifth year boy prefect, stated distastefully.

"This has nothing to do with houses," Severus tried to point out. "Slytherin can be just as noble as any other house."

"By supporting Mudbloods?" Masterson asked snidely.

Severus felt his blood boil. He stood and grabbed the younger boy by the collar. "Well, Masterson, you have just made your stance clear. Get out of my sight. You are not worthy of doing what's truly right, so I shall know better now than to enlist in your support."

Masterson brought his hands, balled into fists, between them, roughly cutting off Severus's grasp on him. "You're a disgrace, Snape," he hissed, turning on his heel and leaving.

"Is there anyone else who agrees with him?" Severus demanded.

No one said anything, but not convinced, Severus said shortly, "Very well. This little meeting is over. I should hope I haven't been wasting my time."

Severus returned to his room and dropped onto the bed, feeling a headache coming on. He reached into the bedside table's drawer and extracted a small vial. He downed its contents to alleviate the headache, throwing the vial to the ground in frustration, and flopped back onto the bed.