Chapter Sixty-Nine

April bloomed with the usual promises that spring brought every year, a feeling of renewal as life came out of the crevices and flowers popped up from the ground. So far, the year had proven challenging and emotionally draining for both Severus and Lily. Their time at Hogwarts was quickly drawing to a close, but N.E.W.T.s were the least of their concerns.

While the threat of war grew by the day, that reality had not yet fully culminated. For Lily, her mind had been mostly on her mother, whose condition, she knew, had worsened since she had last seem her. Letters weren't enough. She longed to see her mum again, worrying and wondering if it might be the last time.

She tried not to think about that. Instead of boarding the train, Severus and Lily opted to Apparate home for spring break. Lily was anxious to return home after three months, wondering what would greet her.

The walk to the boundary of the school grounds was otherwise pleasant, for the spring day was in its prime. The rustling of tiny leaves, the fragrant smell of buds, and the sound of chirping birds helped put Lily's wary mind at ease as she strolled alongside Severus, hand in hand.

"Petunia will be even more distant, I'm sure," Lily was saying. "Mum said she had to drop out of school temporarily to help out at home."

"You can't blame yourself for that," Severus replied. "You're still finishing your formal education, whereas Petunia is going to university. There's a difference."

"I still feel badly about it," Lily contended. "Petunia isn't likely to see it that way. We haven't spoken in four months, Severus, but I am sure she's thinking dark thoughts about me at this very moment. Don't you think every day day, every minute she is at home helping Mum, she isn't festering about having to take on all the responsibility?"

"A fair point, to be sure," Severus said as kindly as possible. "I understand your concern, Lily; I do. I had considered dropping out of school myself when my mum was sick. It wasn't an easy decision to make, but I think having your mum in the care of your sister is better than leaving her in the care of more or less strangers."

"That's true, but doesn't change the fact that Petunia..." she trailed off, realizing the conversation was going no where. "Anyway, Mum isn't doing well. I've known that. We both know that, but seeing her for the first time... Sev, she's lost her hair, lost weight, and is tired all the time. Just seeing her like that is going to be horrible, and that's just the outward appearance. Think how much she must be suffering inwardly... physically and mentally."

"Your mum is strong, Lily. She's a fighter. Just... when you see her, just try to see your mum through all the differences in her appearance. She's still the same person you know and love."

Lily nodded. "I know," she said softly, staring at the ground. They had arrived at their destination.

Severus took her hand. "Are you ready?" he asked gingerly.

"Yes."

With a crack, they Apparated directly into Spinner's End, which was really the only safe place for them to openly Apparate in a Muggle neighborhood. Once again, Severus's home was dusty and smelled of stale air from months of not being used.

He placed his belongings on the floor. "We can go to your house immediately if that's what you want. There's nothing for me in this house."

"Thanks, Sev."

They left Spinner's End a minute later. Spring was in its glory here at well, but the walk that would have been otherwise relaxing was anything but. Lily kept fretting, her hands nervously intertwining in front of her as she walked. Knowing that speaking was oftentimes overrated, Severus remained silent, but he wished to take her hand, if only to ease her nerves. Lily let him, but her free hand still picked at the fabric on her jeans as she made her way home.

When they arrived at Lily's house, Lily took a deep breath, readying herself for what she was about to face.

"All right, let's go," she murmured.

Severus gave her hand a light squeeze, and they walked up the driveway to the front walk, to the porch, and Lily opened the door.

"Mum, Dad, I'm home for the holiday!" she announced, putting on a brave face.

Shortly thereafter, Lily's parents were approaching them. Violet's face was pale and drawn, her cheekbones sticking out. Her clothes hung loosely off her thin frame, and she had the evidence of tiredness on her features. The dark circles around her eyes didn't hide the light in her eyes, though. There was hope there, and when she smiled, the old version of Lily's mum returned. She was completely bald, however, that being the most shocking thing to see. Equally surprising, Ross Evans had very little hair. His light brown hair was nothing more than stubble on his head.

"Oh, honey," Mrs. Evans said lovingly. "It's so good to see you. And, Severus, you as well!"

Lily hugged her mum. "You look good, Mum."

Mrs. Evans laughed. "You don't have to lie, dear. I know I must look a fright."

"No, I meant it," Lily said truthfully, surprised she was handling seeing her mum's appearance so well. It was Mrs. Evans's positive attitude and good mental state radiating through the raggedness of her physical appearance that made her beautiful. "You are lovely, Mum."

When mother and daughter released each other, Lily went to her father. "Hi, Dad," she said, now hugging him. "What's this you've done?" she posed curiously, indicating his hair.

"Lily, darling," he replied kindly, returning the gesture. "It was to show support for your mum. I work with a bloke whose wife also had breast cancer, and he shaved off his hair to show support for his wife. I thought it a bold statement, so the hair came off two days ago."

Lily smiled at his shaven head. "That's really sweet, Dad."

Severus watched the exchange between Lily and her parents, relieved she could find the happiness in the tears, the hope in the hardships. He hugged Mrs. Evans and shook Mr. Evans's hand. They talked briefly about their time at Hogwarts. The whole time, Petunia was no where to be seen.

x x x x x

Lily sat in front of the mirror of the vanity in her bedroom. She ran her hands through her thick, long hair, holding on to a lock once her fingers reached the ends. She had always loved her hair, and so had Severus, but seeing her mum's bald head just moments ago had changed her priorities. Hair was just hair, after all, and it would grow back...

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Severus asked hesitantly. He held the electric clipper in his hand. "It's very thoughtful of you to show your support for your mother, but if you're afraid-"

"I'm not afraid," Lily interrupted. "Let's just... get this over with."

"All right," Severus sighed.

Turning the clipper on, he brought it close to Lily's head, and starting at the temple, gingerly placed the razor blade there and slowly, experimentally, moved it toward the back of Lily's head. As the clipper moved, locks of long, red hair fell to the floor. Lily watched in the mirror, entranced by what she was witnessing. She never imagined shaving her head, so the whole process was quite surreal. Severus moved the razor blade back to the front and repeated the process, and more hair joined the pile on the floor. As he carefully did his work, Lily was left with about a quarter inch of stubble on her head. Finally finished, Severus turned off the clipper and placed it on the vanity.

Lily reached with a shaking hand to her head and ran it over the red stubble. In spite of herself, she laughed.

"It feels so... weird," she remarked. "I look so... strange."

"You're still beautiful," Severus stated, kissing her forehead. "You can really see your facial features well, and your eyes really stand out now. I've always loved your eyes, you know."

Lily smiled up at him. "You don't think I look like an alien or something?"

"Of course not," Severus said gently. "Like I said, it's really admirable what you're doing for your mum. In fact..." His eyes drifted to the clipper. "Would you return the favor?"

A part of Severus couldn't believe he was suggesting what he was, but then again, he had just done something to Lily he never thought he would do in a million years. He had always liked his hair long, but this had nothing to do with vanity.

"What?" Lily asked, gaping. "You mean, you would- ?"

"Yes, I consider her like a mum to me," Severus explained softly. "We are to one day be married, and I am honored to be a part of your family. It's the least I could do."

"Well... all right," Lily said hesitantly. "If you're sure..."

"I am," Severus said confidently.

They switched places. Lily now held the clipper in her hands. For some reason, she was having a harder time with this than Severus had, but finally, she turned the clipper on and began the process on her fiance. Severus's black hair joined the red tendrils already littering the floor, and within five minutes, his head resembled Lily's, only the stubble was black instead of red.

Severus gaped at himself for a few seconds. Never had he imagined having so little hair, as his hair had been long ever since he could remember. The look wasn't particularly flattering on him, but he hadn't done it for himself.

"I think my nose looks bigger," he remarked wryly.

Lily giggled. "Oh, Sev, stop. You do look different, but so do I. It's funny how different a person can look by just removing his or her hair."

Severus stood, brushing excess hair off himself. Looking down at the hair on the floor, he asked, "What should we do with it? I can vanish it away easily enough."

Lily shrugged. "Might as well. I'll help you."

Together, they withdrew their wands, uttering, "Evanesco," and vanishing the hair from the floor, leaving the carpet clean.

"What will your mother say?" Severus wondered aloud. "She probably doesn't expect her daughter to be nearly bald when she goes down for dinner."

"Let's not wait until dinner," Lily said, smiling and reaching for his hand. "I want to show her now... Let her know we're supporting her through this. The only thing that would be more shocking for her would be if Petunia shaved her head!"

Snorting, Severus let Lily lead him out of her room and down the hall. There was a foreign draft of cool air on his neck, and his head felt cold. Once they were downstairs, Lily wasted no time in seeking out her mother, who was in the sitting room watching television.

Mrs. Evans glanced up when she noticed them entering the room, and the instant her eyes rested upon the two teenagers, her mouth opened in surprise.

"Lily, Severus? What did you do?" she questioned.

Going to her mum, Lily took her hand and squeezed it. "We wanted to show our support, Mum. We know it's hard enough for you to be going through the chemo, and for everyone to see it and know... well, we just didn't want you to be alone."

Mrs. Evans's eyes started to water. She stood and pulled her daughter into a warm embrace. "Thank you, Lily... and Severus." She opened the embrace, beckoning Severus to join them.

Severus shyly walked across the room and shared in the group hug. He had never experienced such a thing before.

"You have no idea what this means to me," Mrs. Evans whispered. "Thank you so much."

x x x x x

At dinner, Petunia was shocked to see her entire family and Severus more or less without hair. Although she didn't say anything, her mouth briefly hung open when she entered the dining room.

Mr. Evans expressed his gratitude for Lily and Severus's selflessness. "When I did this, I didn't expect anyone else to, but how thoughtful of you to do this for your mother."

Lily blushed, then glanced at Petunia. She wondered what her sister was thinking. Lily certainly hadn't done it for attention, but there was little doubt that Petunia was thinking that Lily had tried to gain her parents' approval again.

"Actually," Lily said, "I never thought I'd do something like this, but for you, Mum, it's worth it."

"I appreciate it," Mrs. Evans affirmed. "When I first lost my hair, it was a hard thing to deal with. One of my fears later became so trivial, though. I've realized what's truly important: all of you in this room."

Severus noticed Lily and Petunia both blinking tears away. The words went unsaid, but the sentiment was there. In her struggle to fight the cancer, Violet had grown stronger, and Severus was glad Lily could finally see that.

Dinner went smoothly, and some time later, after Severus had gone home, Lily was in the sitting room watching the evening news. Without notice, Petunia came into the room and shuffled her way to the other end of the couch. She sat down carefully.

"You look ridiculous, you know," Petunia suddenly said.

For a moment, Lily thought her ears had to be deceiving her. Petunia hadn't uttered a single word to her in months. Lily stood and went to the telly to turn it off. She resumed her seat.

"Maybe," Lily said with a shrug, "but you should know by now why I did it."

Petunia cast her a skeptical look. "Did you really do it for Mum?" she asked quietly.

"I did," Lily stated evenly, trying not to be defensive. She paused as Petunia looked away. "Look, Petunia," she finally said, "I'm sorry, okay?"

"You're sorry?" Petunia asked bitterly. "Isn't it a bit too late for that?" Lowering her voice, she hissed, "You know full well that I've been taking care of Mum these past several months while you've been off at school in your own world, away from the concerns of your life back home. You go off with him into your magical place, and you can just forget about us here. I've seen how Mum's suffered every step of the way, and you come back here and shave off your hair in a display that's supposed to convince us that you're all noble and selfless?"

Lily sighed. She didn't want to start arguing again. "Petunia, please... I did this because I wanted to... for Mum. I'm not asking you to do it. We all show our support in the ways we can, and you've already been doing more than enough by staying home and taking care of her. I feel truly horrible that I haven't been able to be home more. It's not fair that you had to give up your plans and I didn't. It's not fair that Mum has to have cancer. The whole bloody thing isn't fair... but what do you want from me? I've apologized. I've tried to tell you that I was wrong to be so insensitive to your situation. Petunia, I don't know what else I can say or do."

Petunia had a hard time believeing Lily's words, but when she heard her sister's voice break, she relented. "It's not fair; you're right. If we... lose Mum... Lily, what will happen to us?"

"Have I already lost you, Petunia?" Lily asked despondently.

Petunia wiped at her eyes. "I'm right here, Lily. I had hoped... I hadn't lost you. I had hoped you still wanted me in your life."

"Oh, Petunia," Lily sighed, moved and relieved, all barriers breaking down as she crossed the short distance between them and threw her arms around her sister. "No, I'm not going anywhere. I swear it."

Petunia struggled to return the affection, but after a few seconds, her arms tentatively wrapped around Lily's back.

Neither young woman saw their mother standing in the doorway, tears of happiness in her hopeful eyes.

"Thank you, God," Mrs. Evans murmured.

Author's Note: Some of you may be asking why I had them do something so outrageous as shave their hands. The answer is there in the context, but in case you missed it: It was to show support for Mrs. Evans. I've known people who have done this for loved ones who are going through chemo, and I think it's very touching and sweet. It is completely true that I don't generally like it when I read a fic where Severus's hair is cut short, but this is an exception. I did this partly because it was, for me, overcoming a stupid pet peeve and doing so in a logical and meaningful way. But in case you're missing their hair already, it will grow back! I don't intend to keep them nearly bald.

I imagine there are spells that can make hair grow back faster or to any length you want, but they won't be using any such spells any time soon. It's all natural, the process.

Oh, and here's a new drawing I did: http:// sindie11 . deviantart . com / art / Shaggy-Sev-80009456(remove spaces) This is Severus at about Christmas time in 1978, and you can see that he's got shaggy-type hair. It doesn't look bad, I don't think. You can see that his hair will be longer again soon:p

If anyone would be so gracious as to draw fanart for this chapter or of them with shorter hair, I'd be interested. That would be interesting to see.

Anyway, I wanted to say one more thing. This story will go until 1981. It's 1978 right now. There will be roughly 150 chapters. By chapter 75, I hope to have Severus and Lily graduated.After that, the war aspect, including the problems with the Horcruxes and the prophecy, become very importan and the main plot of the story. There will be an epilogue set a few years in the future.

We return to Hogwarts in the next chapter, and I promise you some more "fun" (or as I like to call it, "tormenting of the poor characters) before graduation. It'll be a few days before the next update, seeing as I've given you about five updates in a week. :) You're spoiled, you are.