Desirable
"Dude, you really need to invest in a new T.V.," Sam said as she sat on the Shay's couch, flipping through the channels. "This one has such bad sound quality. I can barely hear Girly Cow's antics."
"Yeah, and you should really upgrade your cable package as well," Freddie nodded, popping a piece of popcorn into his mouth. "Right now you're really not getting the most out of your money. If you switch the premium plan with eight hundred channels, you'll not only be saving money, but you'll get the hard drive channel too."
"Oh, well thanks for criticizing my T.V. set up, people who don't live here but come over and eat all my food and hog my living room anyway," Spencer snapped.
"Jeez, don't wazz out," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "Hey, if you want, I can even get you that new T.V. My cousin Polly has a whole bunch of flat screens that she-"
"Do you have to try to get everybody involved in your family's illegal activities?" Freddie said.
"It's not illegal!" Sam defended. "Some moron left the keys to his delivery truck at Inside-Out Burger! That's begging for them to be taken!"
"Are you kidding-"
"Hey, so where's the teen that actually lives here?" Spencer interrupted. "Not that I don't love being stuck in the middle of an argument between her two friends."
"Oh, we left her back at the Groovy Smoothie," Freddie said.
"Yeah," Sam grinned. "She was flirting it up real well with the cute guy she 'accidently' spilled her smoothie on."
"Wait, you guys were at the Smoothie?" Spencer frowned.
"Yeah," Freddie nodded. "Why?"
"Well how come you guys never invite me to go with you there?"
"Because, you're a grown man who needs friends his own age," Sam snapped. "Now seriously, about this T.V. situation-"
Just then the apartment door opened and Carly walked in with a huge smile on her face.
"I'm in love!" she announced happily, flopping down on the couch next to Sam.
"Well, that's the third time this month," Freddie said, popping another piece of popcorn in his mouth.
"So things went well with smoothie guy?" Sam grinned, ignoring Freddie's comment.
"Insanely well," Carly nodded. "His name is Chad and he just moved here from Vermont. He likes romantic comedies, which is so rare in guys these days, he plays baseball, his brother is training to be an astronaut…plus he's such a good listener! The two of us talked for almost two whole hours down at the Groovy Smoothie!"
"Which no one invited me to. Again!" Spencer said indignantly.
"Sing a new tune, will you?" Sam retorted. She turned back to her best friend. "So? Are you guys gonna go out or something?"
"Um, yeah," Carly nodded. "Yeah, we-we actually have plans to get dinner this Saturday."
"Oh, nice!" Sam replied. "Hey, you guys should go to that new pizza place by the mall. They have the best breadsticks."
"Oh, um, yeah, maybe," Carly said. "Um…anyway. What-What are you two up to Saturday?"
"I dunno, I'll probably just chill at home and watch a movie," Sam shrugged.
"I was going to try and find a new spot for my authentic replica of Nug Nug's light beam," Freddie said. "It's starting to look a little cramped on my shelf next to all my Proton Cruiser models."
"Do you hear yourself or am I going to have to inform you of how lame that sentence was through cruel mockery?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, I heard it," Freddie sighed.
"Well, since neither of you have real plans, how-how about you join Chad and me?" Carly asked.
"On your date?" Sam frowned. "Isn't that kind of weird."
"Well I used to go on your dates back when you guys were together!" Carly pointed out.
"Yes, to keep us from arguing," Freddie said. "You just said you and Chad get along great."
"Well, you-you should still come anyway," Carly said lamely. "It will be fun with the four of us all there!"
"But that wouldn't be much of a date, would it?" Sam said.
"Sure it would!" Carly said. "It'd be me and Chad and then you two!"
"But Carly…" Freddie said slowly. "That makes it sound like it's a-"
"-Double date," Sam finished, glaring at the brunette suspiciously.
"Well," Carly said, giving a nervous chuckle. "I suppose if you want to get technical about it-"
"But-But Sam and I aren't even a couple anymore," Freddie said. "Why would we go on a double date with you?"
"And who even goes on double dates anymore?" Sam scoffed. "They're totally lame. It's just more people to deal with."
"Alright, look, it-it was Chad's idea," Carly sighed. "We were talking and-and like I said, things were going so great between us, so I told him we should get dinner, you know, like on a date, but he said he only goes on double dates for the first date because it alleviates all the awkward first date drama."
"What a loser," Sam snorted.
"He's not a loser!" Carly defended. "He's sweet. And-And if you think about it, it's not a bad idea."
"So why don't you just get two other people?" Freddie asked.
"Because, I told you, he just moved her from Vermont," Carly explained. "So he doesn't know anybody else yet. And since I spend all my time hanging around you two, my options are kind of limited too. So-So I told him that you guys would be perfect since you're my best friends and have been together for over a year and-"
"You what?" Sam and Freddie exclaimed simultaneously, jumping to their feet.
"You told your little boyfriend Fredgut and I were dating?" Sam yelled.
"Why would you do that?" Freddie cried. "We've been broken up for six months!"
"I'm sorry!" Carly said. "But-But I just really like Chad and I wanted to go on this date! I-I know I shouldn't have done it, but-but I just couldn't stop myself. Look, it-it won't be that bad! I'll pay for your food and-and oh come on! You guys owe me! Sam, how many times have I helped you with your mom's various rashes over the years? And Freddie, I let you use our address for your dumb tech magazine subscriptions so your mom won't freak out over you getting paper cuts! I'm just asking for one tiny favor; just act like a couple on this date. Once things progress more between me and Chad, I promise, I'll tell him the truth."
Sam and Freddie continued to glare at her.
"Please?" Carly said. "For me?"
"No way!" Freddie said firmly. "We're not going to-"
"Fine," Sam cut him off. "We'll go along with your little charade."
"What?" Freddie sputtered.
"Well we do owe her," Sam sighed. "And I kind of like the sound of that free meal."
"I-Fine," Freddie conceded. "I guess we do owe you."
"Yes!" Carly cheered throwing her arms around her two friends. "You guys are the best! Thank you so much! I'm going to go call Chad and tell him you'll meet us on Saturday at seven."
"You know," Freddie said as Carly ran upstairs. "She gives 'boy-crazy' a whole new meaning."
"Tell me about it," Sam mumbled, rolling her eyes.
"Anyway," Freddie said. "This isn't going to be weird is it?"
"What?"
"Us pretending to be a couple on Saturday," Freddie said.
"Huh? Pfft, no!" Sam scoffed. "Why would it be weird? We go, sit next to each other, order the most expensive thing on the menu and then call it a night! It will be just like all the other times we've eaten together since we've broken up."
"Yeah…" Freddie said slowly. "Yeah, you're right."
"Always am," Sam grinned. "Anyway, I'm gonna head home. My neighbor usually comes back from work around this time and I wanted to teach him a little 'lesson' about running his weed whacker at eight in the morning."
"I should head out too," Freddie said. "I promised Gibby I'd help him alphabetize his cat's food."
"Why does his cat's food need to be alphabetized?" Sam frowned, grabbing her jacket as she opened the front door to head out.
"I don't know, he says it calms her or something," Freddie shrugged, following Sam out of the apartment and closing the door behind him, leaving only a forgotten Spencer sitting at the kitchen table.
"You know, I'm sure this will end badly," Spencer said to himself, taking a swig from the root beer he was drinking. "But does anybody ever ask Spencer for his opinion? Noooo, of course not!"
…
"Chad is going to be here at six-thirty to pick me up," Carly said as she fluffed her hair in the mirror. "So just make sure you and Freddie meet us at the restaurant by seven."
"Fine," Sam groaned, looking up from the sock she was filling with fresh butter.
"Do you know what you're going to wear?" Carly asked. "You know you're always welcome to borrow something."
"Um, I'm wearing this," Sam frowned, pulling at the shirt she was currently wearing along with an old pair of jeans.
"Er, no offense or anything, but that's not really date-night attire," Carly said. "What about that cute purple dress you have? You used to wear it all the time when you would go out with Freddie."
"Yeah, but I'm not going out with him," Sam pointed out. "We're just pretending to get you off our back. I'm not gonna get dolled up for a fake date."
"But-But Chad might realize something's up if you don't look like you're really on a date," Carly said. "And I can't have him find out I lied to him on our first date! I want our relationship to be built on trust and-"
"Well then you shouldn't have lied to him!"
"Come on, how hard is it to act coupley with Freddie for just one night?" Carly said. "You've done it before! And you guys promised me you'd do this for me."
"Alright, alright!" Sam snapped. "I'll wear a stupid dress!"
"Thank you," Carly said, relieved. "Now, make sure when you come into the restaurant, you and Freddie are holding hands and smiling like any other normal couple. And at the table, maybe throw a couple of compliments his way or-"
"Carls, I know what to do," Sam told her. "Like you said, I have done this with him before."
"Right," Carly nodded. "Well just make sure to really sell it. I have to go look for my cute black heels to match my dress. Just go through my closet and try to find something nice."
"Yeah, yeah," Sam said, dragging her feet over to the closet.
As Carly ran out of the room, Sam looked through the dozens of dresses on the hangers.
"How messed up is this?" Sam mumbled under her breath. "I have to dress up for a date, that isn't even a date, with my ex-boyfriend all so my best friend can keep some lie going and get herself a boyfriend? God, my life should be a sitcom. It'd be so much more interesting than half the chiz out there."
She pulled out a dark red dress from Carly's closet. "I guess that could work," Sam said thoughtfully. "Freddie always did say I looked hot in red."
As she said those words though, she almost dropped the dress.
It doesn't matter what Freddie thinks looks hot on me, she told herself firmly. This isn't a real date!
She quickly swapped the dress for a black one. "This is good enough," she said.
As she stuffed the dress into her bag, though, she couldn't help but wonder if agreeing to go on this date was actually a good idea after all. Even if it did include a free meal.
…..
"I still don't get why we couldn't all just ride over in Chad's car when he picked Carly up," Sam said a few hours later as her and Freddie walked through the parking lot of the restaurant.
"Carly said it would look better if we came on our own," Freddie shrugged.
"She's really starting to push it," Sam mumbled.
"She's our friend," Freddie sighed as they reached the door. "So, you ready?"
"Yeah, let's get this over with, Benson," Sam nodded.
"Lets," Freddie agreed.
He hesitated for a moment before holding out his hand. "You know," he said. "For-For effect."
Sam rolled her eyes but took his hand anyway.
"Um, you look nice, by the way," Freddie said as they stepped inside.
"Save it for the table," Sam told him.
"Right," Freddie said quickly. "Sorry."
"There they are!" the heard Carly's voice call across the restaurant. They turned around to see the girl waving from a small booth.
"Here goes nothing," Sam sighed as they walked over.
"Hi!" Carly beamed. "We were starting to get worried about you guys. You're ten minutes late. Let me guess, you couldn't pull yourselves away from each other to head over?"
"Yeah, well, you-you know us," Sam said, pulling a smile on her face as her and Freddie slid into the very cramped booth.
"Sorry it's a little tight, this is the only table the restaurant had," Carly apologized. "But I know you two don't mind being pushed together. Oh, Sam, Freddie? I'd like you to meet Chad."
"Hey," the tall, muscular boy next to Carly said, extending his hand. "Nice to meet you guys. Carly's told me a lot about you."
"Nice to meet you too," Freddie said, trying not to think about the fact the Sam's leg was pressed up against his own. "We've heard a lot about you as well."
"We were just talking about iCarly," Carly said. "Chad watched some clips for the first time today and he says the show is really funny!"
"Yeah, it's hilarious," Chad nodded. "But that Gibby kid…is he really that-"
"Uh-huh," Sam said, grabbing a breadstick.
"Anyway, you guys are great," Chad continued. "And watching you two on iCarly, you'd never even know you two were together."
Carly, Sam and Freddie exchanged glances.
"What-What do you mean?" Freddie asked.
"I mean it's impressive how you two are able to put your personal relationship aside for the sake of the show," Chad said. "Really professional."
"Oh, well, it-it's real hard sometimes," Sam said, giving a small laugh. "Trying to keep our hands off of each other. You know, because we're so in love."
"That's sweet," Chad said. "I consider myself somewhat of a hopeless romantic, so I'm just a sucker for couples in love."
"I'm a hopeless romantic too!" Carly said. "Do you ever just think about sending someone a huge bouquet of flowers with a fake rose hidden in them and a little note that says-"
"-I'll love you till the last rose dies!" Chad finished. "That's only been my dream since I was twelve!"
"Mine too!"
"Oh my God, there's two of them," Sam whispered to Freddie.
"It's creepy," Freddie nodded.
"But being friends with such a committed couple like Sam and Freddie, I'm sure you get to witness romantic gestures all the time," Chad said.
"Oh yeah, all the time," Carly nodded. "Um, Freddie, tell Chad about that-that romantic thing you did the other day."
"Huh?"
"You know, the romantic thing you did for your girlfriend who you're dating," Carly said, giving him a look.
"Oh, right," Freddie said, catching on. "Well, um, oh, okay! So um, Sam had had a really bad day at school. She got detention, the cafeteria ran out of barbecue sauce, her locker microwave shorted out…so, um, after we got out of last period, I decided to take Sam out to one of her favorite restaurants, where they serve you pieces of cake bigger than your head. And while Sam was in the bathroom, I went up to our waiter and convinced him-"
"-You convinced him to put this necklace in my piece of cake," Sam said softly, putting her hand on the gold chain around her neck with a small charm of a heart hanging off it. Engraved on the charm were her and Freddie's initials. She hadn't taken it off since, even after the break-up. She had never been able to explain even to herself why she kept wearing it, and Freddie, who she was sure noticed, had enough tact to not ask about it.
She remembered how she had almost swallowed it as she dug into her cake, and how she had teased Freddie about pulling the cheesiest, lamest move in history.
But she also remembered how she hadn't been able to stop smiling the rest of that day.
"Yeah," Freddie said, his cheeks now crimson. "I-I had been saving it for her birthday, but-but I just thought she'd like it then."
"I did," Sam said before she could help it.
"The old jewelry in the cake routine," Chad grinned approvingly. "Classic."
"That's Sam and Freddie for you," Carly chuckled. "Freddie always comes up with sweet things like that for Sam. But Sam comes through too, doesn't she?"
"Yeah, she does," Freddie said, smiling at Sam. "Like this one time she waited out in front of the Pear Store over night because she wanted to get me the brand new phone cases that were coming out the next day just because I made one comment about really wanting one. And another time she spent the entire day with me watching every Galaxy Wars movie even though she hates them."
"Yeah, well," Sam mumbled, looking down at her lap. "What are girlfriends for?"
"You two must really be in love," Chad commented.
"Of course we are," Freddie said, putting an arm around Sam. "We're really in-"
"I need some air," Sam said abruptly, getting to her feet.
"Are you okay?" Carly frowned.
"Yeah, I-I'm fine," Sam lied quickly. "It's just, um, I-the smell of pizza is really getting to me. I'm just gonna step out for a second and get some fresh air."
Freddie gave her a strange look but said nothing.
"I'll be back in a second," Sam said before turning and hurrying out of the restaurant.
Once she got outside, she let out a deep breath.
She couldn't handle this, and she had been stupid for thinking that she could.
Sitting there next to Freddie, having him so close she was practically on his lap and having his arm around him and having him flash her that cute little smile of his as he recounted some of the best moments of their relationship together…it was all too much.
It was as though she was having something she wanted desperately thrust and dangled in her face, only to have it yanked away at the last second.
It's a fake date, Sam reminded herself.
Yet even she couldn't deny it. This fake date was making her feel the same way she would feel on a real date with Freddie.
"I can't do this," Sam whispered to herself. "I can't-"
"The smell of pizza was getting to you?"
Sam spun around to see Freddie standing behind her, raising an eyebrow.
"What?"
"That was possibly your lamest excuse ever," Freddie said.
"What are you doing out here?" Sam asked, determined not to look him right in the eye.
"Well since I'm your date, I thought I'd come check on you," Freddie said.
"You're not my date!" Sam snapped.
"Okay, okay, sorry," Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "Fake date. But seriously, what's up with you? Were those breadsticks not filling enough for you or-"
"Just go back inside, will you?" Sam cut him off. "I-I'll be back in a minute."
"Hey," Freddie said, his tone softening. "Sam, what's wrong?"
"Nothing!"
She turned her back on him, trying to steady her breathing. She was not going to get upset over this.
The two were silent for a moment.
"It's hard, isn't it?" Freddie finally spoke, his voice hardly louder than a whisper.
Sam turned back around. "Huh?"
"Pretending we're a couple again," Freddie sighed, looking down at his feet. "I mean, I-I know it's been six months since we-since we broke up, but being back in this situation, it-it's-"
"Yeah," Sam said, giving him a small, knowing smile. "I know."
"We shouldn't have agreed to this," Freddie said, sitting down at the small stone bench. "We should've known it would bring around all of these weird feelings."
"Yup," Sam said heavily, sitting down next to him. "But-But we're doing this for Carly. And she's our friend and-"
"No."
Sam and Freddie looked over their shoulders to see Carly standing behind them.
"Carly?" Freddie frowned. "What are you-"
"I can't make you guys do this anymore," she sighed. "It-It was wrong of me to force you to. It-It's obviously hurting both of you and-and I don't want that. Not over some guy."
"But you like Chad," Sam said.
"I know," Carly nodded. "Which is why I told him the truth. That I asked you guys to pretend to be a couple so he'd go on this date with me. I figured if we were really meant to be, it wouldn't matter to him anyway."
"And he was cool with it?" Freddie asked.
"No, he said he couldn't be with a girl who would lie about romance," Carly said, rolling her eyes. "But whatever, it's fine. Now that I think about it, it is kind of stupid to only want to go on a double date for your first date. Plus even I don't like romance as much as that guy. You know writes wedding vows in his free time?"
"Creepy," Sam commented.
"Anyway," Carly continued. "I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to put you guys through all that. I wasn't trying to bring out any unresolved feelings between you two or-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Freddie cut her off.
"Unresolved feelings?" Sam scoffed. "What are you talking about?"
"There's no unresolved feelings between us!" Freddie said.
"What?" Carly frowned. "Are you kidding me? What about that whole moment you two just had? About this being hard and-"
"That-That doesn't mean there's feelings between us!" Sam said. "Jeez, Carly, not everything has to involve emotions and chiz."
"But-But you guys-"
"Yeah, not everybody is a hopeless romantic like Chad," Freddie smirked.
"God, that guy was a freak," Sam said, shaking her head. "Good call getting rid of him, Carls."
She got to her feet. "And by the way, you still owe Fredbug and me dinner. Let's go back in and dig into some pizza. Mama's starved."
"You think they have red pepper flakes?" Freddie asked as he followed Sam back into the restaurant.
"Oh it's cool, I always carry some in my purse," Sam told him.
"Sweet."
"I-I-" Carly sputtered, staying rooted in her spot. "I-But-Unbelievable! This has got to be an all time low for those two!"
