Daryl had lost his sense of time, since how long they were standing like that. Beth was still pressing her body against his back, held him close with her arms and buried her nose deep into his shirt. He could feel her breathing, could feel the tender kisses she placed on top of his shoulder blade and he could hear her whisper soothing things into his ear or just his name.
Daryl's eyes did already hurt badly from pressing them closed so hard, his nose was running and his lungs didn't get enough air. Also his chest felt cramped, because of the many deep sobs. He just cried out all the sadness, all the fear and guilt he had carried inside himself, since such a long time. Even after he had finally said it out loud, it still didn't change his situation. He will lose her. Beth. Forever.
Just the thought about it, caused his legs to boycott his bodyweight and slowly they sank down to the ground, together. Beth never stopped having her arms wrapped around his middle. Daryl angled his legs protective closer to his chest, the insinct to protect himself from the coming made him doing so. His head, he leaned powerless against his arms, laying on top of his knees. And he cried, just cried.
The warmth of Beth's body against his back never left its place, also not her hands around his belly, she just kept on holding him. Seconds, minutes, maybe hours passed by, when Beth finally distanced her body from his and before he could even realise it, she crawled next to his side and whispered carefully "Daryl."
He almost flinched, even when her voice sounded that soft and warm. But still, he wasn't able to face her sad expression and look into her disapointed eyes. They were probably reflecting her broken heart. Daryl exactly knew what he had done and he would give everything to make it unhappen, but no one could give Beth her family back.
He whimpered heartbreaking, when he could suddenly feel her warm fingers on top of his head, sliding carefully through his messy hair. Daryl had expected Beth to beat him, letting her anger out on him. He was used to this since he was a little kid. He had expected her to box against his chest and scream at him, wishing he was dead instead of her mother and brother, but she didn't. Beth kept quiet, just stroked gently and lovingly his head.
"Daryl. Look at me. Please." She said carefully, while she kept on sliding her long fingers through his hair, which caused goose bumps everywhere on his body. He was still sobbing, even when the tears didn't stream out of his eyes any more. Now they were just dropping silently down his swollen face, but still he wasn't able to speak.
So he just shook ashamed his head, which caused Beth get in front of his angled legs. Without much force, she took them appart, so she could crawl between his legs and lean her left shoulder against his chest. She was so damn close with her face to his, Daryl could feel her breathe against his tear stained face. Lovingly she kept on with stroking his head for minutes, till she began to pull the dark strains of hair behind his ear, so the protective curtain of hair didn't cover his face from her look any more.
"Daryl." Beth whispered, before she placed a long, soft kiss on his pulsing temple. Daryl wasn't sobbing any more, his lungs got finally enough air again, but his heart was still beating damn fast and the tears didn't want to stop falling down his face. He was still waiting for Beth to scream and hurt him, but she didn't, she just watched his profile.
Suddenly Daryl could really feel her fingers against the skin of his cheeks, but she didn't slap him like he had expected. She just whipped gently his tears away with her warm palms. "Daryl." Beth whispered softly again, trying to get his attention, while her fingertips were gently stroking his skin.
Carefully, like he was fragile porcelain, Beth tried to move his head, till his red, glassy eyes met hers and her mouth got opened overwhelmed, when she saw how endless sad, tired, broken and guilty they were.
"Oh, Daryl." Beth whispered compassionate, before she threw her arms around his neck, pulled him closer and hugged him tight and lovingly. And Daryl just couldn't believe it. She obviously wasn't mad at him, she didn't want to scream at him, beat him for what he had done to her family. Beth just wanted to hug him.
And right in this moment, Daryl didn't want anything more, than hugging her back, feeling her against his body, knowing she was close. His still shaking hands he finally wrapped around her upper body and with a good meant pleasure he pulled her closer and closer to his chest.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Daryl whispered, his trembling lips so close to her neck, while the tears made their way out of his eyes and into the fabric of her shirt. Beth had her arms still wrapped around his neck, when she asked softly "About what are even you sorry for Daryl?"
"I have killed your mother and your brother that day. I was the one. It was me." Daryl admitted again and even by the second time, it didn't make him feel any better. Slowly Beth loosened their embrace, instead she framed Daryl's cheeks with her soft palms, when she looked him deep in the eyes and said "You haven't killed them Daryl. They were already dead since a long time, you know that."
"But you haven't known it that time. I should have told you this already a long time ago. The day I have got to know it, right in the next second I should have done it. I'm sorry." Daryl answered ashamed, but he couldn't hide his face from her eyes anymore, because Beth was still holding his face in place.
"I also knew it then Daryl. I just didn't want to believe it. The people, who came out of the barn, weren't the same anymore like they used to be, since a very long time. They weren't mama and Shawn, not any more. They were already gone a long time before that day has even happened. You and all the other had just done the things they had to be done, the right things. You stopped them, before they could hurt anyone of us Daryl. You haven't killed my mother and brother. You gave them peace and us safety."
"But still.." Daryl tried to make her realise the reality, but he got quickly interruped, when Beth pressed gently her finger against his lips. "There is no but, Daryl. You haven't done anything wrong, believe me. And I also don't know why you have thought I would be mad at you."
"You aren't?" Daryl asked shocked, his hands still rested around Beth's upper body. "Of course, I'm not. How could I ever be mad at you Daryl?" Beth answered with even a sweet smile playing on her lips. "I would know a few things." He said, before she leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. "I don't even know one reason, Mr. Dixon."
Gently Beth rested her head against the place between Daryl's shoulder and neck. Relieved he leaned his head against hers, still not being able to believe how much luck he had. They were sitting like that a half eternity, watched the sun going slowly down, till his tears had dried and Beth's soft voice filled the air "Is this the only reason, why you want to leave? Because you felt guilty."
"No." Daryl answered simply but truthfully, while he buried his nose deep inside Beth's golden locks. "It's Merle right? Like I have said before. He wants you to leave this place with him together, right? He has told you at least once every day, that you aren't good enough for this place, that you don't fit inside here." Feeling caught about how damn stupid he was to believe his brother's words, Daryl slowly nodded his head and he could feel his cheeks heating up, because he was so damn ashamed.
Slowly Beth lifted her head, till she was looking directly into Daryl's with sadness filled ones. Compassion was written in her beautiful face, when she said soothing "But you belong to here, Daryl. You belong to us, you belong to..." Beth suddenly stopped then and even when she never said it out loud, Daryl knew what she had wanted to say. Yes, he somehow also belonged to her. "This is your home, I have always thought you know that. Don't you feel like that? Don't you like it here?" She finally went on with questioning eyes.
A cold shiver ran down Daryl's back, because with every word Beth touched his soul and heart. She was able to get under his skin so easily, since the very first day. "I have never felt some kind of home anywhere in my life before, but this place.. I don't know if this is the right feeling, but I think this all here is the closest place I would ever call home."
His statement conjured Beth a sweet smile on her lips, before she asked "So you don't really want to leave. It was just about Merle, right?" Truthfully Daryl nodded his head, trying to hide his look from her, because some tears already built up in his eyes again, even when he thought there couldn't come more.
"I can understand you Daryl, I really do. I don't know what I would do, if Maggie or daddy would want to leave this place here, because I would be nothing without them. And that's even the difference. Because you are nothing with your brother outside on your own, but you are everything inside these fences Daryl." Gently Beth placed her index finger under his chin, to lift up his face, till his unsure eyes met hers.
"I know he is your brother. He is the only family you have left, but we are also your family now, Daryl. You aren't alone any more and you won't ever have to be so in your life. This place here needs you, more than anyone. I also know you have already changed for your brother so often, but now it's time for him to change, for you. Because I won't let you go anywhere Mr. Dixon." Beth secured him, before she stretched herself and placed a long, soft kiss against his forehead.
Daryl closed his eyes then to take in every second her sweet lips touched his skin, something he thought he won't ever be able to feel in his life again. Even after she had pulled away, he kept his eyes closed. Beth's words hugged his tired body, when she went on "You aren't useless or nothing Daryl, you are everything. Stop telling yourself so and that you are a stupid, dirty redneck. We all care about you and want to have you here. You are so precious with your protective way, your skills and the need to make everything right. And this all doesn't mean, that Merle has to leave. He can stay here, if he wants."
"But I know he doesn't want so and I also don't know how I could change his stubborn mind." Daryl told Beth desperately, while he rubbed his tired eyes. "He just has to understand it and I know you will be able to talk him into it, because he also cares about you, even when he won't ever say it out loud. But I can see it in his eyes, how he is looking at you. The way he has hugged you, when he was suddenly standing in front of you. He cares about you Daryl and he just has to understand your decision, because I won't ever let you go."
Beth said determined and Daryl didn't have the need to contradict her, but still he said with a small voice "I don't know. By the way, what should I tell the other, when I will cancel the run tomorrow? How will I explain that to them? Merle and me just have to go outside tomorrow morning. I don't know how to change his decision and I sure as hell don't know what to answer Rick and the other, when they will ask me what's going on. I just can't do that. Can't also handle that." Understanding Beth nodded her head, before she leaned forward and said seriously, with a worried undertone. "But you will come back home, right?"
Before Daryl nodded truthfully his head, his eyes were spellbound to Beth's big, worried looking ones. He still wasn't able to believe she cared that much about him and what will happen to him. "Promise me, Daryl. Please." Beth was begging him and seriously he secured her "I promise girl."
It was about one hour, after Beth had accompanied him to his cell, before she left to her own. Since that, Daryl was watching pensive the ceiling above his head, thinking about how he should tell it his brother. What or how should he do it? When, simply when was the right time to explain something like this? Before they will even drive away tomorrow or during? He just didn't know.
It was in the middle of the night, when Daryl decided to do it right now or otherwise he won't close his eyes for just one second tonight. Silently Daryl went down the corridor, he even tried to be even more quiet, when he passed by Beth's cell, because he didn't want to wake her. She deserved her rest after what she had done to him tonight.
Her private curtain was closed and best he wanted to pull it away a little, so he could see her cute, relaxed sleeping face, but he couldn't do that right now. First he had to go to Merle on the guard tower, before he will watch Beth Greene sleeping like the angel she was.
Quickly Daryl got out of the building, through the high grass of the lawn and over to the guard tower. He had just opened the heavy door, when he could her voices. Curious Daryl tried to get to know with whom Merle was talking, when a too familiar voice found the way to his ears.
Daryl's hands got into fists instantly and he just wanted to climb upstairs and yell at his brother, thinking that Merle had probably attracted her, because he knew his borther liked to look at the pretty girl and he knew Merle and his behavior just too good.
"What do you want here blondie?" Merle said with his usual annoyed voice. "I just want to talk with you." Beth said with a strong voice, not like her usual sweet, innocence one. Her answer caused Daryl to stop climbing upstairs the ladder, because obviously she was voluntary here.
"Great. About what do want to talk with me? About your stupid teenage girl's problems, like how your breasts aren't growing similar or.." Merle tried to be the asshole he always was, while Daryl heard him sitting down on the only chair in the room.
But Beth had enough, she didn't want to listen to Merle's stupid comments any more, so she easily interrupted him and finally said it out loud. "Daryl. I want to talk with you about Daryl." Shocked Daryl stopped holding the ladder, instead he took a few steps backward to see Beth from behind upstairs, standing with her hands rested on top of her hips. Her eyes probably just narrowed Merle sharp in front of her.
"So what has my brother done, that you want to talk with me about him? Has he teased you blondie or was he nasty to you?" Merle asked amused, but Beth was acting like she hadn't even heard his question. Instead she just said with the same strong voice like before "I know what you want to do tomorrow and I know that you have talked Daryl into it. But he won't go anywhere, he will stay here by his family and you can't change his mind."
Daryl could hear how Merle leaned forward in his seat and again he was thankfully, that he had caught the two of them, just in case Merle won't be able to hold back his anger, like already so many times.
"And what makes you thinking this way blondie? Like you have said, we will leave this place here tomorrow and you can't stop us. It's already decided." Merle answered confident of victory, before Beth taught him a better one. "No, you have decided so Merle, but I bet you haven't asked Daryl for at least one time what he wants to do. But I know. Daryl doesn't and won't leave his home, his family. He will stay."
Merle began to laugh out loud then, this ridiculous and condescending way he always did and caused Daryl to only get even more angry at his brother. He got even goose bumps, while Merle's laughter filled the air, before the older Dixon said still all amused "And how do you want to prevent that blondie?"
Daryl could almost feel the electricity in the air, the endless seemed seconds Beth was only staring at Merle with narrowed eyes, before she said with her finger pointing into Merle's direction "First, my name is Beth and not blondie. Second, I know it, because in contrast to you I have asked Daryl what he wants and he wants to stay here. He is just too kind to tell you, because he doesn't want to lose you. And he never things about himself, what he wants, he just always thinks about what the other want. Third, Daryl would and has already done everything for you. He would even leave his new life he likes so much for just having you back. But now it's time for you to do something for your brother, because Daryl would die for you. And fourth, this place can also become a home for you Merle. You just have to allow it yourself. But don't matter how you will decide, I won't let Daryl go."
Daryl had goose bumps everywhere on his body after Beth's words, because no one had ever cared so much about him like she did. And Daryl could also say that Merle was as shocked and overwhelmed as himself, because it needed almost a whole minute, till he answered. But now with an almost small voice "But this isn't the right place for me."
"No Merle, the place here is right, but you just don't want to change yourself for a better future, for your brother. Daryl deserves a home, a family, a safe place to be and you also do. You just have to allow it yourself." Beth said with her usually sweet and soft voice, before Daryl could hear her footsteps getting closer to the ladder.
Quickly he opened the metal door and slipped quietly outside, but before he could closed it behind himself, he heard Beth saying to his brother "Just think about it Merle, but Daryl won't come with you, if you really want to go. Good night.
