Chapter Three – Mr. Collins

Mama was loud in her delight when she received news of the ball late that afternoon. I realized I might have overdone the laudanum a bit, for it left her with a terrible headache. Fortunately, she took it as an after-effect of sleeping so long and seemed able to ignore it entirely once she heard the good news.

"Oh, Jane, you have the honor of opening the ball with the host!" she screeched, as if we had not just told her that very fact. "I knew you could not be so beautiful for nothing! I wonder if Mr. Bingley will propose that night?"

I fully intended that he would, but I could not tell Mama that. Instead, I blushed appropriately at her comments, an act I had learned to perform on demand several years ago.

"Mama! You must not say anything of the sort at the ball. You might scare him away." It was a futile protest, I knew, but I had to try.

"Oh, nonsense, girl! As if he will pay any attention to me when you are around. But you must learn to make better use of your assets to draw his eye. Your gowns are not cut nearly low enough. I wonder if we could get a new ball gown made for you in time?" She tutted and fretted over the thought. Unfortunately, it was already too late to visit the dressmaker that evening. I would not mind a new gown to celebrate what would become my engagement ball, so long as the cost did not come from my personal account.

After more than ten years of saving and some judicial investment from my uncle, my personal fund was a little over one thousand pounds. The money would go to Mr. Bingley, of course, as part of my dowry, but I did not mind. It was nothing to Caroline Bingley's twenty thousand, or the thirty thousand Miss Darcy apparently had, but it was a far cry more respectable than the pitiful fifty pounds my father had settled upon each of us. There was also the thousand pounds that would come to me from my mother's settlement, but that would not be until after she was dead, an event I did not really wish for at the moment. I suspected I might wish it before the ball arrived, but that was nothing new.

Lizzy had saved nearly as much as me, although I knew she was often tempted to buy books. She resisted most of the time, but that did not stop her complaining about the need to save from our own allowances when our father really should have been saving for us. She had tried to get him to put away more for us, but he simply could not be bothered. All the same, she had a decent sum and that would help reduce her embarrassment when Mr. Darcy prepared the marriage settlement for her. I hoped he would be kind about it even if he was compromised into marriage with her.

Lydia had caught the tail end of Mama's outburst and now she made an outburst of her own. "I want a new gown for the ball, Mama! I must impress the officers you know."

"Me, too!" Kitty echoed. Mary looked as if she might wish to say the same, but it was hard to tell with Mary. I actually expected her to chime in at any time with some pointless Bible verse about vanity or the folly of worldly goods. She was not as pious as she made out, but having taken on the role a few years ago to counteract Lydia's foolishness, she was having trouble letting it go.

"There will probably not be time for all of you to have a new gown. It is most important for Jane. She must impress Mr. Bingley." Mama said. For a change, she was making perfect sense to me. Lydia and Kitty starting shouting over each other about how everyone had seen their gowns at the assembly and they really needed something new. It looked to be a prolonged fuss. I supposed they would get their way in the end. Mama rarely resisted an onslaught from Lydia.

Lizzy gestured with her head to the door and I took the hint I would have made to her if that had not been out of the character I had built for myself. I could, at least, always depend on her for this kind of escape. She had very little tolerance for Lydia or Mama. We slipped away to sitting room Mama preferred to use in the summer. It was a touch cold, but cold was better than loud. Knowing what was to come, I settled down to listen to her complain about our younger sisters. Once she got that out of the way we could discuss the ball and our hopes for the evening. I could speak of my hopes for Mr. Bingley without reservation. Her hopes might center around Mr. Wickham, but she did not know he was dancing to my tune.

0o0o0

As it turned out, I was the only one who would get a new gown for the ball. Mama was ready to visit the dressmaker early the next morning. Kitty and Lydia were not. I did not even have to dose them, although I did not actually tell them why I had come to wake them as we prepared to leave. They both told me to go away and let them sleep, so I did. We would all pay for it later, but I at that point I did not care.

Lizzy and Mary went in to Meryton with us. After the gown was ordered, they went with Mama to find some ribbons to update their own gowns while I returned to ask the dressmaker to raise the neckline a little and not put quite so many flounces around the hemline. It was a game we had played before, and the dressmaker took it in good part even though she knew Mama would scold unless Lizzy and I managed to distract her.

Without Kitty and Lydia along, the shopping was far more enjoyable than usual. After we purchased the ribbons, including a few for my sleeping sisters, we stopped by Aunt Phillips's house so Mama could gossip with her. News of my triumph in being asked to dance the first with Mr. Bingley was touted as nearly an engagement and Mama spoke loud and long on the subject. I was very glad none of the Netherfield party was present to hear her.

In her turn, my aunt told us how that nice Mr. Wickham had helped her with a parcel she had dropped in the street. She described how he escorted her home and the invitation she had issued for dinner the following evening for him and a few of his fellow officers in thanks. I was surprised he had so quickly picked up on my hints about the hospitality of the neighborhood. It made me hopeful he would understand the value of heeding my warnings as well.

0o0o0

I silently offered thanks to the heavens for Mr. Bingley and his regard on Monday when our cousin, Mr. Collins, arrived. This was not the man mother had feared when I was younger. That Mr. Collins had passed away several months before. Our visitor was his only son.

The younger Mr. Collins disgusted me from the first with his pompous manners and general lack of understanding, not to mention a poor sense of personal hygiene. When he mentioned making amends to one of his "fair cousins" for the crime of inheriting Longbourn, Mama warmed to the man immediately, although she still preferred to sit upwind of him. I saw his looks at me and was delighted to hear Mama tell him I was not available as I was nearly engaged. Then I saw she was about to recommend Lizzy, who had caught his eye next, so I quickly interrupted and called her away.

Before she had a chance to speak with him again I mentioned to her several times that Lizzy was too headstrong to be a clergyman's wife and, worse yet, might refuse him. Mary would be the ideal match, I told her. She was quiet, well-mannered and would never refuse a serious offer. Eventually it seemed to sink in. She could hardly believe one of her daughters would refuse a proposal, but realized it would be Lizzy if one did.

"That girl is too high and mighty by half," she said finally. "She never allows herself to be guided by me. Well, she does not deserve Longbourn, although her father might wish her to have it. No, Mary is the best choice. She is certain to know her duty to support me when your father is gone."

I breathed a sigh of relief as she headed off to inform our unpleasant cousin of the identity of his future wife. I doubted Mary would mind the match. She was not likely to find a better one the way things stood now. If nothing else, she would consider it her duty to assist our cousin in making his "olive branch" towards us and she might feel better for being recommended over Lizzy.

All the same, I hoped my middle sister did not hear Mr. Collins grousing about being denied one of the "pretty" sisters when Mama first shared news of his destined bride. In fact, I felt some indignation on Mary's part listening to him. Who was he to complain? Mary is pretty when she is not dressed severely or being compared to the rest of us, and Mr. Collins was certainly no Adonis. He was lucky to get any Bennet sister at all. In my opinion, he would be lucky to be accepted by any woman, although I suspect Charlotte Lucas would snap him up given the chance. At twenty-seven, she is getting somewhat desperate and she is practical enough to see his financial worth even if there is little else in him of value.

I decided to find Mary and warn her, if she did not already know, that Mr. Collins would be courting her soon. Fortunately for us all, she had been in the still room and did not hear a word or even a rumble of the conversation between Mama and Mr. Collins. I presented the news to her in as positive a light as possible, including the news that Lizzy was being passed over in Mary's favor. That seemed to have the best effect on her, although she was not at all averse to the match even before then, so far as I could tell. I took her upstairs and she happily accepted the gift of one of my older gowns, which fit very well after just a few adjustments. With the brighter colors and the new hair style I gave her, she looked better than I had ever seen her.

Lizzy offered many compliments to Mary and another dress for later when she met with us in the hall before dinner. I could tell Lizzy had taken pains to look as plain as possible herself. She must have heard part of the bride discussion and wanted to be certain Mary was the chosen one.

I took some pleasure in seeing Mr. Collins's jaw drop when Mary entered the room. Even Mama looked surprised. Papa paid no attention whatsoever, but that was hardly unexpected. Thankfully, Kitty and Lydia were late, so they did not ruin the moment for Mary.

When he recovered himself, Mr. Collins rushed to my sister's side and offered his arm to escort her to the dining room. Mary took his arm with a shy smile that gave me hope the match was made. That would be one less sister to support when the time came. I liked that thought, although it left the two most troublesome ones behind.

As if following my thoughts, Kitty and Lydia came flouncing in to the dining room as we seated ourselves, giggling over some nonsense or other, probably the officers. They dropped into their seats before looking around.

"La, Lizzy, where did you get that old dress? You look like you have been mucking out the stables or something," Lydia said far too loudly. "And what happened to Mary? She looks better than usual. Did you two decide to switch places?"

As Kitty and Lydia giggled together over the comments, Lizzy just rolled her eyes, but Mary looked resigned. Oddly enough, it was our mother who defended Mary.

"Now you just settle down, Lydia. Mary is in very good looks this evening and I will not have you insult her. Mr. Collins, do you not agree that Mary is looking very fetching?"

Lydia looked on in shock as Mr. Collins proceeded to compliment Mary with an abundant selection of flowery phrases. Papa caught Lizzy's eye and they shared an amused look. Despite their mockery of the man, I could see Mary sitting up straighter at the attention from her new suitor. She usually received so little positive notice that this was a big deal for her.

Of course, Mr. Collins droned on far too long, but eventually he did have to stop in order to shovel food into his mouth. Perhaps Mary could teach him some table manners after they were married. I half expected Lizzy to whisper exactly that comment to me, but she just gave me a significant look. There was too much likelihood of being overheard at the table. Without a doubt I would hear the comment later that evening.

I retired that night pleased with how the day had gone. Not only had I escaped a frightening match, but Mary had found one that seemed to suit her. I laughed a little inside that both cases involved the same man. If only there was someone out there who could take Kitty and Lydia off our hands – honorably. I would give a great deal to see that happen. The best I could do for now was keep them from spoiling the chances of the rest of us. I hoped Mama would soon have the chance to crow over having three daughters married.