Stuff

"Hey, do you think Carly will be mad if I crash in her room while she's in Yakima this weekend?" Sam asked, sitting down on the couch next to Freddie with a bowl of popcorn.

"Probably not," Spencer shrugged, looking up from the bike he was carefully painting with an intricate design. "You sleep in there even when she is home."
"Good, because I was going to anyway," Sam said. "My mom's been busy with her new hobby and I'd kind of rather not be around for it."
"What kind of hobby is it?" Freddie frowned.
"Trust me, nub, you don't want to know," Sam replied. "Let's just say it involves empty orange juice cartons and salad croutons."

"Okay then," Freddie cringed, grabbing a handful of popcorn. "Hey, Spence? Is it cool if I crash here on the couch tonight too? My mom's gotten this new habit where she sneaks into my room while I'm asleep and measures my feet."

"Your feet?" Spencer repeated. "Why?"

"I've given up asking," Freddie sighed. "So can I?"

"Yeah, sure," Spencer nodded. "You guys can both stay here and get away from your insane mothers."

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Sam whispered to Freddie.

"Another installment of Wake Up Spencer?" Freddie grinned.

"I've got firecrackers in my backpack," Sam nodded. "This will be good."

"Hey, what are you guys whispering about?" Spencer asked.

"Nothing!" Sam said quickly, hopping to her feet and stepping over to examine the bike Spencer was working on. "Wow…this is looking pretty cool. Whose is it?"

"Oh, it's for T-Bo's second cousin's tuba teacher's niece," Spencer replied. "Apparently T-Bo forgot her birthday last week, so he talked me into giving her bike a free paint job to make up for it. Isn't it neat? I spent all morning on it, and it's finally finished!"

"Yeah, it does look cool," Freddie agreed, looking over from the sofa. "You know, I should get you to paint my bike for me. The fluorescent safety paint my mom covered it with sort of makes me look like a dork every time I ride it."

"Yeah, blame the paint," Sam sneered.

"Sure, I can do that," Spencer said. "If the two of you do me a favor."

"What kind of favor?" Sam asked. "Because there is no way I'm popping that thing on your back again. That was too gross even for me."

"No, not that!" Spencer said. "I got a new ointment for that. See, T-Bo needs this bike delivered to the tuba teacher's niece by six tonight, and I have a date with an incredibly hot girl I met at the guava display at the grocery store in an hour, so I can't deliver it."
"How'd you snag a date with a hot girl?" Sam asked.

"Easy. I told her I was an astronaut," Spencer said simply.

"Why would you-"

"Anyway," Spencer continued. "Can you two just bring the bike over to her for me? I'll leave you the address. It's real easy, one of you can ride the bike over and the other one can carry over this sweet tuba-shaped vase I sculpted for her too."

He reached for the vase from the shelf behind him and held it up to show the two teens. "Just be super careful with this," Spencer said. "It's glass, so if it drops, it will shatter. So…um, no offense, Sam, but-but maybe Freddie should-should be-"

"I'll carry the vase," Freddie chuckled. "Don't worry, Spencer."

"What? Are you saying I'm not careful or something?" Sam said indignantly.

"Sam, you're the definition of reckless," Freddie smirked. "Don't you remember the porcelain doll incident?"

"Well Gibby should've said those things couldn't be used to juggle!" Sam snapped.

"Dude, just ride the bike," Freddie said. "It's less walking for you, isn't it?"
"Alright, well thanks again, you two," Spencer said, handing Freddie the vase. "I've got to go shower and find something astronauty to wear!"

As Spencer retreated into his room, Sam turned back to Freddie. "Just give me the vase to carry, Fredwad. You ride the bike over."

"Sam, this vase looks like it took Spencer hours to make," Freddie said. "You know he'd be devastated if it broke. You remember how he spent three days in his room sulking when Carly took the arm off of his Spoon Man sculpture so she could eat her chowder. You just have a bad track record with fragile things."

"Well you better not hope your face is too fragile!" Sam said, glaring at him. "Because if you don't give me that vase in five seconds I'm going to do a double fist dance on it!"

"Sam, just ride the bike!" Freddie said. "What's your problem?"

"I don't want to ride the dang bike!"

"Why not?"

"Just give me the vase!" Sam yelled.

"No!" Freddie said firmly. "Not until you can give me a real, legitimate reason for you not wanting to ride the bike."
Sam narrowed her eyes. "Fine!" she exclaimed. "Fine! You want to know? I-I can't okay!"

"Can't what?" Freddie asked.

"I can't ride the stupid bike!" Sam said. "I-I don't know how!"

Freddie tried to hold back his laugh, but was unsuccessful.

"Yeah, okay, laugh it up, Fredwart!" Sam snapped. "It's real amusing."

"Sorry," Freddie said quickly. "It's just…who doesn't know how to ride a bike? Don't you learn that when you're like five?"

"Well excuse me for having a mom who was too busy worrying about cramming herself in her tiny homemade bikinis to teach me how to ride a bike!" Sam said, rolling her eyes. "And how do you even know how to ride one? I can't believe your mom would teach you to do something that could hurt her little Freddikins."

"My dad taught me," Freddie shrugged. "While my mom stayed inside prepping the first aid kit."
"Oh, well, let me go call my dad and ask him to teach me," Sam said, her voice dripping in sarcasm. "You know, he's been gone for ten years, but hey, I'm sure if he hears I have to learn to ride a bike he'll race right back."

Freddie sighed. "Alright, alright. I guess…I guess you can just carry the vase while I ride the bike."

"Thank you," Sam said, rolling her eyes.

"Let me just go find the bubble wrap," Freddie mumbled.

"For the hundredth time, I'm not going to drop it!"

Freddie raised an eyebrow. "Did you or did you not once try to use a snow globe as a baseball?"

Sam looked down at her feet. "Go get the bubble wrap…"

The next morning, after Sam and Freddie had successfully delivered the bike and vase (which was remarkably unharmed during the commute), Sam yawned as she came downstairs from Carly's room. She looked over at the couch, expecting to see Freddie, but saw only his sheets and pillows already neatly folded.

Guess the nub went home, Sam shrugged, opening the fridge and pulling out a carton of orange juice. She tore open the container and took a swig, not bothering to get a glass.

Suddenly, the front door of the apartment opened and Freddie walked in carrying a bike helmet.

"Oh good, you're up," Freddie said.

"For now," Sam replied. "What's up with the helmet?"

"It's for you," Freddie smiled, tossing it over to her.

"For me?" Sam frowned. "What do I need a helmet for?"

"Well, I-I was sort of thinking about what you told me yesterday," Freddie said. "About you not knowing how to ride a bike-"

"I thought I told you to never speak of that again," Sam said, narrowing her eyes.
"Relax, I already promised you I wouldn't tell anybody else," Freddie said. "But, well, like I said I was thinking about it and-and I thought...maybe you'd like to learn now."

Sam gave him a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…I'm going to teach you to ride a bike," Freddie said.

"You?" Sam scoffed. "Teach me?"
"Sure, why not?" Freddie nodded. "Look…everybody should know how to ride a bike."
"Why? There's these things called cars, you know," Sam said.

"Well what if there's not a car around?" Freddie pointed out.

"Why isn't there a car around?" Sam retorted. "It's the twenty-first century."

"Well bikes are better for the environment."
"I hate the environment."

"Okay!" Freddie exclaimed. "Let's say there's a situation where all cars have suddenly been deactivated and there's no other mode of transportation around other than bikes! Then you will need to know how to ride one."

"But why-"

"Come on, do you want to learn how to ride a bike or not?" Freddie asked. "Or would you like to continue to have something not related to school or computers that I'm actually better at than you? How would that make you feel?"

"You said you weren't going to tell anybody!" Sam cried.

"Oh, I won't," Freddie shrugged. "But you and I will always know. But, I suppose if you can handle that knowledge eating away at you each and every day, then you don't have to learn-"

"Okay!" Sam said, cutting him off. "Fine…teach me to ride the stupid bike, Benson!"

"Alright," Freddie chuckled. "Come downstairs. I have my bike waiting for us down in the empty parking lot behind the building. You can learn there."

The two headed down and out of the building where Freddie's brightly colored bike was waiting for them.
"God, that thing looks so lame," Sam cringed.

"And you still can't ride it," Freddie reminded her. "Yet, that is."
"So how long's this going to take?" Sam sighed, strapping on her helmet. "Five, ten minutes?"

"Depends on you, really," Freddie said. "Alright, first thing you need to do is get on the bike."

"That's it?" Sam said. "That's easy."

She stepped over to Freddie's bike sat down at the seat. "Done. Man…I could've taught this to myself years ago."
"Okay, now I'll just kick up the stand here," Freddie said, approaching the bike. "And then we-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Sam said. "What do you mean you're going to kick up the stand? The bike's gonna fall over then! I thought you were some physics, wiz, Benson!"

"It won't fall over if you balance on it," Freddie told her. "You can't ride the bike with the kick stand still down. Look, you'll be fine once you start moving. For now just put your feet on the ground."

"But then how do I go?" Sam asked.

"Well you're going to push off from the ground a little bit to get your momentum going, and then you're just going to pedal and try to keep your balance. Sound good?"

"I guess," Sam mumbled.

"Is that fear I see in your eyes, Puckett?"
"Would you like to see your own blood?"

"Alright, last one," Freddie said quickly. "So you ready?"

"Um, yeah," Sam said slowly. "But…how the heck am I supposed to not fall?"
"That's where the balance comes in."

"I'm not buying it," Sam said, firmly, crossing her arms. "This seems like some elaborate plan to get me to fall flat on my face."

"Would you likeme to hold on to the back of the seat?" Freddie smirked.

Sam pondered this for a moment.

"I promise I won't let go," Freddie told her.

"Okay, but is this going to be one of those things where you say you're not going to let go but then you do let go?" Sam asked suspiciously.

"No," Freddie said, rolling his eyes.

"Is it going to be one of those things where you still do wind up letting go, expecting me to keep going by myself, and afterwards, be so proud of myself that I don't even care that you lied right to my face when really you've just destroyed any ounce of trust I had left for you?"

"Er…okay, now it's not," Freddie said. "Look, I promise, Sam, I won't let go until you tell me I can."

"You better not," Sam mumbled. "Alright, let's-let's just get this over with."
She took a deep breath and slowly began to peddle, wobbling to and fro slightly as she struggled to find her balance, but staying upright as Freddie held tightly onto the seat.

"See?" Freddie grinned after a few minutes. "It's not that hard; you're getting it!"

"Hey, I am!" Sam said, beaming. "I'm actually doing it!"

Freddie couldn't help but chuckle at her enthusiasm. "You think you're ready for me to let go?"

Sam nodded. "Do it, Benson!"

Freddie let go of the seat, and for several seconds, Sam kept going without a problem. As she made to turn, however, she suddenly lost her balance and tumbled to the ground.

"You okay?" Freddie asked, jogging over as Sam got to her feet.

"Yeah," Sam said, dusting herself off. "I thought I had it though…"

"You did," Freddie told her. "But you're still going to fall a few times. Everybody does when they're first learning to ride. The important thing is getting back up after you do."

Sam stared up at him. "Wow…that tops the list."
"What list?" Freddie frowned.
"My list of nubbish quotes from you," Sam smirked.

"Yeah, okay," Freddie said. "Like you have an actual list."
Sam simply reached into her pocket and pulled out a laminated note card.

"You were saying?" she said, handing it to Freddie.

"I-What-You-You actually made this?" Freddie exclaimed.

"Well you say a lot of dorky things," Sam shrugged, taking the list back. "It's hard to keep track sometimes. So, are we going to try this again?"

"I-Sure," Freddie nodded as Sam picked up the bike. "Let's see how far you can get this time."

So for the next three hours, Sam and Freddie stayed in that parking lot. By the end of the lesson, not only was Sam able to balance on the bike, she was able to turn and stop too.

"I've got to say, Sam," Freddie said as she came to a stop in front of him. "I'm real impressed. You're probably a better rider than me now."
"Good. Then all's right with the universe again," Sam chuckled. "Hey, think I can learn how to pop a wheelie or do one of those cool spin jump things?"

"You're gonna have to find a new teacher if you want to do all that," Freddie told her. "Anyway, we should head in. It's getting dark. Wanna order a pizza or something?"

"Do you have to ask?" Sam said, hopping off the bike and taking off her helmet. "Um, so…about-about all this-"

"Relax, I already told you I won't tell anybody," Freddie said.

"Er, right," Sam said. "But, um, I-I just wanted to say…you-you didn't have to do all this, so-so I guess it was kind of…it was sort of not lame for you to-"

"I think the word you're looking for is thank you," Freddie smirked.

"Yeah," Sam nodded, looking as though she had swallowed a grapefruit. "That."

"Well you're welcome," Freddie smiled. "Like I said, everybody should know how to ride a bike. Even blonde-headed demons."

….

"-And then granddad made me rub baking soda all over his toe sores!" Carly complained the next evening after arriving back at the apartment.

"How come?" Freddie asked.

"Apparently it stops the ozzing," Carly shuddered.

"I should tell my mom," Sam said thoughtfully. "Oh, anyway, Carls, Fredmunch and I filmed another Wake Up Spencer while you were gone, so we can show it on next week's iCarly."

"Is this why there's that green stain on his bed sheets?" Carly asked.

"Yeah," Freddie nodded.

"Oh thank God," Carly said, relieved. "Anyway, that's good. Now we just need one more thing and we'll be all done with everything for the show. But I'm still recovering from that whole baking soda thing, so let's work on that tomorrow."
"Deal," Sam agreed.

"So," Carly said, flopping down on the couch between her two friends and kicking her feet up on the coffee table. "What else did you do while I was gone? Anything exciting?"

Sam and Freddie exchanged quick glances but said nothing.

"Um, guys?" Carly frowned. "Did you hear me?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Freddie said quickly. "Um, no, that-that was it. Nothing else. Just Wake Up Spencer and that's all we did."

"Yeah, it was a pretty boring weekend here," Sam echoed.

"Aw, well next weekend we can do something fun," Carly promised. "Any ideas?"
"Well…" Sam said slowly. "We could all go on a bike ride."

"A bike ride?" Carly repeated.

"Yeah, that sounds cool," Freddie agreed, smiling over at Sam knowingly.

"Well…sure, I guess," Carly nodded. "It's just kind of random. I didn't know either of you were that into bikes."

"Eh, it's kind of a recent hobby I've picked up," Sam shrugged.

"At least it's legal," Carly chuckled. "Can't ask for too much more. Okay then, I guess it's settled. We can all spend next weekend at the park riding bikes."

"Sounds perfect," Freddie said, still glancing at Sam.