RECAP
Voldemort's followers break into the Ministry, targeting a pureblood wizard who advocated for Squibs. Mulciber, with the assistance of Regulus Black, successfully encrypts letters to some of his Death Eater friends. Julie, Lily and James come upon Mulciber threatening Niamh, and Julie warns him off. Julie breaks up with Sirius, and breaks Marlene's nail polish, and Lily finally snaps and screams at her.

XVI. Actualization

In waking up, Julie realized that she had fallen asleep.

Shit.

What a shit-stupid thing to do.

Cautiously, she rolled her head from side to side. The curtains were closed, at least. The blankets were in a state of extravagant disarray that was surely still visible from the outside. But it was early; gray light was barely filtering in. The body beside her was dim and indistinguishable. Maybe it was not too late for her to sneak out.

It was lucky, she thought, hah, lucky, that she knew her way around this particular dormitory, having spent some time here in fifth year with Chris Thwaite.

She felt vaguely ashamed of herself, which was not a familiar emotion. She did not usually have sex for any reason other than because she wanted to. She was not usually so eager to prove herself to a boy that she would sleep with someone else the day after breaking up with him.

She sat up and started to hunt for her clothes, and Will woke up.

"Mgjulie?" he muttered.

"Sh," was all she said as she closed the hooks of her bra.

"Where are you going?"

She gave him a dirty look as she buttoned up yesterday's shirt. "Out. It's morning."

He leaned forward and kissed her sweetly, and she recoiled. Rather than put on yesterday's pants, she just buttoned her robe, wadded up the rest of her clothes, praying she wasn't missing anything, and climbed off the bed.

Will reached out and grabbed her wrist. "I'll see you later," he whispered.

She paused and thought. "Yeah," she said finally, "Later."

She backed clumsily out of the drapery, turned around and saw Brandon Douglas. He was sitting on his bed in a t-shirt and flannel pyjamas. There was a moment of very uncomfortable eye contact. She had a wild urge to apologize, but that seemed like an overreaction. And she was, after all, in his bedroom, so she wasn't ready to say something very aggressive. So she said nothing. She just left.


Spring was rushing by so quickly that it was almost alarming. One morning in mid-April Julie woke up and she was seventeen, an adult, legally independent. Nothing changed. Soon the Gryffindor team was practicing for their last game. Soon the second-to-last Hogsmeade visit was approaching. Soon the school year was ending, and as if the students had to fit in as much as they could before the empty summer months, unfinished homework and unfounded rumors piled up and swirled through the hallways.

One morning Julie heard Marlene and Lily talking about her over breakfast. Marlene was telling Lily that she thought Julie was going out with James Potter now. "No, that doesn't make sense," said Lily, and then she looked up and accidentally made eye contact with Julie, who stared at her. There was a long awkward moment before someone called, "Fraser!"

Julie looked over, and then got up. It was Will who had called her over. He was sitting with Brandon, across from Remus and Sirius: three somewhat hostile pairs of eyes and Will, smiling up at her.

"D'you like to come to Hogsmeade with me?"

"Sure," she said.


Mary wasn't sure what time it was when she finally opened her eyes and admitted to herself that she wasn't going to sleep, but the slice of the dormitory that she could see through her curtains was lit only by the almost-full moon. She hadn't been able to get enough sleep this whole year. As if her own personal problems weren't enough to keep her up, there was constantly some kind of nonsense going on in the girl's dorm: the low-level feud between Julie and Marlene, Lily's row with Julie the other night. Tonight was no different. Two of the girls were whispering, just loud enough to be annoying, just quiet enough to be incomprehensible.

Actually, one of them was quietly sobbing.

Mary groaned inwardly and rolled over, smooshing her face into her pillow. It was none of her business, and she wouldn't know how to help even if her help was wanted. She was rubbish at that sort of thing anyway...

Then someone screamed, and there was a ripping sound and then a loud muffled thump, as if someone had bumped into a wall.

" OW— let go, let go of me! God damn it!"

" Who let you in? " shouted a more familiar voice. "How did you get in, who let you in!"

Mary got up as quietly as she could, pushed the curtains aside and walked around to the foot of her bed, where she could peer around the corner of the four poster. Julie's hair was almost white in the moonlight, and she had her hands around someone's throat, pinning them to the wall— Niamh? Mary thought at first, but her hair was too dark, her eyes narrowed in fury and fear. It was Siobhan, and Niamh was sitting up on her own bed, crying, the velvet drapery torn and crumpled on the floor.

"Lumos! " whispered a new voice, and Marlene appeared on the scene, Lily just behind her. Julie looked around, momentarily distracted by the sudden light, and Siobhan kneed her in the stomach. There was a scuffle of movement which ended in Siobhan's head being banged more forcefully against the wall.

"What's going on?" said Marlene.

Julie did not look away from Siobhan. " Who let you in?" she growled.

The Ravenclaw girl looked at her and smiled. "Amy," she said. "Your sister."

"What? "

The two girls stared at each other in silence. One had her hands around the other's throat, and yet to Mary it was very hard to tell who was in control.

"What's going on?" Marlene repeated.

Niamh sniffled, and Siobhan threw her sister a look that was so venomous it made Mary want to take a step back. Instead she stepped forward, into the wand-light, and Marlene cast her a sidelong glance of acknowledgement.

In the stillness Mary noticed Lily's lips moving, preparing jinxes under her breath.

Suddenly Julie dropped her hands (Siobhan slid almost imperceptibly down the wall) and let out a shuddering breath. "Niamh," she said, in an incredibly soft voice, "I can't help you, I just can't. You have to do this yourself. I can't make her go."

Niamh just froze. She had those huge, baby blue eyes—some days, Mary was so jealous of those—and she could just turn them on anyone and get what she wanted without even realizing what she was doing. Niamh just sat amid the torn curtains and heaped-up blankets and stared at Julie and Siobhan.

"It's fine," said Siobhan after a beat, to her sister. "Thank you." She had to duck around Julie to leave. Marlene, her wand still raised, followed her out.

Julie swore. "Why won't you fight back?" she asked Niamh. She sounded beyond sad: hopeless. "God fucking damnit, Niamh, you have to fight back!"

Niamh had started to cry again. "I can't," she said softly. "She's my sister."

"Hey, can I sit?" Lily asked, and when Niamh scooted over, she sat down next to her and hesitantly, awkwardly, put her arm around the weeping girl's shoulders. Slowly, Julie sank onto her own bed, and Mary just sat on the floor.

They were all sitting in silence when Marlene came back in. She glanced from side to side. "Siobhan left," she said, "and I woke the Fat Lady up and yelled at her. Tomorrow I'll report it to McGonagall."

"Why?" Julie asked, frowning.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Julie's never reported anything to a teacher in her life," she explained to the room at large.

"No, that's smart," Mary said, looking at the floor. "She'll want to know if a Ravenclaw got in."

"What I want to know is what Amy had to do with it," Julie muttered. "And what did Siobhan thank you for?"

Niamh responded by bursting into a fresh bout of tears. Mary responded to this by quietly suggesting that they all go to bed.

"Who's going to sleep now?" Lily asked. "Let's play cards or something."

"Let's play Snog or Slap," said Marlene.

"With five girls?" said Lily skeptically.

"All right, let's play Truth or Dare."

"I won't play," said Niamh at once.

"You can watch," said Lily. Mary chewed on the inside of her cheek, and didn't say anything.


And after all that, Julie Fraser ditched her date and went down to Hogsmeade as early as she could that Saturday. Mulciber observed her, disgruntled, from the alley next to the Three Broomsticks, less of a convenient hideaway, more of a rubbish heap. He had meant to be first into the village. It was a shockingly beautiful day, and he had gotten up early, his carefully encrypted letter burning a hole in his pocket.

Merlin and Morgana. She just wouldn't leave him be—she was even— no —actually heading to the post office herself. Fuck, thought Mulciber, of course she knows what I'm doing oh god I'm fucked—

He followed at a slight distance, hoping his Hogwarts robes would keep her from noticing him if she turned. His mind was racing. Fraser was always just one step behind. She had heard him in the dungeons, the night he and Regulus Black had stayed up to figure out the encryption, and now if she knew he was writing to Rosier and Wilkes, she probably knew everything...

If she knew everything, there was no point hiding in an alleyway. He squared his shoulders and walked across the street. The post office was a big, echoey building, silent except for the soft rustles and hoots of the owls, and the door closed behind him with a cataclysmic boom.

Fraser was at the opposite side of the dim, cavernous room. She was at a counter flipping through a brightly coloured catalogue. She ripped out the back page and started to write on it with what looked like a ballpoint pen. God, it had been years since Mulciber had seen a ballpoint pen. She didn't look up, so Mulciber just got in line behind a few elderly witches. Within minutes he had sent his letter off in the talons of an express insured screech owl.

She was at the front of the line when he turned around to go, watching him with her pale eyes.

He hated her. He hated her with an unsustainable venom, forcing his jaw to set with anger every time he saw her because if he did not, he might flinch, even tremble, let himself go enough that it was apparent to everyone around him that he was afraid. He was terrified of her. She had nearly split his skull open on the floor of the Entrance Hall.

Some days, it occurred to him that that was a legitimate reason to be afraid of someone, and he should perhaps avoid her, or go to Slughorn and complain about her. Some days he was even on the cusp of realizing that his dearly beloved plan was half-baked, and came with high risk and uncertain reward. But most days he thought of the brittle admiration in Siobhan's dark blue eyes, Avery and Snape's sneering remarks, and he knew he would keep going anyway.

And tomorrow, he would be thinking of this, was his surprisingly calm thought as Julie Fraser stuck out her toe and tripped him, the Muggle way.


Julie wasn't intending to go to the Three Broomsticks. She was fairly sure that nobody there would want to talk to her, except possibly Will, and she was avoiding Will. But when she moved towards Scrivenshaft's she spotted Sirius and Remus inside, and she veered sharply away and automatically went into the pub.

Shafts of spring sunlight cut through the front windows and across the crowd, sinking into the students' black robes. Waves of chatter made Julie's head swim. For a moment she couldn't move. Then someone roared with laughter, exuberant, so that it cut through the din. It was Mona Prinz, the Hufflepuff Quidditch captain, and she was across the room, sharing a table with familiar, messy-haired James.

Julie walked in a straight line through the pub, and the people standing on that line moved. The table held a large group of Quidditch players, all shouting at once, and Julie sat down between Marlene and another Hufflepuff. A Quidditch player herself, Julie was familiar with large groups of teenagers and the way they talked. Showboating, joking, teasing, insulting—she was good at being an audience for this, the flowering of twinned adolescent anxiety and arrogance, but she was not good at producing it herself. She was too mean to be witty.

But it killed time.

Sometimes Julie thought about the fact that if she were not naturally athletic, nobody would like her. It was an uncomfortable thought, but not miserable, because she was. She was good at Quidditch, and she was good in a fight. Both of those were unquestionable, and so, therefore, was her right to sit at a table with James Potter and Mona Prinz.

She could feel her pulse at the back of her head, right under her ponytail. Just a slight throbbing at the base of her skull. She looked across the table, hoping to meet James' eyes, and met Will's instead.

"Fraser," said Will, "Are you heading back?"

Julie had gotten up without even thinking. "What?" she said. "Oh...yeah."

"Right," said Will, "Can we talk?"

"...Yeah...?"

Brandon put his elbow on the table and rested his jaw in his hand, calmly hiding his emotion. Julie was familiar with the tactic.

"Definitely," she said. "I'll see you later, yeah?"

She left. Sirius and Remus were coming in the door as she went out. Remus glanced at her and Sirius did not. Her head was swimming a little bit; and when she looked across the street for a moment all the breath shot out of her chest, and she thought, Mama

That was Amy. Amy was across the street, talking with a friend. She had only the same color eyes and hair, and a roundness to her face that was nothing like Margaret.

Julie tightened her ponytail, focussing her mind and worsening her headache at the same time. She marched across the street and took her sister by the elbow.

"Ow—ow, what?"

"Did you give Siobhan Fairchild the password to Gryffindor Tower?"

"Oh..."

" Amy, " said Julie, giving her a shake.

"I didn't give her the password!" Amy cried. "And I didn't mean to let her in."

"How did it happen?"

"I don't know," said Amy. Julie saw that her eyes were filling up with tears. "I came back after curfew, and I thought I imagined it, but something grabbed the Fat Lady's portrait behind me, it didn't fall like normal...but I couldn't see anything."

"Well, it was dark, you knucklehead," said Julie. She swore softly. "A Disillusionment Charm, I guess. Could be worse."

Really, it could have. Siobhan was not showing surprising talent; it wasn't hard to pull off a Disillusionment Charm in a very dark corridor. And Julie wasn't sure how she would handle a worse betrayal from Amy, and now she didn't have to find out.

"Right," she said. "I'm going back to the castle." She waved at Amy's friend, another skinny fourteen-year-old. "Sorry."

"Wait," said Amy. "That's it?"

Julie frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You haven't talked to me in weeks and that's all you have to say? Don't you even care why I was out so late?"

Julie squinted at her for a minute. Amy's cheeks were flushed, but there was a crisp breeze blowing through Hogsmeade; that could account for that. Finally she said, "Amy, nobody cares about curfew."

She realized after saying it that it had come out more patronizing than she meant it to, but she was already turning away from her sister, detaching herself, and the pounding of her headache resumed.


Days later, one of the first days in May, Julie's package came. She had ripped out the back page of one of Marlene's catalogues, filled it out and sent it in from the Hogsmeade post office. The post arrived, hundreds of owl wings like applause over breakfast, and Julie opened the parcel just enough to check that it was the right color.

"Oi, McKinnon—catch."

Marlene's hands reacted before her mouth: she snatched at the package, then scowled. "What's wrong with you? What the fuck?"

Julie just stared at her until she unwrapped the paper. It was a bottle of nail varnish, peach, Marlene's favourite brand. Marlene stared at it, nonplussed, and Lily, who was sitting next to her, raised her eyebrows.

"Uh...thanks?" Marlene said at last. Julie tightened her jaw in response.

Their small silence was remarkable enough in the hubbub of breakfast that James looked over, curious. "All right, McKinnon?" he called out.

Marlene tucked the little bottle away in her bag. "Yeah, all good."

Julie had now removed herself so far from the interaction that she was turned entirely sideways, carefully paying attention to Isabelle Fontaine, who was checking her lipstick in the back of a spoon, and Remus Lupin, who was eating plain oatmeal, looking thin-faced and pale. She thought Lily might be about to say something to her, so she shoved her kippers in her mouth and left.

She was early to Transfiguration, and in the time she spent waiting in the corridor, her headache from the weekend returned in full force. During class, she snapped a quill tip. Sirius shot her a pointed look. At the end of class, James sidled up to her and suggested she go to the Hospital Wing. It was a sensible suggestion, so she went. But when she got there Madam March was busy; two second years had had a duel, and Remus Lupin was sitting in the corner. It didn't seem worth the stay. She considered skipping History of Magic, but decided against it.

She went to the Owlery instead of going to dinner, and leaned against the wide windowsill and smoked. By the time she made it back to Gryffindor Tower, it was curfew, and the corridors were dim.

Niamh was waiting for her. The best chairs by the fireside were still occupied, and the rest of the room empty, except for Niamh, sitting on a couch as upright and anxious as if on a church pew.

With no greeting she stood up and said, "Something bad is going to happen."

"What?"

"I think I did the wrong thing." Niamh twisted her fingers together and repeated, "Something bad is going to happen."

Julie sighed. "I don't know what you're talking about, but I want to go to bed." She turned to go.

"You don't understand—" Niamh broke off and took a shuddering breath. "It's about Mulciber."

Julie stopped. Turned back. She bit her lip, and then said, "What?"

"It's about Mulciber," Niamh repeated, talking as quickly as she could while she had Julie's attention. "He has this plan, I don't know what, but he's doing it tonight, he's somewhere on the grounds, you have to stop him—"

Julie stopped her. "No, I can't. I'm on probation—Niamh!"

"Somebody's going to get killed," said Niamh.

There was a pause. Julie shifted her weight.

"What am I supposed to do?" she said finally.

Niamh exhaled. "Just find him," she said.

The room was nearly empty, but when Julie looked over to the fireplace, James was there, talking with Peter and Sirius. She called him over. Niamh muttered something under her breath.

"What?"

"Listen," said Julie, "Fairchild thinks Mulciber is planning something on the grounds tonight. How can I get down there without running into Filch or a prefect?"

James' eyebrows shot up. He looked more horrified than Julie thought the situation warranted. "No," he said, "not tonight —not tonight on the grounds…"

Niamh was not one to argue. But she had hunched her shoulders in a familiar way, and Julie knew she was not going to change her mind.

"Tonight," said Julie. "On the grounds. How can I get there?"

James chewed on his lip for a moment. He glanced back at Sirius, then at Niamh. "I'll take you," he said finally.

"Is that necessary?"

"Yes. Padfoot!"

Sirius had already been staring at them, but he responded to this with raised eyebrows. James jogged over to him and talked to him in a low voice. Sirius nodded sharply and, with Peter, went out through the portrait hole.

"Right," said James. Julie wondered again at how anxious he looked, almost pale with resolve. "Fairchild, are you coming?"

Mutely, Niamh shook her head. Julie saw James' jaw twitch and stepped forward protectively. It was not Niamh's fault that some fluke of a hat's judgement had put her in Gryffindor; you could not expect too much from her.

"Right," James repeated. "Fraser, you and I are going to go down and find Mulciber. The boys are going to—the boys…hold on."

"He's not really that helpful," Niamh murmured as James stepped away, pulled a piece of parchment from his pocket, and tapped it with his wand, muttering.

"Shh," said Julie.

"Shit," said James. "Oh, fuck. " He met Julie's eyes. "Mulciber is at the Whomping Willow. He's going to…I have to warn Sirius. I have to warn Sirius, but you need backup, because you're on probation, and of course he's at the Whomping Willow, because you told me he knows about the bloody passage, and of course Snape told him, that fucker, and of course he would do it tonight, because shit! Shit! Shit…"

He trailed off. Julie and Niamh watched him. And then the portrait hole swung open, and they all turned to see Lily Evans come in, wearing a cloak over her uniform and unpinning her prefect badge as she came. She must have just finished rounds, Julie realized. They usually finished half an hour after curfew.

Julie turned back to James and jerked her thumb over her shoulder. "Backup," she said.

Ever so slightly, James grimaced.

"Evans," Julie called, and Lily came over, and Julie explained the situation to the best of her knowledge.

"I don't understand," said Lily.

James cut in. "You don't need to, it's fine. Julie's going to go find Mulciber, and I'm going to go with her, and you can go warn Sirius."

"What am I even supposed to say to him?" Lily asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Nothing!" said James. "I'll write you a note." And he pulled another piece of parchment from his robes and started to write one.

Lily folded her arms. "Why exactly should I go along with this? All I know is Mulciber is doing something, but Julie conveniently doesn't know what, so you two are rushing off to stop him from doing whatever it is, when, no offense, I don't like him either, but you are very happy to pick fights and also one fight away from being expelled. And I'm not delivering notes for you!" this directed at James.

Julie drew her head back, affronted, but James, who had finished his note and fetched something out of his bag, cut in. "Please," he said, "Evans, this is important. Sirius is in the corridor outside of the hospital wing. Give him the note and then come out to the front lawn and watch, if you're so worried about Julie, or just go to bed, I don't care." She opened her mouth to speak, and Julie wasn't sure if she meant to argue, but James cut her off again. "Here," he said, "use this." And he thrust a handful of silvery cloth at her.

Lily took the cloth and shook it out. It was a cloak, made of a material Julie had never seen before, but Lily must have recognized it, because she whistled.

"Where did you get this?"

"Family heirloom," said James uncomfortably.

Lily laughed. "This is not what my family heirlooms look like."

Without seeming to have paid it much attention, she had taken the note.

Julie glanced from face to face. She wasn't totally sure what was going on, but Lily was gazing at the cloak and James was gazing at Lily, so she spoke to Niamh. "We're taking care of it," she said. "You don't have to stay up if you don't want to."

Niamh nodded once, jerkily. Phantomlike and silent, she moved towards the girls' dormitory. And as she went up one set of stairs, somebody else started down the other.

And Julie realized what the cloak was, as Lily fastened the shivering fabric around her neck, as her body disappeared into apparent nonbeing and her eyes widened with amazement, as James laughed. As Lily frowned at him, and he reached out and coiled her hair to one side so that he could settle the hood over it.

And it was lucky, in one way, that it was only then that Will Preston crept down the staircase. Had he come earlier, he would have seen the Invisibility Cloak, and things would have gotten messy for James.

But in every other way, it was a disaster. And things got pretty messy for James anyway.

Because Julie was saying to James that that was all very well for Lily, but how were they going to get to the grounds without being caught, and James was explaining, reluctantly and with as little detail as possible, about this magical map he had, and Julie was laughing at the absurdity of this while they both watched the little dot labeled Caius Mulciber, flitting back and forth across the lawn and thought with mounting anxiety of what they might be about to do, and Lily, of course was totally invisible. So what Will saw was Julie, the girl he had slept with a few weeks ago, who had been avoiding him since, deep in conversation with another boy. He watched them lean towards each other, joking with each other but also sparking with obvious tension, and he watched them set off, into the castle, alone at night.

People are stupid when they're young. But it wasn't a hard conclusion to jump to. And the wheel is spinning, just as it always has been; the firelight flickers over three wizened faces; the wool dwindles into human life; and oh, the shears, how they gleam at Atropos' right hand!