Chapter Eighty-Eight
The following morning, Severus was the first to wake. Lily lay beside him, a couple of tendrils of deep red hair hanging in her face as she was turned toward him, eyes closed. He watched her for a few minutes, content to pretend that all was well in the world. Lily must have been exhausted, as she was still in a deep sleep. Not wanting to disturb her, Severus carefully sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.
The room they shared was his parents' old bedroom. It was slightly bigger than his old bedroom, and since his old room only had a twin bed, they had moved into the master bedroom, even though it had been strange for Severus to be sleeping in his parents' bed at first.
The floor creaked as he walked toward the door, and he paused, glancing back to see if Lily had been awakened. She was still sleeping soundly. With a turn of the knob, Severus opened the door and stepped into the short hallway. He paused at the next door, placing a hand on the handle and closing his eyes. Not sure why he was doing it, Severus slowly pushed open the door and peered inside.
The dim morning sunlight was coming through the small gap between the curtains, and Severus could just make out the boy's form. He was a skinny, slight child, with dark brown hair that hung unevenly around his face. Severus frowned, reminded of himself.
He stepped into the room and crossed the short distance to the bed. Like Lily, the boy was sleeping deeply. He was amazed at how children could sleep through anything, especially how this boy could be still sleeping when his grandma had just been killed. Maybe Lily had given him something to help calm down, something to aid his slumber.
Severus realized he didn't even know the boy's name. Had Lily asked? She hadn't mentioned it in their conversation last night.
"I'm sorry," Severus uttered softly.
He gasped when two large eyes opened suddenly and were gazing up at him with curiosity and trepidation. Severus stepped away. He hadn't intended to wake the poor boy or for him to actually hear him.
"Where am I?" the boy asked, pulling the covers protectively close to him.
"You're... safe," Severus croaked, unsure of what to say.
"Where's my Grammy?" demanded the boy, a little louder.
"She's-" Severus started to say. How could he tell her the truth? "She's not here, but you're safe, uh- What's your name?"
"I don't know you," the boy whimpered. "Where's the lady who brought me here? She was kind."
"That would be Lily, my wife," Severus replied, trying to remain calm. He had never been good with dealing with children.
"Then what's your name?" the boy asked, a bit relieved to hear Lily was his wife.
"I'm, er... Severus," Severus said. He didn't suppose it necessary to be formal with a scared child.
"You don't look very old," the boy observed.
"I'm... not," Severus replied awkwardly. "So, then, what's your name?"
"Oliver," the boy said softly, his eyes meeting Severus's.
With a small gasp, Severus noticed his eyes were green like Lily's. Enough sunlight had penetrated the room for him to properly see them for the first time.
Before Severus could reply, he heard a rustling near the doorway, and Lily entered. She gave the pair a sad smile and came to stay by Severus's side.
"How are you, dear?" Lily asked Oliver.
Since Severus hadn't given him a sufficient answer, Oliver questioned Lily on the whereabouts of his grandmother.
Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, Lily placed a comforting hand on Oliver's forearm, saying, "She's... I'm sorry." Her throat constricting, Lily finished, "Dead."
Oliver's fears confirmed, tears welled up in his beautiful large eyes. He pulled away from Lily and sobbed. "N-no. But w-why? Who we-were those bad men who c-came into my house?"
"Oliver," Lily said gingerly, and Severus realized she must have gotten the child's name the night before, "they are called Death Eaters."
Severus glanced sideways at Lily. "Lily, I don't know if that's a good idea-"
"But it's the truth," Lily said sternly, angry with those awful men for taking this poor boy's only relative away. "Oliver, you- you're a wizard."
This only caused Oliver to cry harder. "I could do things... things I couldn't explain. They did magic, too. Am I... like them?" he asked fearfully, his voice very small.
"No, Oliver," Lily said with heavy compassion, reaching out to him. "Like Mug- er, non-magical people, there are good and bad people."
Severus was growing ever more uncomfortable with the situation. He gently took Lily by the arm and led her away from the bed, although she wanted to protest. Oliver was crying quietly into the pillow now and so didn't react to them.
"We'll be right back," Lily called over to the boy.
Standing by the door, Severus whispered, "Lily, I know you care about him, and he's just suffered a horrible loss, but it isn't our job to be discussing magic and this war with him. He's only a child."
"Exactly," Lily said defensively. "He's only a child, Severus, a child who has no one now. You said so yourself last night."
Severus was haunted by the incident, but didn't think it wise to be discussing such in front of the boy. "Come," Severus instructed her, opening the door. "This isn't the right place."
Lily sighed and followed him. They went downstairs to the kitchen, Severus taking a seat and crossing his arms.
Lily didn't join him. Instead, she set to preparing breakfast. A few minutes passed in silence. Finally, she said, "I'm going to bring something up to him. It would do us some good to eat, too."
Severus only grunted.
Lily placed a cup of coffee in front of him a moment later, watching Severus's face for any sign of emotion. He had closed himself in and was staring at the cup like it was a foreign object.
"Severus, what if we talked to the Ministry officials-" she started to say.
Severus cut her off. "We've already discussed this, Lily. You know we cannot keep him."
"Are you just saying that because you can't bear it? Because of your past, Severus? Think about the boy, not your own problems. He needs a family."
Hurt by her words, for they felt like accusations, Severus stood and stiffly walked toward the foyer, his back to her.
"I wasn't aware that my 'problems' were getting in the way here," he stated in a cool voice.
"Severus, you know I didn't mean it like that," Lily replied defensively, also hurt by his words. He rarely acted like this anymore, and Lily wasn't aware of how cruel Severus could become if provoked. The adult Severus, like a wounded animal, bit back hard, much worse than his adolescent self.
"All I'm saying is you ought to consider it," Lily tried to reason, hoping to move on with the conversation.
Turning around, Severus spat, "Yes, he needs a family, but I am not fit to be a father, Lily! We are barely out of Hogwarts. You, at least, are truly only eighteen. We both work and train all day long. We're both in the Order and having to go on dangerous missions now like that failure last night. When would we have time for a child? How do you expect to raise him?"
"I- I don't know," Lily stammered, "but can you blame me? What about my parents? They raised me, and I'm a witch. My mum doesn't work, and she'd love him, I'm sure of it."
Sighing, Severus realized he had let his temper go too far unchecked. He stopped himself, not wishing for his marriage to be like his parents' with the constant fighting. He approached Lily and took her in his arms, hoping Oliver hadn't overheard them, but doubting it.
Smoothing his hands over her hair, Severus let Lily cry into his shirt.
"I'm sorry," he murmured into her ear, kissing just above. "Your intentions are good and admirable, Lily, and that's one of the things I love about you: your immense compassion. I do want to have children of our own one day, but right now isn't the time to be raising a child. This war is a nightmare, and it's not fair to kids like Oliver who lose their loved ones, but we can't take every lost child under our wings."
"He's just one boy," Lily softly argued.
"But what happens when it's the next child?" Severus gently asked. "Oliver won't be the last child to lose his loved ones in this war. I know you want to help, but once the Ministry officials get here, it would be for the best if we let them handle it. They're trained for that sort of this. The more attached you are, Lily, the more difficult it will be."
Lily pulled away from his embrace, wiping at her eyes. "Then I'm just supposed to act like I don't care? Be emotionless and unattached like you tried to be for so many years in your first life, Severus?"
Severus opened his mouth to speak, but no words came.
"But you were anything but indifferent," Lily pointed out. "You care... cared more than you realized, and it tore you apart. Sev, you're capable of such deep love and devotion, and I know you'd make a great father. When I saw you standing over Oliver's bed this morning and talking to him, I was amazed. You seemed like a concerned father trying to ease his son's fears."
Severus shook his head. "I didn't know what to say to him. I had no words of comfort to offer. I was too bloody afraid to tell him the truth about his grandmother. No, Lily, I do not think I am that man."
A creak from above told them that Oliver was up and about. A moment later, the boy appeared at the top of the stairs and gazed down at them.
"What's gonna happen to me?" he asked softly.
"Oliver, honey, why don't you come down and have some breakfast?" Lily offered.
"I'm not hungry."
"Come, Oliver," Lily urged him carefully. "At least have some juice."
Oliver took a tentative step and then descended the stairs. Severus withdrew into the kitchen and prepared a plate for the child. At Lily's beckoning, Oliver sat down in a chair too large for him and stared at the full plate. Despite his statement otherwise, he dug into the food with relish, which seemed to satisfy Lily.
The meal was a quiet affair. From across the table, Lily kept glancing from Oliver, his head bent over his plate, to Severus, who would catch her eye and shake his head imperceptibly. Once breakfast was finished, Lily instructed Oliver to go back upstairs and wash up. Still in the kitchen, Lily and Severus cleaned up, the only sound the clanging of dishes. Their earlier conversation went unfinished. Severus murmured something about removing the wards from the house so the Ministry officials could find it and extracted his wand from his pocket to do just that.
Fifteen minutes later, a knock came from the door. Severus sighed and headed for it, while Lily stood back, wishing Severus hadn't raised the wards on the house. They would have never found Spinner's End otherwise.
With a start, Lily realized she was still wearing her nightclothes and frowned. She was surprised at Severus for not seeming to be fazed by this as he opened the door. He shook hands with two men, who were stepping into their house a few seconds later.
"And this must be your lovely wife," one of the men, the younger of the two, said, gazing at Lily.
Severus scowled. "Yes," he replied in clipped tones. "The boy is upstairs. I shall go retrieve him."
Retrieve him? Lily thought, not liking Severus's choice of words. While Severus walked past her and up the stairs, Lily approached the two men and introduced herself. They gave their names, Clive Rogers, who was the younger one, and Wendell Covington, the older man.
Before Severus returned, Lily asked, "What's going to happen to him?"
"No need to worry, Mrs. Snape," the older gentleman explained. "He'll be taken to an orphanage for wizarding children. He'll be around children like himself. He's how old?"
"Seven," Lily replied tersely.
"Well, you certainly seem to know a lot about him," Covington observed, which Lily thought a ridiculous statement. "He'll be off to Hogwarts in four short years, then."
"Four years is an eternity to a kid, especially one who's just lost his only relative," Lily pointed out. "We got him safely out of there. Don't we have a say in what happens to him?"
"But you're so young," Rogers blurted.
Just then, Severus was coming down the stairs with Oliver, who was watching the Ministry officials distrustfully.
"Ah, you must be him," Rogers said stupidly. "What's your name, lad?"
Oliver glanced at Lily and then at Severus. Severus was shocked when Oliver grabbed a handful of fabric at the base of Severus's shirt.
"His name is Oliver Rochester," Lily stated.
"Thank you," Covington replied. "Oliver, why don't you come with us? We're going to take you somewhere where you can be with other kids like you."
Oliver whimpered. "I don't want to go anywhere with you."
Covington offered the boy a smile. "Come, now, boy. We're not going to hurt you. It's for the best, trust me."
Lily looked at Severus pleadingly, but Severus gently wrenched Oliver's hands from his shirt and took one, leading him toward the men by the door. Oliver began crying in earnest now, and it broke Lily's heart.
"Surely he won't be kept at the orphanage!" she exclaimed, outraged.
"Not necessarily, but unless someone adopts him, which is unlikely since he's older-" Rogers started to say, and Lily wanted to slap him for being so insensitive in front of Oliver.
"You aren't proposing what I think you are?" Covington asked shrewdly. "You barely look old enough to be out of school yourselves."
"We're old enough to be married and fight in this war!" Lily said hotly.
"Lily-" Severus tried to reason.
He was handing Oliver over to the officials now, and it was a struggle. Both men had to take Oliver by the arm to hold him in place, but they weren't rough with him.
"That's not for us to decide," Covington explained over Oliver's cries. "He needs to go to the orphanage. There is paperwork to be done, not to mention the report on what's happened to his grandmum."
"Don't you talk about my grandmum!" Oliver yelled.
"Now, now, there's a good lad," Rogers murmured. Looking at his superior, he said, "We really ought to be going, Covington."
Covington gave a nod. "Good day to you. Thank you for your assistance."
They Disapparated with Oliver just as Lily rushed forward to say goodbye to Oliver. All Lily could see were Oliver's large, accusatory eyes.
"How could you just stand there and hand him over like that?" Lily demanded.
"Lily, we already discussed this," Severus tried to reason. "If... if he means so much to you, then why don't you talk with your parents?"
"Doesn't he mean anything to you?" Lily challenged.
"Lily, I- I hardly know him."
"He has a name, Severus."
"Fine, Oliver, then. I hardly know Oliver." He turned and walked into the sitting room, dropping onto the couch. "What would you have me do, Lily? I thought we'd already been through this."
Lily paced in front of the sofa. "I can't just turn off my emotions, Severus."
"Lily, please," Severus implored. "Sit down."
With a long-suffering sigh, Lily complied and sat next to him.
"You've been using my full name a lot today," he pointed out.
"And?"
"You only do that when you're upset."
"Yes, I'm upset, Severus! I don't want to see him wind up in an orphanage."
"That would be a better place for him than here," he argued.
"Why are you so intent in that?" Lily questioned. "I love children, and you would make a great father. I've heard your argument about the war and our careers and whatnot, but we could make it work; I'm sure of it, Sev. Oliver likes you. He held on to you."
"He was merely afraid," Severus disagreed. "I have no patience with children. That's just skimming the iceberg. While I want kids of my own one day, Lily, I have to be honest with myself. What kind of man with a past like mine can be a good father? Of course, you seem to think my problems aren't important enough to discuss, but my problems would be placed onto any child we have, adopted or natural."
"You're feeling guilty," Lily stated. "You don't want to raise an orphan because Harry Potter was an orphan and you treated him horribly. I know why you did it, Sev, but that is the past... another lifetime."
"You cannot possibly understand how difficult it is, Lily. I can't just wave my wand and forget a whole other lifetime." Seeing the rejection on her face, Severus softened, taking her hands in his. "Lily, I am still not a nice man. I have tried to be a better man, but there is still much I have to learn. Raising children is a huge responsibility, and it would be unfair to the child if I weren't able to do my part accordingly. You, I have no doubt, would be wonderful in every way, but I don't want to place the burden entirely on you."
"I wouldn't consider it a burden to raise a child," Lily said. "And I am not the angel you glorify me as, Sev." Sighing, she whispered, "Maybe you're right. Maybe now it's not the right time to be trying to raise a child on top of everything else."
"What about your parents?" Severus suggested.
"We can talk to them when we go over there this afternoon," Lily agreed, liking the idea.
x x x x xThat evening, they were back on the sofa, only there was a level of contentment that hadn't been earlier.
Lily was smiling. "I can't believe they said yes," she said.
"If Oliver is with your parents, he would be protected by the Untraceable Charm," Severus pointed out. "But don't get your hopes up too high, Lily. The Ministry has to decide."
Lily already seemed settled on what the decision would be and wasn't really listening to Severus's warning. He didn't want to break her bubble of euphoria, feeling like he had already dampened her dreams enough for one day.
"It will work out right; I know it will," Lily stated, her hopes soaring high.
In spite of the dire circumstance, Severus smiled, Lily's spirit infectious. He kissed her.
"How I love you," he said smoothly, and Lily giggled.
"Let's take this upstairs," she practically purred.
"I like that suggestion very much," Severus uttered silkily, taking her in his arms and up the stairs.
