Chapter Ninety-Two
The first snowfall of the season came two days after Severus had exploded at Dumbledore. Severus buried himself in his work at St. Mungo's, wishing to try to forget the incident with the headmaster as much as possible. He had lost too much control, given the old man too many reasons to be suspicious. If Severus wasn't more careful, he knew Dumbledore would figure out the truth about him.
Perhaps the only good thing that had come out of Sunday's events was the opportunity for Lily to learn Occlumency. The thought had crossed Severus's mind on occasion previously, but Dumbledore's attempted invasion of Lily's mind had been the push they needed to forge ahead with these lessons.
Severus frowned at the word. Lessons. He wasn't going to be her teacher. She was his wife, the woman he loved, for Merlin's sake! Reminded of the failure those Occlumency lessons with Harry Potter had been, Severus hoped Lily would be better at guarding her emotions. While he wouldn't be cruel toward her, he knew he would still lose patience eventually, but where Lily was concerned, Severus could and would control his temper. He was tired of arguing with her so much as of late. They would need to learn to work together as a team.
After dinner that evening, the pair of them were in the sitting room, only they weren't sitting. Severus was standing in the spot where the television used to sit, and Lily was standing just in front of the Christmas tree.
"Is this good?" she said, indicating the distance and placement.
Nodding, Severus replied, "Yes. Now, Lily, the first thing you'll need to do is remain calm and try to make your mind empty and blank. Do you think you can do that?"
"Yeah, that sounds easy enough." Lily had no reason to be worried. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, trying to work at clearing her mind. It sounded a lot like meditation, which was something she had only ever read about, not tried.
"Are you ready?" Severus asked after a minute.
"All right," Lily stated, opening her eyes. "I think so, at least. What's going to happen now?"
"I'm going to try to enter your mind. You'll feel my invasion. It will feel foreign. I want you to try to block me and force me out."
"But how do I do that?" Lily questioned.
"That's hard to explain," Severus said with a sigh. "It's different for each person. The more closed you are as an individual about your feelings, the easier it is to learn Occlumency."
"But I'm not closed at all," Lily said, a little panicked for the first time. "What if I'm rubbish at it, Sev?"
"Lily," Severus said witheringly, "you can't think like that. If you think you can't do it, you won't. You're the positive one of the two of us. Show a little optimism."
I can't believe I'm the one having to reassure her of her abilities, Severus thought.
"On the count of three, then," Severus said. "One... two... three... Legilimens!"
As he suspected, he was given instant access to Lily's mind. Images of a little girl in red-haired pigtails riding her bike... arguing with Petunia when she was about twelve... the first time they met at the playground... their first kiss...
Lily blushed. She even went so far as to giggle. Severus withdrew, sighing.
"What's so funny?" Severus asked, frowning.
"I'm sorry; I'm sorry," Lily replied, recovering. "It's just that- well, feeling you inside my mind kind of... tickled. And you seeing our kiss was a tingling, pleasant feeling. I didn't mind you being in my mind."
"Hmmm," Severus murmured, "it could complicate things... us being so close and all. I've never thought about the potential difficulty of teaching Occlumency to someone I love."
"Then what do we do?" Lily asked. "I don't want Dumbledore seeing into my mind any more than you do."
Going to the bookshelves, Severus scanned the titles and extracted one. He handed it to her.
"Here," he said, "read this and maybe it will help you understand the basics. It's possible to self-teach to a certain extent, but you will eventually need to practice with someone. For now, it would be foolish to attempt another try. Read that book, Lily, and we'll try again when you're finished."
Lily examined the book. Basic Occlumency was the title. "I wonder why this isn't taught at Hogwarts," she said.
"Probably because it's an obscure branch of magic," Severus replied. "It's useful, but few can fully master it."
"Who taught you?"
"Dumbledore," Severus mumbled ironically. "Although I'm a better Occlumens than he is. He is, however, a more powerful Legilimens than I am. The Dark Lord is a very skilled Legilimens as well. It was necessary that I be able to hide my true thoughts from the Dark Lord... even form false ones."
"Dumbledore must have really trusted you," Lily observed. "I mean, he was willing to teach you Occlumency, and if he knew you were so good at it, he could have suspected you were hiding things from him... but he seemed to really rely on you a lot from what you've told me."
"He relied on me a bit too much, perhaps," Severus stated bitterly. "I was his trusty spy, although he didn't tell me everything. In the end, I was still left wondering how Harry Potter was to destroy the Dark Lord."
To this, Lily didn't know what to say. She wanted to ask him why he still called Voldemort the Dark Lord, but decided against it. She offered him a smile and briefly squeezed his hand instead. She then looked down at the book in her hands and took a seat on the couch. "Might at well start," she murmured, opening the book.
x x x x xThey continued with the Occlumency for the next couple of weeks. Lily read through the book in three days, and then the lessons began again. The progress was slow, but Severus didn't falter and neither did Lily. He knew she was an intelligent and skillful witch and simply had to remind her that she was more than capable of mastering Occlumency.
There was no word from Dumbledore or the rest of the Order as the holidays approached. Severus was grateful for the respite and for the opportunity to focus on his work at St. Mungo's more.
Before they knew it, Christmas was upon them. On the eve before, Severus and Lily spent the evening at home, knowing the following day would be full of familial obligations, not that they minded. Lily had charmed their tree with little lights, which changed color and blinked like electrical bulbs. It was the only light in the house, besides the fire in the grate, as they sat on the sofa gazing out the window at the world beyond.
A thick blanket of snow already covered the ground, and fluffy flakes were falling lazily, slowly adding to the depth. There would be no Occlumency lessons tonight, no thought of Dumbledore or the Order, no worries about the war... For now, they were allowing themselves the precious comfort of each other's company and the warmth afforded by the season.
"Our first Christmas as a married couple," Lily remarked softly, taking a sip of wine.
She was leaning against Severus, who had one arm wrapped around her torso. He was reclined on the sofa, his feet propped up and a couple of pillows behind his back for cushioning. Nuzzling Lily's neck with his nose, he placed a tender kiss on the soft skin there. The taste of the wine on his lips and the heat of her skin were intoxicating.
"Indeed," Severus intoned, barely above a whisper.
He reached for Lily's wine goblet and gently pried it out of her hands, placing it on the table. Pushing her hair off the back of her neck, he grazed the skin with his teeth, continuing to provoke a reaction out of her.
"Sev!" Lily giggled. She sat up slightly and readjusted herself on top of him, now lying chest-on-chest. She went for his neck. "Kindly allow me to return the favor, then."
"Gladly," he said silkily. Lily's lips were teasing and sweet, and her touch was driving him absoluely crazy. She reached with one hand behind his head to move his hair out of the way, gathering it in a small tail at the base it his neck. "Your hair's getting so long, Sev."
Ignoring her remark, Severus groaned and sat up, removing his shirt. It was simply growing too hot in the room for the insufferable thing. "I think these need to come off," he said, indicating her jeans.
Lily unbottoned and unzipped them, and they joined his shirt on the floor a moment later. They continued their ministrations on the couch, thoroughly enjoying each other's company well into the night. The fire had nearly completely died down, leaving Lily shivering.
Severus picked up his shirt and transfigured it into a blanket, wrapping it around both of them.
"There," he said, "that's better."
Lily rested her head on his shoulder and sighed happily. "I'm glad we were able to just enjoy each other tonight. It seems we've spent more time worrying over everything else."
Severus gave her a little squeeze with his arm. "I'm sorry if I've been hard to get along with lately, but I worry. I would rather, for tonight, at least, not think about those things. You're here with me, and that's all that really matters."
Just then, the clock struck midnight. Smiling, Lily murmured, "Happy Christmas, Sev." She leaned in and kissed him fully on the lips.
It was some time later when they eventually made their way upstairs to their bedroom, finally admitting exhaustion. Lily didn't suppose it would be a good idea to be too tired in the morning. Her mum expected them for breakfast at eight o'clock, sharp.
A few hours later, still groggy from not getting enough sleep, Severus and Lily woke up. Severus took some Pepper Up Potion and offered some to Lily, who graciously took some. The stuff worked better than coffee, but since they now had ingested the potion, they would have to avoid caffeine the rest of the day. Severus knew from personal experience that mixng caffeine with Pepper Up would keep him awake for three days straight.
After quickly getting ready, they Disapparated to Lily's parents' house, appearing in the foyer.
"Lily, Severus, is that you?" called Violet from the kitchen. A moment later, Lily's mum was approaching them, lavishing them with hugs and kisses. "Happy Christmas, dears. Do come into the kitchen and find a seat. Breakfast is just about ready."
As soon as Violet returned to the kitchen, before Lily or Severus could go down the hallway, Oliver came bounding toward Lily, throwing his little arms around her waist.
"Lily!" he exclaimed jubilantly.
Laughing, Lily returned the hug. "Hello, Oliver! I trust you're having a good Christmas so far?"
"We haven't opened presents yet," he said, pouting a little. "Mum says we have to wait till after breakfast."
Shaking her head amusedly, Lily gently messed Oliver's hair. Oliver turned his gaze briefly to Severus, and Severus gave the boy a small smile. "Hello, Oliver," he said.
"Hi," Oliver said shyly, still holding onto Lily.
Wondering if his presence naturally scared small children, Severus followed Lily and Oliver into the kitchen. Petunia was home from university, and she appeared somewhat withdrawn. The sisters briefly exchanged hellos and embraced, but Severus kept his eyes diverted from Petunia, still unsure of how she would receive him.
Ross was busy shaking his hand, anyway, asking after them. With their busy schedule, Severus and Lily hadn't seen her parents in a couple of weeks, and that was the longest she had gone without seeing them. The fact that Lily was faring well and not pining after missing them horribly was promising. She had adjusted to married life, and this, Severus realized, made him glad.
After a large breakfast, the family retired into the sitting room for the exchange of gifts. Oliver, being the only kid present, was the life of the party. His wonder and excitement at everything, even gifts which weren't his own, was charming. Severus caught Lily glancing over at him several times during the process, and he knew what she was thinking. She wanted a child of her own, and knowing Lily, that would mean sooner rather than later.
Severus avowed to talk to her later about that, since, for now, he had enough to keep his mind occupied. The energy of the day was infectious, and even he couldn't be down.
Later that day, Tobias came over for dinner. The Evanses were generous and kind, having taken to Severus's father and wanting to include him in their family's traditions. After dinner, when Lily and Petunia were playing with Oliver in the den, Severus found himself alone with his father. This was the first time he had been with him since his wedding.
"So, how's married life treating you, Severus?" Tobias inquired, swirling the glass of soda he held like a hard drink.
"It's like nothing I've ever experienced," Severus said honestly. "I love Lily very much, but we've had our differences. I think... I think she's aching to have a kid. I see the way she is with Oliver. You don't know this, but she wanted to keep him, Dad."
"Did she really? Well, that's not surprising. There's something about most women... a maternal instinct they call it... Your mum wanted a baby, and like I told you, you were born hardly more than nine months after we were hitched."
"I seem to remember you phrasing it more like 'She spat you out nine months later,'" Severus said before he realized what he was saying. The moment the words escaped his mouth, he regretted them. Seeing Tobias's expression turn sour, he amended, "I'm sorry, Father. I didn't mean-"
Tobias held his hand up to silence his son, and Severus wondered if the man his father used to be would return and reprimand him sharply, calling him all names in the book. Instead, Tobias said, "It's all right, Severus. I probably deserved that. I should be the one apologizing to you."
"It's the past," Severus quickly stated. "I did some things in my life, too, that I'm not very proud of... things probably worse than you've ever done, so I can't really judge."
Tobias cast Severus a quizzical look. "You're barely more than a boy, Severus. What could you have possibly done that was so horrible?"
"Never mind," Severus muttered, wishing to change the subject. Why did he always have to put a damper on a good time? "But yes, like you were saying, women do have that maternal instinct thing going on."
"Makes them a little mental sometimes if you ask me," Tobias blurted.
Violet stepped into the room at that moment. "What makes whom a little mental?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Nothing," Severus lied, forcing a smile.
Tobias and Severus exchanged a knowing look, and Tobias laughed. Severus had enough grace to behave, and before long, Tobias's sense of humor was on the loose, and he was sharing bad jokes with Ross, who had his fair share to give back.
Christmas Day grew late, and when it came time to return home for Severus and Lily, it was with an overall feeling of joy. There had been small imperfections in the day, but it was probably the best day either of them had had in a long time. After saying goodbye to everyone, they returned to their cozy home, their own tree twinkling to greet them.
"Shall we resume where we left off last night?" Lily asked.
Thoughts about babies briefly passed through Severus's mind, but his mind quickly fogged over when Lily began pressing kisses to his face.
x x x x xMiles away, at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore sat alone in his office, holding a glass of firewhiskey, swirling it much like Tobias had done earlier. The headmaster held the glass up to the candlelight, examining the dim light as it passed through the amber liquid. He took a sip and murmured to himself, "Curious. Very curious. Why would such a memory be in Lily's mind?"
Author's Note: I do apologize for the delay in updating. I realize I promised you a chapter in two to three days last time. I won't make any more promises like that, as real life has a way of demanding my attention. I admit to having writer's block lately, too. I had to push myself to write today. I've got two big, not-so-good things going on in my life right now. One thing I just found out about this past week and another is something I've been dealing with for a long time now. Don't worry; I'm not sick or dying. Neither is anyone I love. Suffice it to say that I will continue to experience bouts of writer's block, but I will keep updating as reguarly as I can. I simply do not feel like writing some days.
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