Chapter Ninety-Three

The year 1979 had begun, the year when Severus had overheard the prophecy in his other existence, the year when Lily had conceived Harry Potter. Severus kept these facts in his mind often as January progressed, and although it would still be many months until the prophecy, if there even would be one this time around, he could feel his nerves growing more frazzled by the day.

Severus soon turned nineteen, followed three short weeks later by Lily, but their birthdays were of little consequence to either of them. Another year older, Severus kept thinking, and not much closer to figuring out how Voldemort would be destroyed. Lily would often tell him that it wasn't his responsibility to see to the evil creature's destruction, but now that the year of the prophecy had come, the reality of Voldemort had become Severus's main concern.

It was all well and good to fight in the war, to take down a few Death Eaters here and there, but what had been a niggling thought about how Voldemort had kept himself alive had grown almost into an obsession for Severus. He poured through the books on Dark Magic in Spinner's End, but nothing was to be found. He wondered how he, an expert on the Dark Arts, couldn't figure out Voldemort's secret.

One day in early February, Severus sat in the armchair in the sitting room looking through Dark Arts and Its Many Secrets for the third time. Lily stepped into the room and gazed upon him as she leaned against the doorframe.

"Do you really think you're going to find anything in there?" she posed. "Haven't you already driven yourself crazy enough with staring at those pages for the past several hours... and days before that?"

Severus noticed the concern laced in Lily's voice. Sighing, he closed the book and looked at her. "There's got to be something... somewhere," Severus stated with determination.

Lily entered the room fully and came to him, perching on the arm of the chair. "Brilliant though you are, Sev, even you can't know everything. It's getting late, and besides, I can think of something that will take your mind off your worries."

Groaning in frustration, Severus replied, a little shortly, "Lily, we've been through this before. We cannot bring a kid into the world right now-"

And so began another heated discussion about children. Ever since Oliver, Lily seemed intent on having a kid of their own. It had only gotten worse since Christmas. Between work, trying to figure out how to defeat Voldemort, thinking about the prophecy, and Lily's baby obsession, Severus was frayed.

"You won't even hear about it... or consider it," Lily accused. "You think I'm spending too much time thinking about kids. Well, Severus, I think you're engrossed in those books too much. We haven't had a real conversation in at least two weeks."

His eyebrows drawing closer in agitation, Severus replied, "I'm trying to figure out how You-Know-Who protected himself from dying so we can bring a child into this world one day, Lily... when it's safe. Just because we haven't been summoned to fight in any more battles since December doesn't mean the war has ended."

"Then when is the next big battle, Severus? Since you're so wise and seem to know what's best, why don't you enlighten me?"

Closing his eyes and steadying his breathing, Severus reminded himself that Lily was actually much younger than he was and thus was prone to a certain level of immaturity due to inexperience. Trying not to hold that against her, he stated evenly, "I cannot be certain. The Dark... er, he would send me on mostly spying missions. I wasn't very involved in the attacks on families, and that kind of information was hard to come by unless you were in his innermost circle, which I wasn't at that time. It wasn't until I told him the prophecy that I was given that invitation," Severus finished bitterly.

Lily sighed softly and leaned into him. She could see the tension in his neck and shoulders. Running her fingers gently through his hair, starting at the temples and working her way back to the nape of his neck, Lily repeated the motion. Severus relaxed into her touch.

"I'm sorry if I've been pushy," Lily murmured. "I know... I know you're right, but it's hard for me to just tuck away what is becoming a strong maternal feeling. Maybe it's mental, but, Sev... I feel like I can't help it. But you are just driving yourself mental by searching for how You-Know-Who kept himself from death before. If Dumbledore helped Harry with this secret information like you said, I would say he's your best bet."

Noticing Severus's brief pointed look, she hastened, "Just think about it. I know you and he haven't spoken in weeks, and I know you're angry at him for trying to invade my mind, but Dumbledore is a resourceful and powerful wizard, Sev."

"Perhaps," Severus muttered, not convinced. "But speaking of your mind, Lily, it would be prudent to practice Occlumency again. You've gotten quite good over the past several weeks, but we've neglected trying for a couple of days now, and it's not good to fall out of practice."

Knowing that Severus was purposefully changing the subject, Lily decided not to push the earlier point further right now. They seemed to have reached an understanding about children, at least.

"All right," she conceded.

A bit reluctant to leave Lily's touch, Severus extricated himself from the chair and moved into the center of the room, away from the furniture. A few feet away, Lily stood and readied herself. Not as stubborn as her son and not having any of the animosity between them, Lily had proven an adept student of Occlumency, even though her feelings tended to get in the way. Realizing the importance of mastering this technique, however, Lily forced herself to be disciplined. Her determination often yielded promising results.

After Lily's breathing was calm and her mind was blank, she gave Severus an indicative nod.

"On the count of three, then," Severus stated. "One, two, three," he counted off slowly and then raised his wand, calling, "Legilimens!"

Lily reacted fast, erecting her mental barriers. She was able to keep Severus out of her mind for a minute straight before she began to grow weary, and slowly, her walls crumbled, and Severus felt an easy push into her mind. He saw a young version of Petunia glaring back, accusing Lily of reading her letter from Dumbledore... Then Petunia was older, asking Lily why she kept hanging around "with that Snape boy"... And there was Petunia again, stalking into the house after their wedding had been attacked...

Lily blinked, turning her gaze away. She fell onto the sofa, breathing heavily. Severus found himself breathing heavily as well and cast a concerned look in his wife's direction.

"Lily?" he asked softly.

"I'm sorry," Lily whispered, catching her breath.

"Why all the memories of Petunia?" he inquired.

"I- I don't know," she confessed, meeting his gaze. "I thought I was doing fine, until..."

Taking a seat beside Lily, Severus took her hand. "I think I may know the answer to your problem," he said. "Those are memories you've buried deep, and the fact that it was difficult to access them right away was a good thing. You managed to keep me out of your mind for quite a while. Most people wouldn't be trying to read your thoughts for much longer than I just did."

Lily hadn't given Petunia too much thought recently, but with her sister off at university and with being married and having a life of her own now, Lily now realized she had inadvertantly hidden some of the more painful memories of her sister in her deep subconscious.

"How did you know?" Lily asked.

Raising an eyebrow, Severus replied, "That much should be obvious, Lily." Seeing her hurt expression, he amended, "You misunderstand me. I do not mean to say that you ought to be expected to know how Occlumency works. It takes years to truly comprehend such a thing... years of actual experience with it, that is. Even though you are doing very well learning it, it's still a foreign magic to you. I learned early on about burying certain memories. They were the hardest to find. I eventually reached a level where I could almost completely bury my emotions from others. I could stare into You-Know-Who's eyes without flinching, and he would find nothing. I hate to think that you would ever have to go so far with Occlumency as to lose yourself like I did, but it is a precaution we must take."

As Lily listened to Severus's confession, she gained an inkling of what he must have been through during his previous life. Sure, she had witnessed some of his memories and he had shared even more with her, but the very thought of having to hide one's true self from the world was frightening and depressing, leaving Lily with a feeling of emptiness.

"You shouldn't have had to go through all that," Lily said quietly, searching his eyes, eyes which always seemed to burn with warmth for her.

Shaking his head, Severus murmured, "It is neither here nor there, but I hope you better understand why I wish to bring him down... or at least play a large role in it. I played a role too great in giving him power last time."

"Severus," Lily said seriously, "you cannot allow your past... your other life's mistakes to consume you like this. You already did enough, more than enough, last time for what is honorable and good."

"But the prophecy-"

"Is not until many months from now, if things go as you've told me." Pausing, a horrific thought came to Lily, sending chills down her spine. "Sev, did- did you think if we had a baby that he or she would be marked by him? Were you worried... that history would repeat itself, and I would die protecting the child?"

Shaking a little at the thought of such a thing happening, for Severus could see it playing out in his mind, he nodded. "Y-yes," he said in an uncharacteristically small voice. Finding his resolve, he continued, "Which is why I was so upset over talk of having a child. It wasn't just about bringing a child into this world when there's a war going on, but it was much more than that. I won't lose you again, Lily. I just won't. I can't. The thought-" he stopped, unable to finish, a shudder passing through his body.

"I'm sorry I pressed you, Sev," Lily uttered gently. She brought a hand to his cheek, and he leaned into it, closing his eyes briefly. "I can understand why you've been seeking an answer to You-Know-Who's immortality so fervently as of late."

"It seems we both have been misunderstanding the other's intentions lately," Severus conceded. Smiling ironically, he added, "We probably should have had this conversation weeks ago."

"Probably," Lily quipped.

In spite of the heaviness of their words, both felt a burden lifted off their shoulders. Once again, they realized that facing the future together was better than doing so apart.

x x x x x

Two weeks later, the first Order meeting in a while was held. Lily's Occlumency skills were thankfully strong, so Severus's concern over Dumbledore potentially trying to access her thoughts was low. He wasn't looking forward to seeing the old wizard again, though. They hadn't spoken since December, but in a room full of people, Severus doubted Dumbledore would try anything foolish.

The pair arrived five minutes before the meeting was scheduled to commence. The moment they entered the basement of the Hog's Head, Mary raced toward Lily, evidently happy to see her friend.

"Lily, it's been ages!" she exclaimed. "How've you been?"

Lily gave Mary a small smile, but wasn't too pleased that she hadn't asked after her husband's welfare as well. "Hi, Mary," she returned. "We're doing well enough, you know. How are you? Are you still dating James?"

Here, Mary blushed. "More than dating, I should say." Holding out her hand for Lily to see, Mary's finger donned a ring, the diamond quite large.

Severus quickly looked away from the ring and found James staring back at them, a large grin on his face.

Typical of Potter to show off. No doubt his wealth is part of the reason Macdonald finds him such a catch.

James sauntered over to the trio, joined momentarily by Sirius and Remus. "Hello, Lily... Snape," James greeted them. "I trust Mary has already told you?"

"Yes, congratulations, both of you," Lily said kindly, although aware of James's smug attitude. "Have you set a date?"

"Not yet," Mary replied, sounding disappointed. Here, Severus smirked at James.

"You might want to get on that, Prongs," Sirius pointed out.

For once, we agree on something, Black, Severus thought.

"Speaking of dates," Sirius blurted, "Lily, is your sister seeing anyone?"

Severus scowled, wishing the Untraceable Charm hadn't been shared with the Mary and the Marauders, but Lily had felt they should know the truth, along with Dumbledore, which had given Severus further ire a few months back. But it was Lily's family that was protected, after all, and she had a right to reveal the truth to whomever she desired.

Lily momentarily blanched at Sirius's question. She had thought his fascination with Petunia nothing more than a passing fad, and Petunia had given up asking after Sirius months ago.

"Uh, y-yes," Lily stammered. "Why?"

Shrugging nonchalantly, Sirius replied, "No reason."

"Oh, right, Padfoot," James said sardonically. "You inquiring after girls always means something."

"Are you done dating Miranda, then?" asked Remus, to which Sirius cast his friend a mock affronted look.

"Miranda and I weren't a proper couple," Sirius stated.

Severus, tired of this frivolous conversation, quietly excused himself and took a seat at the table as far away from Dumbledore as possible. Thankfully, Dumbledore was engaged in a hushed conversation with Aberforth and Diggle. Severus wouldn't be surprised if they were employing a charm to make their voices sound inaudible. He chose to take the seat next to Frank Longbottom, who was a kind enough bloke.

"Hello, Severus," Frank politely greeted him. Beside Frank, Alice smiled at Severus.

"Good evening, Frank... Alice," Severus murmured. Choosing not to be as formal with the couple, as they had become more than allies in the battle they had fought together months ago, Severus hoped his address would not be missed.

Frank did notice the use of her given name, and his smile broadened. "How's married life treating you?" he asked.

"It's going well," Severus replied carefully, not wishing to divulge anything too grave. "And you are both well, I trust?"

"Oh, more than well," Alice suddenly interjected. "Should I share the good news or let you do it, Frank?"

Severus's mouth went dry for a moment, but then Lily was sliding into the seat next to him. "What good news?" she inquired brightly.

"I'm pregnant," Alice declared, her already broad smile even wider.

"Congratulations!" Lily practically squealed, causing Severus to withdraw in shock.

"Yes, uh, congratulations," Severus managed after recovering from Lily's obivious delight.

Frowning inwardly, Severus thought, But that can't be right. Neville Longbottom wasn't born until the day before Harry Potter.

With a sinking feeling, Severus wondered if Alice might miscarry this baby... unless Neville's conception date had somehow been shifted in this life. He couldn't tell she was pregnant yet, so it must have still been early. Lily caught his expression, but kept quiet.

Just as the Longbottoms expressed their gratitude, Dumbledore stood and announced, "If everyone could please find a seat, we will begin the meeting."

People shuffled around the room, dropping into empty chairs, and the chatter died down.

"I have some good news to report," Dumbledore began. "As many of you know, Alastor led a group that defended the Bones family back in December. Thanks to Severus's knowledge of the event," Dumbledore said, his eyes resting on Severus briefly here, "we were able to place the Bones family into hiding and apprehend the Death Eaters. Two were taken into custody. Since then, attacks have died down, perhaps because Lord Voldemort suspects we have inside information now. This, however, will not last. In fact, he is already on the move again. Alastor, why don't you share with the rest of us what you know?"

"Certainly, Albus," Moody grunted, standing. "Word has it that he's recruiting again. The Aurors have been keeping watches on several northern towns and cities..."

Moody proceeded to explain their findings. Although no attacks had yet come, it was only a matter of time. Among the cities listed was Manchester, and Severus watched Lily's face drain of color.

They locked eyes. He knew what she was thinking.