Utility

"-And remember!" Carly said happily as her and Sam bounced into the camera frame simultaneously. "Always be wary of your garden gnomes!"

"And don't trust people with shirt pockets," Sam finished.

"And we are clear!" Freddie announced, typing in a few commands on his laptop and setting down his camera. "Really great show tonight! That was the best we've done in awhile!"

"Thanks," Carly grinned. "How many viewers did we get?"

"Let's see…" Freddie said, looking at his computer screen. "Whoa! A new record; one point six million!"

"Wow, that's insane!" Carly gasped. "Isn't that great, Sam?"

"Yeah!" Sam nodded. "That's pretty cool."

"We should do something special!" Carly continued. "Who's up for some celebratory cannolis?"

"Cannolis sound perfect," Freddie said. "Are we gonna get them from that little bakery across the street?"

"Yeah, just let me tell Spencer we're going," Carly nodded. "He has a crush on the owner's daughter, and he'll get all mad if we go without him. I'll meet you two downstairs and-"

"Um, actually, Carly," Sam said, grabbing her purse. "I'm gonna have to bail."

"You're passing up on free cannolis?" Freddie frowned. "Are you dying?"

"No, but you will be in a minute!" Sam snapped.

"Why are you going?" Carly asked.

"Um, I just have something to do," Sam said simply. "I'll catch you guys tomorrow. Save me a cannoli."

"Huh," Carly said as Sam hurried out of the studio. "That's weird. What would she have going on? We tell each other all our plans."

"Who knows," Freddie said. "Um…hey, Carls, I'm really sorry, but I think I'm going to have to pass on tonight too. I just remembered I promised my mom I'd look at sewing patterns with her. I've already canceled on her twice, and if I do it again, she's going to have a meltdown so…"

"Oh, okay," Carly said. "I guess Spencer and I will eat cannolis on our own. Have fun with your mom."
"Thanks!" Freddie said

He quickly headed out of the studio and went downstairs and out the apartment. However, he did not head towards the door across the hall.

"Sam!"

He had caught up with the blonde just as she was about to turn to corner to take the stairs down to the lobby.

Sam turned around. "What? I thought you were going to get cannolis."

"Where are you going?" Freddie asked.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "How's that your business?"

"I'm just saying…it's got to be pretty important for you to leave right when you were about to get desert," Freddie said.

"I just have something I have to take care of, okay?" Sam said. "It's no big deal."

"Well then tell me where you're going."
"Dude, I-"

"Come on, you think I didn't notice how weird you were acting all day today?" Freddie said, crossing his arms.

"I haven't been acting weird…" Sam mumbled.

"Yeah, you have," Freddie said. "Earlier I had a turkey sandwich sitting on a plate and you completely ignored it. You didn't make any comment about that light-up belt buckle Gibby got, you nearly forgot your entrance cue for the fisherman bit on iCarly…and the entire time I've been with you today, you've been doing that thing where you bite the corner of your lip. You-You only do that when you're nervous about something."

Sam gave him a strange look.

"I picked up a few things while we were dating last year," Freddie shrugged. "Enough to know that something's up with you. Come on, Sam. You can trust me."
Sam sighed. "Alright. But-But first you have to swear you won't tell Carly or Spencer or anybody else."
"Sure," Freddie agreed.
"Okay," Sam said, taking a deep breath. "I-I'm going to Portland."

"Portland?" Freddie repeated. "As in Portland Oregon?"

"Aren't you supposed to be a geography wiz?" Sam asked, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, Portland Oregon."

"Why would you be going to Oregon?" Freddie frowned.

Sam looked down at the ground. "I-I'm looking for someone."

"Who?"

Sam hesitated for a moment before opening her mouth again. "My-My dad."

Freddie blinked. He didn't know much about Sam's dad. She never talked about him. All he knew was that he had left her when she was very young and had no contact with her anymore. He knew that it was an uncomfortable subject for her to bring up, and that's why she usually avoided it altogether.

"Your dad?" Freddie said softly. "But-But I thought you didn't know where he was."

"I found him," Sam replied. "I-I managed to track him down. My mom was moving a bunch of boxes from our attic and I found one with some of his old stuff in it. He had left an old credit card behind. It wasn't good, obviously, but-but I was able to use the number to get some information about him. I found out that he lives in Portland and he works at some sewage company as a night janitor. I even managed to find a picture of him…"
She pulled out her phone and handed it to him. Freddie stared down at the man in the picture. He supposed he could see some similarities between him and Sam. They were both blonde and their noses looked slightly similar, but unlike Sam's, this man's eyes were cold and empty, whereas hers were always sparkling and full of light.

"Are you sure this guy is your dad?" Freddie asked.

"Yeah," Sam said. "I got ahold of a copy of my birth certificate from my mom's room and he's the one listed as my father on there…Martin Puckett. It's him."

"So, wait," Freddie said slowly. "Are you-are you actually going to go to Portland now?"

"Yes, and I don't want to listen to you trying to talk me out of it," Sam said firmly, taking her phone back. "I'm going and that's final."

"I-I'm not going to try and talk you out of it," Freddie said.

"Look, just drop it and-wait," Sam frowned, looking up at him. "You-You're not."

"No, I-I can tell this is really important to you," Freddie said. "But…um, how are you planning on getting to Portland?"

"My cousin is letting me borrow his jeep," Sam replied.

"You're going to drive?" Freddie exclaimed.

"I have a license," Sam pointed out.

"But the furthest you've ever driven is like, I dunno, the mall!" Freddie said. "You've never crossed state lines or been on the highway!"

"Well there's a first time for everything," Sam shrugged.

"I-Wait!" Freddie said just as she was about to turn away. "Let-Let me go with you."
"Why would you want to come with me?" Sam asked, rolling her eyes.

"I just want to make sure you don't get lost," Freddie said. "I mean did you even think to program directions into the car's GPS system? Does the car even have a GPS system?"

"I know how to get to Portland!" Sam defended.

"How?" Freddie asked.

"You…you know, you just drive up," Sam said lamely.

"Yeah, that's right," Freddie said. "If you're trying to get to Canada!"

"Okay! Fine! So-So I haven't gotten to the directions part yet!" Sam snapped. "I guess…I guess if you promise not to be a complete nub, you can come and tell me how to get there. It would kind of suck if I got lost. But we're leaving now, so feed your whackjob mom some excuse and let's move."

…..

"You're speeding!" Freddie exclaimed a couple of hours later as he gripped his armrest tightly.

"No I'm not!" Sam retorted. "This is the highway! There's no speeding rules on the highway!"

"Okay, how did you get your license?" Freddie said, shaking his head. "Alright, there's our exit up there. Just stay in this lane."

"See? I didn't get lost," Sam said proudly. "You were paranoid for nothing."

"Yeah, yeah," Freddie said as Sam pulled off onto the exit. "Remind me next time I drive with you to bring a crash helmet, though."

"Watch it," Sam warned.

"So…what's the plan?" Freddie asked.

"Plan?"

"Yeah…are you going to go talk to your dad?" Freddie said. "Get to know him? Get some things off your chest? I'll leave you two alone, don't worry. Just drop me off at a Moonbucks or something and-"

"I don't know," Sam sighed as they began to drive through the city streets.

"You don't know what?" Freddie asked, confused.

"I don't even know if I'm going to talk to him."
"Hold on," Freddie said. "We drove three hours, nearly got in a fight with the driver of the sports utility vehicle you cut off, and had to deal with a sketchy truck stop bathroom for you to not see your dad? I thought was the point of us coming!"

"I-I do want to see him," Sam said. "I just…I don't know if I want to talk to him."

Freddie looked over at Sam. She looked different than he had ever seen her before. For once in her life, she looked unsure of herself. Scared, even.

"Okay," Freddie nodded, his tone softening. "Well…how about you give me the address of the sewage company your dad works at? I can get the directions off my phone so we can at least start heading over there."

"Here," Sam said, handing him a slip of paper. "It's all there."

Freddie keyed in the address silently.

"You think this is crazy?" Sam asked. "Its been fourteen years since he left…since I've seen him."

"It's not crazy to want to see a parent, Sam," Freddie said gently. "Even one who, well, hasn't always been around. Turn right up at this stop sign. We're not too far from the place. It's going to be on your left."

"Yeah but…maybe there's a reason I haven't heard from him in so long," Sam sighed. "Obviously we'll never be as close as Carly as with her dad or anything, so what's even the point of this?"
"Sam, something inside of you made yourself come here," Freddie told her. "Sure, maybe-maybe you and your dad will never have the best relationship. Maybe-maybe you never will have any relationship. But at least if you see him, even if you don't talk to him, you'll have some sense of closure."

Sam didn't reply, and for the next few minutes, the car was silent. Finally, though, Sam pulled up in front of a large building. "This is it, right?" she asked Freddie.

"Uh-huh," Freddie nodded. "This is the sewage company. I've got to say, it looks cleaner than I expected."

Sam simply stared out the window, making no effort to get out of the car.

"Hey," Freddie said, putting his hand on Sam's shoulder. "There's a twenty-four hour diner over there across the street. How about we grab a bite to eat? Maybe that will give you some time to figure out what you want to do."

"Yeah…yeah good idea," Sam mumbled. She pulled into the parking lot of the small diner and her and Freddie entered, taking a small booth right by the door.

"I've always wanted to try one of these places," Freddie said as he picked up his menu, trying to lighten the mood. "They always seem so good on T.V. Obviously my mom would never let me set foot in them…hey, they have curly fries! Aw man, I love curly fries. They're so much more fun then regular fries. Oh, and they have five-pound burgers! You should get one of those, Sam!"

He looked across the table, and he saw that for the first time in all the years that he had known her that Sam was not interested in food.

"What would I even say?" she asked. "If-If I decided to talk to him."

"I don't know," Freddie said honestly. "Maybe…maybe start with an introduction?"

"So what? Just waltz up to the guy and say 'Hey man, it's me, Sam. You know, the daughter you ran out on fourteen years ago. How you've been?'?"

"That-That could be a start," Freddie said.

"I don't know what to do," Sam moaned. "Do I tell him I missed him? That-That I used to stay up all night after he left looking out the window for his car to pull back into the driveway?"

Freddie looked down at his plate. This was truly the most vulnerable he had ever seen Sam.

"Or-Or do I tell him I hate him for leaving?" Sam whispered, her voice shaking. "And that I hate what he did to our family. That ever since he left, my mom hasn't ever held down a steady job, that I talk to my sister maybe three times a year and that I've been in and out of Juvie my whole childhood ?"

"Tell him all of it," Freddie said. "Get it all out. If you decide to talk to him Sam, you shouldn't hold anything in."

"I dunno," Sam mumbled as they heard the bell above the glass door ring. "What if I-"

Suddenly her eyes widened as she looked up at the man who just entered the diner.

Freddie turned to see who Sam was staring at, and he instantly knew why Sam had suddenly fallen silent. He recognized the man…he recognized him from the picture Sam had shown him right before they left Seattle.

It was her father.

"What-What is he-" Sam whispered.

"He must be here on his break or something," Freddie said softly, watching as Sam's father sat down at the counter. "The sewage company is right there."

"I-What do I do?" Sam hissed.

"Well," Freddie said. "If-If you want to talk to him, this seems like the perfect opportunity. This way you wouldn't have to sneak into the sewage company to track him down."

Sam didn't respond.

"Just-Just listen to what your gut tells you," Freddie told her, reaching across the table to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. "And remember…I'll be right here, no matter what."

Sam nodded, her eyes glued to the back of her father's head. She took a deep breath and slowly got to her feet.

Freddie watched as she walked over to the counter.

"Um…hi, excuse me?" she said, taking a seat in the stool next to her father.

The man merely grunted in response as a waitress slid a large sandwich in front of him.

"Umm…" Sam said nervously, absentmindedly fiddling with her hands in her lap. "So, um, listen…this-this is probably going to sound crazy to you and all, but-but see, you-you are-"

"Can I help you with something?" the man snapped, swallowing a huge bite of his sandwich.

"Er, yeah, actually," Sam said. "Um…I-I'm your…you're my fa-"

"Look, chick, I don't have time for your games," he sneered rudely, taking one last swig from his drink. "I come here for my break. Not to be harassed by strangers."

"But I'm not a stranger!" Sam said quickly. "Really. I'm your-"

"What you are is irritating," the man said coldly, finishing the last bit of his sandwich as he got to his feet. "I've got a terrible job to get back to you know. The last thing I need tonight is some punk kid harassing me. So thanks for wasting the fifteen minutes of freedom I have a night."

And with that he tossed a few bucks onto his now empty plate and stormed out of the restaurant.

Freddie looked at Sam's face. She was simply staring at the stool where her father had been sitting.

"Sam-" Freddie started, standing up.

But before he could even take a step towards her, Sam hopped up and raced into the women's restroom.

Freddie sighed, collapsing back into his seat. He felt terrible. He couldn't imagine what it must feel like to see your parent after over a decade of absence, only to have them not even recognize you. And of course, this is what Sam had been afraid of…Freddie wondered how long it would take her to recover…if she would recover.

"Can I get you anything?" a waitress asked, coming over to the table.

"Oh," Freddie said, clearing his throat. "I-I'll actually just have a water. But can I also get the biggest chocolate milkshake that you have for my friend? And-And can you put in a lot of extra chocolate syrup? She really loves that…oh, and maybe a bunch of those cherries?"

"Sure thing," the waitress smiled, scribbling down his order.

Once the waitress had walked off, Freddie stood up from the booth and walked over to the bathrooms. He knocked on the women's door. "Sam?" he called. "Sam…come out. I-I know that was-it wasn't what you planned. But-But we can talk about it. Maybe that will make you feel better?"

But of course, there was no response, and Freddie was not at all surprised. He looked back over at their empty booth, where the milkshake he had ordered was waiting. He quickly hurried back and grabbed it.

"Sam," he said again through the door. "I have a chocolate milkshake bigger than my head waiting out here for you. There's extra, extra chocolate in it. Come on, please? I don't want you to be alone right now. Besides, this milkshake is looking more and more tasty each minute. If you're not going to come and drink it, maybe I-"

The bathroom door swung open, and in one swift motion, Sam stuck her arm out, grabbed the milkshake and retreated back inside.

"I-Okay," Freddie said. "That-That was clever, I'll admit that. But Sam, I-I understand that that was difficult. But locking yourself in the bathroom isn't going to help you. Can you please just come out? Please?"

After a moment of silence Freddie took a deep breath. "Alright, fine. You won't come out? I'll just come in."

He pushed the door open and stepped inside the restroom where, thankfully, Sam was the only occupant. She was sitting down by the sink, sipping her milkshake as she stared down at the ground. She wasn't crying, but Freddie noticed her eyes were red.

"Well," Freddie said, looking around. "This isn't exactly what I imagined a girls' bathroom to look like. I always thought there would be carpeting and a couch and maybe some hard candies…this looks just like a guys one. You know, without the urinals."

Sam said nothing.

"How you doing?" Freddie asked gently, sitting down next to her.

Sam shook her head. "He didn't even recognize me."

It was Freddie's turn to be silent.

"I-I know he hasn't seen me in a really long time, but-but I thought that there would be something that would make him know it was me," Sam said.

Freddie wrapped an arm around her, letting her head fall onto his shoulder.

"I'm his daughter, and he thought I was just any other stranger!" Sam said, her voice cracking. "I thought-I thought he'd at least acknowledge me! But no! This proves it, doesn't it? He doesn't care! He doesn't care one bit about me! He doesn't care if I'm okay or about what I'm doing! He probably hasn't thought about me once since he left!"

"He's a jerk," Freddie said firmly. "He was a jerk for leaving you guys fourteen years ago, and he's a jerk now. But you know what? The joke's on him Sam. He walked away from an amazing daughter who he could've seen grow up into this incredible person. But he lost that chance. He's the one who should be feeling like this Sam, not you."

Sam rubbed her eyes. "I just want to get out of here. I should've never come here…I don't know what I was thinking."

"Alright, we can go," Freddie nodded, getting to his feet and helping her up.

The two headed back out to the car, but when they got inside, Sam didn't start the engine.

"I hate him," she said simply, looking over at Freddie.

"You have a right to," Freddie told her. "Look, Sam, this-this trip wasn't for nothing, I hope you know. If you didn't come here tonight, you would've spent the rest of your life wondering whether you should've. Now you don't need to. You got closure."

"I guess," Sam mumbled. She looked down at her lap. "I just wished it would've worked out differently."

"I know you do," Freddie said, giving her a small smile.

"I just…I wanted a dad," Sam sighed. "Is that so much to ask for? I love my mom and everything, even if she's not the most traditional parent. She's always been there, at least. But-But hearing all of Carly's stories about the things she does with her dad…I just wanted that."

"Yeah," Freddie said heavily. "I know what you mean."

Sam looked up. "That's right…you-you do. Don't you?"

"I mean…my dad didn't exactly just walk out," Freddie mumbled. "It's not like I woke up one morning and he just wasn't there….but, you know, him and my mom got divorced when I was pretty young. Before it happened we were pretty close. He's the one who built my first model train with me. Right before the divorce was official, he sat me down and he told me nothing was going to change. He told me he'd still be there for me…he'd visit all the time and he'd call every day. We'd go on special trips and he'd teach me to drive a car and talk to girls…"
"What happened?" Sam asked softly. "I-I never met him in all the time I've known you."

"I don't know," Freddie shrugged. "It started off like he said. He moved to Montana right after the divorce, and for about six months, he'd call at least four or five times a week, he came to see me a lot, we did all these cool things together. And then…and then he started calling less and less. First it became once a week, then once a month, a half-dozen times a year…now it's just once a year on my birthday. And he's usually late on that too. We usually only talk for five minutes. He tells me happy birthday, I say thanks. He asks how things are going, I say good, then we hang up. I haven't seen him in person in about four years."
"That's awful," Sam said.

"Yeah, it-it's not fun," Freddie agreed. He leaned back in his seat. "For all I know, he could've found himself a new family or something wherever he is. Maybe he had a new son who he likes enough to stick around for. Who know?"

Sam shook her head. "Dads are the worst. They-They just leave you! They're supposed to be these great guys who love you and protect you and make you laugh…but they just disappoint you."

"Yup," Freddie mumbled.

The two were silent for a moment.

"You know, I guess not all dads are like that," Freddie pointed out. "There are some who measure up pretty well. We-We just didn't get the luck of the draw."

"Nope," Sam sighed. "Guess not."

Freddie stared out the window. "When I get older and have kids…I swear, I'm not going to be one of the dads that leaves. I don't care what happens, I'll always be there for my kids. They'll never have to feel like, well, like this."

"Yeah," Sam smiled. "I can see that…you'll be a really good dad."

"You think so?" Freddie asked.

Sam nodded. "Oh yeah. But you're going to be one of those really dorky ones. You know, the kind that wears tacky sweaters when you pick your kids up from somewhere, and you'll always have the lamest jokes. You'll want their name on a waiting list for some prestigious preschool before they're even born, and you'll bore them to death trying to teach them about your tech junk. And you'll go to every parent-teacher conference. Oh, and your office will be covered in the pictures that they draw for you. You won't have room to even do your work. But you won't mind."

Freddie laughed. "Good to know I have my parenting style all mapped out for me."

"Well, you're predictable," Sam smirked. "But…seriously, your kids will be real lucky to have you as their dad. Even if they do have to deal with the biggest nub around their whole childhoods."