Chapter One Hundred-Six
Severus was sitting in the armchair in the living room, his right elbow resting on the arm, his hand meeting his forehead as he slumped forward slightly, thinking. Upon returning to Spinner's End a few minutes ago, Lily had announced she was going to take a bath, something she often did when she wanted to get her mind off things.
That left Severus in his current position, his thoughts all too consuming. He knew he would be facing the reality of the war in a few short hours when his presence was required at the Order meeting. He would be occupying the same room as Dumbledore, the man who had made his life miserable and who had been merciful at the same time.
Allowing his arm to drop, Severus released a heavy sigh. He supposed he should have been more upset about the breach on the Statute of Secrecy, but for him, what grated on his nerves the most was always personal. The war had its larger meaning, but for him, both the first time and now, his involvement in this war was highly personal.
Was that why he had been so angry at Dumbledore? For putting another young man in the position of spy, a position only he could understand?
As if it weren't bad enough that Regulus were the trusty spy - if he could be trusted... Severus didn't much care for the other boy, but Regulus had shown some promise, some remorse... or was it only fear that drove him away from the Dark Lord?
In the end, Severus knew that Regulus's story hadn't been the same as his own. It, in and of itself, hadn't been enough to convince the shrewd old headmaster of his regret.
An Unbreakable Vow, though? Narcissa asked if of me out of desperation, and I foolishly consented. Surely Dumbledore didn't ask with the same motivation. Desperation was never his angle. No, Dumbledore was always too manipulative and cunning for that. His remark about sorting too soon could have just as well applied to him.
Severus was taken out of his reverie when he heard the tub draining. Lily's footsteps shortly followed, and Severus glanced at the clock. His eyes drifted to the framed picture next to the clock on the mantle, and he stood, going to it and taking it in his hands. He reverently stroked the frame, running a finger over the picture next, seeing Lily so happy in her wedding dress. Beside her, Severus almost didn't recognize himself, for he was beaming as well, something he often didn't do.
At least there's one good thing about today, he thought fondly. I've been married to Lily for a year.
Not realizing he must have lost himself in gazing at the photo, Lily came from behind, snaking her arms around his slim torso. She peeked around his shoulder to see the picture and smiled.
"Can you believe it?" she asked.
"Mmm," Severus replied, returning the frame to its original spot. Turning around, he embraced her and planted a kiss on the top of her head.
"Are you all right?" Lily whispered, searching his eyes, so fathomless, so deep.
"I will be," Severus said softly. "I'm sorry about my display earlier... in Dumbledore's office."
"Dumbledore does seem to have a rather negative effect on you, doesn't he? Well, I don't blame you, Sev. He is manipulative, but I think he knows what he's doing."
"Oh, he definitely knows what he's doing," Severus remarked darkly. "He always knew what he was doing, what he was setting up - or more specifically, who he was setting up. He knew they would fall right into place in his grand plan."
"And you've had enough of those games," Lily stated as fact.
"Precisely." Severus sank into the sofa, and Lily joined him.
"Well... I just hope his plans work. This meeting is going to be long and complicated tonight, I just know it."
x x x x xAfter a dull dinner and a lapse in conversation, for neither Lily nor Severus seemed to want to talk about the topic that would be discussed ad nauseam tonight during the meeting, they briefly cleaned up the kitchen and headed into the sitting room. Severus went for the fireplace and extracted a handful of Floo Powder from the clay jar on the mantel. He threw the greyish substance into the grate, announcing, "Dumbledore's office," his voice neither loud nor with much vigor.
Stepping into the round office, Severus observed many Order members already present. Edgar Bones was in the process of muttering over some documents with Frank Longbottom, and Caradoc Dearborn was pacing, lost in worry and thought. Dumbledore was seated behind his desk, exchanging words with his brother, Aberforth, and his lifelong friend, Elphias Doge. His blue eyes briefly met Severus's when the young man entered, but Severus quickly diverted his gaze, placing a hand on Lily's back as he guided her to some empty chairs away from the others.
"How are you feeling?" he asked in a low voice.
"The nausea hasn't been as bad today," Lily returned softly. "Just the one time this morning, as you know. Hopefully I can make it through this meeting fine."
Severus nodded, hoping for the same. Just then, the fire admitted more people, including the Marauders and Mary. Severus kept the sigh that wanted to escape from surfacing as they joined Lily and himself.
Great, a time for small talk, Severus thought sourly.
"How was the rest of your wedding day?" Lily inquired kindly.
"It was as well as could be expected," Mary replied, her usual gushiness gone. "Of course, we didn't go on our honeymoon, obviously, seeing as we're here..."
"Seeing as the Muggle Parliament was destroyed," James cut in, "yeah." His normally smiling face was drawn and serious. "Unbelievable," he muttered. "Those bastards."
Ten more minutes passed, and once everyone was assembled, Dumbledore ended his conversation with Aberforth and Elphias and turned his attention to commencing the meeting. Standing, he announced, "By now, you all have heard the news - that the Muggle Parliament has been destroyed. Even worse, the Statute of Secrecy has been broken, meaning that Muggles all over Britain are now aware of the presence of witches and wizards. It won't take long for this news to spread throughout the world. The ramifications of this are yet to be determined."
A few murmurs were exchanged between the Order members, but Dumbledore continued, "You may notice that one of our number is missing. It is with great sadness that I inform you all that Benjy Fenwick is dead. He was near Parliament when the attack happened and didn't make it out with his life. Only his hand, still clutching his wand, was found."
Gasps of horror came from several of the women. Severus shook his head. There was no way he could have known how the man would die, especially since so many events had been altered.
"What does all this mean?" asked Marlene McKinnon quietly, her eyes shining with unshed tears, but a firm resolve on her face in the way she set her mouth. "What is You-Know-Who's tactic, do you think?"
"Tactic?" barked Mad-Eye Moody with a bitter laugh. "The sodding bastard doesn't need any tactic, any strategy. He's enjoying the feeling of what he thinks he has in his grasp - unlimited power."
"Voldemort underestimates his foes," Dumbledore interrupted patiently. "By making himself known to Muggles, it was in hopes of inspiring fear, and although that may be the case, those who are oppressed are the same people an evil overlord like Voldemort needs to fear. It was bad enough when he targeted Muggleborns, but by targeting Muggles so openly, he has made himself a powerful enemy, and his pride blinds him from realizing it. Muggles have come a long way in the past hundred years with their technological advances. They may not have magic, but they have weapons that could utterly wipe out entire populations in a matter of minutes. If we thought things were scary in the Middle Ages during the burnings, we have much more reason to be afraid now."
"But many of these so-called burnings were of their own kind," Frank reasonably pointed out. "They had a hard time telling the difference between a real witch or wizard and a fake one. Real ones could laugh during the burnings, so are we truly to be so afraid of what the Muggles could do to our kind?"
"If you aren't afraid, you should be," Dumbledore stated gravely. "We cannot hope to contain this information to this country, even. There is no spell in existence powerful enough to wipe the minds of masses of people. I am afraid that we will need to be more careful than ever to hide ourselves."
"And if we have to attack Death Eaters in public?" Severus suddenly demanded.
"We had better hope we're able to contain those Muggles who might witness it and Oblivate them afterward," replied Dumbledore.
"But a couple of Muggles aren't a real threat to us in a situation like that," Sirius pointed out.
"Yes, but they could become a problem should they run to the right authorities and report what they saw," Dumbledore countered.
Sirius was silenced, having to concede Dumbledore's remark.
"This is all well and good," Moody said sarcastically, "but why didn't we know this attack would happen? Surely something of this magnitude should have been leaked in the daily goings-on in the Ministry. We've got Aurors and people working at the Ministry who are supposed to be on the alert for this kind of thing. I, myself, didn't hear a bloody thing."
"That's what scares me, too, Alastor," Edgar commented. "No one expected this."
"But he didn't make any moves for months," Severus said impatiently. "Surely you didn't think he'd just given up? He was planning something big this entire time, and we were lazy. We weren't doing all we could have done to prevent it."
Damn and blast. I could've done something. What good is it reliving my bloody life if I couldn't have stopped something like this from happening? I was a fool to have just let things happen. It's been Horcruxes and the Prophecy that have been on my mind...
Severus's mind was attacked with stabbing realization that his anger toward Dumbledore and the rest of the Order was directed at himself, at his own shortcomings... or so he viewed them that way. Again and again, he found himself in a tangled web of his own making, his personal problems coming first, and here he had vowed to be a changed man!
He wanted to laugh mockingly and point his fingers in on himself, but when he forced his eyes to meet those of the others in the room, he found only sadness staring back.
No accusation.
Even Dumbledore and Lily, who knew the truth about Severus, were saddened, probably more so than the others.
"We all wish that," Marlene whispered.
Many people nodded solemnly.
But you don't understand, Severus wanted to protest aloud. You don't know what else he's doing, trying to keep himself immortal, finding a way to interpret the Prophecy...
"Be all that as it may," Dumbledore resumed the topic, "we cannot undo what has already been done. We must work with what we have. I am pleased to announce one piece of good news - we now have a spy implemented in the Death Eaters' ranks."
"A spy?" Dearborn questioned incredulously. "And you trust this individual? How did this come to pass?"
"He came to me only last night with valuable information on Voldemort, although I do not think it necessary to be discussing said information here. It pertains to a small number of people, and the fewer people who know about it, the better."
"So, you're saying you don't trust us, yet you trust this spy of yours?" asked Sirius roughly, his normally large eyes narrowing suspiciously.
"It is not so simple, Sirius," Dumbledore replied patiently, "but I believe this individual will provide us with valuable information, something we didn't have before. It will help us to avoid another incident like last night."
"So, what do we do next?" asked Remus. "What's the exact plan for prohibiting further attacks, whether large or small?"
"We will carry on doing our respective duties as we have been, and we are all to be extra cautious when in public as to not reveal our true identities. Edgar and Alastor have been tracking a few suspected Death Eaters. When I receive word, I will call on you. The purpose of this meeting was mostly informative-"
"But it hasn't been completely so," argued Dorcas Meadows, speaking up for the first time. "Rumors have been flying about, rumors about a Prophecy, about someone who will be marked to defeat You-Know-Who. You haven't mentioned this, Dumbledore. What do you know about this?"
Dumbledore surveyed the middle-aged, stately woman over his half-moon spectacles, and then turned his attention to the room at large. Severus knew the old man would lie before he even opened his mouth. Staring at Severus and Lily as he spoke, he said evenly, "I have heard the rumors myself, but know nothing more than any of you."
"You already said you had information you couldn't share with everyone," Sirius spoke up. "You're keeping the identity of your spy from us, what he brought you, and more. I think you know, Dumbledore."
Severus noticed that Sirius seemed quite incensed. He wasn't surprised that Dumbledore didn't reveal more to the Order and was truthfully quite grateful that the old man hadn't told everyone about the Prophecy and who it meant. Neither was he shocked that Dumbledore remained tight-lipped about his spy. No one in the Order had been aware of Severus's duties as a spy during the first war, not until after the Dark Lord had attacked the Potters.
"That will be quite enough, Sirius," Dumbledore said firmly. "We will be meeting on a weekly basis from here on out, as to keep in more regular contact about the goings-on. We will also be meeting in my office from now on. With that, I will see you all here next week, same time, same place."
Taking that as their dismissal, many of the people stood and said their farewells, although none too pleased about the predicament they were now facing. Severus and Lily were among the last people to leave, and Severus noticed that Sirius was still there with his friends.
"Sev," Lily whispered, "come on."
A part of Severus wanted to hang back, wondering what Sirius would ask Dumbledore, if he knew the spy was Regulus, but he knew that he couldn't stay and hear anything. He nodded followed Lily through the fireplace.
Alone with James, Sirius, Remus, and Mary now, Dumbledore raised his eyebrows from across the room at them. "Good evening to you all," he said, in hopes that they would join their fellows in leaving.
"Go on ahead of me," Sirius murmured to his friends. "I'll just be a minute."
"Are you sure, mate?" James asked, concerned for his friend.
"Come on, James," Remus muttered. Looking at Sirius, he added, "Don't be long, okay?"
"I won't be."
With that, James, Mary, and Remus exited. Alone with his former headmaster now, Sirius stepped closer to Dumbledore.
"The spy is Regulus, isn't it?" he asked.
Dumbledore kept his face impassive. "Sirius-"
"No, don't lie to me!" Sirius yelled, suddenly enraged. "I have a right to know! He's my brother!"
Sighing, Dumbledore posed, "What makes you so sure he's the spy?"
"Because I- I know him," Sirius stammered, his voice losing its edge. "He may have been a little shit most of the time, but I saw the way he was in school. He was scared, Dumbledore, scared when he took the mark. He didn't know what he was getting himself into. It's a miracle he hasn't gotten himself killed yet. What's more is I remember when one of the Death Eaters only Stunned and didn't kill Lily's father at her wedding last year. I had a feeling then that it was Regulus..."
"And you think I would protect him from death?" Dumbledore asked.
"If he agreed to spy for you, yes. Look, I don't know what he told you or what he gave you to convince you that he was having second thoughts, but I think he would've meant it. Just... look out for him, okay? He'd never believe me if I told him that-"
"That you still care for him?"
Sirius's grey eyes were glassy, but he nodded silently. "Just don't let anything bad happen to him, Dumbledore."
Dumbledore was silent. He had never openly admitted that the spy was Regulus, but without the exact words, each man came to an understanding between them that night.
Meanwhile, back at Spinner's End, Severus's head was spinning as he tried to reconcile his newfound guilt with the events around him.
