Chapter One Hundred-Ten
During the next couple of days, Severus found himself restless. While he still felt angry at Dumbledore, he found he was feeling oddly rejected. The way the old wizard had dismissed them from his office a few nights prior had been cold and uncharacteristic of him. Severus had known Dumbledore for years, and he could count on one hand the number of times he had heard the headmaster speak at him with such disdain.
Dumbledore could just as well have hexed him or physically punched him upon exiting that night. To make matters worse, Lily seemed to have instantly regretted the tone she had taken with Dumbledore. She was more upset at herself now, and Severus didn't know what to say to comfort her.
"He was only trying to help in his way," Lily would reiterate every couple of hours.
Severus only frowned, a part of him glad to be rid of Dumbledore, another part of him wishing to build the bridge between them again. Was breaking connections with the only man Voldemort feared, the only wizard who knew his secret besides Lily, the only man who could help destroy the Horcruxes the smart thing to be doing in a dire war?
Severus didn't think so. Sense told him that he needed that alliance with Dumbledore. He was a powerful wizard on his own, to be sure, and he was a war veteran, but Dumbledore was much older and had seen a great deal more in his lifetime. Severus was more experienced than most at his true age, but how could he expect to compare with someone well over a hundred years old?
It's not just experience that makes someone wise, though, Severus thought bitterly. A person can have all the experience in the world, but if he doesn't learn from those experiences, he is all the more a fool. Dumbledore was foolish enough to put that ring Horcrux on the first time... yet I felt its power, too. Maybe... maybe he's just doing the best he can with what he's got.
While Severus's thoughts whirled in his mind, Lily was visiting her family, having travelled safely through the fireplace. He had been sitting trying to read a book for pleasure, but now was pacing the room, unable to concentrate on anything enjoyable.
His mind was all on Dumbledore now. The aged wizard's tactics could be viewed as ruthless and unattached, but the part of Severus he now kept buried could understand such harsh methods. He had become so entangled in love and good virtue now that he had put away much of his old self. He had done plenty in his Death Eater days that had been beyond uncaring and indifferent. While he had never particularly enjoyed partaking in tormenting Muggles and Muggleborns, he had witnessed it and not stopped it all the same. He could accuse Dumbledore of many atrocities, but dare he gaze into a mirror at his own reflection, how deep would he have to look to see his own darkness?
Was that why Dumbledore upset him so? Because Severus saw a part of himself in the other man?
Severus knew he resented the old man for his manipulations, but still, hadn't Dumbledore given him a chance when no one else would have? He would have been in Azkaban had it not been for the headmaster. A life as a spy had been a prison in its own ways, but Severus couldn't blame Dumbledore for his predicament.
It was my fault. I chose to join the Death Eaters. I chose to let Lily drift away.
In all his self-induced punishment, Severus also knew he wasn't alone in taking blame. A whole host of people and situations could be blamed, but what good did it do to dole out blame when it was in the past? Every day when he looked upon his lovely pregnant wife, Severus thought about the new life growing inside of her. He had been given another chance at life, and in the past almost-four years, he had gained much more than just Lily's love returned.
Lily's parents loved him as their own. His father and he had reconciled when all seemed lost and impossible. He had proven he could be admired and had friends because of it. Again and again, Severus had chosen what was right... for the right reason.
Yet there had been mistakes. There had been shortcomings, tempers lost, broken relationships, deaths...
But the whole time, Severus had been doing the best he could do.
What more could he ask of Dumbledore?
I'm going on that mission, and I'm not being reckless for wanting to help, Severus thought with determination. Lily won't like it, but I can't just stand by and wait for others to do what I can do: destroy the Horcruxes, for one. Dumbledore might not have enlightened me on the whereabouts of their mission, but there are others I can ask.
With this newfound purpose and drive, Severus tossed a handful of Floo Powder into the fireplace, shouting, "Remus Lupin's place!"
He stuck his head into the green flames and gazed about for the other young man. Within seconds, a shabbily-dressed wizard entered the kitchen, worry etched on his face.
"Severus?" Remus inquired. "What's the matter?"
Severus heard some shuffling, and Sirius appeared next to his frazzled friend. "Snape?" he asked. "What's going on?"
Severus sneered slightly at the older Black brother, then looked at Remus. "You couldn't be alone?" he asked, shaking his head. "Anyway, it's about the mission Dumbledore was talking about - the one involving the dementors."
"What about it?" Sirius questioned defensively. "It seemed to me that Dumbledore didn't want you involved from the looks he was giving you during the meeting."
"He asked for any willing volunteers," Severus said pointedly.
"Ah, then why aren't you asking Dumbledore yourself?" posed Sirius smartly.
Severus bared his teeth. "Listen, I don't have time for this. Just tell me where the bloody mission is going to be. It's important that I'm there."
Remus, trying to be the peacemaker, gazed from Sirius to Severus. "I don't know why Dumbledore wouldn't want you to participate, Severus, but you are a part of the Order. All right... we're to meet up in Exeter tomorrow evening at nine o'clock, Newman Road and Buddle Lane."
"Remus!" Sirius hissed, glaring at his friend.
"Thank you, Remus," Severus said, smirking at Sirius. "Oh, by the way, I have your potion ready. Give me a moment, and I can pass it over."
"Severus, are you doing anything right now?" posed Remus.
"Uh... n-no," Severus stuttered, caught off-guard by the question.
"When you bring the potion over, stay for a little while. Lily isn't around, I trust?"
"No, she's visiting with her family. I'll let her know, and then... all right, I'll be back."
Severus withdrew his head, breaking the connection, surprised by Remus's cordial invitation. He would grace the two Gryffindors with his company, if only to get his mind off things and to annoy Sirius.
Feeling better now that he knew the location and time of the mission, Severus proceeded down the basement stairs to his personal laboratory and extracted the needed phial of Wolfsbane. He returned upstairs a moment later, the potion in hand, and repeated his earlier ministrations of throwing the powder into the grate. He called for the Evanses' house first.
"Hello?" he called out, as no one was in the vicinity.
Lily was the first to respond. "Severus?" she asked, surprised to find his head hovering in the fireplace. "Is something wrong?"
"Why does everyone think something must be wrong when I come calling?" inquired Severus dryly. At Lily's confused expression, he amended, "Never mind. I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to be visiting at Remus's for a little while. I will probably be back before you return."
Lily smiled brightly. "That's great, Sev. Have a good time, then."
Severus returned the smile, sure that she was pleased to see him interacting with others. With a nod, he broke the connection and called out for Remus Lupin's small cottage. He entered the dwelling, trying not to gaze around at the surroundings too much. He was reminded of the worn down state of Spinner's End not so long ago.
"Here you are," Severus said, handing the vial of Wolfsbane over to Remus, who took it graciously.
"Thank you again for doing this for me, Severus," Remus replied. "You know you don't have to-"
"I am quite aware of that, Remus," Severus said stiffly. "Your gratitude is unnecessary. If the potion keeps one more werewolf tame during the full moon, all the better." Severus gazed upon Sirius coolly as he spoke.
Sirius reddened slightly. "You're never going to forget that prank, are you?" he asked.
"Most likely not," Severus replied darkly. "Deny it all you want, Black, but there was a time when you wished me dead. To have used your friend to do your dirty work is what makes it even more disgusting."
"That's unfair!" Sirius exclaimed hotly. "Why are you bringing up the past, anyway? Is that what you came here for? Moony, you've made a mistake in inviting him here if he's just going to try and goad me!"
"Aren't you listening?" Severus asked. "I said 'there was a time when you wished me dead.' As in the past, Black."
"Oh," Sirius said, rather stupidly.
"But you don't deny it? Your dislike being so great you thought the world would be better without me in it?" Severus inquired.
"Severus, Sirius, please!" Remus interrupted, annoyed. "I think that's quite enough. I didn't invite either of you here so you could argue. Is it so impossible for you to be in the same room without resorting to such behavior?"
"No, not impossible," Severus said, now wishing he could take back his words. Why did he have to bring up the past at a time when he had just been telling himself to look ahead? "If you don't bring it up, I won't," he added, gazing directly at Sirius.
"Fine with me," Sirius agreed. The red was disappearing from his face, and once he had his breathing under control, Sirius confessed, "Look, Snape..." His voice was somewhat strangled, but he forced himself to control. "I'm sorry, okay? It was really a stupid thing to have done, and I wasn't thinking about the consequences."
Severus wouldn't have believed the other man had it been a couple of years earlier, and he hadn't spoken much with Sirius so directly in the time since their graduation. Whenever they had been together, they had been in a group, but Severus didn't wish to open old wounds again. Having already inflicted enough upon himself and his relationship with Dumbledore, he knew now was not the time to be breaking bonds with his allies.
"Very well," Severus agreed, "but it stays in the past. I have no desire to bring it up again."
Remus was smiling ridiculously, to which Severus sneered. Sirius laughed at his friend's hopeful expression.
"Don't be so naive, Remus," Sirius stated. "It's not as if we've just agreed to be bosom friends."
x x x x xWhen Severus told Lily he would be going with the Order to Exeter the following evening, she was not happy. They were getting ready to settle into bed for the night, and the conversation had quickly become heated.
"I know you want to help, Severus, but it's dangerous!" Lily pleaded. "If I have to stay behind, then you should, too."
"I'm not pregnant," Severus pointed out, trying to be reasonable, but Lily would have none of it.
"I don't like how Dumbledore was trying to tell us what to do any more than you do, but what is our baby to do without a father? What if you get killed, Sev? You're not invincible. You died once before-"
"I will not die," Severus tried to promise.
"You cannot promise me that," Lily protested, nearly in tears. "How many more missions until you're happy? What more do you need to do until you feel you've done enough? Please, Sev, I'm begging you - don't go."
"Lily," Severus said softly, reaching for her, "please don't be this way."
Lily seemed to lose all resolve and collapsed into her husband's strong arms. He held her, running his hand through her hair, soothing her fears.
"Anything worth having is difficult and risky," Severus murmured. "I promise - the first sign of trouble, and I will Disapparate to safety."
Sniffling, Lily withdrew her buried face and regarded Severus with shiny eyes. "You must be careful, Sev. He knows. Voldemort knows about you. You're his primary target, surely."
"I will be careful," Severus whispered.
x x x x xA little before the scheduled time, Severus Apparated to the meeting place in Exeter. He kept himself Disillusioned and in the shadows, just in case anyone saw him. In the past, a Muggle seeing a man suddenly materialize out of thin air would have scared him and nothing else. A quick Obliviate would have done the job, but with the Statute of Secrecy being breached, Muggles were most likely on the look out for anything suspicious. Severus knew from experience that what Muggles lacked in magic, they made up for with brute force... or worse.
Shuddering, then shrugging away childhood memories of his father, Severus glanced around. He noticed three people standing on the street corner, but he didn't recognize them. They appeared to be Muggle teenagers, probably sneaking out on a school night to smoke a pack of fags behind their parents' backs.
Severus honed his hearing and listened. He picked up on a couple of words only wizards would use. No Muggle knew about dementors, except perhaps Petunia, whose nosiness had given her more insight than was healthy for a Muggle to have about wizarding affairs, at least in Severus's opinion.
Glad he was wearing jeans and a Muggle coat, Severus removed the Disillionment and stepped out into the street, appearing to be a regular teen himself. When the group of boys saw him, Severus immediately noticed recognition in their eyes.
"Severus, what are you doing here?" one of them asked.
Severus assumed this "boy" was Dumbledore.
"You asked for volunteers," Severus said mildly. "What's your favorite pastime?"
Severus asked the security question on purpose.
"Ten pin bowling, chamber music, knitting patterns, among other things," the "boy" returned, and had they been on friendlier terms and not on a mission involving creatures that sucked out souls, Severus might have laughed.
"Who else is with you?" Severus inquired.
"The two you spoke with, no doubt," Dumbledore stated, giving Remus and Sirius both stern looks over phantom spectacles, as he lacked the glasses that normally decorated his crooked nose.
One of the other boys smiled slightly, and Severus immediately knew which one was Remus.
"Who else is coming?" Sirius asked.
"Dedalus and the Prewett brothers."
"Prewett brothers?" Severus asked. "Are they the new recruits, then?"
"Right you are," Dumbledore replied calmly, his tone cool and indifferent.
Severus bristled slightly, but knew now was not the time or place to be picking a verbal row with the headmaster. Just then, the subjects of their discussion approached, all under the effects of Polyjuice as well. Severus was beginning to wonder why he hadn't been clever enough to think of Polyjuice. In his haste to come, he had been ever bit the reckless Gryffindor he couldn't tolerate.
"Welcome," Dumbledore greeted the newcomers. "Let us be off, then. Keep your eyes peeled. They are known to attack unexpectedly."
"And if we're seen?" one of the Prewetts asked.
"Get away as quickly as possible. You cannot risk taking the time to Obliviate, not when other Muggles may be around, watching and ready."
This is ridiculous, Severus thought bitterly. The very people we're trying to protect would attack us just as quickly as they would Death Eaters. To them, we're all the same.
For the next half-hour they walked along, keeping their wands hidden up their sleeves. Severus noticed each of the men remove a bottle from their coats, no doubt holding Polyjuice, but meant to look like a soda, and took a swig. They turned a corner, and Severus was beginning to wonder if they ought to split up.
The alley they now entered was the home to a couple of homeless people, slumped into corners, half-awake and probably very inebriated. Just as the group made to leave the alley, the already cold air grew chillier, and Severus watched his breath thicken in the air in front of his eyes. Before they could react, something darker than the night was descending upon one of the unfortunate Muggle bums, intent on sucking his soul out.
Dumbledore was the first to act. He couldn't simply stand by and watch as a helpless life was taken, but neither did he wish to risk be revealed in front of the Muggles. The battleground was different from mere weeks ago.
Severus didn't know what spell Dumbledore hit the creature with, but the dementor recoiled from the homeless man, who released a great shudder, as if thinking it simply very cold. Severus watched as the man drew back farther into the shadows, hoping in vain for protection and warmth. The dementor now sensed six warm and relatively happy souls to feast on and darted toward them.
At least Muggles can't see dementors, Severus thought witheringly.
Hoping Dumbledore had the Horcruxes available, Severus stood there, wondering what he ought to do, wondering if he had been foolish to come when he probably wasn't needed.
Dumbledore magically hurled the ring toward the dementor's mouth, and upon instinct, the horrid creature latched onto it. In strange fascination, the others watched, all of them wondering what was going on except Severus. The dementor was quickly finished with the ring, and Dumbledore made to give it the locket next, but the dementor had other ideas.
It released a terrifying rattle, advancing on Dumbledore in a flash, seemingly angry and irritated for having been giving a small, unsatisfying sample of its food. It wanted the real thing.
The thing was too close to Dumbledore for the headmaster to react. Dumbledore dropped the locket, and throwing caution to the wind, Severus aimed his wand at the dementor, intoning, "Excepto Patronum!"
The dementor backed off, but suddenly, three more joined its company. Severus, Sirius, Remus, Dedalus Diggle, and the Prewetts fought back with Patronuses, and within seconds, a plethora of silvery animals were prancing about the alley.
Dumbledore, still recovering from his near-death encounter, was in the process of standing when a group of about ten Muggles entered the alley. Severus knew their display of Patronuses couldn't have gone unnoticed.
"There they are!" the apparent leader of the group yelled.
"Are you the ones responsible for people showing up right and left in a good-as-dead state?" demanded one of them.
The thing responsible for "good-as-dead states" came out of the shadows at the same time as the Muggle mob, which was growing as more Muggles joined it. Severus heard a scream and turned in shock to find Fabian Prewett, the Polyjuice wearing off, at the mercy of a new dementor. Worse, the dementors that had been driven away had now returned with an army of them, intent on the crowd of Muggles and wizards alike.
What a feast.
Author's Note: There you have it, a nice, long chapter... but with a cliffie. I'm horribly evil, I know, but I'm enjoying it immensely.
I realize that Severus is acting somewhat reckless. It has been my purpose that Lily's influence on him has softened him and also made him more prone to such Gryffindor behavior. And yes, as some pointed out, Lily has been influenced by Severus as well. She's snarkier than before. Anyway, Severus cannot and should not be portrayed as perfect. He doesn't always to the smartest thing or the right thing. If you were in his situation, you'd find it hard to think clearly, too!
Some are no doubt wondering why he would still choose to fight when he would be safer if he stayed hidden. I don't think Severus is the type to just hide. He hates being called a coward. While it's sensible and probably more realistic that most would hide, he isn't. He's a fighter. Besides, I wouldn't have much of a story to tell if Severus and Lily spent the rest of their days hidden in their house!
There has been some concern that I don't like Dumbledore. This is not true. The man was ruthless and manipulative, but he did the best he could do in the given circumstances, I believe. If I can love Severus, for all his faults (sometimes I think we Snape fans are a little blinded by our love for him and forget his flaws and darkness), then I can find Dumbledore a fascinating character, too. To be honest, I had hoped for a father/son type of relationship between them before DH, but upon reading the last book, that was obviously not the case. After everything Severus has been through, I do not think he would easily trust the old wizard. He would have a lot of resentment where Dumbledore is concerned. Since this story is mostly told through Severus's point of view, you get the feeling of a lot of bitterness toward Dumbledore, but I don't hate him.
Finally, you will probably notice now that I will NOT by simply destroying Horcruxes by having dementors feed off of them. It's not so easy as that. You also are seeing (finally) Muggles directly involved. Voldemort will truly regret having underestimated Muggles by the end of this fic.
Next chapter(s): We pick up from where we left off, and Regulus visits Bella's house in search of the Cup of Hufflepuff!
