Many Meetings

"You can't mean it!" The young man's gasp of horror caused Alyss to snicker.

"Of course I mean it! Why else would I have said it?"

"Maybe he hoped for a little leniency from, and I don't mean this as an offense, a girl." The third voice chimed in innocently.

The look Alyss gave Eragon distinctly reminded him of Saphira when she was hungry.

Draco was still shaking, and his pale skin had morphed into a strange color… Could it be green?

All three figures stopped… pivoted (Draco did a 360)… and stared as huge explosion of green fire descended from the sky, a familiar POOF sounded before the flames receded.

And out stepped the bane of all Gary-Stu's. The Prince of Mirkwood! The Slayer of Oliphaunts! The Bearer of the Lorien Bow… Legolas Greenleaf.

Of course the others had never had the privilege of watching Lord of the Rings, or reading the books, and so could not understand the meaning of this shining arrival. For the arrival of the elf meant… Formal greetings.

"Atra esterní ono thelduin fricai-vodhr." May good fortune rule over you honored friend.

The elf appeared puzzled by Eragon's greeting. "Mani ume lle quena?" What did you say?

Eragon shook his head, confused as to why this elf should not know standard etiquette.

Legolas, instead of replying, turned to Alyss and Draco, who had proceeded to wrestle each other to the ground.

"I thought you didn't mean it!" Pretending to ignore Draco's pleas Alyss scooped up a handful of dry dirt and proceeded to sprinkle it over the thrashing body. When she had finished to her satisfaction she sprang away from her pitiful victim to survey her work.

Draco stood and instantly felt over his body for injuries. Upon finding a strange substance on his robes he stopped and let out a shriek.

"What did you do exactly?" Eragon asked Alyss. Content for the moment to let the issue with the newcomer slide.

"I got him dirty." She presented this fact with no regret.

Legolas decided that he had most certainly entered another world. Why else would people talk so strangely?

"Because you're in another world. And-"

The Authoress broke off and yelled at the writhing shape on the ground,

"OH QUIT YOUR SHRIEKING!"

All movement ceased. All figures were frozen in their positions. A cloaked figure was resting on a magical cloud of swirling black dust and silver sparkles.

They all tried to blink, but found their eyes held to be held open by… plot holes. Those little nuances that end up being important. However The Authoress felt that she could let these plot holes stay. They were so convenient. She smiled, but of course they couldn't see the smile, she did have a cloak on, with the hood obscuring her face. The menacing figure focused on Draco.

"You really were a terrible villain!"

She had originally planned on explaining things, as an answer to Legolas's question you see. But then Draco's sounds of agony got on her nerves. And now she thought it was time to start speaking like a normal person.

"Hello. I am The Authoress. You are the participants in my first ever experiment titled 'The Meeting of the Blonds,' you were all chosen for you excessively fair hair, or in the unique case of having a fair mind." A pointed look went towards Eragon along with a raised eyebrow. Suddenly the four found they could move again.

"I don't have blonde hair!" Eragon said, but then he looked confused (which is something he does often), "Or at least, I didn't this morning."

"Pah! Muggles. You're all so hopeless!" Draco started hunting through his black suit, he needed his wand to blast these people…

"Sir, I have known you for scarcely five minutes thrice two… But I feel it is my duty to inform all those with no sight what is in front of their faces…"*

*^Legolas's attempt at politely pointing out that Eragon was ignoring the obvious.
_

"Whatever you are… sir… you must be a highly renowned scribe from wherever it is you come from, but with me gilded words will gain no favor."**

**^Alyss's attempt at politely…. Ahh you know what I mean.
_

"I'm not sure I rightly understand your words." Said the elf with his usual poise.

"Nevermind." Whilst this "bonding" was going on The Authoress had summoned a silver mirror. She benevolently handed it to Eragon.

The young man's fingers shot to his head with elven speed. Because he is part elf you know. But both of his parents are human you know. And you know the story, so you know, this information is pointless.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

"Whatever can you mean?" A smile was hidden in her words.

Eragon tried to explain, but found that he couldn't speak. In order to prevent any further time wasting concerning Eragon's hair (he's hogging all the screen time!) The Authoress decided to place a spell on him so that he couldn't talk, and solve the problem.

Draco whipped out his wand (It had taken him more than 19 sentence stoppers to find it). "Incendio!" Flames spurted from the tip of his wand, only to dissipate immediately in the air.

"Ya know… You are way too fond of that spell. Can't you do anything else?" Boredom was something The Authoress never went through, she had been brought up to believe that "Boredom is a choice." But seriously… "This dude has a long ways to go before he could be termed as evil." She accidently let the last line slip out into speech.

Indignant and furious Draco spat, "But I tormented Potter and his friends in school, I was the main antagonist for countless chapters and interludes! All of my humane parts only emphasized my descent into madness."

"Ew." Flicking away the spittle from her dress Alyss turned to the pure blooded elf.

"Excuse me… But we never learned your name. I'm Alyss Mainwaring, Courier of Araluen."

"A pleasure to meet you fair lady, I am Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood. I would inquire as to your mission here… but since we're all in the same boat so to speak, what are your tasks as a Courier?"

Then the two regal "I-Am-Cool-And-Always-Dignified-No-Matter-What" figures sat down and discussed the pros and cons of a social life involving royalty and leaders of the land.

Draco decided that if his wand didn't work, he didn't need it. So he threw it away, it never landed. The Authoress cupped her hands like one of those sound cones that makes your voice sound electronic and eerily narrated the rest of the tale…

"But he never thought this was strange.

(In fact he didn't think at all.)

Because he died."

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF YOU-KNOW-WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"Nothing. Sorry. Couldn't help myself."

The Authoress watched the interactions between the blondes, trying to gauge their strengths and weaknesses, who liked who more, who would react to her experiments in the most interesting way… Finally she figured she had learned enough to come up with a wonderfully epic quest for the four. Excitement sparked from her eyes… and she realized that she was burning the grass. Excitement is such a burning thing.
_

"We're going too far south!" Eragon crossed his arms.

"No, the map says there will be a large stone formation that looks like a foot." The tall girl stared at him levelly.

"Muggles… Filthy little elves that are too tall…" No dialogue tags needed.

"Come now everyone, I have thousands of years on you. I've helped plan wars." As Eragon and Alyss debated about what direction they should take Legolas tried to convince them that as he had the most experience he was the logical choice for leadership.

"So have I! I was the Hero!" Eragon said smugly.

"You think I learned how to use this blade by cutting cheese?" Alyss had been given a sabre by TA; Legolas, a bow and arrows; Eragon, Brisingr; and Draco, a cooking set with no food to cook.

"Muggles… Do they ever learn how to use common sense?"

"Do you ever say anything of importance?" Exasperation plain in her voice Alyss promptly dropped down on a fallen tree covered with moss. The shadows of the trees fell on the composting leaves that looked pathetic and shriveled.

With The Classic Sigh that comes into every heroic story, Eragon sat down.

Legolas proceeded to pace, keeping his mind tuned to the trees as they whispered nonsense. What on earth could they mean by "Go Green!" "Environment Awareness" and the perplexing word "Recycle?"

And our villain from the wizarding world proceeded to stomp around the forest, occasionally tripping, and generally waiting for his life to return to normal.

Hi it's me. TA.
Due to complaints from my main intelligence source, called BrightWatcher…
I have decided to tone down my role.
So you will be…
Seeing…
Less…
of…
me.
Possibly.

Author's Note: Well I know this isn't a very exciting story… But it's a fun diversion for me.
Hopefully it proves to be amusing to some of you. Thanks to ZXEclipse, and Cretha Loesing for reviewing and for those who put me on their alerts list. And thank you to those who favorited! I can say that I was pleasantly shocked to have such a phenomenon happen more than once for a single chapter. 0.0 Cheers!