Margin

"Yes, okay granddad!" Spencer said, talking on his Pearphone as he paced back and forth in his living room. "Yes! We have dairy-free butter and soy burgers all ready to go for the Dorfman's!"

"Soy burgers?" Sam cringed looking up from the banner her, Carly and Freddie were making. "That's a thing? Jeez…first vegie burgers, then soy burgers…what next? People need to learn to leave the poor food alone!"

"Not even my mom buys soy burgers," Freddie nodded in agreement. "She sticks to good old tofu burgers."

"Well you know the Dorfman's are freaks with their eating habits," Carly sighed.

"Why are we even having your cousin Otto's birthday party here anyway?" Sam asked.

"Because they're passing through Seattle on their way to Nevada for the plum parade," Carly explained, rolling her eyes. "And they're going to be here in…less than an hour, so let's hurry up and finish this banner and get it hung."
"Yes granddad, I changed the air filters," Spencer continued. "And vacuumed all the carpets three times…and-what? Oh the gluten free cake? Oh…y-yeah, of course I remembered that! I-Oh no! I-I'm going through a tunnel; I'm breaking up! I'm-"

He quickly hung up the phone . "Oh my God!" he exclaimed. "I forgot to pick up the cake!"

"What? Spencer!" Carly moaned. "I reminded you this morning while you were out!"

"I know! But-But I just got so distracted!" Spencer said. "I had to find the Dorfman's their weird prune juice, track down featherless pillows and buy a new humidifier! Stopping by the gluten-free bakery completely slipped my mind!"

"There's a gluten-free bakery?" Sam frowned.

"Yeah, my mom has a loyalty card there," Freddie nodded.

"Look, somebody needs to go run out and get the cake!" Spencer said desperately.

"We don't have time!" Carly said. "Graddad and the Dorfman's will be here soon, and that bakery's an hour-and-a-half away!"

"Well they don't need the cake until after we finish dinner," Spencer pointed out. "So how about I run out-"

"Oh no!" Carly said at once. "You're not leaving me alone with those people again!"

"Well I don't want to be left alone with them either!" Spencer whined.

"Well…I know! Send Sam and Freddie!" Carly said.

"Alright!" Spencer nodded. "That-That could work!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Sam said. "Who says we want to-"

"I'll pay you each thirty bucks!" Spencer begged.

"Forty," Freddie said firmly, crossing his arms.

"Whoa…nice haggling, nub," Sam said, impressed. "Looks like that month of dating last year paid off."

"Fine, forty!" Spencer agreed, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his keys. "Here, you both have your driver's license, right? Great! I'll text you guys the address on your way to the car, just go!"

"Alright, alright," Freddie said as Sam took the keys.

"Yeah, keep you pants on," Sam said.

"You guys are lifesavers," Carly told them. "Oh! That reminds me; Spencer we have to hide all the hard candy so Faye doesn't choke like last time."

"Wow," Freddie chuckled as him and Sam stepped out of the apartment. "They really get crazy when their family comes to town."
"I know," Sam said. "When my relatives visit we never go to this much trouble. If we're feeling extra nice we just give them an extra slab of meat to bring to their parole officer. Speaking of meat…we should totally swing by Hey Foods and pick up some beef jerky."

"Come on, you heard Spence and Carly, we need to hurry up and get the cake. We don't have time for jerky runs."
"Ugh, why do you have to be all responsible," Sam moaned, rolling her eyes. "Come on, let's just go. Mama's been aching to be behind the wheel."
"Um…who said you're driving?" Freddie frowned.

"Well I have the keys, Freddork," Sam smirked, holding up the keys and waving them in his face. "So that would mean I'm driving."

"I would like to get to this bakery in one piece!" Freddie said.

"Hey, I'm a good driver!" Sam defended. "Remember all those times I kicked your butt at that racing game on the Game Sphere."

"Okay, winning at a game that involves you driving over a candy cane cliff does not qualify you as a good driver!" Freddie said.

"Too bad!" Sam snapped. "I'm driving! Now you can either be a good little geek and get in the passenger seat, or you can stay here and I'll collect your forty bucks."

"I-Fine!" Freddie conceded. "You're just lucky I need money! My mom docked my allowance again…She caught me looking at pogo sticks online and thinks I want to buy one."

"Why were you looking at pogo sticks?" Sam asked curiously.

"I wasn't," Freddie said. "I just switched windows really quick. I was really watching fencing videos."

"Um…alright, whatever," Sam said. "Bottom line is I'm driving. Now let's move!"

"I think that's the first bakery I've ever been to that I lost my appetite in," Sam said a couple hours later as her and Freddie drove back to the Shay's apartment. "I mean it's like they took everything good out of the food there! They had cookies without butter or real chocolate chips, cake with dairy-free frosting, brownies with spinach mixed in…it was like a horror movie!"

"Sam, you're being dramatic," Freddie said, gripping his armrest as Sam sped down the highway. "And, for the tenth time, you're speeding!"
"I'm just keeping up with traffic," Sam shrugged. "That car that just passed us was doing at least ninety. Besides, cops don't pull people over on the highway."

"That's not even a little true," Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "Look, if you get pulled over, you're not going to be the only one who gets in trouble. Spencer will too!"

"Relax!" Sam told him. "I'm not going to get pulled over."

"You're almost getting into the triple digits!"

"Dude, seriously, calm down!" Sam said. "I'm not going to-"

Suddenly, from behind the car, blue and red lights began to flash and a police siren blared loudly.

"Pull your vehicle over to the side of the road," a police officer's voice sounded through the speaker on top of the car.

"Ah…here comes the part where I was right," Freddie smirked triumphantly.

"Aw dang it!" Sam moaned. "Think I can speed away without him catching me?"

"Sam, we are not turning this into some police chase!" Freddie said firmly. "Pull over! You'll just have to put your forty dollars towards paying this ticket."

"Oh, I am not going to be getting any ticket," Sam said as she pulled over to the side of the road.

"You were going at least thirty-five miles over the speed limit," Freddie said. "No cop is going to let you off for that."

"Watch and learn, Benson," Sam smirked as the officer stepped out of the car and approached their vehicle's window.

"Alright, ma'am, are you aware of how fast you were going?" the officer asked as Sam rolled down the window. "I'm going to need your license and registration."

"Oh, I-I'm so sorry," Sam sniffed in an uncharacteristically girly voice. "I-I really didn't mean to break any rules, officer. Honest. I was just in such a rush to get back home to my cupcake decorating meeting."
Freddie rolled his eyes. There was no way Sam could actually think that this little crying stunt of hers would work.

"Aw, ma'am," the officer said gently. "There's no need to cry."

"But-But there is," Sam continued to cry, looking over at Freddie. "If I get a ticket, my driving teacher here is going to lose his job!"

"What?" Freddie exclaimed.

"He's your driving teacher?" the officer frowned. "He looks like a teenager!"

"No, he just looks really young for his age," Sam sniffed. "He's really forty-five."

"Sam! What are you-" Freddie started, but Sam cut him off.

"Yeah, see, I felt really bad for him because he just got divorced and his ex-wife kicked him out to the curb, so right now he's sleeping in the parking lot of this discount tire store," Sam continued. "He really needs to keep this job to afford the special ointment he needs for this really bad rash he has all over his-"

"Okay, sir, you-you cannot be buying this!" Freddie said, looking up at the officer.

"Huh…he does look kind of pathetic," the officer nodded, glancing over at Freddie.

"Exactly!" Sam said, wiping her eyes. "Look, I'm really sorry about speeding officer. I mean I was only going so fast because my driving teacher told me to; he's also, well, not the sharpest crayon in the box. But now he knows so no harm! And-And I'll never speed again. Just-Just please don't write me a ticket. If he gets fired, I'll feel so terrible."

The officer closed his ticket pad. "Alright. I suppose I can let you off with a warning. I'd hate to make this guy's life any more pitiful. Just be sure to slow down. And you…driving teacher guy…you better thank your cheese this lady was nice enough to hire you so you could afford your ointment."

"But-But I-You can't be-" Freddie sputtered, absolutely flabbergasted.

"Thank you officer," Sam beamed. "I do always try to give back to the less fortunate. Take care, bye now!"

"I-I-Are you kidding me?" Freddie cried. "What-What-How did-"

"An old trick my mom showed me," Sam explained proudly, starting the car back up again. "Pretty cool, huh? Told you I wouldn't be getting any tickets."

"That was not cool!" Freddie exclaimed. "You made the cop think I was some pathetic loser who lives in a parking lot!"

"Well is that really so much worse than what you really are?" Sam asked. "The only difference is you don't live in a parking lot…yet."

"Well I am reporting that officer!" Freddie said indignantly. "I think his badge said Officer Gonzalez…"

"You're going to report him because he didn't give me a ticket?"

"Yes!"

"Dude, you're just mad because I know how to get myself out of trouble with cops," Sam said.

"Your lengthy prison record begs to disagree," Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "And are you really going to start speeding again?"

"I'm not speeding!" Sam yelled, frustrated.

"The speed limit is sixty-five, you're going eighty-five!" Freddie snapped. "That's speeding! You know what? Pull over! I'm driving the rest of the way home!"

"We're not going to be back for another three hours then!" Sam said.

"I don't care!" Freddie said firmly. "Pull over or-or I'll tell Carly what really happened to her curling iron!"

Sam gasped. "You wouldn't!"

"Oh, I would," Freddie smirked.

"Fine!" Sam moaned, pulling over to the side of the road once more. "Man…first you haggle with Spencer now you're blackmailing me…what happened to you, Benson?"

"I've been hanging around you too much, clearly," Freddie said as him and Sam switched seats. Once he was behind the wheel, he carefully pulled back on the road and started down the path at a much slower speed.

"You know, it's also illegal to go too much below the speed limit too," Sam mumbled.

"Well considering the cops that are on duty tonight, I think I'm safe from getting pulled over," Freddie said. "Seriously…I still cannot understand how someone could've possibly fallen for your lame crying stunt back there! It was so obvious you were faking! I bet-"

Suddenly, though, another series of red and blue police lights began to flash behind the car.

"Pull the vehicle over!" came a voice from the speaker on top of the cop car.

"Ha!" Sam yelled as Freddie's smug grin fell.

"Dang it!" Freddie sighed as he pulled over. "Alright…it-it's okay. I'll just cry and pull some sob story like you did."
"It doesn't work like that for guys," Sam smirked.

"Sam, please, this is the twenty-first century," Freddie said as a different officer approached the car. "Men can cry their way out of traffic tickets too!"

"Sir?" the officer said when he reached the window. "You realize you were going twenty below the speed limit? That's a serious safety hazard. Can I see your license and registration?"

"I-I-I'm so sorry officer," Freddie said, wrinkling his face in an obvious attempt to try and form some tears. "I-I was just in a rush to-to-um-"

"Sir?" the officer frowned. "I don't know what you're trying to pull here, but where I come from, we don't think it's funny to try and cry to get around the law. How dare you make a mockery of the rules and regulations that govern this nation's roads! Now give me your license and registration before I tack an extra fifty bucks to the four hundred dollar ticket I'm giving you!"

"Four-Four hundred dollars?" Freddie exclaimed, his eyes bugging out of their sockets.

"That's right pal!" the officer nodded. "Now give me-"

"Alright, alright!" Freddie said, quickly handing over his license and the car's registration from the glove department.

"I'll be back with your ticket in a moment," the officer told him. "You think of driving off, you get tazed. Clear?"
"C-Crystal," Freddie nodded nervously.

Once the officer walked away, Sam's face broke into a huge grin. "Well, well, well," she said happily.

"Don't!" Freddie said at once. "Just…Just please don't."