Now that A was dead, I was supposed to take his place like he had never been there. Of course, no one actually had any faith that I could do it. There was a new generation of successors being trained. After all, if A couldn't do it, then how could I? I was determined to prove them wrong.
Yet this was much easier said than done. Since no one had any faith in me anymore, it felt more like we were just going through the motions. It was clear that I was never going to be given a chance to prove myself. After years of facing the oppressive pressure of trying to live up to someone, what finally broke me was the realization that the pressure was completely gone. I was just A's backup and now that he was deemed a failure, I was too.
I didn't want things to end this way. After all that had happened, I didn't want to just take it lying down. I had been through too much and had sacrificed too many people to just be tossed aside like this. I desperately struggled to find something that I was better at than L. Some skill I had that he didn't that I could use to prove myself superior. Yet the only thing I seemed to be good for was killing people.
I remember laughing that night for perhaps the first time in years. It was a twisted, broken laugh that frightened even me. I didn't care anymore. I didn't care about anything anymore. I had found a way to prove myself superior.
