I had the best time ever writing this! Omg! It was so fun!

If you want more of this AU please comment becuase I am so fuckign down to clown with that

Enjoy!


The first time Edward saw Roy Mustang, the former had been patterning out alterations to a frumpy, lilac, day dress when the small bronze bells above his shop's old wooden door tinkled to awareness the presence of a new customer. The morning sun shining through the front shop windows inhibited Ed's view of him, but the blonde tailor could already tell by the man's uncomfortable cough this was not his usual kind of client.

His usual crowd consisted of wealthier military men and their wives, as the 'Elric & Co. Tailors' shop was located nearest of all tailor's shops to Central HQ and its surrounding barracks and neighborhoods. These clients were always very sure of themselves, bringing in only their finest garments for Edward and his brother to tailor to their bodies. This man, who had stepped further into the shop, looked the part of a Commanding Officer, were it not for his posture and less-than-immaculate clothing. He was very handsome, Ed noted in the back of his mind, with his soft features and sharp, near black eyes.

Ed put down his chalk and ruler, dusting his hands off on his (well-fitted, of course) shirt as he walked behind the desk that sat at the front of the shop.

"Good Morning," He greeted the man with a smile. The other ran his long fingers through his dark hair (probably a nervous tick) and returned Ed's greeting. Despite his rumpled state (Ed believed it was largely due to the vastly oversized coat the man currently wore) he gave a very sultry, attractive smile. "How can I help you?"

The man took off his coat, revealing equally ill-fitting dark slacks and a rumpled button-up just a tad more off-white than Ed's own.

"I've come to see if I could set up an appointment to get my coat fitted some time this week." Ed barely refrained from asking if the man would like to have his entire wardrobe fitted, but he could tell that his vaguely skeptical expression had shown well enough for the other to read, as the dark-haired man sighed, "I have the money right here if you want to see it."

Ed shook his head, "I don't charge up-front- it depends on the amount of fitting I need to do. If money's an issue, I can direct you to a cheaper tailor."

A short silence.

"The cheaper tailors don't like me."

Ed quirked an eyebrow, "You've pissed off every tailor less expensive than us."

The bastard smirked, "You impressed?"

"Who even goes to enough tailors to piss one off?"

"You're looking at him,"

Ed picked up a pen, "I'll give you an appointment because I want to know how the hell you accomplished that. Name?"

"Roy Mustang,"

Ed paused. He'd heard that name two years ago from a Lieutenant who had needed a formal dress taken up for a military ball- Riza Hawkeye. She had become a regular after she and Al had bonded over stories about their pets.

"You're Lieutenant Hawkeye's commanding officer, right?"

Mustang's smirk faltered, "Was. I haven't spoken to Riza lately, is she a customer here?"

"Oh. Yeah, she comes in now and then. Does Wednesday at- say- noon work for you?" Ed asked.

Roy thought for a moment, "Yes, but I will only be able to stay for two hours at most."

Ed smiled, "Perfect, you're all scheduled. Can't wait to hear about those pissed off tailors."

Roy chuckled, "Sure thing." And waved out the door and into the frigid winter air. The wintry breeze hit Ed, synchronized with the wave of curiosity towards his new client.


On Wednesday Roy walked into the shop as scheduled. The wind that blasted through the open door was cold enough for Ed to curl his toes in his shoes. He was surprised to see a little girl in a puffy pink coat trailing shyly behind him. Her coat looked much more expensive than that of the man she accompanied.

"Hello again," Roy greeted. "I've brought my niece along with me today, I hope you don't mind."

Ed waved at the little girl, "No problem. We've got a few cats in the back if she'd like to play with them while I measure you." Ed gestured to the wooden door in the back of the shop, just behind the small platform Roy would soon be standing atop.

The little girl shook her head, flushing and grabbing Roy's pants leg defensively. Roy chuckled and patted the girl on the head, "Elicia's a bit shy."

Ed replied, "It's fine." Then turning his head to the doorway, he called, "Al! Bring Scruffy into the main room, will you?"

A chipper voice responded, "Of course!" before an equally chipper brunette

strode into the front room with a small white cat in his arms.

"Good Afternoon!" He greeted Roy, who responded likewise. Noticing Elicia, Al seemed to pick up on the cat's necessity, as he crouched down and placed the fluffy animal down beside the desk, saying in a voice he often used with children, "Scruffy's very patient, so if you're gentle with her, she'll let you pet her for a long time."

Elicia, seeming to forget entirely about her earlier shyness, moved straight to the cat, tapping her soft head gently, "She's like a cloud!"

Roy smiled at Elicia before turning back to Ed. "Where do you want me?" He asked in a low voice that made the phrase entirely sexual.

Hoping he wasn't flushing from the thought, Ed pointed at the platform, "Go stand on that. I need to get my tape and shi-stuff." Ed corrected himself with a glance towards the little girl currently running her fingers through Scruffy's cheek fur.

As he moved to his work table and picked up his tape and notebook, Ed commented, "It's getting really damn cold out there- this your only coat? I'm going to have to keep it here to alter."

"It is, but I'll make it. As cold as it is outside, I find its always far too hot inside. They balance each other out."

Ed quirked an eyebrow, "Sure they do. Hold your arms out; I'll get your torso measurements done first. Do you have an undershirt on? It'll be easier for me to measure you without the button-down."

"Sure," Roy shrugged, quickly unbuttoning his shirt. He rolled his shoulders back slightly, letting the garment fall to a heap on the floor. The smooth action couldn't read as anything other than seductive whether or not Roy knew it, and it made Ed blush again. Looking to the side, Ed noted that his brother was also casting strange glances towards their client.

Ed looked back at Roy, and- fuck, he's a goddamn statue. Ed knew immediately that the white shirt had to have been too big for him, because it totally masked the sheer amount of lean, sculpted muscle that the undershirt did poorly to hide.

"So," Ed almost squeaked when he noticed Roy looking at him amusedly, "How did you wind up babysitting today?"

As Ed began to feel around Roy's back, asking briefly to move his arms this way and that, Roy explained, "My sister Gracia and her husband left for the rest of the week to celebrate their anniversary. Elicia's staying with my mom, but I've been watching her during the day because she works a day job."

"I see," Ed commented, not really listening. He was more concerned with keeping an air of professionalism while he ran the measuring tape along Roy's impressive shoulder muscles. Really, it was usually Al to get flustered by states of undress. Why was this happening?

'Oh yeah,' Ed answered himself, 'your raging, closeted, homosexuality. That's probably it.'

Despite Ed's internal turmoil, the measuring session went without a hitch. In less than the allotted two hours, Ed was handing Roy his oversized button-up, "I can fit this for you some time as well, if you're so set on buying oversized clothing."

Roy laughed, "I've only got enough money for the coat, but I appreciate your concern."

Ed rolled his eyes a bit, "Would the same time next week work? I'm only getting the general fittings this time, so I'll need to go back in for a closer fit over multiple sessions."

Roy nodded, "That should work splendidly." He turned to Elicia, who had turned to inspecting the various colors of fabric along the wide walls half an hour previously, "Elicia, buddy, do you want to get some hot chocolate before we go back to Grandma?"

The little girl's head shot up, "Yeah! Let's go!"

Roy smiled and placed a wad of cash on the reception desk, "Let's get going then." The two waved at Ed as they left, another blast of cold air filling the front of the store as the door opened and closed. Ed never got to ask Roy about those pissed-off tailors.

"Ed!" Al exclaimed as the door shut fully.

"What?" Ed asked back, confused.

"That guy totally flustered you. You were flustered, that never happens!" Al explained, "Did you really think he was that hot?"

Ed's face heated up as if he had suddenly stepped into a fire, "Wha-no!" He slammed his hand over the money in the desk, noticing vaguely the rumpled nature of the bills before shoving them into the old cash register that refused to open smoothly beside him.

Al, the heathen disguised as pure innocence, barked with laughter, doubling over for the dramatics, "Brother, your face is so red. You thought he was hot!"

"No I didn't. I-I'm not even into guys, how could I think he's hot?" Ed weakly defended, his voice cracking at 'think'.

Al just gave him a face better suited for a mother who knows their child is trying to hide candy behind their back, "Edward Elric, don't you even try that one with me."

Ed threw his hands up, trailing them back down his face in defeat. It was Al's eyes; he could never keep a fib up long under that scrutinizing yet still puppy-dog-adorable gaze, "Fine! He was incredibly fucking hot, are you happy?"

"…Who was incredibly fucking hot? Why wasn't I invited?" A gravely, effeminate, male voice following the chill and chime of the opening door asked before Al could reply.

Ed recognized his half-brother's voice immediately, "What the hell do you want Envy?"

The dark-haired man smiled innocently, holding up two plastic bags, "You two probably forgot to eat lunch. I brought takeout."

"Envy, you never told us you were in town!" Al chirped, taking a bag and giving the older man a quick side-hug.

"You poisoned the food, didn't you?" Ed asked, not necessarily pleased like Al to see him.

"That's right, Edward. We're all going to shit ourselves to death." Envy smirked as Al led them all through the door in the back, into a large storage/ office space. The walls were crammed with way too much extra fabric and patterns to be considered fire code-friendly, and the table set against the one large window on the furthest wall was full with papers and pin cushions.

"You don't get dysentery from poison, you dumbfuck." Ed retorted as he moved the mess from the table to the floor (accidentally dropping a paper on Scruffy, who had followed them in as well) and pulled up an extra stool for his estranged brother.

Envy shrugged, "What about explosive diarrhea?"

"Ew, both of you, we're about to eat!" Al pouted. He opened all of the various to-go boxes, parsing them out, as well as the provided disposable chopsticks, to the brother that each belonged to.

"So," Envy started, sitting on the chair not bordered by a wall, "Tell me about this sexy devil who's captured my dear younger brother's attention."

Ed choked on his noodles, "It's no one!"

Al smiled with a dangerous innocence, "His new client's got the ass of a God."

"AL!" Ed shrieked, "I thought you were on my side!"

"Never took you for an ass man, Ed." Envy remarked.

"I'm not an ass man!" Ed's blush was back with a vengeance.

Envy shook his head, commenting around a mouthful of seasoned chicken, "That's absolutely something an ass man would say."

"Shut the fuck up!" Ed yelled, shoving another large hunk of noodle into his mouth.

"Okay, let's be civil while we eat," Al suggested like he hadn't just thrown Ed under the bus seconds ago.

"Did you catch this guy's name?" Envy asked, seemingly ignoring Al's pleas for calm.

"Of course I did, he's my customer." Ed replied around his chopsticks, also ignoring Al, "It's Roy Mustang, which now that I say it sounds really fake."

Envy almost spat his food onto Al, "The one who was court-martialed a while ago?"

"H-he did mention that he used to be Riza's superior officer." Al suggested.

"Yeah, I know him!" Envy said, "Good eye, Ed."

Ed groaned, "Oh my fuck, he's not the first person I've ever found attractive, could you shut up about it?"

Envy fake-sighed, "Fine, I'll leave it for now. Have you two been out and about lately?"

"I have!" Al excitedly recounted his latest date with Winry, when they'd gone to the town fair forty minutes away from town and Winry had beasted him at the various money-trap games. Al had come home (which happened to be right above the shop) with a cheap teddy bear and the brightest smile Ed had seen on him since the last time he and Winry had gone out. It almost made Ed jealous that Al had the kind of person in his life that could make him that happy, but of course he wasn't jealous enough to actively have a social life.

As Al wrapped up his stories, Ed noticed that they were all basically done with lunch.

"Well Ed, I guess that makes us the lonely bachelors." Envy sighed.

"Yeah, but some of us don't care." Ed said back.

"So you wouldn't want to go hit a strip club or two with me tonight? You can't possibly tell me that a tailor's shop stays open late." Envy asked.

Ed flushed bright red, "Why would I want to do that?!"

"Usually that's what lonely bachelors do to get away from work. I know a few that have dudes, considering that's what you're into-"

"SHUT UP!" Ed interrupted. "I-I have work after we close up, you know. Clothes don't sew themselves."

Al shook his head amusedly, "You know Ed, it wouldn't kill you to loosen up a bit."

Ed shouted, "Al! I can't rely on you at all today can I?"

Al shrugged, "I'm just saying, you've been unhealthily obsessed with work since winter began. You should go out a bit; I'm not saying it has to be a strip club, but if that's the presented opportunity…"

"Ugh, FINE. I'll go or whatever." Ed said, suspicious that Al was only pushing the issue because he wanted the place empty for he and Winry. "But don't expect this to become a regular thing."

Envy nodded, leaning back in his chair and resting his feet on top of his now closed to-go box. "Sweet, I'll wait here until you close. Trust me, you'll be happy you went." He said with a wink.

Ed was officially worried.


They closed about four hours later, with only two more clients coming in to schedule appointments, and one to complain about an inconsistency in her pristine fur shawl that had been fitted at a completely different shop.

With a feeling in his gut not entirely dissimilar to anticipation and dread, Ed called back to tell Envy to 'wake his ass up and put his coat on'.

Soon enough, Al was waving them away as Envy led a grumbly Ed to his beat-up sedan parked a very inconvenient distance from the shop. Although it was incredibly fucking cold, Ed noted that the roads were simply wet from the rain an hour earlier, and not frozen over.

When they reached the car, the blonde had to throw several dirty t-shirts, food wrappers, and already crumpled notebook papers from the passenger seat in order to sit down, whilst Envy simply sat atop the papers cluttering the driver's seat.

Envy paused to look Ed up and down a bit, "You're seriously going to wear a button-down to a strip club?"

"It's a casual button down." Ed retorted.

Envy rolled his eyes, starting the engine with a sharp turn of his wrist, "Sure it is." A burst of weirdly sweet-smelling, hot air hit Ed's face from the tiny air vents as the car grumbled to life.

"Whatever," Ed rolled his eyes back at his brother. The car bumped away in silence for about seven minutes before Ed fell curious, "I didn't know you're into dudes."

Envy shrugged, "If its human and I can fuck it I'm attracted to it."

"Ever the charmer." Ed muttered.

Envy took a sharp turn, the tires skidding along the wet asphalt. Above Ed's loud swears, Envy retorted, "I mean, it's not like I knew that you like to go matchy-matchy with the genitals until a few hours ago- look, we're here."

Envy turned into a large, fairly well lit parking lot already half-full of various models of cars in varying states of kempt-ness (Envy's car definitely fell under the less well-kempt of the lot).

The building itself looked surprisingly nice, and heavily "burlesque". The outside was brick painted with grey and black to resemble the intricate stonework of some kind of romantic Victorian theater, and heavy red curtains fell over the large windows that adorned the front of the building. An ornate wooden doorway, framed by a buzzing, iridescent light fixture stood at the very middle of the structure.

Envy smirked viciously beside Ed, "Pretty crowded tonight; Flame must be performing."

"Do I want to know?" Ed asked.

"Oh yes, you absolutely do." Envy answered, leading the two of them through the heavy door. Inside was more or less a large expanse of hard-wood floors, gold paneling, and nice mahogany tables and booths.

Everything was very low-lit, besides a bar in one corner that attached to a large, low-rising stage in the very middle of the furthest wall. Red and blue sheets of cellophane covered all of the table lights, whilst the stage and bar lights remained naked. On the large stage (around which the tables scattered), a man swung himself around a sturdy pole in nothing more than a pair of tight booty shorts and a necktie. A small pile of clothes lay below him.

A busty, black-haired woman in a scant pleather one-piece greeted them at the reception desk, "Envy, how pleasant of you to turn up."

"Lust, what's new? Flame performing tonight?" Envy asked, shooting a glance at Ed, "This is Ed, my half-bro I've told you about before."

"Yes, he'll be on in about five minutes, I'd expect. Ed, do you have an ID on you?" Lust asked.

Grumbling, Ed procured his driver's license. After Lust's affirmative nod, Ed stuffed it back into his pocket.

"Enjoy yourselves, boys."

"We will," Envy waved back at her as they entered the main room of the strip bar.

Ed looked around, noting the smell of tobacco and cologne mixed in with the expected smell of alcohol, "Seems nicer than I'd expect a stripper gig to be."

"Yeah, they're all into the vintage burlesque aesthetic and shit. As long as they've got a glory hole in the bathroom I'm game, and this place seems like more of an 'Edward Elric' kinda place." Envy shrugged, choosing a table for the two of them about two spaces away from the stage.

"Why's that?" Ed asked, "Not just because there're guys, I expect."

Envy smirked broadly, "You'll see. You want a beer?"

He nodded, and Envy left him for the bar. Looking around, Ed noticed that a lot of the audience was male, unsurprisingly, with the occasional (non-stripper, that is) woman scattered around the bunch.

It was just when Ed noticed Envy stealing glances at him from across the room that the stripper on stage ended his routine, accepting the audience's money before readily striding off the stage, shed clothing in hand.

Lust took his place on the stage, a microphone in hand. "Good Evening ladies, gentlemen. Our next show, doubtless you all know, is certain to please. Open your eyes for our lovely ex-soldier, Flame." She twirled off the stage with a flourish amidst the masculine whoops and feminine squeals of joy as the stage lights dimmed and a man appeared, silhouetted, in front of the pole.

The lights instantly flared on in time with the start of a seductively jazzy swing tune, and Ed knew why Envy had brought him to the club. Wearing a half-undone button up (under which peeked some sort of tight tank) and kicking his leg high around the pole was none other than Ed's extremely fucking hot client, Roy Mustang.

Ed could hear Envy's cackles from the bar, and he (very discreetly) flipped his half-sibling off without taking his eyes from the scene before him. Within the mere three seconds it took for Ed to make the provocative gesture towards Envy, Roy had easily slid out of his button up, flashing a dazzling smile at the raging audience.

Showing impressive skill, the performer easily hoisted himself onto the pole centered on the stage, swinging about in time to the upbeat tune. Ed was completely caught off-guard. He'd been curious when Roy had hinted that he didn't work a day job. Never would he have imagined that Roy was a stripper, but seeing it first-hand... needless to say, Ed could affirm to himself that he was, indeed, very gay.

Envy reappeared beside Ed with two glass bottles of beer and a maliciously wide grin, "Enjoying yourself, Ed?"

Ed swiped a beer from the dark-haired man's hand, "Took you an awfully long time to get two bottled beers."

Envy shrugged, "I had to get your reaction from the best angle. Trust me, it was priceless."

Ed could feel his blush spread down his neck when Roy began to move his hips against the metal pole, suspended with his feet off the ground by pure upper-body strength. He spun with seemingly no effort, even chatting up some of the closer tables over the din of noise and music. He then kicked his legs over his body, wrapping one leg around the pole upside-down, and Ed was both entirely impressed and uncomfortably turned on. All the while, he could feel Envy's unwavering, amused gaze on his face.

"You're a sadist, you know that?" Ed muttered to Envy, receiving a bark of laughter in reply.

"Oh, Edward. You're precious, really." Envy said before standing, "Let's go say hi."

"What? No!" Ed hissed, dodging the hand moving to grab onto his arm, "He's my client, seeing him in my shop'll be embarrassing enough now, I don't need him knowing- wait, where are you going? Listen to me, asshole!" Ed almost considered tackling Envy as he shrugged and moved ahead without him, but refrained in fear of unneeded attention.

He watched tentatively as Envy leaned dramatically against the stage. Recognition flared into Roy's eyes as he flipped down from his previous upside-down position to dance with his feet on the floor for a bit. Ed watched Roy's mouth move in conversation (still dancing just as well as previously) with his brother, before the stripper quirked an eyebrow and looked up amusedly right at Ed.

Ed felt like being impaled would feel a lot better than the embarrassment that flared like a bonfire deep inside his stomach. His blush was definitely vibrant enough for Envy and Roy to see, because he could hear another sharp laugh from the former.

Roy grinned, giving Ed a flirty wave as he twirled. He noticed the smile that stretched at the corners of Roy's mouth as he vaguely waved back feeling just as embarrassed. He noticed Envy take a small object from Roy's hand mid-deep pole swing before he strode back to Ed, malicious smirk back in place.

"I absolutely fucking hate you." Ed glared at the laughing man.

In response, Envy dropped the object from his hand onto the table in front of the scarlet-cheeked blonde. Ed picked it up curiously, finding it to be a wooden, red chip shaped like a guitar pick with the strip club's logo printed it on it in black ink.

"The fuck is this?" Ed asked.

"It's Flame's personal chip. All of the workers here have them- it's basically a ticket into their changing room for a little one-on-one. He said come in whenever; wants to talk about a coat or some shit." Envy explained, sitting back down next to Ed.

Around them, the crowd grew slightly, as the time of night was growing ripe for alcohol and sex. The bright lights and extensive exercise had built a shining layer of sweat had built up on Roy's body, almost highlighting his smooth movements. The extra body heat did absolutely nothing to assuage Ed's uncomfortable blush.

Ed could have cried in relief when, after about five more minutes of guiltily being unable to tear his eyes from his client's sultry movements, the song ended with Roy dipping himself backwards, leg kicked far above his torso.

Picking up his shirt with a smile and a wink, Roy waltzed backstage, replaced by Lust yet again.

"Damn," Envy commented, nudging Ed almost jokingly, "He didn't even take off that much clothing."

"Shut up." Ed grumbled as Lust introduced the next dancer. This time a woman stepped out to the pole, and Ed could have believed in a god at that point.

The crowd was still hot and uncomfortable, but Ed was able to calm down… other aspects of his discomfort enough to not feel out of place. It felt like ages as the female stripper danced, but Envy clarified that they were only about six minutes into the routine when he asked.

The girl seemed rather younger than Roy, and almost timid at the pole, as if she were new to the profession. He felt kind of bad for her, having so many voyeuristic eyes on her as she undressed. It wasn't a very glamorous living, in Ed's opinion. Guilt also poked him in the chest as he acknowledged that he was currently a set of those voyeuristic eyes, both for her and for Roy.

Roy.

What the hell was he supposed to say to him?

He'd apologize, but it wasn't as if he had gone to the club to intentionally perv over 'Flame'. Would acting as if they were simply in the shop be any better? In any case, formality might make the ordeal awkward, especially if Roy wanted to keep getting his coat fitted.

What if Roy didn't want Ed's services anymore? It wasn't as if Ed would financially collapse if Roy decided to cop out, but the dark-haired man was one of the few customers that Ed had had a fun time with during a session.

His usual clients were stuffy and didn't like Ed thinking he was in any way superior to them. Roy had come in and been friendly to him, even going so far as to joke around with him. Greedy or not, Ed didn't want to lose that kind of a client. Of course, his fast-forming attraction to Roy was another very large factor.

Ed looked down at the wooden chip in his palm, then up at Envy, who was gazing fixedly at the young woman on stage. He didn't bother getting his attention, as the other would know where Ed went when he finally snapped back into reality.

Ed saw Lust standing back at the reception desk, so he strode towards her.

She noticed him and placed a stack of papers aside, "Do you need help?"

"Yeah, I received this," Ed smacked the chip onto the countertop, "And I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with it."

A smirk not dissimilar from Envy's curled up Lust's lips, "Flame's room chip. It'll give you access to his private company, but I must advise you that sex is prohibited. My employees aren't prostitutes, after all."

Ed scoffed, "I'm his tailor. I just need to talk to him about a coat he wants fitted."

Lust's eyebrows quirked further upwards, "You're his tailor? He hasn't been able to shut up about you for a week; I thought you'd be more his 'type'."

Ed blushed, "Can I just cash this thing in or whatever?"

The woman chuckled deep in her throat, "Sure, just give it to him. The room's past those doors in the corner." She pointed to a set of dark wooden doors on the opposite side of the stage from the bar.

Ed thanked Lust vaguely as he turned towards the doors, walking along the outskirts of the room to avoid bumping into the bustling crowd. At the doors, a worker passing through eyed him strangely until he showed her the chip. She nodded, pushing a lock of hair over her barren shoulder before giving Ed space to pass through. Down a low-lit hall lined with old, red wallpaper he walked, reading the nametags on each door until he was standing in front of the door whose tag read 'Flame'.

Taking a hesitant breath, Ed rapped on the door, not quite sure what to expect. After a span of two breaths Roy answered the door, stage makeup half-removed and loose sweats over his tight shirt and mini-shorts.

"Hey." Ed greeted with an awkward wave, looking more around Roy's shoulder than at his face. He held out the small red chip, "You wanted to talk?"

Roy took the chip and grinned, "Come on in."

Ed observed his surroundings as he stepped into the small room.

It was covered in the same red wallpaper as the outside hall, and a mirror desk stood on the opposite wall from him. It was one of those kinds of desks whose mirror is bordered by many round light bulbs.

The wooden floors creaked underneath his feet above the sound of light classical music that wafted from a speaker on the desk. A couch sat to the left of Ed, on which lay a few pillows and a rumpled blanket. He also noted a metal clothing rack sporting a variety of costumes and casual clothing.

'Shit, does he live here?' Ed couldn't help but wonder, seeing the prevalence of the couch and blanket in an otherwise barren changing room.

"Can I take a guess to why a lot of tailors won't give you service?" Ed asked to break the silence. He leaned against the corner of the desk as Roy sat at its chair, picking up a makeup wipe and getting to work on his face.

"Guess away." Roy replied, albeit drily.

"They want validation as 'legitimate craftsmen', and working with strippers isn't amazing street cred." Ed shot back, not meaning to sound as accusatory as he did.

Roy sighed, a dejected look immediately washing his features, "I can take my coat back as soon as tomorrow afte-"

Ed cut him off sharply, "Hold on, asshole, I wasn't finished. As I was saying, it's bad street cred for tailors who actually give a fuck about street cred. As I see it, nobody gets clothing fitted anymore unless they're stupid rich, want to be stupid rich, or if they absolutely have to, so those other tailors are doing themselves a disservice by rejecting the clientele they can actually get."

Roy smiled, "I bet I'm fairly more entertaining than your usual clientele as well," He thought for a second, "No, change that. I used to work with your clientele- I know I'm more interesting than them."

"What'd you mean? I love hearing about military economic proceedings for hours on end." Ed laughed, prompting a laugh from the other.

"I'm glad." Roy simply stated as their chuckles died down.

"'Bout what?" Ed asked, confused by Roy's ambiguity.

Roy looked to the side, "I was really worried. I didn't want you to see me at my work and not want to see me again," Ed opened his mouth, but Roy held up a silencing finger, "It's more than wanting a fitted coat, really. I enjoyed spending a few hours with you and your brother the other day. If this… unfortunate stage of my professional life… had made you think anything less of me I'd be upset."

Ed could feel a blush brighten his cheeks, "Well, you're lucky Al and I aren't assholes then."

"Incredibly lucky."

Ed heard the outside music slow down a bit, and Ed remembered the company he had come with, "Hey, you're pretty familiar with my half-brother. How'd that happen?"

Roy rolled his eyes, "Envy? He's a regular here. I'm kind of middle-manning a mutual crush he has with Georg, the bartender."

"Don't help him, he's a dickbag." Ed replied.

"So is Georg. It's a match made in heaven." Roy shrugged.

"Speaking of dickbags, I probably should go check back with Envy, considering he drove me here. If I don't see you again tonight, I'll see you at noon a week from now for your next fitting, yeah?" Ed got up, noticing a flash of disappointment in Roy's features.

"I may not have enough money to pay you in full next week and still be able to buy food." Roy stated.

What Ed said next as he began to walk to the door seemed to simply fall out of his mouth, his self-control lost to an instant's opportunity, "You can pay me back with coffee and an hour of you time." Instantly, Ed stopped his steps, eyes as wide as saucers and blood running cold as ice.

There was a painful period of silence, only the soft classical music audible in the far too tiny room.

"Edward Elric, are you asking me out?" Roy questioned hesitantly.

"W-What if I am?" he squeaked back, still turned away from the other man.

He almost jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder, "Then I'd gladly accept the offer."

"What?" Ed was dumbfounded. Had he actually just successfully asked a stripper to get coffee with him like it was totally a normal thing to do.

"I said, I would like to go on a coffee date with you." Roy clarified with a grin.

Ed grinned back as he began to actually register the situation, "Oh, awesome. I'll see you Wednesday, then."

Roy's hand left his shoulder as Ed opened the door into the red hallway, "I'll be anxiously awaiting the day."

The blonde rolled his eyes a fraction, "Sure thing," and waved at Roy as he walked down the hall, out the double doors, and into the main room of the club.

'Oh my fucking God.'


Currently, Winry, and Envy were both laughing hysterically. Ed and Envy hadn't so much as walked into the shop's door when Al and Winry had pounced them, demanding 'the tea', as Winry put it.

"I can't believe you actually fucking asked him out!" Envy wheezed.

"At least I wasn't the one making out with the bartender while he was still on duty!" Ed shot back, face the color of a perfectly ripe tomato.

"I'm happy for you Ed, even though I'd be happier her wasn't a stripper…" Al nudged him in the side.

"U-wha-okay, MOM." Ed groaned. He turned on his heel and left the gaggle in the shop for his bedroom upstairs, "Goodnight, assfucks."

"Love you too!" Envy called, to which Ed flipped him off for the umpteenth time that night.

He had a smile across his face as he walked up the stairs, however. Come what may, he was excited. And at the absolute very least, his date was incredibly fucking hot.

[END]