Perfect Life
A Vampire Knight Fan Fiction
Disclaimer: Vampire Knight and its characters are, unfortunately, not mine *sighs sadly* I'm merely playing around with them in order to make our BL dreams come true.
Pairings: Kaname/Zero, as always ;D
Warnings: AU, all humans. OOC-ness, no real plot, sort of infidelity, Kaname-sama and Zero-chan being idiots, crappy writing and the author's fruitless attempts at being funny and creative — same as always, I guess. Oh, and there are also lemons here and there, which means BL action, which means male x male sex, so read at your own discretion.
A/N: …You wanna know the truth? I honestly haven't the slightest idea what the hell I'm doing anymore and why. I don't know what my delusional brain is thinking, what my stupid fingers are typing and what my eyes are reading anymore. I just went with the flow again, and here is the crappy result. I'm sorry for giving it to you guys. I really am. Please don't hate me too much for it -_-;
Once again, it's just my unoriginal take on one of the most cliched situations with our dear boys in the middle of it. Nothing new, nothing interesting, nothing much in general, really, so don't expect too much. It might just suck royally, all of it -_-; And I'm truly sorry for that *bows low*
Still, if it doesn't turn out to be a total waste of your time and you actually get to somewhat enjoy at least some parts of this oneshot, it will make me immensely happy. Let's just hope for that *nods*
On a side note, I want to express my genuine gratitude to xLilac who really cheered me up and gave me the last necessary push when I needed it the most. You may not realize it, dear, but you really helped a lot *nods* Thank you so much for your support and kindness! *hugs*
English is not my first language, so there are definitely mistakes like bad/weird/awkward grammar and typos. All those mistakes are mine, so I apologize for them in advance too.
Would be happy to hear your thoughts at the end of this.
Hope you will enjoy reading! :D
-o-
Kuran Kaname had everything anyone could ever wish for; the looks, the brains, the money, the power, the family business, even the fame — not that he really wanted the latter, it was troublesome to deal with.
He had never known misfortune. As far as he remembered, everything in his life had always been going smoothly for him. It was almost scary, actually. An average person would have long gotten suspicious and started expecting the worst 'black streak' one could ever suffer.
Life just couldn't be that good, a normal, average person would think. It had to go wrong somewhere, things had to turn for the worst somewhere, the heavens had to test them somewhere along the way. Yes, an average person would get suspicious like that for sure.
Only Kaname wasn't one. He didn't know what the life of an average person was like either. So nothing in his own smoothly going one had ever struck him as unusual or even remotely suspicious.
He was handsome, he was smart, he was rich, he was accomplished and he was completely content with his life. The only thing he lacked was a family of his own.
Personally, he didn't feel that way — not in the slightest. But taking into account his age and status, it was expected of him to get married and start a family.
Society was a frighteningly powerful thing. It could push even people of Kaname's standing into doing something they didn't even feel they had to do.
Then again, it wasn't like he was opposed to having a family. It had a nice sound to it and it would make all the annoying and unnecessary questions in his address disappear. Not to mention that it would finally rid him of unwanted attention and unsavory advances — from most of them, at the very least. That was certainly an added bonus he would very much like to get.
So he accepted the idea. Rather easily, too.
It didn't take him long to find himself a fitting companion. Which wasn't surprising — he was one of the most sought after bachelors in the world, after all.
Her name was Cross Yuuki, they met through a mutual friend. She wasn't an unearthly beauty that pretty much everyone of his social standing would demand, but she was pleasing enough to look at and she was a nice girl that was nice to be around. Her moderate temper agreed with Kaname as well. She wasn't snobbish like pretty much every girl in his social circle, nor was she overly demanding, which pleased Kaname immensely. Thus it didn't take him long to propose to her.
Unsurprisingly, she agreed. Why wouldn't she? Kaname was 'the man of her dreams', her 'prince' — he knew that was how she viewed him. He could tell she was genuinely happy to be proposed by him, too. Which pleased him — or rather, his ego, he supposed.
As for Kaname himself… Well, he was content. Like always, everything was going smoothly for him and he didn't have a single care in the world. Even wedding preparations didn't give him so much as a headache — contrary to what he had expected after hearing so many negative opinions born of even more negative experiences from his friends and acquaintances. Now he honestly couldn't gather what the whole fuss was about.
Everything went smoothly and his life was still perfect.
He had no doubt it would stay that way in the future too — why wouldn't it?
The ceremony was beautiful, and so was his bride. She surely had made a remarkable effort to please him.
And he was, very much so. Who wouldn't?
They exchanged their wedding vows and rings and they sealed their agreement with a kiss, earning themselves a rapturous applause.
Then took place their wedding reception, and just like everything around him, it was beautiful and lavish and simply perfect.
Everything was still going smoothly, just the way he had expected it to, until…
An unpredicted turn of events changed it all.
It wasn't anything major — just a single presence, a single person that appeared before him.
It was a boy- well, a young man, actually. He appeared before him as his wife's adopted brother who had been living abroad for the last six years. Which was why Kaname hadn't met him until that very moment.
His name was Kiryuu Zero. He was one year older than Yuuki and he was a model, which wasn't the least bit surprising, considering his looks.
Silver hair, fair — beautifully pale, ivory — skin, lean, tall — only a couple of inches shorter than Kaname's — frame…
What had the strongest impact on Kaname, however, were the man's eyes.
Clear, deep amethyst of the greatest intensity he had never in his life imagined to exist, let alone seen.
They made him freeze and sent shivers through him. They made his heart race and his stomach flip.
The man seemed to be made for the sheer purpose of being looked at, admired, worshipped. And Kaname couldn't help but do just that.
And then came the touch — brief and light and innocent. Nothing much, really, just a simple handshake. And yet…
Kaname was left feeling almost literally scorched by it.
The touch was accompanied by the voice.
Honestly, was there anything that Kaname couldn't find attractive about the man?
The voice was low and melodious and so, so pleasing to his ears it was ridiculous.
'It's nice to meet you,' had been the first thing it had said to him as its owner had reciprocated the handshake automatically offered by Kaname, 'I'm Zero.'
'Zero…' Kaname remembered repeating in his head — and very probably out loud too. He couldn't be sure, but he felt like he had tried the name on his tongue. Even that had been perfect, even that had sent delicious shivers up his spine. It had felt divine on his tongue, slipping past his lips, leaving it with a pleasant tingling sensation he hadn't known before.
"I'm Kaname. Nice meeting you as well, Zero," Kaname somehow managed to respond to the greeting, repeating the newly learned name once more, after a few moments of stunned silence. He was sure his voice had come out sounding weird. How could it have not? The effort it had taken to speak those few words couldn't have left it unaffected.
There were no signs of it though. No funny looks, no concerned remarks or anything of the sort from anyone. Only a slightly widened smile from Zero, followed by a light squeeze the man gave his hand before pulling away. Reluctantly, Kaname obliged, letting go. The sensation lingered though — he could still feel slight tingling in his hand as it returned to his side.
They had talked for some time after that. All three of them. It was nice, it was fun, it was...exhilarating almost. And it was wrong. Kaname knew it was. Still, that knowledge wasn't enough to stop him. Or his thoughts — the offensively indecent ones — that kept swirling in his somewhat dazed mind as he observed Zero's form as discreetly as he could — if it even could be called that, considering the fact that he could barely force himself to look away from his new in-law for more than a second.
At some point though, Yuuki had to leave them in order to give her attention to some of her friends that she claimed she hadn't seen 'in ages'. Kaname knew he probably should accompany her as a good husband would do, but he simply couldn't muster up the will to do so. Not yet.
It was a good thing Yuuki didn't need him to. She insisted that he stayed and continued 'getting to know' Zero, and Kaname was only happy to assent, even though he knew he probably should have argued.
So he stayed alone — minus the other guests — with Zero and they resumed their conversation, eventually moving it to a less crowded place. They talked and talked and talked some more, and Kaname was surprised to realize how much he wanted for their conversation to go on, how much he actually wanted — genuinely wanted — to know more about the silver-haired man. He had never been that interested in anyone, and the sudden change was, albeit baffling, still somewhat...thrilling.
Kaname wondered absently what had brought on that unexpected change, that hunger for more, but he had no way of answering that question, so he decided to leave it be for the time being. He would think about it later, whereas now he would rather continue enjoying Zero's company.
Alas, he didn't get to do it for very long, as all too soon Yuuki returned to Kaname's side and pulled him away from Zero to converse with their other guests. That was how he spent the rest of their reception — communicating and being polite with people he couldn't care less about.
…And constantly searching for a mop of unique silver hair and sneaking glances at its owner every chance he got.
It wouldn't be until some time later that Kaname would finally realize the reason behind his weird behavior. And it wouldn't be too long after that realization that his previously perfect life would be completely disrupted and turned into something uncontrollable by his very own hands.
Kaname would wonder if the universe was mocking him, and he would quickly come to the conclusion that yes, it was. There would be just no other way to explain it. Because how else could it be possible that he found what he would come to know as his very first — and only so far — love at his own wedding reception less than two hours after getting married to the sister of that very same first love of his…?
If that wasn't ironic, Kaname didn't know what was.
-o-
The second time Kaname got to see Zero was over a family dinner arranged by none other than Yuuki a few weeks later. It was a small gathering consisting of Kaname, Yuuki, her father, Cross Kaien, and Zero only, since the rest of their closest family was unavailable for one reason or another. It was nice, the food was good and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Kaname wasn't an exception, too, albeit not for the same reason as his companions.
He made sure to participate in conversations and eat his meal, but overall, his mind was far from the dinner itself — it was focused in front of him, same as his eyes that just wouldn't leave the silver-haired man sitting across from him.
Kaname had spent the entire evening staring. If Zero had noticed something, he hadn't remarked on it. Neither had anyone else, so Kaname assumed he hadn't been caught.
He assumed wrong. That fact became known to him sometime after dinner, when the very object of his fascination approached him on his balcony.
Kaname's fingers tightened briefly on his glass of red wine as Zero came to stand beside him, leaning his elbows on the railing and tilting his head slightly to look into Kaname's face.
Garnet locked with amethyst.
Zero's eyes said it all, and it was then that Kaname was made aware of a slip he must have made somewhere along the way.
He had been caught. Damn.
Yet he still couldn't look away, even as he knew that Zero had noticed.
Neither of them spoke, not for a while. Then, before Kaname could stop himself, he blurted out a question that he only now realized he had wanted to ask since day one, but had never once thought he would. He supposed he had alcohol to thank for his sudden moment of boldness.
"...Can I see you sometime?"
Zero tilted his head sideways, blinking. "You are."
Kaname felt a smile slowly stretch his lips. "Privately."
"...Why?"
"To get to know you."
"You are," Zero repeated.
Kaname's smile widened. "I want to get to know you better."
Zero snorted. "You really should cut back on that wine now."
"I'm not drunk."
One silver eyebrow rose skeptically. The expression on the other's face amused Kaname for some reason, even making him feel somewhat...mischievous, uncharacteristic as that was for him.
Kaname chuckled. "Maybe only slightly intoxicated," he admitted.
Zero turned away and shook his head with a sigh. It could have been perceived as rejection, but subtly upturned corners of Zero's mouth suggested differently.
"So," Kaname spoke again after a while, "can I?"
Lavender gaze returned to Kaname. Zero didn't offer a reply this time.
But he didn't refuse either.
-o-
Their third encounter was initiated by Kaname a few days after the second one. He invited Zero out for coffee — a first for Kaname in and of itself, as he had always been the one being asked out.
Zero had been surprised to receive a call from him, Kaname could tell. But that was understandable. For one, Kaname wasn't supposed to have his private number — Zero had never given it to him, after all. It was a good thing Kaname had his own unsuspecting source of information close to the object of his unfailing interest.
Unexpectedly, Zero had agreed, albeit not without some hesitation.
'...What?' Kaname had asked then, dumbfounded. He had wanted confirmation that the reply he had received had been real and not just his wishful thinking.
'I said okay,' Zero had repeated, unknowingly bringing a smile to Kaname's lips.
'Okay,' Kaname had echoed, allowing the words a few seconds to sink in before suggesting a time and place for their little rendezvous. Again, Zero had agreed, and soon they had finished their conversation.
A few hours later, Kaname entered a vintage cafe recommended to him by his best friend for its pleasant interior, quiet atmosphere, good menu and relative privacy. Looking around, Kaname gave himself a silent nod and made a mental note to thank his friend later, definitely satisfied with the place. He only hoped Zero would be too.
He took a seat at one of the private tables and waited. Having arrived a bit too early, though, he quickly got bored and began to study the menu. He was about halfway through it when Zero joined him.
Kaname's burgundy eyes widened upon landing at his newly arrived silver-haired companion. He was sure Zero had greeted him, but Kaname could only blink stupidly as he studied the other. His stupor must have lasted for too long though, if an arched silver eyebrow and an inquiring look Zero sent him were anything to go by.
"...You wear glasses?" Kaname managed to ask after a few more seconds of curious wonder.
Zero blinked before letting out a soft 'Oh' and then removing the mentioned glasses, appearing to have completely forgotten about them until Kaname had asked.
"It's my disguise," Zero explained as he put the glasses down on the wooden surface of the table. "They're fake."
"Tattoo as well?" There was one on the side of Zero's neck — an intricate cross, Kaname believed. It was uncanny how well it suited Zero, completely in harmony with his ivory skin and ear piercings. Kaname had never thought much of tattoos, but this one he liked. He actually hoped it was real.
"No, this," Zero pointed at the tattoo, "is real."
"I never noticed it before," Kaname remarked absently as he continued to study the image.
"It was covered. Sometimes they need to do it for the photo shoot, and that stuff doesn't come off that easily."
"I see," Kaname replied with an absent nod, still staring at the tattoo. He suddenly felt a ridiculous — bizarre, uncharacteristic — urge to trace its lines with his tongue. He couldn't help wondering if the skin there tasted any different.
Kaname licked his lips.
Then all of a sudden, the tattoo was hidden from his eyes, as a pale hand was placed over it.
Kaname looked up, blinking, his dark brows rose in a silent question.
"Stop staring," Zero demanded. "It's creepy."
Kaname tilted his head to the side, studying Zero's slightly troubled expression and wondering whether the faint coloring of the other man's pale cheeks was his imagination or not.
"Did I make you uncomfortable?" he asked.
Zero scowled.
Kaname smiled. "Good."
Zero's scowl deepened, but he still refused to break eye contact. "Bastard."
Kaname chuckled, surprisingly amused by the insult.
They continued their banter for quite some while, and Kaname could tell he wasn't the only one enjoying their time together.
-o-
Their fourth encounter was a coincidence.
It all started with Kaname's meeting with his cousin, Shiki Senri, who was the owner of one of the most popular fashion magazines in the world and a very influential figure in the industry. Kaname paid the other a visit in order to discuss some business matters, only to end up at a photo shoot for the next issue of Shiki's magazine. He couldn't even begin to describe how great his surprise was when he caught sight of none other than Zero posing for the camera there.
For a long second, Kaname thought he was imagining it — there just couldn't be such convenient coincidences, he told himself.
Apparently, there could be. Very much so, to Kaname's undeniable secret joy.
Zero didn't notice him at first — not for quite some time, too. It was only during a very brief break between shoots that the silver-haired man spotted him. He was surprised — his expression clearly suggested so. Kaname thought the other was about to approach him, but their session was resumed before he could take more than a few steps in his direction, and all Zero managed to do was give him a nod of acknowledgement before returning to work.
Kaname mirrored the gesture and leaned back against the nearest wall to enjoy the experience of watching what was apparently the main part of the shoot. And enjoy it he certainly did, perhaps even too much, especially after the articles of Zero's clothing had started disappearing one by one at the photographer's instructions. It wasn't just a sequence of poses Kaname was watching now, but a sensual dance of unconscious seduction that Zero performed almost too perfectly.
First went the short vest. Zero removed it slowly, with graceful carelessness, and let it slide down his arms before throwing it aside.
Then the hat. Zero played with it a moment before discarding it with an easy flick of his wrist. Kaname absently wondered if the camera had captured that moment.
Next were the leather semi-palm gloves. Zero's lips curled into a subtly mischievous smirk as he removed those with his teeth — first from one hand, then from the other.
Kaname swallowed hard. His throat felt parched all of a sudden.
Then followed the tie. Never in his life had Kaname thought that the simple, familiar to him gesture of loosening it could look so sexy.
As discreetly as possible, Kaname fumbled with his own tie, loosening it slightly as well.
Zero touched his hands to his neck, his fingers running over the sides of the beautifully pale, long column as he craned it, showing off his tattoo. Then those fingers slid lower to work on the buttons of Zero's white shirt, their movements slow and sensual, the look on their owner's face sultry, smoldering.
Kaname licked his lips at the sight.
For a second, Zero's gaze turned to him. Kaname's eyes widened and his already racing heart started hammering when he thought he saw Zero's lips quirk in a slight smirk as he continued undoing his shirt.
All too soon, however, the contact was broken, and Zero was looking at the camera anew.
Those lavender eyes didn't turn to Kaname anymore, but the scorching fire they had ignited within him showed no signs of dying down.
Kaname waited for Zero to be done to give him a ride home.
The trip was spent in silence. The only time the two actually spoke that day was when they exchanged their breathless goodbyes after a spontaneous, rough, hungry kiss they had shared in Kaname's car in front of Zero's apartment complex.
It was a day of the firsts for Kaname indeed.
-o-
Zero took to avoiding him after their first kiss.
It was understandable and seemed logical, considering the circumstances. Kaname decided to give them both some space to figure things out, but what one intended to do and actually did were often two completely different things.
Two and a half days. Kaname managed to hold back for that long. Then he finally picked up his phone and dialed the one number he had been itching to call all this time.
Once. No answer.
A second time. Same result.
Visibly disappointed, Kaname waited for as long as his patience allowed him before inevitably trying a third time. Still nothing.
Sighing heavily, Kaname carelessly dropped his phone on the desk and leaned back in his leather armchair, his eyes closed and brows furrowed in tired concentration. He let silence envelop him, hoping it would help him regain his long-lost composure. Unfortunately, it wasn't doing a very good job. He still kept trying though, until a short vibration sound startled him out of his mental struggle.
Kaname wasted no time in reaching for his phone once more. His eyes widened when he read a new message on the screen. He had to check the name of its sender as well as its contents several times to be certain he wasn't just imagining things. Then, after typing and sending a reply, Kaname got up, pocketed his phone, grabbed his car keys and jacket, and promptly left his office, making his way downstairs to his car and to a familiar place he had visited not so long ago.
It was the same cafe where his third encounter with Zero had taken place. Entering it, Kaname immediately spotted a familiar head of unique silver hair. His lips involuntarily pulled into a small smile when he realized Zero had taken the same seat as before. He allowed himself a few moments to simply observe the sight, then made his way to the table to join the silver-haired man.
Their eyes locked, and at that moment, everything else seemed to have ceased to exist. They sat there gazing at each other wordlessly, only speaking briefly to place their orders and then lapsing into silence anew. Before long their cups of coffee were set in front of them, their waitress routinely wished them a pleasant time, and then left them alone once more.
More time passed, but the two neither spoke nor touched their drinks. Strangely enough though, Kaname didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable — on the contrary, he was actually content to just be with Zero.
After another while, however, the silence was inevitably broken. By Zero.
"Take me home."
It was an innocent enough request, yet somehow Kaname couldn't help but perceive it as something more. It was the way those words had been spoken — the tone, the gaze, the very movements of those sinfully tempting lips.
Kaname wanted to confirm, he really did, but all he could do in his bewilderment was nod and comply with Zero's request.
It was only a little over twenty minutes later that Kaname received his confirmation as he entered Zero's apartment for the first time.
"...What the hell are we doing...?" Zero asked with a faint frown, turning to look at Kaname as soon as the door behind them clicked shut.
Kaname blinked down at the other. A wry smile stretched his lips. "You're asking that now?"
They both removed their shoes.
"It's still not too late," Zero remarked next.
"For what?" Kaname asked as he stepped closer to the younger man and gently pushed him back against a nearby wall, his hands moved towards his jacket collar, fingers stopping at the slider of its zip fastener for a couple of seconds before slowly pulling it down.
"To change our minds." Even saying that, Zero didn't resist, nor did he pull away. On the contrary, his fingers started working on undoing Kaname's jacket as well.
"It is." Kaname pushed Zero's jacket open, then down, then off the silver-haired man. It settled on the floor with a gentle rustle. Kaname waited a few moments for his own jacket to follow, then he shortened the distance between them further and captured Zero's lips, his one hand settling on the untattooed side of the pale neck while the other pulled his companion closer by the waist.
Zero didn't hesitate to respond, his arms encircled Kaname's neck, and their kiss quickly turned from light and almost shyly innocent to breathtakingly deep and hungry. All too soon, however, the need for air forced them to separate. A couple of inches was all they allowed though, both reluctant to put any more distance between them.
Panting, Zero pushed weakly against Kaname. "Bedroom…" he whispered breathlessly, leaning up and brushing his mouth against the brunet's.
Kaname responded eagerly to the caress, deepening the kiss for a few sweet moments before releasing the younger man's lips once more to reply huskily, "Lead the way."
Zero did. The few minutes it took them to reach their destination were the longest ones of their lives, which they wouldn't have been, had the two gone straight to the room instead of stopping every now and again to make out and feel each other up some more as they worked on removing their clothes further.
Finally, Kaname found himself hovering over Zero after pushing the younger man down on a large bed. He took a second to appreciate the ethereal beauty below him — perfect body, pale, moonlit skin, flushed cheeks, half-open, glassy with arousal eyes, slightly disheveled silver hair, heaving chest and deliciously parted, reddened from all the kissing lips. All his — Kaname's — to look at, all his to appreciate, to feel, to taste, to take.
Kaname leaned down to capture Zero's lips once more, and Zero was only happy to respond in kind. Their mouths and hands explored their bodies eagerly, hungrily, and before long, the rest of their garments was gone as well and they were left completely exposed.
Despite their mutual impatience, Kaname took his sweet time preparing Zero for his intrusion, to the point of making the younger man a panting, moaning mess all but shamelessly begging to be taken — at least so Kaname fondly perceived getting his straining member grabbed and squeezed almost painfully while being ordered to 'put it in already'. Still, he decided to be a 'bastard', as Zero seemed to like calling him, and teased the silver-haired man a little more before actually complying with their hearts' and bodies' very obvious desires. Naturally, Zero wasn't impressed, but his pleasure-weakened by then body was long beyond the capability to express his frustration.
"Stupid bastard…" Zero gasped the insult that did nothing but amuse Kaname further.
Finally taking pity on Zero, Kaname pulled his fingers out of the man's thoroughly stretched entrance and lined himself up with it. They both involuntarily tensed. Slowly, almost torturously so, Kaname pushed inside, doing his best not to just slam in like his body was begging him to do. Apparently, so did Zero's, if an impatient jerk of his hips was any indication. Hissing, Kaname gripped those pale hips tightly to hold them still.
Zero gave a frustrated groan that was followed by a curse — one of the many. Kaname didn't know why, but he found he actually enjoyed being on the receiving end of those.
Kaname jerked his hips forward. Twin groans filled the air as the two connected as deeply as was physically possible. They stilled for a few seconds, trying to catch their breath, then closed the distance between them once more to engage in a slow, sensual kiss.
Kaname started to move, slowly at first. Zero hugged him around the neck and pulled him closer, deepening their kiss hungrily before they were forced to let go of each other's lips with the gradual quickening of their pace. Their gazes locked.
Kaname slowed his thrusts, seeking to prolong and savor the bliss of their joining. Zero's long legs circled his waist, his hands slid from Kaname's neck down his sides, stopping at the small of his back, his fingers dug into it, silently urging Kaname on.
Kaname momentarily obliged, giving a particularly deep, hard thrust. Zero's back arched, he squeezed his eyes shut and threw his head back with a soft moan, exposing his neck. Kaname's eyes latched onto the tattoo there. He leaned down to satisfy one of his most persistent — and bizarre — urges and traced the lines of the intricate image with his tongue. Zero tried to get away, but Kaname kept him in place with his one hand buried in the man's silver hair and the other under his shoulder, gripping it firmly, as he continued his ministrations.
Muffled mewls of pleasure reached Kaname's ears, he felt Zero's fingers dig into his back. His grip on Zero tightened, his hips moved faster. So did Zero's, meeting each and every thrust with intoxicating eagerness.
He was close — they both were, he could feel it, the pleasure building, the peak approaching. It was almost within their reach now, their bodies screamed of it, hot and sweaty and breathless as they moved against each other in a mindless frenzy of passion.
"K-Kana-"
Kaname sealed Zero's lips before the silver-haired man could finish gasping his name. They could barely breathe, but they couldn't separate from each other either, both aching to be connected even more deeply, to be merged completely.
Their muffled moans and groans grew more desperate, the sound of skin slapping against skin turned more urgent, the creaking of the bed got louder.
A few more thrusts was all it took, and before the two knew it, they had reached the peak of their pleasure. Momentarily blinded by it, they both tensed up as they rode out their orgasm for a few more seconds before slowly coming down from their high to a complete stop, pleasantly spent and gratified.
It took them another while to regain their breathing, a little less for Kaname to be able to see properly again as he lifted his head to lock gazes with Zero. A long moment passed. Neither spoke a word as burgundy and lavender clashed anew.
Before long, the distance between the two now lovers became non-existent once more, and their bodies resumed sliding against each other in another sensual dance.
-o-
Kaname had become insatiable after their first night together. They both had, actually. Or so he believed.
He had never been so sexually active, and it was safe to say that he had had more sex in the past couple of weeks with Zero than throughout his whole life. It was a wonder his member wasn't just functioning after so much action, but very much eager to keep going whenever Zero was around. Kaname hadn't even known he had that much stamina and sex drive, hadn't known it was even possible to have them in such an amount.
He wondered if that was how hormonal teenagers felt when they started exploring the sensual side of life. He hadn't been like that in his teens, so he couldn't tell. But he had seen and heard enough to draw a conclusion. He had thought that kind of behavior was beyond him, that he would never know what it felt like, that he would never understand — especially so after he had gone past the proper age for it. Apparently, he had been wrong. Apparently, there wasn't such a thing as 'the proper age' for it. Because it certainly seemed like that phase of a constantly horny kid had finally caught up to him even now when he was in his late twenties.
Kaname slumped against Zero's back in a boneless heap, pinning the younger man to the floor with his weight as they both struggled to catch their breath.
They had done it again. Twice since entering Zero's apartment. One time against a wall and the other on the floor. Both times barely undressed.
"You…" Zero spoke after a while, still panting, "damn…bastard…"
Breathlessly, Kaname chuckled at yet another insult from Zero's delightful mouth.
Zero took a few moments before continuing, "The freaking couch…is right here…dammit…"
Kaname unconsciously looked up.
'Oh,' was all he thought, only then noticing the mentioned couch only a couple of meters away from them.
He nodded. "It is."
Zero glared at him over his shoulder. The sight actually sent a strangely pleasant shiver down Kaname's spine. And made a certain part of his anatomy stir. Only slightly though, thankfully. Zero's glare certainly would have intensified otherwise. Not that Kaname would mind.
"We can do it there too," he offered.
Zero's eyes widened at that. "Get the hell off me!" he demanded. "I still have to get ready for work."
Reluctantly, Kaname complied after a hesitant moment. He pulled out of Zero and sat down on the floor. Zero turned to lie on his side, staying like that for a short while before getting up and heading out of the room on shaky legs. Probably feeling Kaname's attentive gaze on him, Zero turned to the dark-haired man before leaving, his eyes narrowed threateningly. "I'm going to take a shower now. Don't you even think about following me again." And he left the room.
Kaname stayed where he was. He heard the door of the bathroom open and close, then some shuffling, then the water running. He remained in place for a bit longer.
And then he got up and did exactly what Zero had told him not to do.
It had become their routine by now. They met whenever and wherever they could while dancing around their mutually busy schedules. They talked, they had dinner, they had drinks, they made out, they had sex, a lot of sex, and they talked some more after and during their intercourses — all not necessarily in that order. Sometimes they got to spend a whole day together, sometimes they had to put up with weeks of separation forced upon them by their jobs. It never extinguished the fire between them though, and they never failed to reunite.
A little over half a year passed like that.
They had just met again after a week's separation, marking the beginning of their time together with a little rendezvous in Kaname's office. It wasn't new for them. They had done it several times before.
Reluctantly, they said goodbye to each other with a promise to meet again later.
That promise was never fulfilled though, as something unexpected happened, and it turned Kaname's entire world upside down. Zero did. Again. With nothing more than a simple phone call.
"I won't see you anymore."
Kaname's eyes went wide with shock, he grew completely rigid.
"Wh-…what…?" he remembered asking, unable to believe his ears.
"I won't see you anymore," Zero repeated the very same words in the very same tone. Kaname had gone completely numb by then.
He remembered saying something else — most likely asking for a reason, an explanation. Whatever it had been, Zero hadn't given him any. He hadn't given him much beyond his words of sudden rejection at all, and he had kept their conversation very short, hanging up less than two minutes into it.
The entire event had left Kaname stunned. He couldn't come to terms with it — he had refused to. So he had gone to Zero — had rushed to him — to make sure that none of that had been real, that it all had been either a bad dream or an even worse joke. He would have settled for anything. Anything that wouldn't confirm what he had by then realized would be his worst nightmare.
The only answer he had received had been a closed door. That, and an unbearable silence beyond it. Kaname hadn't even been able to see Zero, hadn't even been allowed to hear his voice.
'Why? What on earth happened? What went wrong? When? How?' were the questions running through his mind in circles. '…Why…?' He didn't know, he didn't understand, he had no way of answering those questions — certainly not on his own, not without Zero's help that seemed to be completely out of reach.
Kaname had spent hours in front of his lover's apartment, but nothing had come out of it.
He had called, and he had come back after that. He kept calling, and he kept coming back, again and again, day after day.
Still no explanation, still no proper response, still no sign of Zero — only a short message with the same words the silver-haired man had spoken before, only the same cold, cruel words of unexplainable rejection.
'I won't see you anymore.'
Kaname didn't understand.
'It was all a mistake.'
He didn't believe it — he couldn't, he refused to.
'Let's end this.'
…Just what on earth was happening…?
-o-
"We really should stop doing this," Zero said softly as he put his arms around Kaname's neck loosely. He stayed still for a second, then slowly pressed his hips closer to Kaname's.
"What?" Kaname asked, then jerked his hips upwards in a deep, languid thrust to accentuate the next word, "This?"
Zero's arms hugged Kaname's neck tighter, he pressed closer against him, his eyes shut and head slowly lolled back, his lips parted as a content sigh fell from them. He rose and slammed down sharply, biting his lower lip to muffle a deep moan that climbed up his stretched throat. Kaname's smile morphed into a smirk as he watched Zero repeat the action a couple more times, riding him shamelessly, before cruelly cutting his fun short by gripping his hips and keeping them in place.
A disappointed groan followed the action.
Kaname chuckled, his burgundy eyes twinkled mischievously.
Zero tried to fight Kaname's vice-like hold on him, but failed. He mentally cursed himself when he heard a frustrated groan that sounded suspiciously like a whine escape him.
Another chuckle came from Kaname. "You sure you want to stop? Because it definitely-" he paused to thrust upwards once more, the action eliciting another pleasured sound from Zero, "-doesn't look like it."
"It's all we do whenever we meet; fucking like some animals in heat," Zero tried to reason, but it sounded unconvincing even to his own ears, and his body's responses certainly didn't help. "We should be satisfied by now."
"I prefer to call it 'making love'," Kaname corrected with a small, slow thrust.
Zero met him eagerly. "Doing it this much in so many ways is definitely called 'fucking'."
Kaname leaned forward, peppering Zero's skin with butterfly kisses, starting with the silver-haired man's neck and moving upwards, then stopping at his lips and replying softly, "I love it when you talk dirty."
Their lips molded in a slow, open-mouthed kiss.
"Stupid bastard," Zero said in between caresses. "Don't try to change the subject."
"I'm not. I assumed we were done with it."
Zero arched an eyebrow, then continued to slowly rock his hips against Kaname. "You're unusually compliant tonight," he remarked. "It's creepy."
Kaname snorted. "It's difficult to argue with you in this position," his fingers tightened on Zero's hips as he met them with a harder thrust. Zero muffled another lewd moan. "Wouldn't you agree?"
"I think you're doing just fine."
"It's good to know you deem my skills satisfactory."
Zero snorted at the adjective Kaname had chosen. "Don't get all modest with me now. You know they are better than that."
"I still wanted to hear you say it."
"Smug bastard."
Kaname smirked. "I like hearing that too."
Chuckling, Zero leaned in for another slow kiss.
"You really like it, don't you?" Kaname asked after a while. "Kissing," he elaborated in response to Zero's wordless question that came in the form of a faint frown and a slight tilt of the head.
"Don't you?" Zero asked instead of replying. He leaned in and brushed his lips over Kaname's once more.
Kaname reciprocated the caress eagerly. "I seem to."
Zero chuckled, then deepened their kiss and rolled his hips languidly, eliciting soft muffled moans from them both. Their kiss deepened, turning steamier, their movements quickened.
They were both panting by the time they separated.
"I take it the break is over?"
"About damn time."
Kaname chuckled. "You were the one who needed to rest."
"I have," Zero replied, getting more breathless and impatient by the second. He pushed Kaname down on the bed. "Now I need to fuck." He put his hands on the dark-haired man's shoulders for leverage, then slowly lifted himself, waited one breathless moment, and slammed down hard.
That was what pretty much every break between their carnal activities looked like, and Zero was starting to get seriously worried for their mental health.
Two grown men, one of whom was married. It didn't matter that the marriage was pretty much an arranged one only meant to please the public, it was still wrong — adultery always was. And if that wasn't bad enough, which it certainly was, the wife just had to be Zero's sister — adopted or not, she still was one.
He often wondered how on earth it had come to that, and each time he realized he didn't have an answer. It simply had happened.
They had met, and Zero had known even back then that he had liked the man — his appearance, at the very least.
They had talked and gotten to know each other a bit, and he had found out he had enjoyed the man's company too. Zero had liked him even more, and he had thought that maybe he had even felt attracted to him. Which, in all honesty, had been a first for him.
He hadn't been a virgin, but he had never really been interested in other people either. He had never felt the urge to touch someone, he had never experienced the desire to be with someone — those had been completely unknown to him until that encounter. He had learned what another person's warmth and intimate touch felt like in his teens, but even that had been more out of mild curiosity mixed with something akin to misplaced sense of obligation, rather than love, affection or simple attraction.
He had understood why people would want to have sex itself — the purpose, the pleasure gained from it — then, but he had been unable to comprehend the longing for closeness and intimacy with another person regardless. Even after several attempts and experiments, he still couldn't get the desire to touch and be touched, to hug and be hugged, to kiss and be kissed, to be intimate, to have someone special and be that someone's special in turn. He had already known that there had been something wrong with him, that he must have some important screw loose, if not completely missing. Everything and everyone around him had been proof of that.
It had troubled and confused him at first, but after some time he had accepted it. There had been nothing he could do about it, and agonizing over it certainly hadn't helped him.
It was okay, he had decided. It hadn't been like he had been missing out on something anyway — how could he when he hadn't even known what that 'something' had been? So he had let it be and moved on with his life, perfectly content with what he had had. Until a certain encounter with a tall, handsome, dark-haired man that not only happened to be Zero's adopted sister's husband, but also the very first person he had somehow ended up feeling 'something' towards.
Zero hadn't really thought much of it at first, but then they had met a second time.
It had been a weird experience even before it had started. When he had been invited to that family dinner thrown by his sister, Zero had been both reluctant and eager to go. He had wanted to see Kaname again, he had known that, but he had also been nervous, unsure how to behave. It had been new to him, and it had scared him. He had even started thinking of all kinds of excuses to skip that dinner, but the need to use any of them had never arose — his desire to see the strange man that had made him experience so much 'unknown' had overpowered the fear and uncertainty.
Their second encounter had been…surprising, to say the least. Zero hadn't expected anything like that, and he certainly hadn't anticipated where it would lead them — the notion hadn't even entered his mind.
It had been an accident. Zero had been mostly avoiding any kind of eye contact with Kaname, but it had been difficult to keep it up. He had wanted to look at the man, he had wanted to see more of him, to remember the details he might have forgotten, to have the man's image burned into his mind, but he had been scared of being found out. It had felt like everything had been written on his face, like one look would give him away. Still, he had been unable to hold back in the end, so he had risked a glance. Then another one. Then another one. Then a few more, each a bit longer than the previous one, each making him feel more surprised — shocked, bewildered — than the previous one.
What he had seen had left him confused yet intrigued, lost yet shamefully hopeful, appalled and indignant yet secretly happy and excited at the same time. His rational side had told him it must have been his wishful thinking, and that same side had insisted that it would be better that way. He had thought so too, he really had. But he still had been curious. He had wanted to make sure. So he had.
…It hadn't been wishful thinking — Kaname's words when they had been alone on the balcony had confirmed it. Zero still had been uncertain — about many things, but most of all, about the dark-haired man's intentions. He still had been scared — probably even more so than he had been before, albeit for entirely different reasons — and confused, but he had chosen to see where the 'unknown' would lead him anyway.
They had met again some time later. Just the two of them, in a very nice cafe that Zero had immediately taken a liking to.
It had been fun. He had really enjoyed his time with Kaname, to the point of actually not wanting it to come to an end.
That had been the problem. He couldn't feel like that. He hadn't been supposed to feel like that — he still wasn't. It had been wrong — still was. It had been unforgivable — still was. It had been nothing short of a betrayal, ruthless and immoral — it still was.
Zero had sworn to himself to put an end to it that day, to forget about his sick feelings and never meet with Kaname alone again. Luckily, it had been at that exact time that his brief vacation had ended and a few projects he had been booked for had been just about to start. Zero had hoped that being busy with his work would help him get through his temporary madness.
It actually had. To an extent. Not for very long though.
He had been shocked to see Kaname, of all people, on the set. It had thrown him off balance, but he had forced himself to calm down and get back to work. It had been expected of him to perform well, and he hadn't been about to disappoint. His professional pride wouldn't stand for it.
In spite of the dark-haired man's presence, the shoot had gone surprisingly smoothly. Zero had managed to smother his sudden nervousness and concentrate on his task, even though he couldn't help being acutely conscious of Kaname's intent gaze on him throughout the entire process. It had been torture, albeit a strangely…pleasant one, to a certain extent. He had liked being the sole focus of those deep, beautiful eyes of hypnotizing burgundy. The experience had done weird things to him, and its lingering effects had made him do weird — unacceptable — things.
They had ended up kissing that night, Kaname and him. He didn't know how it had happened and he still wasn't sure who had initiated it, but that kiss had happened, and it had been good. Better than good. It had been incredible, beautiful, passionate, mind-blowing — it had been like nothing Zero had experienced before, like nothing he had expected or even deemed possible. It had been amazing.
And it had been wrong.
It hadn't felt that way — just the opposite, it had felt so right it had nearly killed him to stop. In his mind, he had knownhow wrong it had been, he had realized all too well that he shouldn't be doing such a thing, and yet… He had still done it, and he had enjoyed each and every second of it.
He was a terrible person.
He had tried to distance himself from Kaname after that. For the second time, he had sworn to himself to end it, to forget about it — about his feelings, about his desires, about Kaname — and to never stay alone with the dark-haired source of his emotional turmoil ever again.
He had failed miserably. Again.
It had been okay at first. He had managed to keep himself from calling or texting the man, he had even managed to ignore his calls, no matter how much he wanted to hear Kaname's voice. Then those calls had stopped. Zero had felt relieved, sure enough, but at the same time… He couldn't deny that he had felt disappointed, too.
For one moment of weakness, he had let his treacherous heart influence his mind and make it consider the idea of calling back. Fortunately, that thought had been promptly silenced by his voice of reason. Unfortunately, that voice had only kept getting quieter with time, and it hadn't been that long before it had died altogether — a miserable and most likely inevitable death.
Zero had given his response in a text message after fumbling with his phone for what felt like an eternity. He hadn't known where it would lead, nor whether Kaname would come — even if the man's nearly immediate reply had clearly stated so. He hadn't had the faintest idea what on earth he had been doing and how he had ended up in that same cafe they had visited once before. He remembered he had thought about leaving — running away — a thousand times as he had sat there waiting, yet he hadn't. He had stayed, and Kaname had come to meet him.
And then, just like that, Zero had conceded.
Consequences be damned, along with doubts and fears. He had wanted that man before him, and he had chosen to have him.
That had been their first night together, and they had spent it fucking — 'making love', as Kaname would, without a shadow of a doubt, say — like there had been no tomorrow ahead of them.
Just like their first kiss, it had been like nothing Zero had experienced or expected. He had never even known a desire that intense could exist, he had never thought it would be possible for him to want to touch, taste, have someone that badly, that desperately. He had never imagined that being with that someone would be that good, that exhilarating, that fulfilling and liberating. He would have never believed how much pleasure — intense, overwhelming, addictive, irresistible, uncontrollable, so-damn-good-it-hurt — could be derived from having that someone, from feeling them, from being one with them, had he not experienced it firsthand.
The very notion had been completely incomprehensible to him until then. But not anymore.
That night had been the first, but it certainly hadn't been the last — far from it. Many more such nights had followed, and each had destroyed Zero and then built him anew. They had kissed and fucked — again, 'made love', as Kaname would stubbornly insist — so many times he struggled to comprehend how they still hadn't grown tired of both, they had explored each other's bodies so thoroughly he found it inexplicable how they still wanted to see and feel and taste and have more, they had spent so much time together it was a wonder how they still hadn't gotten sick of each other.
Even now, after being connected so deeply for so many, many hours, they just couldn't seem to find it in themselves to finally separate and get out of bed for a change — not that it guaranteed that they wouldn't end up having sex again. Zero hadn't even known he could have such a high sex drive until he had gotten involved with Kaname.
"We really need to stop now," Zero said between gasps as he struggled to regain his breath after another orgasm. "I'm hungry."
Kaname chuckled breathlessly. "Is that the only reason?" Slowly, he slid out of Zero and rolled on his side, pulling the younger man into his arms.
Zero felt too tired — exhausted, really, drained — to resist like he usually did, even if he actually liked cuddling. Not that he would ever admit it. "Only one of the few," he replied, closing his eyes and sighing softly into the crook of Kaname's neck.
Another chuckle left Kaname, a little less breathless this time. "Are you sure you can eat?" Zero could hear a teasing smirk in the man's voice when he continued, "Because I can feed you, if you want."
Zero grunted, kicking Kaname weakly in the shin. Unfortunately, it only seemed to amuse Kaname further. "Go to hell. I can do it myself."
"You sure?"
"Just watch me."
"Oh, I will, don't doubt it for a second."
Zero snorted. "Creep."
"Gorgeous," Kaname 'insulted' back.
Zero mentally rolled his eyes at the familiar turn their conversation had taken. "Shut up and let me sleep."
"Weren't you hungry?"
"I still am." Zero let out a long sigh. "But I'm too tired."
"I will make you something."
Zero snorted. "You want to poison me?"
Kaname was pouting now, Zero was sure of it — he could hear it in the man's voice. "I'm not that hopeless anymore. I've been practicing that recipe you taught me, you know?"
That made Zero crack his eyes open and shift slightly to look up at Kaname, his eyebrows arched. "You have?" When Kaname nodded, he continued, "How did you even manage to find the time?" He knew the man was busy as it was.
Kaname's smile returned. "I wanted to impress you," he replied, like that explained anything.
Zero's eyes widened. He felt his cheeks get hot and immediately hid his face in the crook of Kaname's neck anew in an attempt to keep his blush that he was almost sure was there from being seen by the dark-haired man.
The attempt had failed. He had been too late. Kaname's chuckle had told him so, and his words only confirmed it a second later.
"How cute," Kaname said with another chuckle. His arm tightened around Zero's shoulders, and Zero felt him nuzzle his hair. "You blush over something so simple and innocent."
Zero knew his blush deepened. He buried his face further into Kaname's neck. "Shut up," he grumbled, his voice small and muffled.
Kaname did. For a bit.
"…Will you take me up on my offer?" he asked after a while.
It took Zero a couple of moments to comprehend the question. He could already feel himself drifting off to sleep. "Do what you want," he replied, pressing closer to Kaname. "Just try not to burn down the house…"
Kaname's chuckle, a whispered 'I will' and what he was sure had been a kiss on the head were the last things Zero remembered before unconsciousness claimed him.
-o-
More time had passed, and Zero suddenly realized that they had been seeing each other for over six months.
Well, he had actually been 'reminded' about it. By none other than an overly high-spirited — almost to a creepy extent — Kaname during their encounter a few hours prior.
Zero had been away for a week, having gone to another part of the country for a photo shoot. Cell phone signal reception there had been far from good, so he and Kaname had only managed to exchange a few short calls and texts during that time.
Zero had been tired after the trip, but his desire to see Kaname had been stronger than his need for some well-deserved rest, so he had made a short detour and stopped by the dark-haired man's office on his way home — after getting the okay from Kaname himself, of course.
Kaname had seemed glad to see him — nothing new there, but it still had been nice to know that his lover had missed him too.
They hadn't had much time to spare, but somehow, even that fact had failed to stop them from fooling around. Again. In Kaname's office. Again. Like a couple of horny teenagers. Again.
Zero shook his head at the memory, a wry smile touched the corners of his lips. Honestly, it was getting ridiculous already.
At least they hadn't gone all the way this time. That already could be considered progress. Then again, Zero knew that thought would fly out the window in the evening when they wouldn't have to be conscious neither of their surroundings nor of Zero's mental and physical exhaustion.
They had made a promise to meet again, and for some reason, Kaname had insisted — unusually strongly, too — that they did it outdoors, in some fancy restaurant.
"I want this night to be special," Kaname had said with a beautiful smile that never failed to make Zero's cheeks warm and his stupid heart beat faster, same as the man's embarrassing — because for Zero it certainly was — habit of lifting one of Zero's hands and kissing its knuckles every damn chance he got, which had been exactly what Kaname had done next, very much enjoying his younger lover's visible mortification.
Zero wanted to hit the bastard every time he pulled that stunt. He never did though — hadn't done it even once so far. There was just...something...about Kaname that always stopped him. Zero didn't know what it was. Maybe it was the way the man looked at him during those moments, maybe it was the way he peppered the back of his hand with kisses, maybe it were those kisses themselves, or maybe it was a little bit of everything — Zero couldn't tell, and he probably never would. Kaname just had the weirdest effects on him, and there was no helping it.
Throwing an insult or two at the idiot in response to the more embarrassing of his actions was the furthest Zero had managed to get so far. It mostly ended up being counterproductive, but it was the only thing Zero could do to ease the annoyance — and immense embarrassment — that he so often had to endure at the hands of his lover.
It had been the case this time either. A few curses from Zero, a few amused responses from Kaname, and their usual banter had started. It had done nothing to ease Zero's embarrassment, but before it had gotten too unbearable for him, Kaname had taken pity on him and put him out of his misery with a slow, gentle kiss on the lips — something he tended to do in most such cases.
Just like that, whatever had previously flustered Zero had been forgotten, they had agreed to meet later in the evening at Kaname's chosen location, and after exchanging a few more kisses, Zero had left.
He had returned home with every intention of sleeping in until the time to start getting ready for his evening with Kaname came. Unfortunately for him, however, that simple goal turned out to be an unattainable one, as only a few measly hours later Zero was forced awake and out of his bed by an unexpected call from his sister.
Yuuki wanted to meet up.
Normally, Zero would have no trouble refusing, but there was something in the girl's voice that made him concede. She didn't sound like herself, and that worried Zero.
So he went to see her — awkward, guilty, ashamed, filthy and outright disgusted with himself as it made him feel each time after the beginning of his relationship with Kaname. Yuuki's marriage to the dark-haired man may be an arranged one, but they were still husband and wife, she was his sister, and he was in love and in an illicit relationship with her husband. It was sick and beyond wrong no matter how one looked at it.
He was a terrible brother, and he didn't deserve her as a sister.
He knew that. He had known it all along. But he still couldn't help it, he couldn't stop himself and do the right thing — he had tried, numerous times. He had tried to make himself do it, but it had never gone beyond mere thoughts and intentions that had all but disappeared at the mere sight of Kaname, at the sound of his voice, at the lightest of his touches. So he had given up, again and again, only hoping that he would be strong enough next time. Clearly, in vain. He wondered if there would ever come a day when he-
"I'm pregnant."
Zero blinked at the words, wide-eyed, as he was startled out of his musings and forced to fully focus on Yuuki. He realized he hadn't heard a thing she had said since they had sat down to talk. Save for that last part, of course.
"Wh-…what?" Zero hoped his voiced hadn't come out as weird as his ears had heard it.
"I'm pregnant, Zero," Yuuki repeated, a hesitant, somewhat uncertain even, smile on her lips. Zero unconsciously looked down, stopping at his sister's hands that were now resting on her stomach. The sight almost made him feel light-headed.
He had always forced himself not to think about the intimate aspect of Kaname and Yuuki's married life. He didn't want to think about it, and he didn't want to know anything about it. It was much easier and less painful to turn away and ignore the subject altogether.
He couldn't do that now though, could he? Of course not. It was impossible with the proof of the couple's love life's existence right in front of him.
Yuuki was pregnant. With Kaname's child.
All kinds of images filled Zero's mind, burning themselves into it for all eternity. Images Zero wanted to see the least. If at all.
Apparently, it had come. The day when Zero would finally find it in himself to forget about his selfishness and be a good brother and a decent human being. He didn't have a choice now anyway, did he? Neither of them did.
Zero forced a smile as he looked up and asked, "Does the lucky guy know?" He had tried to sound as natural as possible, to stop his voice from shaking, to smother the jealousy, bitterness, betrayal and desperation clawing at his insides. He prayed he had succeeded.
Yuuki's smile widened, much less hesitant now, almost its usual radiant self even. Zero breathed an inconspicuous sigh of relief. He guessed he had managed to keep his most ugly feelings from showing, after all.
"Not yet," Yuuki replied, shaking her head. She looked down at her stomach, her hands still resting on it. Her smile widened further, turning more tender. It was a beautiful sight, breathtakingly so. "I'm not sure how to tell him… I don't know how he will react to it…" Her hesitation returned, and Zero hated it.
He had to chase it away. "What do you mean you don't know?" he asked, forcing his smile to widen. He was surprised to find out how easy it actually was to do it. "Of course he will be happy. Anything less is just impossible."
Yuuki looked up at him, hopeful. "You really think so?" She shifted closer to him, grasping Zero's hand with her two small ones and squeezing it tightly.
Zero could feel his mouth lose some of its tenseness as his smile slowly turned genuine. He squeezed Yuuki's hands back. "Of course I do," he replied, then reached out with his free hand to ruffle his sister's hair. "And you should too, you idiot."
Yuuki giggled, half-heartedly fighting Zero's hand on her head while trying to force a pout on her face. The attempt failed miserably. Her smile was bright and happy, and it wasn't going anywhere.
The sight pained Zero, it squeezed his heart mercilessly and tore it to shreds, yes, but it also made him happy. Truly, genuinely happy for his sister.
"Thank you, Zero," Yuuki said as she looked up at him anew, more radiant than ever.
It hurt. It really did. Impossibly, excruciatingly, unbearably so. Zero had never known such pain, he hadn't even known it could exist. Until now.
He had to wonder how one could actually bear and even overcome it, because right now it sure seemed like an impossible feat to him. He could only hope that it would get at least a little bit better with time.
"Mm," Zero nodded in response, feeling the corners of his mouth lift a bit. It wasn't a forced smile anymore, it couldn't be.
…He would be okay. Not for some time, not for a long time, he was sure, but eventually, he would. He had to be.
This was right. This was how everything was supposed to be. And now he finally could do the right thing that he had been supposed to do a long, long time ago. He could finally correct his mistake that he never should have made in the first place.
Zero never returned home that day, nor did he see Kaname that night — or any of the following nights and days, for that matter.
He cancelled their date and he broke things off with the dark-haired man, and he did all that over the phone because he simply didn't have the courage — nor the confidence in his ability to go through with it and not just back down at the last second like he had done too many times to count — to do it in person.
It was unbearable. It made him feel sick. It made him want to disappear off the face of the earth and never show himself again. He had thought finding out about Yuuki's pregnancy and their — her and Kaname's — very much existing love life had been painful, but he had been wrong. This was what real — suffocating, unbearable, brutal — pain felt like. Zero learned it as he spoke and then repeated the words he never wanted to say, the words he didn't even mean.
It broke his heart even more.
After some time, he couldn't take it anymore. Cowardly, he switched off his phone, and, after wandering aimlessly around the city for he-had-no-idea-how long, he escaped to the only place he thought he could find at least some semblance of peace and comfort in.
His old home.
It wasn't that different from the way Zero remembered it. Even his room was still in place, untouched and clean and ready to accommodate him anytime. His adoptive father, Cross Kaien, who still lived in their old house, had made sure of it.
It felt nice being there — in his old room, in his old house. It helped him calm down somewhat, even if his pain never left. He hadn't expected it to though. He knew it would stay, probably for a very, very long time. It was impossible to even imagine it subside right now, but he still hoped that it would at least grow less intense and get easier to bear after a while. Time had that effect, he knew.
Too bad that effect wasn't immediate. Far from it. Because even after weeks without Kaname, Zero didn't feel any better.
There had been more calls from Kaname. More texts, more attempts to see him, too.
Zero had rejected each and every one of them, even if doing so had killed him inside.
He wanted to say yes, he wanted to see Kaname and talk to him, to touch him and be touched by him, to hold him in his arms and be held by him, to kiss, to feel his warmth…to be with him again. He wanted it more than anything in the world. But that selfish longing of his couldn't be granted. It shouldn't be. It wasn't meant to be.
He knew he had to stay away — his resolve would crumble otherwise.
So he did, and after some time, the calls finally stopped. Zero felt both relieved and saddened — disappointed even, he guessed — by the fact. Mostly saddened, if he were honest, but he knew it was for the better.
Yes, Zero mentally nodded to himself. It was. For sure. It was supposed to be that way, and maybe now things would finally get a little easier and he would be able to return to some semblance of 'normal' — whatever that was, anyway.
…Yes, maybe. Someday…maybe.
-o-
Zero's return to 'normal' didn't happen until weeks later, and it did so in the most unexpected and ridiculous way.
It started with Yuuki's laugh. It was the first thing the silver-haired man heard upon returning home.
Zero stopped dead in his tracks, his whole body grew impossibly tense. For the longest moment, he stood frozen in the hallway, terrified by the familiar sound for the very first time in his life. It was a weird reaction, but he couldn't help it, not when he thought about the sight — the presence — that could very possibly await him in the living room Yuuki's voice seemed to have come from.
Kaname's face filled his mind, sending him into an outright panic.
He had to leave. He needed to. He wasn't ready to face the man yet, and he sure as hell wasn't ready to see him with Yuuki, to see them happy and in love and expecting their first child. It was too much to bear. He still wasn't ready to confront that particular part of reality. He still needed more time.
Zero's mind was made up.
Before he could follow his decision and run away, however, he was caught by his adoptive father who happened to come out of the kitchen just at the right time to prevent his cowardly retreat.
Cross wasted no time latching himself onto his adopted son before he started dragging him to the living room. On the short way there, Zero's mind raced trying to think up an excuse — any excuse, really — to leave. Unfortunately, it kept coming up empty, and before Zero knew it, it was already too late. They had reached their destination, and Zero froze at the entrance, unable to lift his gaze until his name was called by his sister, and then for a few more seconds even after that.
Carefully drawing a deep breath as he steeled himself for what — who — he was most likely about to see, Zero slowly looked up.
...Only to go wide-eyed in complete and utter bewilderment at the sight before him.
There was Yuuki, alright. Nothing unexpected there. The problem — the cause of Zero's reaction — was the man sitting next to the brunet girl on the couch.
The man that definitely wasn't Kaname.
Zero blinked, not quite believing his eyes and thinking that maybe they were playing tricks on him. Then again. And again. Still no changes, the unknown man was still there. Unknown to him, at the very least, because it sure didn't look like Yuuki wasn't familiar with him — if their intertwined fingers were any indication.
Zero frowned, completely lost now. Just what on earth was going on there...?
He got answers to his questions soon enough. But instead of clearing up his confusion, they only managed to make it worse.
As it turned out, the man beside Yuuki was her lover and the father of her unborn child. They had been together for a long time and had officially moved in together a few months back. Oh, and if that wasn't shocking enough, then the fact that Kaname and Yuuki had been divorced for months now certainly was.
Zero wondered if it was all a dream. Because it just couldn'tbe real. It couldn't.
...Or maybe it could. Apparently. At least so it appeared, seeing as each and every one of Zero's attempts to wake up had been an absolute failure so far.
Zero was too shocked to pay attention to the conversation after that. He spent the remainder of the evening silently trying to grasp the situation, only to fail again and again. He couldn't think, his head was a mess, and so was everything around him.
Thankfully, Yuuki was there to help him, whether knowingly or not.
Zero wasn't sure how exactly it had happened, but they were alone now, he and Yuuki, and not in their living room, but in the courtyard. He had no idea how on earth they had gotten there and when, but he was glad they had. He needed some fresh air to try to clear his head.
It actually helped. He already felt calmer after only a couple of minutes. Yuuki was still there with him, unusually quiet. She hadn't said a word since they had stepped outside, and merely sat on a bench watching him with a small, somewhat knowing smile. Zero didn't really get the meaning behind it, but he didn't ask.
They spent a few more minutes like that, and then Yuuki spoke.
She told him her side of events; her first encounter with Kaname, her admiration for him, her innocent crush on him, her naive hopes and dreams, her excitement about marrying him, their wedding, their family life, her eventual realization of certain things, her disappointment with herself and her own shallow choices, her sadness and regret, her surrender and acceptance, then more sadness soon followed by happiness brought on by her own newly found true love, the divorce somewhere in between, then the pregnancy, then doubts and worries, and finally, more happiness — pure and absolute.
Zero was completely astounded by the end of her tale. He didn't say anything for a while. Then, when a considerable chunk of Yuuki's story seemed to have sunk in somewhat, he interrupted the silence that had settled anew.
"You loved him?" he asked, frowning slightly.
Yuuki smiled. "I guess I thought I did. Now I'm not sure if it was really love and not just a crush."
"And you were still okay with that? Even with..." Zero trailed off, swallowing a nervous lump in his throat as he lowered his eyes guiltily for a long second before meeting his sister's gaze anew, "…us?"
"I was really surprised. And sad, and even a little bitter, I guess," Yuuki admitted, her eyes lowered, turning pensive as she recalled the events of that time, "but he looked so happy, so in love..." She looked up at Zero with a smile, a little sad, but still genuine and warm. "I simply had no choice but to accept things as they were and give him my blessing."
Zero didn't know what to say. He hadn't known anything, and he had totally misunderstood the situation. But then again, how could he have not? He had never really asked anything, because he hadn't wanted to know. He had been too afraid of finding out the truth that he had been sure would do nothing but hurt him.
He had been an idiot. A complete and utter idiot. And he had hurt Kaname because of it.
"I need to go." The words left Zero's mouth before his brain could even register them properly. He got up, looking down at Yuuki as he added, "There is someplace I need to be."
Yuuki's smile only widened, and she gave him an encouraging nod and wished him luck. Zero responded with a grateful smile and a small nod of his own, and then he left the premises altogether, walking for a couple of minutes before taking out his phone and dialing Kaname's number.
-o-
It didn't take a genius to guess what Kaname answered when Zero asked him if they could meet.
He agreed, taken aback and confused by Zero's sudden request, but undeniably eager to comply with it, much to his chagrin. He was still hurt by Zero's sudden rejection, and he was still angry with the younger man, but he simply couldn't help his desire to see him. It hadn't diminished in the slightest since their separation — just the opposite. He had wanted it so much for so long nothing could overpower it now.
He was a fool — a pathetic, love-struck fool, he realized that. But he didn't mind it so long as there was still a chance for him to get Zero back.
A wry smile tugged at Kaname's lips as he mentally shook his head at his own behavior that even he himself deemed pitiful yet wasn't ashamed of. He absently wondered where his pride and reason and hurt had all gone, but quickly discarded the thought upon realizing that he honestly didn't care, at least not at the moment.
Yes, he really was a fool...
And so was Zero. But for an entirely different reason.
Looking back at everything now that he could see a fuller picture, Zero couldn't believe himself. His actions hadn't been just cruel, cowardly and childish, they had been plain embarrassing, irrational and outright ridiculous. It was hard to believe a grown-up man like him could actually behave the way he had. Such complete and utter idiocy was too mortifying to even think about.
It was a wonder Kaname had agreed to meet with him. Zero had honestly doubted his chances and had been preparing himself for the worst when he had called the dark-haired man, but amazingly enough, Kaname had agreed.
And there they were now, standing in the living room of Kaname's apartment, simply staring at each other in silence. It lasted for some while as the two tried to come up with the right things to say.
Zero was the first to admit defeat. Unable to take the tense atmosphere anymore, he released the breath he had unconsciously been holding and spoke.
"I saw Yuuki…" he started uncertainly, "…with her...um, boyfriend." It felt weird to say it. Zero guessed the idea of Yuuki being with someone else, and of her and Kaname being officially divorced, on top of it, hadn't quite sunk in yet.
Kaname blinked, only then finding his voice to give an ineloquent 'Oh' in response. "I see..." he added a few moments later.
"She looked happy," Zero said next, smiling faintly. "They both did."
Kaname smiled back. "That's good."
A while of silence followed.
Zero was the one who broke it this time either. "...She knew."
Kaname blinked, frowning.
"About us," Zero elaborated.
Burgundy eyes widened slightly in comprehension. Kaname nodded slowly. "She did."
"You told her."
Another slow nod. "I did."
Another while of silence.
"...You told her you loved me."
Kaname didn't offer a response this time. He only continued to look at Zero, waiting for his next words.
Zero frowned. "…You never told me that."
"...I was going to," Kaname said with a sad smile. It widened with his next words. "But I never got the chance," he finished with a meaningful look.
A shaky sigh escaped Zero at the confirmation of what he had already suspected since learning the truth. He shook his head with a wry smile. "You're an idiot."
A soft chuckle followed that statement. Zero smiled a little wider, embarrassed yet elated to feel something in his chest flutter at the familiar, dearly missed wonderful sound.
"I am," Kaname agreed. He always responded to Zero's 'insults' that way. It was one of the man's qualities that Zero found both endearing and frustrating at the same time.
"But so am I," Zero said next, his expression turned regretful, his smile sad. "An even bigger idiot than you." He shook his head and looked down.
Another bout of silence ensued. Then, unexpectedly...
"I love you."
Amethyst eyes widened, shooting up to lock with a pair of deep burgundy ones. Zero could only blink, speechless.
"I love you," Kaname repeated, encouraged by Zero's reaction, by the look on his face — by the hope and elation he could see there, hiding behind a thin veil of surprise and disbelief and fear. It made his own doubts disappear and the words he had wanted to say for so long pour out. "Only you. With all my heart."
Zero released a shuddering breath, suddenly feeling his eyes smart. He wanted to reply, but he didn't know what to say, his head was completely blank yet filled with way too many thoughts at the same time. He could barely hear anything over the mad hammering of his heart.
Kaname moved towards him. Zero involuntarily tensed, his pulse quickened further. His hands were suddenly seized by Kaname's warm, pleasantly familiar ones.
The contact made their skin tingle, the sensation spreading from their fingers to the rest of their bodies. It had been too long since they had felt each other's warmth like that.
Kaname brought Zero's hand up to his lips and slowly peppered it with kisses, never once looking away from Zero's face, never once breaking eye contact.
Zero's fingers involuntarily curled, gripping Kaname's hands tighter. He breathed out shakily, an involuntary shiver running up and down his spine. It was still there, Kaname's weird habit, and it was still embarrassing as hell, but Zero didn't mind. He had missed it, too. He had missed the sensation of Kaname's lips on his skin. But even more than that…
Zero lifted his relatively free hand to Kaname's neck while moving the one that was still being kissed out of the way. Threading his fingers through silky chocolate curls at the other's nape, he leaned forward.
…he had missed this.
Kaname encircled Zero in his arms as their lips molded perfectly, like they had done countless times before. The contact was light at first, almost shy even, but it still made them both tremble uncontrollably. They pulled away for a moment, looking into each other's eyes briefly before connecting their lips again in a deeper kiss. Their embrace tightened, their caresses got bolder as they devoured each other hungrily.
"I love you too," Zero gasped out breathlessly when they separated for much-needed air. "I really do," he added against Kaname's lips before trailing a line of kisses to his ear, "so much…"
Kaname gasped, his body involuntarily shivering in response to the words whispered against his sensitive skin. His hold on Zero tightened further. He felt hot — they both did, suffocatingly so. But they couldn't bring themselves to even think about pulling away. They wanted more.
Zero nuzzled his cheek against Kaname's. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm so sorry, Kaname."
Even in his current delirious with joy and arousal state, Kaname could tell Zero meant it. The way he spoke those words, the way his voice shook as he did so, the way he clung to him desperately…it didn't leave any doubt.
"I'm so-"
Kaname covered Zero's mouth with his, and whatever Zero wanted to say melted in the heat of another searing kiss.
The next minute or so was a hot, breathless blur for both men.
Zero gave an involuntary start, almost losing his balance when he suddenly found himself backed against one of the chairs surrounding a rectangular dining table. He hadn't even noticed Kaname and himself move across the room. Nor had he noticed them make a mess of each other's attires and somehow get half-naked at some point in time.
Zero interrupted the kiss with a gasp, his hand landing on the table behind him for support. Kaname didn't let their mouths stay separated for long though, quickly diving in for another deep kiss before pulling away with a few light caresses and then turning Zero around.
A delicious shudder raked Zero's form as he felt Kaname's hard body press into him from behind. Strong arms encircled him, pulling him even closer to the dark-haired man, gentle hands moved over his skin, sending shivers up and down his spine. Soon one of those hands dived inside his barely hanging in place pants, seizing his erect member, while the other gripped his neck tightly, almost uncomfortably — yet excitingly — so. Zero's own hands automatically settled on Kaname's forearms.
"Don't you dare do that again," Kaname whispered into Zero's ear, startling the younger man with his stern tone. Zero tensed up, completely out of his daze. His pulse raced and breath quickened further when Kaname's hand around his neck tightened while the one holding his member gave it a slow, long stroke. Kaname pressed further into him, rolling his hips against Zero's firm ass. Zero stifled a moan and pushed back, shivering when Kaname's silky voice caressed his ear again. "Don't you dare leave me like that ever again. You hear me?"
Zero gave a small nod, his eyes shut and brows drawn together in a concentrated frown as he tried to pay attention to Kaname's words rather than the steadily quickening strokes of his disturbingly skillful hand. He arched his back and lolled his head backwards against Kaname's shoulder, panting through the lewd sounds he made, his hands rose to grip Kaname's shoulders for leverage as his hips started moving, slowly at first, then faster.
He was getting close, very close. All he needed was a few more thrusts into Kaname's hand, and-
All of a sudden, Kaname stopped, squeezing Zero's shaft painfully tight and keeping him still. A frustrated groan escaped Zero. Cursing, he tried to move to get some friction, only to whimper pathetically a few seconds later after failing miserably. "Kana-"
"Promise me," Kaname demanded, looking down at Zero with narrowed eyes.
Zero frowned, blinking up dazedly at the dark-haired man. "Wh-wha-…?"
"Promise you won't leave."
"I won't." Zero panted, shaking his head. "I won't." He was still delirious with lingering pleasure, but that wasn't why he made that promise. He did mean it. "I promise."
Kaname smirked. "I will hold you to it."
Zero groaned, arching his back, as his weeping member was given a stroke as a reward. He tried to move his hips, but failed again. Another groan left him, of a different nature this time. "Dammit…! Kana-…you- bastard!"
Kaname chuckled darkly. He waited another second, just to be an ass, before he — finally — moved his hand again, just the right way with just the right speed. Just how Kaname knew Zero loved it.
Zero came in a matter of seconds, digging his nails into Kaname's shoulders and crying out his pleasure into the hot mouth that was suddenly placed over his anew.
They stayed like that for a while, savoring their kiss. All too soon, however, lack of oxygen forced them to separate, and Zero slumped back against Kaname, barely able to stand on his jelly legs. His eyes refused to open and his senses temporarily left him then, and he could do nothing as Kaname maneuvered his body the way he wanted — not that Zero really minded.
When his surroundings started coming back into focus, Zero found himself staring down at the wooden surface of the same dining table, bent over it now with Kaname's fingers moving inside him and the man himself trailing kisses over the exposed skin of his back.
After the visual part returned the sound, and the first thing Zero's ears registered was his own voice — or rather, its highly embarrassing version that he still struggled to recognize every time he heard it. He bit his lip to stifle the sounds he was making, only to cry even louder than before when Kaname's fingers pushed harder and deeper. He was doing it on purpose, the-
"-bastard…!" Zero whimpered, involuntarily lifting his hips and pushing back against Kaname's fingers, again and again.
Kaname chuckled against the nape of Zero's neck, his hot breath sending shivers down the younger man's spine. Zero leaned further down as he tried to escape the scorching touch of Kaname's lips, his upper body almost lying on the table now. Kaname followed with another chuckle, peppering the upper part of Zero's back with kisses and purposefully lingering on his lover's sensitive nape.
"Enough already," Zero gasped out after a while, looking over his shoulder. It took a few blinks for his hazed with pleasure eyes to focus and lock with Kaname's amused ones. "Put it in," he demanded.
Kaname chuckled. "Always so impatient," he remarked, smirking, before scissoring his fingers.
Zero gave a loud moan, his form tensing. It took him a few moments to recover. He glared up at Kaname, barking an order, "Hurry up, dammit!"
"Why don't you try asking nicely for once?"
"I'll fucking kill you," Zero growled.
Kaname smirked. "That might be fun too. But first…" He leaned down, removing his fingers to take hold of his rigid shaft and guide it to Zero's entrance. Zero held his breath, unconsciously leaning up to meet Kaname's lips. "Let's have some fun, shall we?"
Zero twisted his upper body further around, his hand rising to grasp the back of Kaname's neck and pull him in for a kiss.
Muffled groans sounded as Kaname entered Zero in one long stroke. Their lower bodies stilled, their kiss deepened. Kaname waited a few excruciatingly long moments, then withdrew almost all the way out and slammed back inside, repeating the action again and again, his pace gradually increasing, his groans of pleasure mixing deliciously with Zero's.
"Faster," Zero gasped out against Kaname's lips the second their mouths separated. "Harder."
Kaname was only happy to comply with both demands. He gripped Zero's hips firmly with both hands, steadying them. Zero turned around and laid his upper body on the table, spreading his legs wider for Kaname to go deeper.
Smirking, Kaname slowed down and pulled out until only the tip of his arousal remained inside, waiting a torturously long second before driving right back in almost violently, going deeper than before with each hard, precise thrust that made Zero all but scream his pleasure. He watched the pale form beneath him, mesmerized by its beauty as it rocked back and forth against him in their wild dance of passion.
"Kaname…" Zero gasped out, looking up at Kaname over his shoulder, his hand reached out blindly to clutch at the brunet's arm. "Kaname…Kaname…"
Kaname took hold of Zero's hand, intertwining their fingers, his palm over its back, and pinned it against the table, gently but firmly. He bent over Zero, quickening his thrusts. An involuntary shudder of intense pleasure rippled through him when his lover's channel squeezed and sucked him further in in response. Their movements grew desperate, their breathing labored, their moans and groans louder and more frequent, same as the slapping sounds of skin against skin.
They were close, so close they could almost taste it.
Only a bit longer…a little harder, deeper, faster, and-
They stilled almost simultaneously. Every muscle in their bodies went taut as they tumbled over the edge and right into oblivion, shuddering deliciously as they climaxed hard. It lasted for a few blissful moments, then the two forms slowly relaxed and lazily resumed their movements against each other to ride out the remnants of their orgasm, melting and turning into a boneless mess as they did so.
It took the the two a few minutes to catch their breath and recover enough to function more or less properly again.
"That was…" Kaname said between gasps, "…intense."
Zero gave a breathless chuckle. "To put it mildly."
"Very."
"Very."
They both laughed quietly. It took them a while to calm down.
"Can you move?" Kaname inquired next.
Zero nodded slowly after thinking for a moment. "I think so."
Kaname nodded back before asking another question, "Are you hungry?"
Zero arched an eyebrow as he looked at the other over his shoulder, wondering what was up with all the questions. He chose not to ask though, and only replied instead, "A little."
Kaname smiled. "I think I got fairly good at that third recipe you taught me. Would you like to try it?"
Zero chuckled, undeniably happy. "I wouldn't miss an opportunity like that."
Kaname's smile widened, his expression softened. He leaned down to give Zero a few light kisses on the cheek.
Zero gave a soft laugh and turned slightly to meet Kaname's lips. They let themselves indulge in a sweet, slow kiss for some time before separating and finally straightening up. It was then that Zero got reminded of a minor detail he had forgotten about. A small grimace twisted his face as he felt sticky liquid begin to trickle down his inner thighs. "Ugh, I need to shower first though," he said, then added as an afterthought, "And to borrow some of your clothes."
"Of course," Kaname easily agreed. "You go now. I'll bring you everything you need."
Zero nodded with a simple 'Thanks', then gave Kaname a small kiss and headed for the bathroom.
Smiling, Kaname followed the retreating figure with his eyes for a short while before turning on his heels and making his way to his bedroom where he got two sets of towels and two sets of fresh clothes. His smile turning into a mischievous smirk, Kaname left his room and headed for the bathroom where Zero was already taking his shower, as the sound of running water suggested.
Kaname's smirk widened as he pushed the door open and entered, soundlessly.
Clearly, Zero's shower would take longer than the silver-haired man himself probably intended, and their late dinner would have to wait even longer.
'Oh, well…' Kaname mentally shrugged.
They still needed to work up a good appetite for it anyway.
.
-The End-
.
A/N: …And that's it. I still have no idea what the hell I wrote and what I'm even doing anymore, but I truly hope it wasn't a complete waste of your time, if you've actually gotten this far. Thank you for reading *bows* Reviews and comments are always welcome and very much appreciated. Take care, have a nice day/night, and hope to see you again soon! :D
