I'm glad you all liked the last chapter. Thanks for all your reviews.
There were 19 wires covering my baby the last time. She was alive for about 6 hours. Only one of those hours was spent with me. I almost resent my family for not waking me up earlier but it wasn't there fault I couldn't spend more time with her, it was the medicine. I was too drugged to be awake earlier. That's why I needed to do this naturally. I couldn't afford to spend one minute without him if something went wrong.
As soon as they placed him on my chest I knew that there was no going back. If something happened to him I wouldn't have another baby. I couldn't. He was so small. But instantly I knew he was perfect. My perfect little baby. I couldn't focus on many thing else. There was some talking but it wasn't at me so I didn't care. I only worried about the baby who needed me. Who would always need me. "Mrs. Grey, we have to take him now. We have to get him cleaned and we have to get you to deliver the placenta." She must have sensed my hesitation. "Don't worry ma'am you'll get him back in about an hour. By that time you'll be in your room." Reluctantly I let her take him but not before I kissed him. "Dad the umbilical chord." They handed Elliot a pair of scissors and he cut it with shaky hands. I grabbed his hand and he looked at me smiling. After dealing with the after birth and getting stitched up from the tearing, they wheeled me to a different room where I would spend the rest of the stay. Elliot didn't let go of my hand once.
In the room a nurse came to check on us and coach us through breast feeding. She wanted us to try it when the baby came in. She said she would go check where he is. Finally Elliot and I were alone.
"How are you feeling?" He asked me. He has constantly been moving my hair.
"I'm okay. My butt hurts." He chuckles lightly.
"I bet. That did not look fun. But you are a trooper. No meds or anything. I'm gonna shove that in Christian's face." Elliot and Christian have been getting competitive when it comes to the babies. I know it's dumb but Elliot's enjoying the bonding with his brother so I just let him.
"Don't say it in front of Ana. Anyways, we need a name." He gets a chair bringing it next to my bed.
"I know. I brought the list we had at the house. But my father is going to have the middle name you should pick."
"We'll do it together." I was interrupted by someone rolling in the baby.
"Ready to feed the baby?" I nod my head. I instantly smile when I see his small body being lifted so I can see him. I undo the top of my hospital gown and let Elliot hand me a pillow so I can have him elevated a bit. As soon as they hand him to me I smile. The nurse tells me how to position him so that he can latch on. I feel him start to suck but no one said it would hurt this much. "Are you uncomfortable?" I nod my head. I don't want to give him formula but this is actually painful. "If it is, it's because he's not latching on well. I'm going to get another pillow so that you can be more comfortable. As soon as I come back he will be latch on better and it won't feel so painful." She says walking out. She comes back quickly and hands me another pillow. That definitely helped. He's higher now and the pain is gone. "Better?" I nod my head. "Okay You're going to have him 15 minutes on each side and once you're done you can call me and I'll help you burp him unless you don't need me. It's up to you. I can also stay the whole time."
"I think we got it. Thank you. If we need anything I'll page the nurses."
"You're welcome honey. And congratulations he's a beautiful baby." Like I don't know that. After fifteen minutes, Elliot helps me switch sides by moving my pillows.
"What's it like?" Elliot asks. He's been watching silently the whole time.
"Like he's sucking on my nipple. It felt like someone was pinching at first but now it's not so bad." Once the baby stopped sucking I put him down between my legs while readjusting my gown. Once I finish I hold him again and balance him so I can burp him.
"Doesn't that hurt him?" Elliot asks referring to me patting his back.
"No I'm not hitting him hard it just helps get the air out. I helped Andy a lot when Emily was born. I guess I still remember." I hate to remember but I can't help but compare how big he is compared to Arizona. If this is what a healthy baby looks like then I understand why they said there wasn't anything to save her. I should have taken better care of myself. But I did this time. I've held him for over an hour and he has no wires. He's breathing on his own he's eating through his mouth. Not getting feeding tube. He's perfect. My perfect healthy baby. Our perfect baby. Until that moment I realized that Elliot hasn't had a chance to hold him. Now I feel so selfish. He's been here the entire time making sure I'm comfortable and I'm happy and I've been self-centered. The baby let's out a little burp and we laugh. I look at him then at Elliot. Yup, he's going to be a mini Elliot. At first I thought he had dark hair but after he was cleaned I realized he doesn't. He has blonde hair and his nose is just like Elliot's. He hasn't opened his eyes so we don't know that part yet.
"Elliot can you sit on the end of the bed." I would tell him to sit next to me but I can't scoot over without feeling pain. He sits with his legs on either side of the bed. He looks confused but he'll be fine. "Wanna hold your son?" He looks at me and the baby.
"I... No. I don't think he wants me. He's comfortable with you. He knows you. It's okay." I wave of disappointment washes over me. He doesn't want to hold his baby? Is there something wrong? I look sadly at the bundle in my arms. How could he not want him? "It's not that I don't want to I just... Lina I don't want to hurt him." For the past few hours I've been focused on myself and I never even thought to remember that this is the first time Elliot has dealt with a new born. He held Teddy but only for a few seconds. I haven't thought at all of how he's doing.
"Elliot this is your baby." I hand him to Elliot before he has a chance to respond. "See he's fine. Move you elbow. That way you're supporting his head." When I see that he's become more comfortable I reach for our camera sitting on the bedside table. Elliot's been taking pictures the entire time. I take a picture and the baby fusses with the flash. "He's fine baby don't panic." I run my fingers through Elliot's hair as he watches our newborn. He looks completely fascinated. I lean back and watch the baby fall asleep in Elliot's arms.
"You need to rest. Go to sleep the baby will sleep for at least another hour they said." I would protest saying that I want to stay up and watch him but I know my energy is gone.
"Okay. Maybe you can get something to eat while we're sleeping. You haven't eaten anything all day." He's been at my side all morning and even though I told him it was okay to eat in front of me I knew he felt bad that I wasn't allowed to eat.
"Okay. I'll be back as soon as I can. Lina thank you for giving me my family. I love you." He kissed my lips tenderly and closed the door walking out.
I woke up to someone whispering outside of the room. "...Really quiet. I know you're excited to see mommy but she's tired."
"Why she's tired?"
"Because she had to come to the hospital so the doctor could get the baby out. And sometimes that takes a lot of hard work. But she's really strong so she did it."
"Okay I'll be quiet like in the library. Can I see the baby?"
"Sure Isabelle. But he's sleeping too but you can still meet him. Ready?" I heard them turn the doorknob and walk in. Isabelle's hair was straighten from this morning. She was on Elliot's hip holding on to his neck. As soon as she saw me her eyes lit up and she smiled. She was going to say something but changed her mind and waved. I waved back. She wiggled and Elliot set her down. She climbed on the bed. "Here let me help you but remember be gentle with mommy." She rested her head on my chest while I stroked her hair. Elliot took a picture.
"Are you still sick mommy?"
"A little but I'm getting better because you visited me and I love when you visit me. I missed you."
"What happen to your tummy? It's not moving." Elliot and I chuckle at her.
"It used to move because there was a baby but now he's not in my belly. Do you want to see him?" I'm secretly scared she won't like him because he's still a little red and small but maybe she will. She nods her head. Elliot takes the baby like he's been doing it for years and walks toward us.
"This is your brother Isabelle." She smiles and scrunched up her nose.
"It's so squirmy. And small. I thought he was gonna be big. Can I touch him?" Elliot sits on the bed so she can get a better look.
"He had to be small or else he wouldn't fit in my belly. But now that he's out he can get big. You can touch him. Take off his little glove and he'll hold your hand." She pulls it out gentle and squeals when she sees how small his hands is. She gives him a finger and the baby grasps it.
"Look he likes me. See mommy. I'm a good big sister." I wipe the tear from my face. I've never felt so relieved. She doesn't hate him.
"Sure are." I bite my trembling lip. Elliot mouths if I'm okay. I nod my head. "Why don't you sit crisscross on the bed and you can hold him." She shuffles quickly so she can sit on the bed and I put a pillow on her lap. "That's so he's really comfy Kay?" She nods. I pick up the camera as Elliot puts the baby on Isabelle's lap.
"He's so skinny like a doll. Only he smells weird and my dolls smell like strawberries. Maybe if I give him strawberries he will smell like them too. Ew he farted. I don't want to hold him anymore." She scrunches her nose and I understand why. I don't know if I should be excited or not about changing his first diaper. Luckily Elliot and I got a crash course earlier today so we are good to go. Isabelle wasn't too happy but Elliot and I managed to change our baby's first diaper. I jokingly asked Isabelle to throw it away but she did. She held it at arms length will only two fingers but she did it. When it was time to feed him again Isabelle looked like I just asked her to change the diaper. "Why is he eating your boobies?" Elliot tries to contain his laughter.
"Because mom's boobies have milk for the baby. And he can't drink out of a cup." Elliot says.
"Ok. Are me and daddy going to drink that milk?"
"I wish." Elliot mumbles. Kinky bastard. "I mean no it's just for the baby. We are big so we use cups." She nods. She continues to watch me feed the baby. Then she watches as Elliot burps the baby and sets him down for a nap.
"Can I take a nap too?"
"Yes we should all nap." Says Elliot yawning. I get Elliot a cot from to our nurse and he and Isabelle go to sleep. Isabelle is still sleeping when me and Elliot wake up an hour later.
"We should call everyone. And Isabelle has to go to your moms."
"Hello. Oh your daughter is here. She looks like her dad." Says a nurse when she walks in. Elliot winks at me. Probably from the whole lookalike comment. "I'm here to drop this off it's for the birth certificate. Just fill in the name and parent information. It has to be the biological dad. I'm not saying this to you for any reason other than policy. This is a legal document. I'm not saying he isn't the dad, I say this to every parent please don't be offended. Honestly it's beautiful how in love you two are. But I'll come get this tomorrow or you can call me to get it when you're done." As soon as she leaves I look at Elliot seriously.
"Elliot I have to be honest with you. The father, it's not you. It's Brad Pitt." I say laughing.
"Well then Brad can pay child support." He raises his eyebrows at me.
"He looks like you." I say quietly.
"He's my son, he should." He says filling out the paper work.
"That sounds nice, 'he's my son'". He smiles without looking at me.
"Ok Carrick Grey slash Reid?" I shake my head. "I'm not putting Pitt." He says in a warning tone.
"Just Grey. Once we get Isabelle adopted and we get married we'll all be Grey's." He nods. I pull his chin toward me. He looks at me. "We didn't get married today." I comment sadly. He puts the paper on the table.
"We'll get married soon, in a few weeks. When Mia forgives us for walking out. You will be my wife. Until then we can just lie and say you already are. Mrs. Grey." He pecks my lips.
Half an hour later we finish and turn in the paper work.
"Okay who do we call first?" He asks me. We look at each other thinking, while his phone turns on.
"Mia." We say together. We take a picture of our baby and send it to her with the message:
Meet Evan Carrick Grey.
Along with the message Elliot sent then the hospital name an room number. I tried to stay awake for when they arrive but breastfeeding makes me tired.
I was woken up again when someone was knocking on the door. I thought the first people here would be my or Elliot's parents but to my surprise it was my bridesmaid complete in their dress and everything. They cam in quietly and circled around the baby.
"He's so small. It's a miniature Elliot. You know I was ready to kill you when you didn't show up to the wedding but after seeing him I forgive you. How was it?" Says Mia.
I scoffed. "Okay. I went into labor yesterday but I didn't know it. But I'm good now you can hold him. If you want." Mia picks him up. I trust her so I close my eyes enjoy them talking about how cute he is. I feel the weight of someone sitting on the side of the bed. They grab my hand and I can tell it's Elliot by how rough it is. And it's big. He rubs his thumb over my palm.
"I can kick them out if you want." He whispers.
"No it's okay. You can kick everyone out at 8. So in two hours. But I think they deserve a minute since we completely blew them off today." Jason walks in the room sighing.
"I have Mrs. Grey in Miss Reid's hospital room. Yes sir." He says into his sleeve. "Mrs. Grey, Mr. Grey would like to speak to you." She rolls her eyes than walks out. I look at Mia.
"Andy drove us before Christian could get a word in. She drives like a maniac. We were going 60 on the streets." I giggle then look at Andy as she shrugs.
"They have a really nice car. Why do you think I have to have a minivan?" She asks sarcastically.
"I know why, you drive live a banshie. And Mark explained it to me when he first bought it. Just know you got her in trouble."
"We wanted to be here first before the parents kick us out. See? No we see him. We have held him and now we can go. We just wanted to see how you were." They each kiss the baby and hug me goodbye. Andy decides to be last. "I just want you to know that he's perfect. He was worth the wait and all the struggle, not just with the birth but with everything." She uses her hand to motion around us. "You deserve a beautiful family more than anyone, and now you have it. Congratulations. Both of you." She wipes a tear from her face then gives me a hug and then Elliot.
"Thanks Andy. For not letting me give up. And for everything else."
"Laters Lina and Elliot. And Evan." She walks out and Elliot looks at me.
"I'm glad you have her. She always seems to care about you. It's nice that you have someone."
"I have you." I tell him.
"You do but she's your best friend." I bite my lip.
"So are you." He looks shocked. "I tell you more than anyone else. You know everything about me. Well most things. If I have a problem or a good day or just want to talk I go to you because I know you'll listen."
"I just want you happy." He says running his hand through his hair.
"You make me happy. Loved, cherished. You make me feel adored. I've never had that before."
"You deserve to feel all those things." He looks so sincere and honest.
"So do you. And I have them all because of you." He doesn't say anything because I know it's hard for him to get a compliment. He's this tough sarcastic guy but I know that he just wants to be needed. And he is. I need him.
As soon as Grace comes in she reads both our charts and goes into doctor mode making sure everything is all right.
"Carrick can you take Elliot to get some food. I told him to go earlier but he won't listen. He hasn't eaten all day and I know he's hungry. And bring some thing for Isabelle please." Elliot gives me a look. I know he doesn't want to leave me but he has to eat sometime. I feel Isabelle poking my shoulder trying to get my attention. "Yes baby."
"I want to eat too please. I didn't eat dinner."
"Sure baby. You can go with daddy and grandpa." she nods her head. I know she is actually really hungry because she never asks for food.
"Have you eaten dear?" Asks Grace putting looking away from the baby.
"No I haven't been told I could so I'm just waiting."
"I'll find out dear. When was the last time you ate?"
"Last night. Thank you Grace." God finally I've been starving for the past few hours. She comes back minutes later saying that I can eat. Elliot agrees to buy me food. Even though I already had the baby I'm strangely having craving for sushi. When everyone leaves it's just Grace my mom and the baby. My mom hands the baby to Grace so she can talk to me.
"I'll give you two a minute alone." Says Grace.
"That ain't necessary. You're practically her second mom now. And you haven't had a chance to hold our grand baby." Says mama taking the chair next to me. Grace stays holding the baby. "How you holding on little girl?" She asks me. Sadly. She's referring to how I'm feeling about Arizona.
"I'm... Okay."
"You don't have to feel guilty. Sometimes things happen but their always for the right reason."
"No I know that. I would have made a terrible mother to her. I wasn't all there. I would have just... She deserved better. I didn't want her to die but I wasn't going to be any good to her." I wouldn't have. I was too out of touch with everything to have been capable to raise her right. I would have loved her, but all I would have thought when I saw her is her father.
"It wasn't your fault."
"That's what everyone says but it kind of was. I didn't do it on purpose. I don't know. I'm okay now. More than okay. I'm happy you're here to meet him." I told my mom. Grace comes back in the room picking up the Evan from the cot.
"It means a lot to Carrick that you named your son after him."
"Elliot is very fond of his dad. It made sense. Grace?" I ask her. Elliot comes in setting some food down on the bedside table.
"Yes dear?"
"You've seen his charts right?" I ask her nervously.
"Yes why?" She looks confused.
"He's okay right? I mean there's nothing wrong with him?"
"He's perfectly healthy. Why do you ask?"
"Just making sure." Elliot's looks at me but I avoid his gaze.
"Well you two. As happy as I am to be here and meet my new grand baby, I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow little girl." My mom gives my dad a look and he puts the baby down. He kisses my forehead then gives Elliot a hug. Now it's just my family of four and Grace.
"I should head home too. I'm going to take this little one. Lina, he's perfect. You have a beautiful family son. And I'm sure you will have a beautiful life with this woman, married or not." She hugs me and kisses our baby before Elliot picks up Isabelle who has been sleeping all day to carry to her car.
The cot is next to my bed. Although I'm in pain, I move to sit on the edge of the bed so I can see him. I rest my chin on the edge of the bed. A nurse comes in telling me that I should get more sleep. I'll need it for future days when Evan won't let me sleep. I hate to admit it but it scares me to sleep. I'm afraid to sleep and waking up to him being... Gone. People have said countless times that he's healthy, it's not that I don't trust their word, it's that the situation is familiar.
"You should be resting." Says Elliot walking in.
"I'm okay. I just want to watch him for a little while. I'm not tired." Which of course is a lie and he can tell by my yawn.
"Sleep." He says kissing my neck.
"I don't want to sleep."
"You want to tell me why?" I shake my head. "Mom said he's fine. Lina, he's going to be fine."
"I know what she said." I snap at him.
"He'll be here when you wake up." I look at him.
"You don't know that." I say.
"Lina please look at me." I do as he says. He puts his hands on my face. He uses his thumb to wipe away my tear. "What happened last time, it's done. This time is different. You and me have a perfectly healthy baby here. He will be here in the morning. Baby he'll be awake in a few hours." I rest my head on his chest. He puts his hands under my knees and lifts me so I can cry comfortably on his lap. I burry my head in his chest letting the motions fill me.
His fingertips graze over my back lightly as cried into my hands. Regardless of the physical pain my body was in because of the position all I could think of was my baby. Both of them. How unfair things were, one got to live and the other didn't. He's already been alive longer than my little girl was all her life. And even though I was alone the moment I lost her I have Elliot with me to live without her now. When I calm down some, Elliot sets me on the bed and says he will be back soon. A short time later he and a nurse come in with a few machines. At first it scare me but he smiles at me so I know it will be fine.
I watch as she sets our baby up to some wires which connect to a machine that tracks the heart beat. She nods at Elliot and walks out.
"Better?" He asks after listening to the heart beat of the baby.
"Thank you. For not thinking I'm crazy."
"You gave me a child. I'm just trying to give you peace of mind." That's his way of saying that I am crazy. I motion for him to lay in bed with me and he does.
"I love you. Sorry today wasn't how we planned."
"It was way better. We had a baby today. It turned out better. Mia couldn't have planned a better day for us. I love you Carolina Reid." I drifted off into sleep a few minutes after. And just like Elliot had said, the next morning Evan was just as beautiful and healthy as last night.
