AN-This oneshot is based around an old episode of How I Met Your Mother; enjoy!
….
Accountant
"So this is fun," Spencer said as him, Freddie and Gibby sat around his living room, watching T.V. "We haven't hung out with just us guys in forever!"
"Yeah, I know," Freddie agreed. "I guess since we're all so busy now with work and our wives we really don't have as much time for this."
"You're right," Spencer nodded. "Man…can you believe we're all grown up and married now? Crazy, right?"
"Er, you do realize you technically haven't grown up," Freddie pointed out. "You've been an adult since we met you."
"Yeah, but now I'm a real grown up!" Spencer retorted. "With a wife and everything! Bet you're still shocked that wacky old Spencer finally managed to settle down!"
"Trust me," Freddie chuckled, glancing over at Gibby. "You're not the one I'm surprised about."
"I know," Gibby said. "I never thought Freddie would get married."
"Me?" Freddie sputtered indignantly. "I was talking about you! You're married to a model!"
"You're married to a girl who used to shove you in lockers and put glue in your underwear."
"Well-Okay, touché," Freddie said. "I guess any one of us actually being married is a pretty big shock. But you know, I've got to say, I wouldn't trade being married to Sam for the world."
"She can't hear you, you know," Gibby frowned. "She's not here."
"Yeah, and FYI, when you throw around that romance stuff, it makes us look bad," Spencer said. "Ella got on my case last week because you surprised Sam with flowers for no good reason and apparently a whole week without setting anything on fire isn't a good enough token of my appreciation for her."
"You went a whole week without setting anything on fire?" Freddie asked.
"Okay, two days!"
"Alright, alright, fine," Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "I won't talk about how much I love my wife while we hang out."
"Thank you," Gibby said.
"Well, I'm bored just sitting around here watching T.V.," Spencer said. "You guys want to go get some food?"
"Sure, but I'm on this new diet where I don't eat any blue foods," Gibby said.
"Well…okay, I guess we won't go to a blueberry factory then," Freddie said.
"There's a blueberry factory?" Gibby gasped. "Okay, forget my diet, I'm in!"
"Dude…sarcasm," Spencer said, shaking his head.
"Have you guys been to that new pizza place that opened up by the bank?" Freddie asked. "It's amazing. I usually go with guys from work during my lunch break."
"Wait, you-you mean Bernie's Coal Fired Pizza?" Spencer frowned.
"The place with the little guy with a mustache painted on the window?" Gibby said.
"Uh-huh," Freddie nodded.
"Dude! You mean you're allowed to step foot in that place?" Spencer exclaimed. "I've been banned since the first day it opened!"
"Same!" Gibby nodded.
"What?" Freddie said, confused. "How could you guys have gotten banned from there already? It's only been open a month! What could you have possibly done to make the owner hate you so much that-"
"The owner didn't ban me," Spencer cut him off. "Ella did."
"Yeah, and it's Tasha won't let me in there," Gibby said. "You're telling me Sam doesn't have a problem with you going there?"
"Not as long as I bring her home a few slices," Freddie shrugged. "Why? How come your wives won't let you go in there?"
"Um, have you seen the waitress at that place?" Spencer asked.
"There's about a dozen waitresses working there," Freddie said.
"Come on, you know who we're talking about," Gibby grinned. "Yasamin. The super hot, flirty, waitress who comes around to ask if you want Parmesan cheese."
"Oh yeah, Yasamin," Freddie nodded. "She's great. She always sprinkles just the right amount of cheese onto my pizza, which is something that a lot of places just can't seem to get the hang of."
"Dude, tell me you don't think she's insanely attractive," Gibby said.
"Well, yeah, she-she's pretty, I guess," Freddie shrugged. "But it's not like I'd do anything. I have Sam, remember?"
"Well we wouldn't either!" Spencer said. "I love Ella!"
"Yeah, and no other woman could ever make my mom's famous chicken parm like Tasha does," Gibby said.
"But that doesn't matter to them," Spencer continued. "Just the idea of us being near someone like Yasamin makes them get all jealous and mad! Ella dragged me out of the place by my ear the first time she went with me and Yasamin accidently brushed up against my shoulder."
"Really?" Freddie chuckled. "Is that why your ear is all red?"
"No, that's from an incident with some hot curlers."
"What did Sam say when she saw Yasamin?" Gibby asked.
"Well she's never actually been to the restaurant," Freddie said. "Like I said, I usually just pick her up food from there and bring it home."
"Ohhhhh," Gibby and Spencer said simultaneously.
"What?"
"Well that's why Sam hasn't banned you yet," Spencer grinned. "She doesn't know about Yasamin! Trust me, the second she sees her for herself, she's gonna flip out and then you'll be back to eating pizza from that disgusting place by the dry cleaners that lets them turn the leftover crust into coat hangers."
"You think?" Freddie frowned.
"Definitely," Gibby nodded. "No girl is okay with their boyfriends or husbands going in there. You lucked out though! So you just can't let Sam ever go in there with you, or you'll never get that special garlic bread ever again."
"Their garlic bread is good," Freddie smiled.
"We wouldn't know!" Spencer snapped. "So stop bragging!"
"Well fine, how about this," Freddie smirked. "Since my wife hasn't banned me from there, I'll go pick us up food and bring it back here."
"No way!" Spencer said. "Ella sees even a box from that place in here she'll hide my special glitter paints! You know how boring it is to paint with non-sparkly paints?"
"Uh, very!" Gibby said.
"Fine," Freddie sighed. "We'll get something else. So where can we go that you two haven't been banned from?"
"Well…um, maybe El Guapo Taco?" Spencer suggested slowly.
"Nope, they won't let me in that place anymore," Gibby said. "They really enforce that 'no shirt, no service' policy."
…
"Hello, my beautiful wife," Freddie said happily a few days later as he walked into his and Sam's home after work. "Man…eight months into this marriage and I'm still amazed at how great that feels to say."
"Hey, my geeky husband," Sam smiled, greeting him at the door by throwing her arms around him and kissing him. "You're right…that does feel great to say."
"So how was work?" Freddie asked.
"Okay, I guess," Sam shrugged. "The coffee maker in our break room malfunctioned as was spewing everywhere, so that was kind of fun."
"Of course," Freddie chuckled. "So what do you want to do for dinner?"
"Actually, you know what I've really been craving?" Sam said. "Pizza."
"Cool, I can always go for pizza," Freddie said. "I'll go call up and order-"
"No, I was thinking we could go out for it," Sam said. "It could be fun; we could make a date night out of it. We'll get dinner, go see a movie, come back here and break in the new sheets you got from Pottery Barrel…"
"Well how could I say no to that?" Freddie grinned, leaning down to kiss her again. "Alright, let's do it. Want to go to Mario's?"
"No how about we go to that place you always talk about?" Sam suggested. "The one you go to at work sometimes; Bernie's."
"B-Bernie's?" Freddie repeated.
"Yeah, the stuff you bring me back is always so good," Sam nodded. "I figure I should experience the whole package myself. Come on, we can just go like this, right? It's not a fancy place."
"Well, I-It's really not that great," Freddie said quickly. "Honestly, Mario's is way better."
"I like it," Sam shrugged. "And you always rave and rave about their garlic bread and the way they actually cater to your weird obsession with getting the perfect amount of Parmesan cheese and red pepper flakes on your pizza."
"Well, I-I was exaggerating," Freddie said lamely.
"Besides, Mario's is closed," Sam told him. "A health inspector found a possum living in the kitchen. Come on, let's just go to Bernie's."
"But-But-Hey, you-you know what I just realized?" Freddie said. "You got to pick where we ate last week! I thought this was a marriage, Sam, as in an agreement to always consider what the other person wants to do; to compromise and-"
"Dude, don't pull that compromise garbage with me," Sam said. "I let your mom stay here last week. I don't need to compromise for a long time."
"Yeah but…"
"What's the problem? Why don't you want us go to Bernie's?" Sam asked suspiciously.
"Um…I-I do want us to go," Freddie said. "It's just…I-I-"
"Okay, well, while you sit here stuttering, I'm going to go get in the car," Sam said. "I'll give you two minutes, and then if you're not in there with me, I'll go without you."
And with that she turned on her heel and headed out of the house.
"Well," Freddie sighed once Sam was out of earshot. "Guess I'm about to be banned from Bernie's too."
…
"Mmm, this garlic bread is really good," Sam commented as her and Freddie sat at a small table in the back of the restaurant. "You were right, baby."
"Yeah…yeah it's real tasty," Freddie said, anxiously looking around.
Alright, maybe-maybe this will be okay, Freddie thought to himself. Maybe Yasamin isn't even working tonight! I don't see her…Okay, maybe I can get through this without being banned from my favorite pizza.
"Why are you so jumpy?" Sam frowned.
"I'm not jumpy!" Freddie said quickly. "I-I was just…You look so pretty tonight, Sam. Absolutely stunning."
"Well…I know," Sam smiled. "Hey, you weren't going to eat this last piece of bread, were you?"
"No, go for it," Freddie said.
"So Fredwad, I was thinking," Sam said, taking a bite of the garlic bread. "We really should do something with that extra bedroom at the house. I mean it's a whole room we just use for storage! We could really make it something cool. I was leaning towards an entertainment room with a giant T.V. and air hockey table. Of course when your mom was there last week she kept hinting we should turn it into a nursery. I told her we still want to wait a little bit before we start a family, but you know her. And then when I was talking to Carly about it today, she suggested we turn it into-Oh! Look! Our pizza's coming!"
"Oh really?" Freddie said, turning around to look in the direction was staring off at. "Good, because I-I'm-Oh…"
The waitress carrying the large tray containing the couple's pizza was none other than Yasamin, who was wearing a very short skirt and low-cut top and was smiling at Freddie in the distance as she approached.
Oh no, this is it, Freddie thought frantically as Yasamin neared. Sam's gonna throw a fit about me coming here. She's gonna think I only like coming here to stare at Yasamin! She's gonna throw some jealous rage and then I'll never get to taste this delectable heavenly pizza or mouthwatering garlic bread again. I'll have to start going to pizza places that give me ridiculous proportions of Parmesan cheese and red pepper flakes and-
"Alright, one large pizza with everything except veggies," Yasamin beamed as she set down the pizza in the center of the table.
"Oh man, this looks so perfect," Sam grinned as she grabbed a slice.
"Well, thanks!" Freddie said. "We'll just start digging in, so if you could just be on your way-"
"Oh Freddie, don't think I forgot about you," Yasamin chuckled, pulling out cheese and red pepper sprinklers. "I know how you love the way I season your pizza."
"Wow, baby you must be a real regular here," Sam said. "They know you by name here and everything."
"Oh yeah, Freddie comes in almost every day," Yasamin nodded at Sam as she placed a hand on Freddie's shoulder, causing him to almost jump out of his seat. "And you must be Freddie's…friend?"
Oh no, this is going to be bad, Freddie thought, bracing himself.
"Oh no, I'm his wife actually," Sam replied politely. "Sam."
"Yeah, my-my wife," Freddie nodded quickly. "Who I love very, very much."
"Oh, well you must be a very lucky woman," Yasamin said to Sam. "To be married to someone as handsome and cute at Freddie."
Lady, you're just digging your own grave now, Freddie thought. Please just don't let this be as bad as the sushi restaurant incident….
"Eh, he's a big nub, but yeah, I guess I lucked out," Sam said, giving Freddie a small smile across the table. "Hey, by the way, do you think we could get some more garlic bread?"
"Sure," Yasamin nodded as she finished seasoning the pizza. "Be back in a sec. I'll see you soon, Freddie."
She squeezed his shoulder again and started back towards the kitchen.
"Okay, Sam, I can explain," Freddie said at once. "You have to trust me, I'm here only for the pizza and that's-"
"I'm so proud of you, Fredwad," Sam said, cutting him off.
Freddie gave her a strange look. "Um…huh? For what?"
"For finally getting known at a restaurant!" Sam grinned. "I mean for years and years you find a place and you go to it once or twice every few months and you never even come close to reaching that 'regular customer' status! But now look at you! They know you by name, they understand you're weird seasoning obsession, they compliment you…I mean at Rib Shack they have my order ready for me when I walk through the door, and at Wings Galore I never have to ask for more barbecue sauce…isn't it great?"
"Um…I-I-guess," Freddie said, confused.
"And that waitress was so nice," Sam continued.
"Nice?" Freddie sputtered.
"Uh-huh," Sam smiled.
"So-So you like her?"
"Sure," Sam shrugged. "I mean she's no Louise from Burger Barn…she always gives me free lemonade and extra fries, but she's decent."
"So-So you don't have like a problem with her?" Freddie said.
"Why would I have a problem with her?" Sam laughed.
"Oh," Freddie said slowly. "Um…well then. Okay. Great. So, just-just so we're on the same page here, you're not banning me from ever coming here again?"
"Um, no?"
"Huh…alright then!" Freddie said, relieved that a potential crisis was avoided.
Wow, looks like I was all worried for nothing, Freddie thought to himself as he returned to his meal. Sam's totally cool with this! And you know what? Why shouldn't she be? We have an amazing relationship; one built on mutual trust and love. Spencer and Gibby should really take a few notes from me…
….
"Hello, fellas," Freddie said later that evening as he let himself into Spencer's house, where him and Gibby were sitting in front of the T.V.
"Fellas?" Gibby repeated. "What's a fella?"
"Guess where I just came back from?" Freddie asked happily.
"Um, somewhere that makes you act all weird?" Spencer frowned.
"Nope," Freddie grinned. "I just came back from a lovely evening with my wife. We got dinner, we saw a gory slasher flick, then we finished up the evening at home with-"
"Dude…" Spencer said warningly.
"Er, a-a board game," Freddie finished quickly.
"You better have," Spencer mumbled, cringing.
"But, guess where we ate?" Freddie continued. "Bernie's Coal Fired Pizza."
"Huh?" Gibby said. "You-You ate there with Sam?"
"Great," Spencer sighed. "So I'm guess you're banned too now and Yasamin's probably laying in the hospital missing her spleen or something."
"No," Freddie smirked. "I am not banned. Unlike your wives, Sam had no problem with Yasamin! In fact, she thought she was very nice."
"What?" Spencer exclaimed.
"No way!" Gibby said.
"It's true," Freddie said, sitting down with them. "Sam wasn't jealous at all. And I will tell you why. See, Sam and I are so in love and happy with each other that we don't need to worry-"
"Oh, of course!" Gibby said suddenly. "That makes sense!"
"What makes sense?" Freddie frowned.
"Oh yeah! Duh!" Spencer nodded. "Of course Sam wasn't jealous, she didn't have to be!"
"What-What do you mean she didn't have to be?" Freddie asked.
"Dude, she's the settler," Gibby said. "And she knows it."
"The-Huh?"
"Yeah, come on, you have to have heard about the reacher and the settler," Spencer said. "It's one of the laws of relationships! See, every couple has a reacher and a settler; it's how each couple keeps their dynamic."
"What's a reacher and a settler?" Freddie asked.
"Wow," Gibby chuckled, shaking his head. "He is so naïve."
"Can you just tell me?" Freddie snapped.
"Alright, alright," Gibby said. "See, the reacher is the person who is completely beneath the other on the dating totem pole. They really had to reach and reach to wind up with the person they're with. That's why they're called the reacher."
"Yeah, I made the connection," Freddie said, rolling his eyes.
"And the settler," Spencer said. "Is the person who, well, settled for the reacher. They could've done a lot better than the reacher, but they settled. And that's why they're called-"
"Alright!" Freddie said. "I get where the names came from. But I don't know what any of that has to do with me and Sam."
"I told you, Sam's the settler," Gibby said. "Which makes you the reacher."
"What?" Freddie scoffed. "No."
"Dude, it's true," Spencer nodded. "You can't tell me if you saw the two of you walking down the street, you wouldn't wonder, just for a second, what you were doing with her."
"I-Well-"
"And that's why Sam's not jealous about you and Yasamin," Gibby nodded. "She knows you'll never do better than her! You're the reacher!"
"That's just-okay, you guys clearly have too much time on your hands if you're sitting around thinking up those pathetic theories!" Freddie said.
"It's fact!" Spencer said.
"Sam did not settle for me," Freddie said. "She loves me!"
"Well yeah," Spencer nodded. "You can totally love the person you settle for! You just get the added satisfaction of knowing that there's no chance you'd ever need to be worried about them."
"Okay, so you're telling me Ella and Tasha freaked out about Yasamin because you settled for them?" Freddie said, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, clearly I'm the reacher," Spencer said. "Look at me! I'm practically a child! But see, in most relationships, nobody knows who the reacher is and who the settler is. They're there, but neither member of the couple knows for sure who is who. But in some rare cases, well, your case, the settler knows their role, and that's why they never get jealous. It's like we've been saying; they don't have to!"
"Okay, Sam didn't not get jealous because she thinks she doesn't have to," Freddie said firmly. "She didn't get jealous because our relationships is so solid and-and we both trust each other…I mean she doesn't think that-that she has nothing to worry about because she's completely out of my league. She-She just knows that I love her and-and she's mature enough to realize that-that-"
"You're not buying it, are you?" Gibby smirked triumphantly.
"I've got to go," Freddie mumbled, quickly getting to his feet.
…
"Sam," Freddie called as he entered their home. "Sam! Sam, where are you?"
"Um, hi?" Sam said, looking up from the couch.
"What are you doing?" Freddie asked, sitting down next to her.
"Just relaxing," Sam yawned. "I was about to go to bed. You know, somebody tired me out a little while ago."
"Yeah, okay, cool," Freddie said dismissively. "But…just-just a quick question first. Which one of us is the reacher and who's the settler?"
"The what and the what?" Sam frowned.
"You know, the reacher and settler," Freddie said. "Which one of us reached and reached for someone above us and which one of us, well, settled?"
"What?" Sam chuckled. "Aw baby, that's the stupidest thing I've ever hear. Neither one of us reached or settled. We're together because we both love each other. To think that one of us thinks they settled is just insane. We're both so lucky to be with each other."
"Oh what a load of garbage!" Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "What? Did you rehearse that to have that ready for me when I asked this? Now come on, tell me the real answer."
"That is my real answer," Sam said, standing up. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed."
"No, no, no, no," Freddie said, jumping up and following her. "You're not sleeping until you give me a straight answer!"
"Good night, Fredwash," Sam smiled.
"Oh, you don't think I'll stay up all night pestering you about this?" Freddie scoffed as they two went up to their bedroom. "Well newsflash, missy, I just drank two cups of coffee on my way here so I'm good to stay up as long as I need to!"
"Well…if you're gonna be up anyway, we could always go for round two," Sam suggested, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Oh nice try!" Freddie said, pulling away from her. "But this is the one time I'm not gonna let myself be lured in with that stunt!"
"Dude, seriously, can you drop this so I can sleep?" Sam sighed.
"You want to sleep, give me my answer," Freddie said simply, crossing his arms.
"But I-"
"I bet you'll have a real hard time trying to fall asleep while I sit here next to you reciting the dialogue from the Galaxy Wars movies."
Sam groaned. "Fine…you're really not going to shut up until I tell you?"
"Nope."
"And you're seriously prepared to bore me with nerd talk all night?"
"I can bore you with more than nerd talk," Freddie said. "I can tell you about all about our finances and bank accounts and the compound interest I just-"
"Okay!" Sam said quickly. "Okay…I guess…I guess if I had to say, I-I guess I'd say I'm the settler-"
"Ah-ha!" Freddie exclaimed. "I knew it! You think you settled for me! You think I married completely above me!"
"Well, baby, I mean…look at me," Sam chuckled. "I've aged quite well. And then there's you. Don't get me wrong, you're totally attractive! But, um-"
"Just not attractive enough to make you worried other woman trying to steal me away?" Freddie said.
"Ugh, is this going to be a thing?" Sam groaned.
"So you just think that I'm incapable of pulling in another woman's attention?" Freddie snapped. "Is that it?"
"Well, I –I wouldn't phrase it exactly like that," Sam said slowly. "But…"
"Well-Well I do get attention!" Freddie said. "I do!"
"Of course you do," Sam said, patronizingly.
"I do!" Freddie said.
"Okay," Sam said, getting into bed. "I'm sure you're still a real hit with the ladies. Now will you stop the blubbering so I can sleep?"
"No!" Freddie said. "This isn't over!"
"Oh I'm sure," Sam sighed. "I'm sure you'll be bugging me about this for quite some time."
"I mean did you not see Yasamin flirting with me at the restaurant tonight?" Freddie said.
"I saw her bring me three baskets of garlic bread to stick in my purse," Sam shrugged.
"She called me cute!"
"So does your mom, but you don't see me freaking out about that," Sam pointed out.
"But it wasn't a motherly type of cute!" Freddie exclaimed. "She thought I was actually attractive!"
"Whatever you say," Sam chuckled.
"And-And you should see how she is when you're not there!" Freddie continued. "Yeah,
tonight was nothing compared to all that. The other day she told me my tie made my neck look extra muscly!"
"Sure."
"And-And before that she accidently-on-purpose spilled Parmesan cheese on my lap and tried to brush it off! My lap! Now luckily I was able to put a stop to that, but tell me that doesn't scream flirting! See? Other woman notice me! Which means I'm not the reacher here!"
"For the love of ham, I just want to sleep!" Sam moaned. "Alright, fine! I'm totally jealous. You happy?"
"No! That's pity jealousy!"
"Okay, that's it! Where are those earplugs I got for when you and Gibby found that karaoke machine?" Sam said, opening up the drawer of her bedside table.
"Sam! Don't block me out!"
"I'm not," Sam yawned, sticking the earplugs into her ears. "I'm just choosing not to listen to you anymore. Night, baby."
…..
The next day Freddie sighed as he entered Bernie's during his lunch break as he normally did.
"I can't believe Sam thinks she's the settler…." Freddie mumbled as he sat down at his usual booth. That no other woman notices me…that she doesn't have to be even a tiny bit worried about them flirting with me! I freak out when other guys try to flirt with her; why can't she have the decency to do the same for me?"
"Freddie, hi!" Yasamin said as she approached his table. "Nice shirt; is it new? It looks really good on you…really good."
She put her hand on his shoulder and smiled down at him.
"Um, listen, Yasamin, you-look," Freddie sighed. "You're a very nice girl, and a great waitress, but I've told you before, I really don't think this is appropriate. I've told you since day one when you tried to massage my neck that I'm married, and you saw my wife last night. Now she may not believe I'm attractive enough to get attention from other women, but still, I'd really like it if-"
"Listen…you're right," Yasamin sighed. "I'm sorry about all the flirting I've been doing with you. See, when I took this job a few weeks ago, I-I was really mad at my boyfriend. So I decided I'd just flirt with my customers here to try and get back at him. But-But I've been thinking and watching Oprah lately and-and this is just not the way to handle my anger towards him. And I feel just terrible…who knows how many relationships I hurt."
"Well…okay, you-you don't need to be too hard on yourself," Freddie said. "I mean at least now you've realized that you-Wait…so-so you admit you were flirting with me and hitting on me?"
"Um, yeah," Yasamin nodded. "Oh…Oh did I upset your wife last night? I'm so sorry, Freddie. Maybe-Do you think if I explain to her that it didn't mean anything and I was just trying to get back at my boyfriend that'd she be-"
"Yes!" Freddie exclaimed, jumping up from his seat. "You should tell her that! Tell her all about your flirting and hitting on me! Emphasize it! Exaggerate it, if you have to!"
"Um, okay, I guess if you have her come by tonight I can-"
"Tonight? Pfft, we're not waiting for tonight!" Freddie scoffed. "Come on! We're gonna start my victory now!"
…..
"-I'm telling you, I'm going to kill Gibby and Spencer for telling Freddie about the whole reacher-settler thing," Sam said to Carly as the two girls sat in their shared office, working on their computers. "I was trying to avoid him ever finding out because I knew he'd act all crazy once he discovered I'm the settler."
"How crazy are we talking?" Carly asked.
"He woke me up at four in the morning with a slideshow he made," Sam said, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh…so pretty crazy then," Carly said.
"Yeah, but whatever," Sam said. "Hopefully it's just a phase. Hopefully he'll drop this soon and-"
"Sam!" Freddie said suddenly, bursting in through the door with Yasamin.
"Freddie?" Sam frowned. "What-What are you doing here? Is that the waitress from last night?"
"Yes," Freddie said smugly. "Yes, this is Yasamin. The woman who you couldn't believe would be flirting with me or find me attractive.
Sam sighed as she turned to Carly. "See what I'm dealing with?"
"Well maybe you didn't believe me when I told you," Freddie said, turning to Yasamin. "But let's see how you feel hearing it from another source. Yasamin? Is there something you'd like to tell Sam?"
"Huh?" Sam frowned. "Dude! I can't believe you dragged this poor woman in here just to try and prove some stupid point and-"
"Um, actually, what-what Freddie said was true," Yasamin spoke up. "I have been flirting with him when he comes into the restaurant."
"You have?" Sam said, her eyes widening.
"Yeah, I-I would compliment him and brush up against him and-and well, you know, pull the basic flirting maneuvers," Yasamin nodded.
"I-Oh," Sam said, clearly taken aback.
"Yeah, but-but I feel so bad about it now," Yasamin said.
"I'm sure you do," Sam smiled sweetly.
"It really meant nothing," Yasamin continued.
"Okay," Sam nodded, still smiling.
"See? Sam, I told you that I have other women noticing me," Freddie said. "I'm not some pathetic reacher. And now that this whole thing is settled, I think we should just accept I was right and then move on from all this-"
But then, out of the blue, Sam swung her fist right into Yasamin's jaw.
"Whoa! Sam!" Freddie exclaimed. "What are you-"
"You hit on my husband?" Sam yelled at Yasamin, taking another swing at her. "My husband? He's mine, you skunkbag! Only I get to hit on him!"
"Sam!" Carly said, jumping up from her desk. "Don't-"
"You ever, ever get within one hundred feet from him, I will destroy you!" Sam yelled. "You understand you tight-skirted little wazzbag!"
"I understand! I understand!" Yasamin nodded, scrambling to her feet.
"Now get out of here!" Sam barked, taking another step towards her.
Yasamin quickly turned and bolted from the office.
"Freddie, what did you do?" Carly moaned. "There's a reason why you were the reacher and she was the settler in your relationship! A jealous you isn't dangerous! You just unleashed a monster!"
"Yeah, I-I didn't think this through, clearly," Freddie sighed, taking a step back as Sam turned to him.
"And you…" Sam said, glaring at him. "If I catch you anywhere near that restaurant again, you'll be waking up on a raft in the middle of the pacific ocean!"
"O-Okay!" Freddie nodded at once. "I'll never step foot there again! Ever!"
"Good," Sam said, straightening her shirt. "Now, if I were you, I'd start finding me a new place that makes garlic bread as good at Bernie's. I'd like some waiting for me when I come home."
"On it!" Freddie said obediently, turning and hurrying out the door.
Stupid Gibby and Spencer, he thought to himself. This is the last time I ever listen to them!
