Things didn't go my way. After four days Lina and I are still in the same spot as we were a few days ago when we got into a fight. I've tried to get her to talk to me but she's been quiet. And she's been avoiding everyone. Everyone except the kids and me on occasion. But mostly she only talks to me when I ask her something. She's been different. I don't want to ask her what's wrong because she just doesn't want to talk to me. I'm starting to think I should just cave into what she wants even though I have no idea what it is. Mom noticed it too and she told me she asked Lina's doctor to ask her about it so that if it's something serious we can help her.
She has her appointment today and I'm not sure I'm still invited. I figured she might be mad but I want to make sure they are both okay.
I get to our house an hour early so I wouldn't miss her. She's still here because all of our cars are here. I walk in and she is playing some music. The house is spotless as usual besides the dishes in the sink. I go to our bedroom and find Evan surrounded by pillows on the bed. He's dressed in a full baby suit with small gloves. Lina says he has to wear them because his nails are too long. She asked me to cut them because she was too scared a few days ago but I forgot. I would do it now but he's asleep. Later today I'll do it. I walk into the bathroom and in the closet and change my clothes. The shower turns off. I change into some jeans and a t shirt in black because I know she likes when I wear that color. I put on some clean shoes and get out a jacket.
Before I know it Lina walks naked in the closet. She sees me and let's out a scream. "What are you doing in here? Get out!" She grabs a robe placing it over her body.
"I was getting dressed. I'm sorry I scared you." I put my hands up in surrender and take a step toward her. She steps back holding the robe tighter.
"I said get out!" She screams again. Evan starts whimpering. He must have woken from her screams. "See what you made me do. Damn it Elliot." She gets her robe on before I have a chance to take a peek and walks to the crying baby. "Shh it's okay baby. I'm sorry." She starts rocking him and his cries quiet down.
"Why don't I take him while you finish changing?" I say waking towards them.
"I can take care of my own son." She snaps at me. Fuck I was just trying to help. She looks at the clock. She goes to where his bag is to get him his bottle. She takes a seat on the small couch in our room and starts to feed him.
"Lina I can do that. I just want to help." I say cautiously. She looks down at the baby sucking peacefully then at me. She hands me the baby and watches me for a few seconds before going to change.
Ever since our argument I haven't really been with Evan. He still cries a lot so Lina takes care of him.
"Elliot where's Lina?" My mom asks. We are having our usual Sunday lunch and Lina has been missing since we got here.
"I don't know. She has Evan. She's probably in my old room he's been tired lately. He doesn't sleep well so Lina is up most of the night trying to get him to sleep." Lina has recently thought that he shouldn't get accustomed to being held all the time. So now she only does it when he's eating or he really can't fall asleep.
"What are you doing?"
"Right now I am talking to my beautiful mother." I say pulling her in my arms. I know that's not what she's asking.
"Elliot she's exhausted. I hope you're not just sitting around letting her go insane. He's your son too."
"I know but she's upset so shes been avoiding me lately. And when I try to tell her to give him to me she refuses. I know she's tired. I know she hasn't slept in over a week but I can't help her because she won't fucking let me." I take a deep breath. "Sorry I don't mean to yell at you. It's just frustrating when you pin this on me. I'm trying to help but I can't because she won't let me." I say before I hug her again. She asks me to join her outside where we can talk comfortably.
"What happened? Why is she upset?" My mom already knew that they called Lina in to do a run through of her office because I called my dad.
"Well I told her that it was irresponsible for her to take Evan there. She tried to justify it saying it was safe and she didn't know but that doesn't mean I want him in that situation. As soon as she saw the police she should have drove away or called me. Both really. I said that she's an idiot for thinking that it's okay! For not caring about his safety. And it's not just that but lately she's been so emotional and I know woman have that baby blues shit after birth but it's like all she fucking does is yell and cry. I don't understand her." I say running my fingers through my hair. I tell her about the shopping incident and how Lina isolated herself for hours.
"Oh Elliot. Things have changed so much for her. It's what new mothers go through. They feel insecure and unloved. She probably feels the same way. And you sure aren't help by tell her those things you said."
"Why would she feel that way though. I haven't done anything that makes her feel like I don't love her."
"It's not necessarily that you do something. Maybe you aren't doing something." What the hell does that mean. "You should show her. I've seen new moms who often feel like their partners don't want them or don't love them. It's not that he does something to signify that but maybe they just need to work on their relationship. They date each other." She says winking at me.
"Date each other? We're engaged why the fuck do we need to date?" This is stupid.
"Because it takes you back to times when it was just you two."
"It's never been just us to mom. We didn't even date really we went from friends to moving in basically."
"Well you should date now. Just take her out to dinner or the movies. Spend time with her. She needs reassurance that you love her Elliot."
"I can't because she won't talk to me."
"What did you say?" She asks looking at me.
"All I said was that she was being irresponsible and she should care more about his safety." She smiles at me and takes my hands.
"She what?"
"I already told you. I just told you she was... Being..." Shit. I guess I did say that. No wonder she's upset.
"You hurt her feelings dear. She doesn't need that. She needs you to be supportive and affectionate. Don't pressure her into being intimate but show her you care."
She was right. She usually is. Now what do I do? I was going to get her some flowers but I always do that when she's mad. She always forgives me but I want more than forgiveness. I want her to be her old self. Not that I don't love her now, but I think she's sad all the time. Sometimes I eavesdrop on her when she's with Evan and Isabelle and she's happy with them. I want to have her be happy with me again. I miss her. I miss my wife.
She still hasn't come out of the bathroom. I'm tempted to knock but she'll just become more and more upset and I don't need that for her. Ten minutes later I knock. "Lina. Are you okay? I don't want to rush you but you still have the check up soon." She doesn't respond. "Lina can you just make some sort of noise so I know you're okay in there." I hear the door knob rattle and she opens the door. To my surprise she's crying.
"Why are you here?" She asks quietly.
"I thought you had a doctor's appointment today." I tell her.
"I do." She starts playing with her ring.
"Am I not allowed to go anymore?"
"You still can, I guess. We have to leave soon." I nod my head. I offer to carry Evan but she declines. Instead I help carry his diaper bag. Fuck this is huge. Why the fuck does he need all this shit. I can fit two Evans in his bag, maybe three.
I clear my throat when we stop at a light. "So my mom wants to have the kids over on Friday." She didn't really say that but I know she wouldn't mind.
"Oh she didn't tell me anything. She called today." She looks out the window.
"Well yeah. Is that okay that they spend the night with her?" I look at her but she seems so unemotional.
"If she wants." She looks at me briefly before turning away.
"Well if she's going to have them I thought you and I could go out. You know like have a date night."
"If that's what you want." She shrugs.
"I like that shirt on you. Is it new?" She really does look nice.
"You bought it for me a few months ago." I'm an idiot. I should pay attention to her more.
"What happened with the detective the other day?" I ask trying to make conversation.
"Um they did a whole list of paper and client names that they found. I have to go over it and compare it to my backup files to see if anything is missing." I nod my head.
"Do the know who it was?" She rolls her eyes at me.
"Obviously not. They have a possible witness but he may be useless. Anyways they are doing a sketch of the suspect. Well they already did and they are suppose to email it to me either today or tomorrow."
"Good because that way we can ..." Do what there's nothing I can fucking do unless I'm with her all the time and she won't even allow that. "Well maybe we can help somehow."
After parking I beat her to get Evan so she'll at least not be so tired. I keep him in his car seat since he's already asleep. She signs in and we wait quietly. They call us in a few minutes later.
"Mr. And Mrs. Grey how's everything going?" The doctor says as soon as she walks in.
"We're okay." Lina says sadly. They check on Evan first. Luckily he's fine. He's progressing normally and he has to have some shots in a few weeks so we just go over that.
"Now, how is mom adjusting?" Not well I think to my self.
"I'm doing okay. He isn't a very good sleeper so I'm tired a lot." She says while they take her pressure.
"That's normal. Usually around the second month that's when babies cry the most so it may calm down in a bit." Good. "Now there is something we have to talk about. It's not mandatory but I like to do it. I like to talk to the moms about how they're feeling because there is a lot of postpartum depression. Do you mind?" She shakes her head. "Will dad be staying or ..."
"He can stay." Thank fuck.
"Okay it's nothing medical just to see how you are." She writes down somethings on her paper. "How have you been feeling? Okay and fine are not feelings." She says smiling.
"Um I guess tired most of the time." She looks down.
"Most of the time? Well when you're not tired what are you doing?" She smiles slightly.
"Playing with my kids. They make me... Happy." The doctor smiles at her. And writes it down.
"What about with your husband. Are you happy when you're with him?"
"Um... Yeah. He's works a lot so..." No, what she wanted to say was no. A month ago she would have said yes but now she's hesitating and saying no.
"Does it bother you that he works a lot?" She asks looking at me.
"No. I like that he works a lot. I mean I don't like that he's gone a lot but he likes his job and it makes him happy. That's all I want for him."
"What about with the kids, how is he with them?"
"He's great. He's an amazing father and husband, he is."
"So what's wrong? Because from how you're talking and your body language I think there is something wrong and he can tell too." She says pointing at me. I guess I wasn't keeping a straight face.
"We got into an argument and I was hurt by what he said. That's all. Usually we are fine it's just been these last couple of days."
"Lina," I say but the doctor puts her hand up to silence me.
"What did he say to you?" She asks. Fuck now she's going to think I am abusing her or something.
"He said I was being an irresponsible mother. That I didn't care about Evan's safety." I'm an ass.
"Elliot is that what you said?" I can't lie to her.
"Yes but I was mad. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. Lina." What the fuck can I say?
"Do you feel like Lina is an unfit mother?" The doctor asks me.
"No she's amazing I was upset and tired. It was a long day." Now would be a good time to start begging but it won't matter.
"You're not the only one who's tired Elliot. Just because I'm home all day doesn't mean I'm sleeping all day." She says looking at me for the first time.
"I know that. I never said that." I tell her.
"But you are still moving around. Have you had trouble getting up in the morning, discouraged?" She asks looking intently at Lina.
"I mean I want to sleep more but I know that I can't. I really don't think I'm depressed. I'm sure everyone says that but I'm fine. I mean I'm frustrated with myself and I do take it out on Elliot because I've been at home so long I have no one else to take it out on. But he really was being... A jerk the other day." She says looking up at the doctor.
"What time do you usually wake up?" She asks writing some notes down.
"I wake up at three to make Elliot breakfast and Evan eats at around four. So I'm awake for about two hours. Then I wake up again at seven to get Isabelle ready for school. Evan eats around nine so I'm awake at seven. I usually do some house work or run some errands. I feed the baby. I take a nap around three maybe two o'clock for an hour. I make dinner, pick Isabelle up and help her with her homework. When Elliot's home we eat dinner as a family, I feed Evan, and I stay up until about ten or eleven. I wait for Evan to eat before going to bed. Some times I exercise before bed. And he wakes up around two for a diaper change or just likes being held. He doesn't sleep through the night. Sorry that wasn't what you're asking." She looks embarrassed. She really has her shit together. I didn't know that crap.
"So you're basically getting five or six hours of sleep? You should sleep eight. Especially because you're breast-feeding. Dad I'm going to need you to watch her." I nod my head. "What about time for yourself. What do you do for yourself?"
"Oh I just exercise. I don't need too much time. There are more important thing." She says quietly.
"Many times postpartum happens months after birth. The best thing is prevention. I'm going to ask you to take maybe some time to yourself. Maybe you can go out with some friends or just get out of your house. Can you do that?"
"She can." I say without thinking. Well she can, I'll make sure of it.
"Good. From what I can tell, obviously this isn't my area of study but if you continue to neglect yourself you'll end up with severe symptoms of postpartum and that could be dangerous. Not just for you but for your baby, your husband and your daughter. I've seen families fall apart and I wouldn't like for you to be another." The entire time I've been sitting in a chair in the corner and now I'm wishing that I was closer to her. "Well now that we've done that, I'm going to take a look at your sutures to see if you've healed. So I'll leave this gown so you can change. I'll be back in a few minutes." She says walking out. Lina looks at me biting her lip.
"Do you mind?" I would argue about how I've probably seem her body naked just as much as she has but I'm not going to argue. I take Evan and stand outside. I see the doctor go in but I rather just wait.
"Mom what are you doing friday?" I ask once she answers.
"Hello Elliot. No I'm fine thank you for asking." She says sarcastically.
"Sorry. Hi mother how are you?" I'm sure she'll just hang up on me if I don't greet her properly.
"I'm doing well thank you for asking. What did you need Elliot?" She laughs.
"Well if you're not busy can you watch the kids on Friday for a few hours. Please mom. Lina is starting to hate me and I need you." I hear her laugh on the other end.
"Sure. Why don't you just leave them over night. I'm sure Lina could use a break from everything. Should I pick them up at five?"
"Yeah. Oh and if Lina asks I didn't ask you to, you offered. Thanks mom I have to go." I hang up before she can yell at me. Perfect timing because Lina walks out. "How'd it go?" I ask her.
"I'm fine. I'm all healed up." She says awkwardly. I nod my head.
"Good. Do you want to get some lunch with me?" Obviously with me. Fuck I haven't felt this uncomfortable with a girl since high school. It's like I'm talking to a stranger.
"Sure. If you have time."
"I always have time for you." I see her smile slightly. She walks I front of me and I notice that she's walking a lot slower that usual. Her head is down. She never used to walk like this. I know from watching her sisters that their mom was very strict about their posture. Even when I first met her she didn't walk like that. Is this what I'm doing to her? I'm making her depressed. If something happens to her it would me my fault. Why the fuck did I listen to Scott, there's a fucking reason he isn't married. Besides the fact that he can't commit, he's always been a dick to his girlfriends. He's constantly trying to control them. Fuck he's just like Christian, no wonder they get along. I can't be treating Lina like that. She's not the kind of person to just cave into someone's demands, she's more likely to stop talking to them or fight back. The fact that she's not fighting me now shows how tired she is emotionally, of me. Sure he's right in the sense that I shouldn't cave either but I have to be nicer to her or she'll just hate me, kind of like she does now. She shouldn't be like this because of me.
"Elliot?" She says waving a hand in my face. How did we get to the car so fast.
"Yes?"
"Where are we going?"
"Wherever you want."
"I don't really have anything in mind. So what ever you want." She puts Evans bag in the back while I strap him in. I finish just in time to open her door for her. I haven't done that in a while. It's not that I don't want to it's because usually she gets in the car while I fix his seat.
We ended up at a Mexican restaurant. Once our food came she ate a few bites then pushed her plate away.
"Did you not like it?"
"No it was good I'm just not hungry." This better not be part of her diet. Lately she's been eating a little so she can lose weight. Not that she needs to.
"You should eat. I don't want you hungry later." She chuckled.
"Ok Christian." She takes another bite and I roll my eyes at her despite the seriousness. "I ate before you got home. So I wasn't hungry to begin with." She says rocking the carrier in the seat next to her.
"Then why did you agree to come?"
"Because I know you would be hungry and taking me home, then getting some food would take up some of your time." Why is she acting like this? It's like she thinks I'm only with her because I have to. "And I know you made the effort to get out of work for us. So I should make an effort to be with you. To not ignore you so much." She moves her food around.
"If you didn't want to come Lina, you should have just said something." I say more harshly than I intended to.
"We've been fighting too much. I mean it's only been a few days but I'm exhausted from it. I just want to get over this and move on. I mean we have to right?"
"We will. We're just being stubborn both of us. I was an ass and you... I was an ass." Was I really just going to insult her again.
"Maybe we can talk more tonight. I don't want to do this here. We can talk in private later." Shit.
"Well I have to stay late today. I took a three hour lunch and I have some deadlines I can't miss. With the three weeks I took off I left some idiot in charge and he fucked up."
"Ok well tomorrow or sometime this week."
"Of course. Are you ready to go?" She nods and stands up. Once we get to the house the tension is not as bad as when we were leaving to the doctors. It still is awkward but at least she's talking to me. I help get Evan inside and she walks to the car with me as I leave. "I'll see you tonight Lina."
"I'll wait up for you." She says to me.
"I won't be that late probably till six or seven. I have a lot of work to do and if I bring it home Isabelle distracts me." She smiles.
"I know. It's okay. Just be safe."
"Always." I'm at loss to whether I should kiss her. Without thinking I hug her and let go and get in the car. It isn't until I'm halfway back to the construction site that I think about how pathetic that was. Did I really just hug her. A one arm hug. What kind of shit is that. God it's like fucking elementary school when you have a crush on some one. Next thing you know I'll be pulling her hair and calling her names.
Thanks for reading and reviewing.
