Undesirable

"Have I told you how happy I am that you and Carly are living in this apartment rather than a dorm this year?" Freddie smiled as wrapped his arms around Sam, who was curled up on his lap.

"Have I told you how happy I am that you're spending your spring break with us here?" Sam grinned, leaning over to kiss him.

"I know," Freddie said. "I'm excited about it too. Just think, we have a whole week where we can go out and do whatever we want together."

"You've been here for three days now and we've barely left the apartment," Sam pointed out.

"Er…yeah, okay," Freddie agreed. "But I've enjoyed myself very much right here."

"Yeah, so have I," Sam said, lacing her hands around his neck as she kissed him again.

"Hey, Carly had that date tonight, right?" Freddie said softly.

"Uh-huh," Sam nodded. "Which means she's probably not gonna be back for at least another couple hours."

"So that means we have an empty apartment all to ourselves," Freddie said. "Whatever should we do with it?"

"I dunno," Sam said playfully. "Maybe we can have better luck coming up with some ideas in my room."

"Maybe," Freddie beamed.

But just as the couple was about to get to their feet, the front door of the apartment slammed open and Carly stormed in.

"Okay, am I just some undesirable monster?" she snapped. "Is that why I can't find any decent guy? Is it?"

"Um…so did the date not go well?" Freddie asked lamely.

"Oh no, Freddie, it went fantastic!" Carly said fiercely. "Yeah, in fact, I'm still on it right now. We're having a grand old time!"

"So no?" Freddie frowned.

"Why is your boyfriend an idiot?" she asked Sam.

"Hey!" Freddie said indignantly.

"What happened, kid?" Sam asked, patting Freddie's shoulder.

"Jack, the guy I had the date with, bailed halfway through," Carly sighed. "He claimed his grandma was sick, but I saw him texting his friend a few minutes before saying to call him and get him out of there."

"What a jerk," Sam said, shaking her head.

"And I tried so hard to make sure everything was perfect," Carly mumbled sadly, sitting down. "It was supposed to be such a great night. We were going to go see a lecture about sea life and then we were going to go to the aquarium to see some sea urchin exhibit."
"Since when are you into the ocean?" Freddie asked. "I thought you just liked going to the beach to get a tan. I had no idea you were into sea life and stuff."

"I'm not," Carly cringed. "That stuff's actually real boring. But Jack loves it and, well, he's super cute so I told him I liked it too."
Sam and Freddie exchanged glances.

"Guess he saw through me, though," Carly said. "Maybe it was me accidently calling an octopus a squid…"

"Okay," Sam frowned. "So…you told this guy you were some huge ocean fanatic, made a date completely centered on that, and-and you're surprised it didn't work out?"

"Huh?" Carly said, confused.

"Why did you have to make Jack think you were into exactly the same stuff he was into?" Freddie asked.

"Um, because that's how people bond on dates," Carly said, rolling her eyes. "They talk about what they have in common."

"But you didn't have anything in common with him!" Sam pointed out. "You just wanted to date him because he was cute!"
"That's a valid reason!" Carly defended. "Besides, I was gonna tell him eventually. But come on, what was I supposed to talk to him about if not ocean stuff? How is a date supposed to go well if you and the other person aren't into the same things?"

"Uh, hi," Sam smirked. "Freddie and I are into completely different things but we still manage to have pretty successful dates."

"Yeah but…that's different," Carly said. She kicked her feet up on the coffee table. "I just don't know what to do. I mean it's like I find a cute date, I try to find stuff that they like, and then everything just…ends. I don't know what I'm doing wrong!"

Sam looked over at Freddie and gave him a small smile.

"Alright, Carls," Sam said. "Tonight's the night. Freddie and I are going to spend tonight giving you some top notch dating advice."

"What?" Carly said. "Dating advice? You guys?"

"Hey!" Sam snapped. "The nub and I have been together for four years! You haven't been in a relationship that has lasted four months."

"That's-Okay," Carly conceded. "That's fair. Alright, so…give me your advice. What has been the secret to your relationship?"

"Well," Freddie began. "For starters…neither of us would ever pretend to be into something that we're not."
"Oh yeah," Sam nodded. "I'd never pretend to gush over his Galaxy Wars stuff."

"And I'd never act like I was as obsessed with professional fighting as she is," Freddie said.

"But-But you've taken Sam to MMA fights and wrestling matches before," Carly pointed out. "And Sam, you went with Freddie last summer to the premiere of the new Galaxy Wars movie!"

"Well yeah, we can do stuff that the other likes together," Sam said. "I mean that is part of being a couple. But when Freddie takes me to a fight, I know he's doing it because he cares about me; not because he's trying to be something he's not."

"Exactly," Freddie said.

"So…So you're fine knowing that when you're watching some sci-fi movie with Sam, she's on the verge of falling asleep?" Carly asked. "It doesn't make you feel, I dunno, weird?"

"Nope," Freddie smiled, putting his arm around his girlfriend. "In fact, it makes me appreciate the experience more. Because I know it takes a lot for her to agree to watch the movie in the first place."

"I wouldn't endure three hours of boring space chiz for just anybody," Sam chuckled.

"So…So I shouldn't just automatically say I'm into the same stuff as every guy I date?" Carly said slowly.

"Right," Sam nodded. "No guy worth dating in the first place is gonna dump you because you're not as into the ocean or whatever as he is."

"But-But come on," Carly said. "You need to have something in common with a person to have a relationship with them."

"Sam and I do have stuff in common," Freddie said. "Tons of stuff, actually. But see, we didn't force that. We discovered stuff we both liked on our own. I mean it was a complete accident that we found out we're both good at pool. Now we play all the time when we're together."
"Yeah, and it was two years into this thing that we realized that we're both huge fans of cheesy dog movies," Sam added. "Look, Carly, discovering stuff like that it's…it's half the fun of being in a relationship! You can't just go into it already mapping out all of the similarities that you have. It ruins the spontaneity and excitement!"

"Yeah, maybe if you would've just talked with this Jack guy on your date instead of already trying to set up all these connections that didn't really exist, you would've found out you two had real stuff in common," Freddie said.

Carly sighed. "I guess…wow, that-that does make sense. I mean…it would be nice to find a guy who I didn't have to fake interests for. I-I'd kind of like to finally go out on a date and have someone to talk about stuff we both actually like."

"I'm telling you, it's pretty great," Sam told her as she smiled up at Freddie. "You find someone and-and you can just talk to them for hours and-and you don't get even the slightest bit bored."

"Yeah…it's crazy," Freddie said softly. "You suddenly glance at the clock and realize it's three in the morning, and you've got to be up in four hours, but…you-you don't even care. Not one bit."

"I-I've never really had that with any guy I've dated," Carly said. "I mean, I-I've never really looked for that either. I see a cute guy and I don't stop to think about whether we can find stuff to talk about for hours like that. I usually think something along the lines of, Wow…that guy is so hot I could make scrambled eggs on him."

Sam and Freddie exchanged another quick glance.

"What?" Carly frowned.

"Er, that-that's sort of another, um, issue," Sam said.

"What is?"

"Um, well…I-I mean this in like, the least offensive way possible," Sam began. "But, um, the way you kind of, um, fixate on guys attractiveness only is kind of, well-"

"Are you saying I'm shallow?" Carly said, offended.

"No!" Sam said quickly. "No, you're not shallow, Carls. But-But you've got to admit that when you're scaling up a guy, the thing that weighs the most for you is whether or not they're good looking."

"Well is it a crime to want to date someone attractive?" Carly snapped.

"No, of course not," Sam said. "I mean hey, I'm a fan of super hot guys. Why do you think I went to that movie about the dancing cowboys? For the plot line? No! I went to go see Dylan Radley take his shirt off!"

"Thanks, baby," Freddie smirked, rolling his eyes.

"But, well, as-as cliché as it sounds," Sam continued, ignoring his comment. "Looks aren't the whole package. You know how many guys that are perfect for you that you could be passing up because they don't have super sexy abs? Like that Jeremiah kid from our sociology class freshman year! He was totally into you! But you said you wanted to just be friends with him even though he had a lot of real stuff in common with you. His dad was in the air force, he liked the same bands as you, he loved fifties comedies….but you were so busy flirting with the cute guy in front of him and trying to convince him that you were just as into body building as he was that-that you missed an opportunity to be with a guy that you could've really had something with."

Carly looked down at her feet. "I remember that Jeremiah…he-he was really sweet. And that other guy wound up being a total jerk. Plus all those training sessions I did with him made me too sore to walk up stairs for a week."

"That was actually kind of funny," Sam chuckled. "I remember I found you trying to crawl up a flight of stairs."

"I guess…I guess I-I'm not the dating expert I always thought I was," Carly mumbled. "I suck at it."

"Hey, you don't suck," Freddie said. "Like you're really the first person to pretend to like something she hates to make someone else like her. That's the plotline of nearly every afterschool special out there! And so you've focused a little bit too much on looks…everybody has done that!"

"Yeah," Sam nodded. "It's not like you're some big failure."

"I'm not?" Carly said slowly.

"Pfft, no way!" Sam said. "Look, just-just from now on don't try to make yourself anything other than you're not. Don't pretend to be super into bug hunting or ice skating or baseball. Just be Carly."

"Okay, now that was cliché," Freddie scoffed.

"And don't worry so much about how attractive a guy is," Sam continued. "A cute guy could wind up being a total loser, and some dorky looking guy could wind up being the perfect dude for you. I mean look at Freddie!"

"Hey!" Freddie defended.

"Well you said my line was cliché," Sam retorted.

"It was!"

"So I should try to find an unattractive guy then?" Carly said.

"Well, you-you might wind up finding someone really good looking who's also easy for you to be around and that you have a lot in common with," Freddie said. "I mean look at me. I found a girl who's the whole package."

"Aw," Sam smiled, leaning up to give him a quick kiss. "See? Where else would I find these insanely cheesy lines. But anyway, Carls, you don't have to out and look for some hideous guy now. Just-Just find someone who you-who you like spending time with and who you don't have to worry about putting up an act for."

"Well…" Carly said slowly. "There-There is this guy at the gym who always talks with me by the water fountain. He's super funny and nice. I-I guess I haven't really given him much thought because I've always been busy trying to get the cute towel boy to notice me. Maybe…Maybe I should see if he'd want to grab a cup of coffee sometime."

"There you go!" Freddie grinned.

"Yeah, I-I think I'll do that," Carly said, a small smile creeping onto her face. "Hey, thanks for all the advice, you guys. I guess you two really know what you're doing."

"I guess we do," Sam said, squeezing Freddie's hand.

"Listen, I think I'm gonna go soak in the tub and let this all sink in," Carly said. "I'll see you guys tomorrow. Good night."

"Night," the couple said.

Once Carly had retreated into her room, Freddie turned to Sam. "Look at us…we're spreading our dating wisdom to the world."

"Feels good," Sam chuckled. "Think we've really mastered this whole dating thing? I mean, now that we're giving out advice and chiz."

"I dunno," Freddie said thoughtfully. "It's not like we're perfect at it. No couple is. We definitely still run into some bumps. But you know what? I-I think that's normal."

"You do?"

"Yeah," Freddie nodded. "No couple is ever going to become so good at all of this that they're gonna be able to go through life with no fights or problems. But I think we do a pretty good job of handling those things when they come up, don't you?"

"Well….yeah, actually, we-we do," Sam said. She wrapped her arms around Freddie. "I really hope Carly finds a guy that makes her as happy as you make me."

"Aw, baby," Freddie whispered, pulling her into his embrace. "You are just full of clichés tonight. Have I rubbed off too much on you?"

"That's it!" Sam snapped, thumping the back of his head. "Anything we were about to do before Carly came home is officially off."

"Huh? No! I-I'm sorry!" Freddie said quickly. "Really! You-You're not cliché at all!"

"Too late, nub," Sam smirked.

Freddie sighed. "Fine."
The two were silent for a moment.

"Although," Sam said thoughtfully. "I suppose I could give you a chance to make up for that little comment of yours…Maybe if you could show me how sorry you were, I could be a little forgiving."

"Oh I will show you," Freddie laughed, quickly scooping her up off her feet into his arms and leaning down to kiss her deeply.

"You'd better," Sam grinned as Freddie carried her off towards her room.