"Well gentlemen, since Brant has passed on and I am his only remaining family and the one who helped him draw up and update his will as we traveled I feel it would only be right if I acted as executor of his estate. Is that alright with everyone?" Callum said as he drew out a long piece of parchment from his bag, oblong reading glasses sliding dangerously low upon his nose.
A few murmurs of agreement and a nod in the affirmative from Soric and Callum began to read off the will solemnly.
"I, Brant Edwin Tarl, of sound mind and body," Callum began, only to be interrupted by a sharp choking scoff from Soric.
"To my overly emotional ward William, I leave a boot to the head." The older man spoke as his right leg lashed out and struck the young man in the side of the head, disorienting him.
"To my colleague Soric, ever the scheming prick who's never done a day of manual labor in his life," he spoke as his leg began to twitch.
"I'm protecting my head." Soric said as he ducked under the table.
"Three crates of my finest brandy." Callum finished, scowling in an almost disappointed fashion.
"R-really? He really left all of that expensive brandy to me?" Soric questioned as he came up from beneath the table.
"Yes, as well as a boot to the head." The scholars foot lashing out quickly and catching the necromancer across the jaw.
"To Alistair, the insufferable bastard that he is, I leave something quite important. I leave to him…a boot to the head. And one for the wimp." Once more his leg lashed out and struck both William and Alistair across the faces simultaneously.
"To the marshal, who kept us in line, brought us reinforcements more than one time, and saved our asses too many times to count, I bequeath…. a boot to the head. And one for Al and the wimp." He said, his leg quickly lashing from the face of the marshal to cross the faces of the two young men at the side of the table.
Meanwhile Soric was snoring on the floor.
"To my cat Mittens, I leave my entire, valuable, boot to the head." This time the boot went flying across the room, smacking into the fluffy creature, making it yowl in pain.
"And I leave the entirety of my estate to what remains of the people of New Terse so that they can afford to move somewhere a little warmer like Stelland Proper." Callum finished out the will with a laugh, tossing the will to the side before standing, brushing himself off, and giving Soric another swift boot to the head.
AN: Kind of a funny one. Made it to help cope with Brant dying and me having to bring in a new character and also because I love this skit to death and had to recreate it. Probably will have a new chapter up later introducing the new character.
