Primitive
"I really don't think those corn dogs the cafeteria served today were approved by the FDA," Carly moaned, leaning against her locker.
"What are you talking about? Those things were delicious," Sam said.
"Well yeah, considering the stuff you're used to eating," Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "I've seen you eat chicken that still has feathers!"
"Hey, that's a primitive instinct," Sam snapped. "What do you think our ancestors did? They ate the chicken as soon as they got it. They didn't waste time de-feathering it."
"What?" Carly frowned.
"Actually, that's probably one of her most scientifically backed arguments ever," Freddie said. "And she used the word 'primitive' correctly."
"Learned that from a show on the nature channel," Sam said proudly. "It showed these two lions really ripping into-"
"Hey, you guys," Gibby said, stepping over to the group.
"Ugh, speaking of things I wish a lion would rip into," Sam groaned.
"What's up, Gib?" Freddie asked, shaking his head at Sam's comment.
"I just wanted to see what time we're rehearsing for iCarly tonight," Gibby said. "I had to move around some appointments, but I cleared the whole evening!"
"Oh, Gibby, we-we're actually not doing iCarly this week," Carly said.
"What? Why?" Gibby frowned.
"Because that giant rock music concert and awards show is coming to Seattle," Freddie explained.
"Yeah," Carly nodded. "Between everybody who lives in Seattle going out to see the show live, and everybody else tuning in on T.V. to watch, we figured it was too much to compete with."
"I didn't know about any rock concert," Gibby said.
"Course you didn't," Sam snapped. "You're not in-the-loop enough to know anything other than what kind of food your cat prefers."
"Speaking of which, she actually just changed from liking salmon the most, to liking lox," Gibby beamed.
"Er, great," Freddie said. "But anyway, we're just gonna do an extra long show next week, okay?"
"Fine," Gibby sighed. "Looks like I canceled kickboxing for nothing!"
"Man…I'd really love to hit him," Sam said as Gibby walked away.
"Sam, what did the therapist tell you the other day?" Carly asked tiredly.
"That I shouldn't direct anger at other people," Sam recited mockingly. "But Carls, that woman was the biggest joke I've ever seen. I'm not taking advice from a lady who has a picture of her pet skunk on her desk." She opened up her locker and began stuffing her books inside. "Man…I really wish I was going to that rock concert. I can't believe it; one of the best events of the year comes to Seattle and we can't even get tickets."
"We tried," Carly said. "They sold out in five minutes!"
"Well if we had camped out in front of the ticket office like I wanted," Sam snapped.
"It was ten degrees outside!" Freddie defended. "Did you want us to freeze to death to see some concert?"
"Yes!"
"Hey, what's taking you guys so long in here?" Spencer asked, turning the corner and joining the three teens. "I've been parked outside the school for twenty minutes. I thought you wanted a ride home from school."
"We do, we were about to head out," Carly said. "We were just talking about that big rock concert that's coming her this weekend."
"That we're not going to," Sam muttered darkly.
"Oh yeah, Socko and I were super bummed we couldn't get tickets," Spencer said. "We were gonna go and try to meet girls."
"Yeah, like that would've gone well," Sam scoffed.
"Hey, you know, speaking of that concert," Spencer said, apparently not hearing Sam's comment. "I was just at the grocery store buying guavas on my way here and I saw this flyer outside. Some local radio station is having a contest and the prize for winning is two tickets for the concert."
"No way!" Sam gasped. "Are you serious?"
"What kind of contest?" Freddie asked.
"It's a scavenger hunt," Spencer explained. "You know, a big competition where you compete in teams to try to find a whole bunch of items, and which ever team finds everything first is the winner."
"Hey, we should totally enter that," Carly said. "I mean we canceled iCarly for this concert, we deserve to go!"
"Yeah, let's do it!" Sam said. "The four of us can totally find everything on some little scavenger-"
"Er, there-there's actually a slight problem there," Spencer said. "See, the rules say that only teams of two can enter."
"Oh," Carly frowned. "Well…maybe-maybe we shouldn't enter it then."
"Huh? How come?" Freddie asked.
"Well think about it," Carly said. "If only teams of two can enter, that means that only two of us can win tickets! That wouldn't be fair to the others."
"For the love of ham, we're all adults here," Sam said. "We can take it! So half of us won't get to go to the concert, that shouldn't mean we all should suffer."
"Yeah, she has a point," Freddie agreed. "I say we enter this thing, and whoever wins the tickets, wins the tickets, and that's that."
"You guys would all really be okay with that?" Carly asked.
"Well Fredifer is used to rejection, so he should be fine," Sam shrugged.
"You know," Freddie said, rolling his eyes. "I can't be that rejectable if you dated me."
"I also used to like low-fat mayonnaise, but we wise up, Benson," Sam said simply.
"Well I'm in too," Spencer said. "Any chance to see the concert is better than no chance."
"Alright," Carly shrugged. "I guess if you guys are all in, I am too. But…But now how are we going to pick the teams?"
…
"Okay, so the only fair way I came up to decide whose on whose team is for us to draw slips of paper," Spencer said later on at the Shay's apartment as he set a bowl down in front of the teens. "I put in two slips of paper with a red dot, and two with a blue dot. You're partnered with whoever gets the same color as you."
"Sounds fair," Carly said. "Let's all draw on the count of three. One, two…three!"
Everybody quickly reached into the bowl and pulled out a slip of paper.
"Blue!" Carly announced.
"Me too!" Spencer said, high-fiving his sister.
"Hold on," Freddie said slowly as he unfolded his sheet of paper. "If you two are together then…" He looked up at Sam, who, like him, was holding a slip of paper with a red dot.
"Aw man!" Sam moaned. "I'm stuck with the doof? Now I'm never going to get to the concert!"
"Hey, a scavenger hunt forces you to rely on clues to find the items," Freddie said. "Which means you have to use your brain. With you as my partner, I'm the one who's never making it to that concert!"
"Watch it, Benson, or you won't make it past senior year!"
"Hey! You guys all agreed to do this," Carly cut in. "Right? So now you're stuck being a team no matter what, so you might as well try to get used to it."
Freddie turned to Sam. "She's right. Look, if we keep fighting, we're never gonna win those concert tickets. Let's just…let's just agree to work together cooperatively for this thing, okay?"
He held out a hand for her.
Sam pondered this for a moment. "Alright," she agreed. She then quickly licked her palm and shook Freddie's outstretched hand, smirking.
"Of course," Freddie sighed.
…
"Alright contestants!" the head of the radio station that was hosting the scavenger hunt announced loudly to the hundred of contestants waiting eagerly to begin the contest. "You will have three hours to try and find all the items on the list you have been given! To determine the location of each of these objects, you will be following riddles that, if decoded correctly, will bring you to the next place. There are ten items that need to be found, and therefore, ten riddles you will need to decipher, the first of which is in the envelopes in your hands. The first team to collect all items will win!"
"Remember, Sam," Freddie said. "Just let me handle figuring out these riddles. You can…You can push people out of our way or something."
"Whatever you say," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "Although I don't what gave you the idea you were in charge."
"You may open your first envelopes on the count of three!" the announcer said. "One, two, three!"
"Alright, here we go," Freddie said, quickly ripping into the envelope and pulling out the first riddle. "Seasons do this, and it is sometimes loose. It is also used to help a rat….that's it? That's the riddle? What the heck is that? How am I supposed to get a location from that?"
"What's the matter, genius boy?" Sam smirked. "Having trouble figuring out the riddle?"
"No!" Freddie snapped, though he was beginning to sweat nervously as teams began to race off, apparently already having figured out the first location. "Just…I just need to think. Okay, seasons do what? Well, seasons are the results of fluctuations in weather patterns throughout the year…different atmospheric pressures cause the temperatures to rise and fall…that's it! We need to go to the hardware store!"
"The hardware store?" Sam frowned.
"Yeah, to the aisle where the sell those giant pressure hoses!" Freddie nodded. "It's perfectly clear!"
"I dunno," Sam said. "What about the second part of the-"
"Sam, please, I've got this," Freddie said. "Let's just get to the hardware store so we can get the next riddle. Er, where-where is the hardware store?"
"Oh, so now you need my help?" Sam smirked.
….
"I don't get it!" Freddie fumed angrily as the two stood in the hardware store in front of the hoses. "Where's the next riddle? It should be here!"
"It's obviously not the right location, nub!" Sam said, rolling her eyes. "I told you."
"It has to be! It's the only thing that makes sense!" Freddie said. "Besides, we've already wasted forty-five minutes trekking over here." He pulled out the riddle again. "Seasons do this, and it is sometimes loose. It is also used to help a rat…maybe there's a typo or something-"
"There's no typo!" Sam said. "Just think about it for a second; use that brain of yours."
"Sam, could you just please let me figure this out," Freddie sighed.
"Fine," Sam shrugged. "But I know what the riddle is saying."
"You-You do?" Freddie frowned, flabbergasted. "You do not!"
"Dude, it's not that hard to figure out," Sam said.
"Well then where is it?" Freddie said. "Huh? If you knew where we were supposed to go all this time, why didn't you just say it?"
"Because you needed to learn a lesson about being a bossy, controlling, dictator," Sam shrugged.
"Sam, stop messing around," Freddie sighed. "If we want to have any chance of winning those tickets, we need to try and figure out-"
"We need to go to the arcade," Sam said.
"The arcade?" Freddie sputtered. "How in the world did you get arcade from-"
"Seasons change," Sam said. "And when you have a bunch of coins in your pocket, it's loose change. And at the arcade, you can use that change to play the Pak Rat game and help the weird rat guy escape from the cat ghosts."
"That-That-Oh my God, that makes sense," Freddie said in complete disbelief. "You got that?"
"No need to sound so shocked," Sam said, thumping the back of his head. "Now come on, let's get to the arcade!"
"But that's all the way across town," Freddie said. "By the time we get there the scavenger hunt will be-"
"I know a shortcut," Sam said. "We can get there in five minutes. You just can't be afraid to cut through some alleyways and jump some fences."
….
"You know, when we win those concert tickets, I should be the only one who gets to go, seeing as I'm doing all the work," Sam said a couple hours later as they opened up their final envelope. Throughout the scavenger hunt she had successfully deciphered all of the riddles before Freddie had even finished reading them. They now just needed to get to the finish line and they were done.
"I'm the one carrying all the stuff!" Freddie defended, shifting the large bag of various, random items they had picked up in his arms.
"Yes, you're a good little pack mule," Sam grinned, opening the last riddle. "Alright…A state between liquid and solid, a seventies phrase. If you can't figure this out, just stick to what you know."
"Okay, now that makes absolutely zero-"
"We've got to go to the Groovy Smoothie!" Sam said at once.
"Huh?"
"Yeah, yeah, listen," Sam nodded. "A smoothie is some weird substance between a drink, a liquid, and food, which is solid. And a seventies phrase? Groovy? And T-Bo puts foods on-"
"Sticks!" Freddie finished. "Stick to what you know! Sam, that's it! Man, how can you have D's in three classes?"
"Um, this chiz is actually important," Sam said. "Now come on, let's move! Hopefully we're the first team to figure out all these riddles!"
The two teens ran as fast as they could to the Groovy Smoothie, bursting into the restaurant sweaty and gasping for breath.
"Aw man!" T-Bo exclaimed from behind the counter. "I hate sweaty people in my restaurant! Can't you two towel off before you come dripping into my smootery?"
"Can it!" Sam snapped just as the same announcer who had started the scavenger hunt stood up from one of the tables.
"Well look at that!" he said, beaming. "We have our first team to arrive!"
"First team?" Freddie repeated. "Really? You mean we won?"
"Sure did," the announcer nodded.
"Yes!" Sam exclaimed, jumping up and down. "Mama's going to the best rock concert in the country! Whooo!"
"Here are your prizes," the announcer said, handing Sam and Freddie each a t-shirt. "Congratulations."
"Oh, these are for us to wear at the concert, right?" Freddie asked as they took the shirts.
"Sure, if you're going," the announcer nodded. "If not they're still cool. They glow in the dark!"
"What do you mean if we're going," Sam said. "We just won tickets. Why wouldn't we be going?"
"Whoa, you won tickets?" the announcer said. "From where? Do they have any left? I've been trying to track some down for ages!"
"Wait, I thought the tickets were the prize for winning this scavenger hunt," Freddie said, confused.
"Huh? Oh no, no, just the t-shirts," the announcer said.
"What?" Sam demanded. "But I thought it said on the flyers that-"
"Spencer," Freddie sighed. "He must've read them wrong!"
"Dang it!" Sam moaned. "That moron! When I get my hands on him…"
"Well, congratulations again," the announcer said.
"Thanks," Freddie mumbled as him and Sam slumped out of the Groovy Smoothie.
"Well, that was a humongous waste of time," Sam sighed.
"Tell me about it," Freddie said. "Three hours running around Seattle in the heat…well, at least these t-shirts are kind of cool. Course I'll have to hide it from my mom. She has a thing with things that glow in the dark."
"Yeah, this will come in handy in case my mom forgets to pay the electric bill again," Sam shrugged.
Freddie chuckled, then cleared his throat. "Um, anyway, Sam, I-I just wanted to, um, apologize I guess for kind of taking over there at the beginning. I shouldn't have assumed I'd be the one to get all those riddles. I mean you were really good at those."
"Eh, it's cool," Sam said. "Honestly, Carly would've done the same thing."
"Well, you know what? Next time we're ever in some mad scavenger hunt in pursuit of tickets to a concert that we wind up not winning anyway…I want you on my team again."
Sam laughed. "Yeah…guess we were pretty good together."
"We were," Freddie agreed. "We really were."
