Chapter 15
Pain finally crashes through the high walls she's built around her heart, creating holes around what she thought was impenetrable and Beca can't do anything to stop it. The separation between her and the Vanderbilt whose screams she can still hear in her head even after they drag her away were weakening her. No torture will ever compare to this. All those years she's worked hard in order to annihilate any of her emotions and her ability to actually feel, gone in seconds as soon as she fails to control it from spilling out from the depths she has pushed it in.
It was the aching realization that even after all these years and after all that has been said and done, Beca still cares about that one person whom she thought she'd never care for again. Because when she promises forever then forever it shall be.
Beca was not afraid of anything, she never has been for the last six years. Until now. She could feel a part of her screaming in frustration for the only weakness of her heart. The thought of Chloe dying in front of her easily knocks off the layers of masks she has hidden behind. Ştefan was right. She could withstand the torture for as long as her body can take but in front of those baby blue eyes she shatters in a second, her whole body numbing as she remains crippled from the effect it does to her.
Chloe Beale, the first thing she feels when she returned to Constantine Albert. She remembers that day clearly. The night sky had been threatening to release its wrath having started with a light drizzle as a forewarning. She loved it, to be honest. It was the appropriate welcome she wished for because dark, rumbling clouds reflected how much she hated being back into mundane life. After her disastrous stint in Kosovo, her punishment had been to take a seat back on the bench which translates to, going back to school and passing all her classes. It also served as her reunion with her cousins who have all grown up to be a much louder bunch of troublemakers and misfits. She wouldn't want them in any other way though.
Making sure they were all accounted for—because they've also been known to be escape artists like Siberian Huskies—Beca lags a couple of steps behind, watching them carefully while heightening her senses to any sort of danger looming nearby. It's a habit she acquired from years and years of being thrown in the face of danger or around enemy territory.
But instead of danger, her senses pick up a very familiar scent and her brows furrow as she feels her. She remembers cursing internally at that point. It was too early for her already dampened mood to transform into a ball of fiery rage. Although, there had been a really small part in the very back of her mind that wondered and is constantly wondering what she had become and how she had been all these years.
Her answers didn't take long to arrive as she walks in the doors of Constantine Albert. But no matter how much her eyes wanted to linger in the Vanderbilt's direction, her resolve to just keep going was strong even as she nears the spot where the redhead stood. It was only then that Beca wishes that the headphones hanging around her neck were covering her ears instead and the music blasting loud enough to serve as a distraction for her troubled heart. A jumble mess of emotions ranging from different levels of annoyance to anger clashing inside her.
Maybe it would've been better if her eyes never wandered to the glass shelves lining up on her right. The reflection of Chloe Beale suddenly turning her mind into a blank slate and all the disorderly pile of emotions quickly dissolving into a tiny dot. The Vanderbilt may have already been beautiful then but after five years, her beauty surpasses all of the women Beca had made brief acquaintances with during her travels. Those blue eyes were even bluer, if that was even possible, her glossy auburn hair tenderly framing her unblemished face and her scent so enticing, she almost gives in. She was painfully gorgeous from head to toe that Beca almost tripped along the way.
A part of her hated herself for it then. She should be hating her. Maybe then the walls around her heart wouldn't have started showing little cracks. The cracks which had started growing through time, threatening to destroy the walls she thought she perfectly constructed.
But when she assumed that perhaps now that she has survived being in the same room as Chloe that nothing can shake her further, the first prominent crack lining along her sturdy walls comes unexpectedly. It ran through her tight defenses out of nowhere, blind siding her, at Constantine Albert's annual race relay when Chloe decided to cheat—because no matter what they say, kissing your opponent is an attack below the belt. It caught her by surprise, her body freezing at the sudden bold move and for the first time ever since Beca had started working for her father, she lost. How could she not when Chloe's lips decided to capture hers and destroy Beca's whole world?
Beca had kissed a girl before. She met her in Germany earlier that year before her rogue mission in Kosovo. Her name was Natasha and she was a bartender and musician from Canada who travelled to Germany for fun but ended up staying longer than expected. She was Beca's first fling, first kiss and well, first. Eventually, Natasha or Tash as Beca calls her had become her special friend. They both loved alcohol and music, both wanting and needing an escape, both rejecting the idea of commitment and share the same extreme love for the reckless and wild.
But despite the countless nights of reckless, wild and, basically, every kind of kiss between them, it didn't prepare Beca for the earth shattering kind. The one that gets your whole body to stop cooperating, makes you feel light headed and drives you to the point of insanity. The one kiss that awakens a part inside of her she thought she killed. A kiss only Chloe Beale could give.
She has then labelled that redhead dangerous.
She had been right to do so but unfortunately, she had no idea just how dangerous Chloe was to her. Despite the amount of effort she put up to destroy the Vanderbilt all throughout their last years in high school, every time she'd lose control, those baby blues keep haunting her, that scent constantly lingering around her and the imprint left of those luscious lips tormenting her night and day.
It was a perfect combination of hate and, no matter how she denies it, love.
So, she decided to change her approach to the problem, college would be different. Despite wanting to be a music major, she chose to take business instead unlike Chloe who chose to be an art major. Their buildings were far just as Beca liked it to be. She kept herself busy with countless casual flings, went to parties out of campus and steered clear from all the paths the outgoing Vanderbilt was sure to take. It had been great for a year and she was finally slowly erasing all the stains Chloe had caused until her second year in Victor Barden started.
Of course, the universe, as always, wasn't so kind to her when the Vanderbilt herself suddenly decided to barge into her world and remain there for an unknown amount of time. Which was why Beca decided that the idiot needed to pay for it which then brings her back to destroying the Vanderbilt in every way she can think of. Not only had she managed to degrade her by turning her into a slave but to also make sure that she'd never forget the humiliation she'd bring upon her. Strangely, it wasn't enough. None of that fully satisfied her and the worst part was that it back fired all up in her face.
Because Chloe Beale was dangerous and Beca was finally realizing just how dangerous she was.
In a desperate attempt to completely sever the connection they had, Beca harshly banishes her out of her sight, throwing her out of Du Pont property and deciding to hate her for eternity or in whatever world in all the next lifetimes she'd have.
But no matter what she did, no matter where she wanted to go, all roads lead back to her. The night of what was probably going to be deemed an apocalypse for the next million years, Beca finds herself circling back to Chloe Beale.
Emily was the reason why she refused safety in some secret headquarters the council has prepared for such situations. By now, she had already deduced that she is most likely crowned royalty but Beca couldn't care less. She was no stranger to war and chaos and hiding wasn't something she'd even consider, most especially if she is now queen of the Corvinn Castle.
The right thing to do upon seeing Emily being shielded by Scott is to run towards their direction and separate them both. The wrong thing to do is pause mid-walk once your heart senses trouble from the other end of that very faint connection she had mistakenly and foolishly made eight years ago. Unfortunately, the rope she has chained herself to that specific Vanderbilt still remained intact no matter how many times she tries to destroy it.
Scott kills one of the masked rebels, protecting Emily before continuing to run away with her. Here, Beca knew she had to make a decision, one that she might regret for the rest of her life. But as the distance between her and her cousin widens, it is clear what choice her stupid heart has chosen. In spite it being a single broken piece of what once was her whole heart, it was powerful enough to drag Beca towards the very person who had shattered it.
Chloe Beale is extremely dangerous and Beca curses herself for being unable to speculate just how much.
But all hope is not lost as she finally shakes off the Vanderbilt's hold on her. Insisting that she save herself instead while Beca does what she does best, which is leaping into the arms of danger and softly kissing death on the lips. She even offers her fastest car and a huge amount of cash, enough to send her to the farthest part of the globe. She was almost successful. Almost.
When she thinks the end is near and prepares to take the jump, those bright baby blues dive in to save her. Beca then finds out that those same baby blue eyes would continue to save her every time she tries to step over the edge. And every time she tries to flee from it and run over to that cliff, she finds that those very baby blues, as blue and bright as the sky in a cloudless day, would cling to her and pull her back.
It's ironic, she knows, because it was those same pair of beautiful blues that once pushed her down the dark path she decided to walk on for the rest of her life. All that hate, anger, resentment and allergic reaction to the word 'trust' stemmed out of those eyes she had once adored and loved to look at. Yes, loved because she might not have realized it then, but her heart had already sworn love and loyalty to those baby blues ten years ago. Which is why, even if her hate for Chloe Beale has no limit… so does her love for her.
So, she decides to end it, once and for all. In her last attempt to break the chains that has bounded her forever to Chloe, she sacrifices herself because that's the only thing left to do. It was suicide and Beca figured that if she had to go, suicide was the only option. Better by her own than a humiliating death by some asshole's hands. She really was after all, her father's daughter.
It was why she withheld the pattern of the final gate at the very last minute, the intricate circular knobs and golden metal puzzle pieces of the massive gate underneath the throne room of Corvinn Castle remained untouched. She found an opening and took it, giving everything in what is probably her bloodiest and final fight. After ripping hearts, throats and guts, the small grenade hidden underneath the heel of her shoe all this time is finally being detonated and thrown. When she comes to, after leaping out from harms way, she finds out that Ştefan has escaped at one of the secret passages underneath and is now running away to re-build his plans.
Beca wasn't going to let that happen and unknowingly, she was just about to achieve what might finally be the only way to completely cut the chains in her heart.
It all happened so fast, one minute she was leading an entire army to defeat the enemies, rebels who have turned up uninvited to the center of their government and the next she was wrestling Ştefan to the ground for another switch that could blow up the whole castle, killing all the lives of the innocent vampires, vampires who also have families to come home to at the end of the day. That includes her in this massacre attempt but she decides that if she was going to go, she was going to go alone.
Killing hundreds, Ştefan would've won right then and there. He would've created children who would grow up just like him and her, orphaned and miserable. It has to end and it'll end with them.
She knows Chloe would know about it. Beca knows that Chloe would know the exact moment Beca even as much thinks about it and Chloe would feel it, feel the connection broken and snapped into two. Beca couldn't even imagine what it would feel like and it probably sucks but it is better that way. Chloe would then be completely free from her, chains and shackles finally broken.
She turns the blade towards the center of her chest and time begins to slow down at that point. Her whole life running a brief summary of images in her mind, the best of times and the worst of times. She looks up at the camera, hoping that her silent apology will be felt. Hoping that Chloe would understand why she had to do it. Hoping that Chloe would understand that Beca will never stop loving her no matter what had happened to them, even if the chances of Chloe figuring that out is close to never. That this was the only way to make it stop. That the truth was, she had forgiven her from the moment she left that day. That there was never hate, only pain.
It was pain all along that driven her to punish Chloe for making her suffer all these years. It was pain that constantly gnawed at her to push Chloe away, to spare her heart from more pain. It was pain that bore out of love.
It was pain and love.
Beca might never get over Chloe. Probably not in this lifetime. That she had finally admitted to herself the moment she pushes the blade deep in her chest, hoping to kill that love. Maybe if that final piece of her heart dies, so does all the love she has for Chloe kept inside it. A love that can never happen. Maybe if she dies, the pain will finally end.
Because a Du Pont and a Vanderbilt can never be together.
As the light fades in her eyes, Beca finally reaches the edge of the cliff she had been staring so long at for the past eight years. She finally takes a step forward, opening her arms as she jumps and flies.
Love is dangerous and it kills.
8 years ago
"Please don't," Chloe desperately pleads, tears starting to fall from her eyes as she faces her cousin.
"I knew something was going on with you, I just didn't expected that it's going to involve a Du Pont," Claire Vanderbilt sneers as they both stand at the Du Pont garden, right at the secret entrance leading to the giant weeping willow by the lake.
"I won't let you hurt her," she throws back, voice shaking at the emotions swirling in her chest.
Claire laughs at her. "You won't let me what?" she mockingly asks. "What kind of stupid nonsense is that, Chloe?" she scoffs before stepping forward and staring her down.
"What do you think would happen if I tell everyone about this little secret of yours? Where do you think uncle and aunty would send you to? Where do you think that stupid girl's father would send her to once he finds out about this?" she asks, looming down at Chloe.
"Look around Chloe! Has there anyone in our family ever had a friendship with a Du Pont? You know it's like a secret forbidden rule! Both your fathers were rivals in Victor Barden. They almost even killed each other! And so did their fathers before that! The list goes on," she exclaims. "What? Do you think Darius Du Pont's going to forget all that? He is going to take her back to France the moment he finds out how the daughter of his archenemy is throwing heart eyes at his own daughter,"
Her words are quick to make Chloe's blood boil as she fights back, "What is stupid is this rivalry! And Beca is my best friend,"
"Oh, yeah right, best friend. Believe whatever you want to believe, Chloe. You'll never be with her. You know why? Because you'll have to throw away your family before you can spend forever with her,"
Her words stun Chloe, knocking out every ounce of happiness she felt earlier being with Beca and enjoying a day building their already vast world, a world they created for two. All of that burning into ashes down the ground the second the sad reality hits her.
"And it goes the same way for her. That little nerd would have to be disowned by her family before she can be with you. Her father already had to go through hell just to marry her human mother. But they still conceded to that when she became a vampire. That's the truth, they'd actually consider a human being as a wife to the king than a Vanderbilt! Still think you can make it to forever?" Claire shakes her head. "No matter how you look at it, when that stupid nerd does make it to the council or god forbid, sits on that throne, she's going to take a wife or a husband and it certainly not going to be you because you're a Vanderbilt, Chloe. Her family would never allow Vanderbilt blood to cross with theirs and so would our family. Du Pont blood is dirty blood. We are pure and the highest of the elites," her cousin proudly says and it's nothing new to her ears. They've all been taught that way since they could understand a word.
But Chloe is done with it. She may still be young but she wasn't ignorant or dumb and she won't let anyone insult the soul she was bounded to. "You know what's dirty? You and your rotten personality! Beca is kind, sincere, witty, caring and I could go on forever listing all of her good qualities. She's special to me and we are going to break the division between our families once and for all. It doesn't have to go on like this," she retorts, shaking in anger and passion.
"I see, you're delusional and that stupid, ugly nerd clearly fed you poison to distort your mind," she crosses her arms in front of her chest as she smirks. "Well, if that's your decision then, what can I do?" she says mockingly before turning around to leave.
She should've known. The future of their friendship was heading into the deeper and darker end. But she was young and weak, powerless against everything. There was nothing she could do but watch, sadly and painfully.
She had to watch as they began to make Beca's life in school even more hellish.
"Don't you dare or I'll tell uncle everything," Claire whispers at her ear, a firm hand gripping her arm to stop her from running towards Beca. The Du Pont being publicly humiliated as she stood in the middle of the whole school drenched in a bucket of water from behind.
Chloe could feel it, how Beca's heart sinks and shrivels up in embarrassment. She could feel it even as the Du Pont chooses to walk away with her head down from the laughter and jokes. She feels the fear and disappointment as she helplessly watches. Beca's hurt becomes her own and it is torture that the only thing she can do is send mental waves of calm, like gentle comforting hugs towards her best friend.
It makes her feel even worse when Beca brushes it off aside, "Don't worry, I'm used to it, Chlo. Besides, water can't hurt me. I'll just dry myself up," she assures her.
"But Becs that's not—"
"I felt it, you know," Beca cuts her off, dark blues awkwardly looking down on her book as she speaks. "You, I felt you earlier, that small hug,"
Beca finally looks up at her, a small smile forming on her face, "Now I don't feel bad anymore," she says softly and all Chloe could do is pull Beca in her arms, embracing her as tightly as she could.
It tore her apart and yet she cannot save Beca. As a matter of fact, there's only one person to blame and that was her. And now her best friend will suffer because of her. Instead of saving her, Chloe is destroying her, bit by bit.
"It's nothing," Beca insists as she hides her arm from Chloe but she wasn't having it. She knows something's wrong and by now with the bond growing stronger, no secrets can be kept between them. It won't be a surprise if they started communicating telepathically any moment now.
"Who did this?" she demands as she finds the bruises and cuts starting to heal on the Du Pont's arm.
"I'm fine, it's going to heal," Beca mumbles, retracting her arm quickly and pulling down her long sleeves to cover them up.
"Who did it, Beca?" Chloe pushes, this time in a tone that Beca can't lie to. The Du Pont mumbles nonsense and stutters until she finally breathes out her answer in defeat. Eyes unable to look at her and fingers fidgeting as she blurts it out.
"Your cousins,"
It had to stop and she knew how. There was a way but it's one that would turn her whole world upside down. Sacrifices had to be done and Chloe is finally learning that life isn't always happy and beautiful. But if she must protect Beca she had to make a choice, to come up with a bargain that would keep her away from harm and it's a choice that could cut her heart permanently.
Chloe had never felt emotional pain before and when she did it was a pain that will be marked as the deepest cut in her heart. She'd never forget those sorrowful screams, the pleading and begging. It'll haunt her forever or at least until she could find a way to repair the damage. But until then, tears stream endlessly down her face as she muffles her sobs inside her room as she curls up in a corner. There were too many times when all she wanted was to open the door and end both their misery.
In the end, she did but it was too late. The connection between them starts to weaken and it scared her so much when she couldn't hardly feel for the other half of her heart. Sadly, in front of her parents, she had to make up stories and shrug her shoulders as she stands emotionless. Maybe that's how she got so good in lying. She learned from that moment, smiles have become her new masks and looking perfectly happy has become her shield from the bitter truth, that behind all that hides the pain, the misery and all that is broken inside her. Behind all of the façade, is a hollow shell that will never be complete without its other half. Perfect? It's funny how she's so far from that word they keep describing her as. She's more rotten than everyone else. She wouldn't even be surprised if black blood flows in her veins instead.
But then it only takes one Chloe Beale smile and no one would ever suspect.
Almost like a true sociopath.
Of course, she planned to repair it, to make them believe that she's gotten over it but it was too late when she realizes the unforgiving truth, she's lost her forever. Beca was gone and Chloe will remain a hollow shell for the next six years. She was gone and all that is left of Chloe was the memory of a door dividing them both like the invincible wall that has divided their families apart for centuries. That, and the pain she herself cause.
Maybe it's true, maybe a Du Pont and a Vanderbilt can never be together after all.
With her heart and soul in shreds, Chloe desperately tries to forget instead. Those dark blue eyes that holds all the beauty of the stars in the sky, those rare smiles that would once only appear for her and those arms which took her to a world only the both of them know of. She tries to forget them all. It's easier that way. Forgetting rather than relieving the pain.
Forgetting is better than living in insanity.
Love is dangerous and it kills
It was dark.
It was like free falling down a hole of darkness and hopelessness. Beca didn't think that it would end. That she'd keep wandering and floating beyond the unknown forever. It was empty and cold until a small spark flickers in a distance. A soft and low murmur is heard in a distance. A soft drumming sound that grows louder every minute. It's a steady rhythm with two consecutive beats thumping every second, a familiar one. A heartbeat. She's heard it before. It felt like it was calling to her, drawing her near and pulling her out of the limbo and into that spark that keeps growing brighter as she nears it. The light becomes blinding and soon she is bathed in it, swallowed into a white mass of light until air surges forcefully into her lungs.
She desperately swallows in air, lungs crying out for more as she coughs and rolls to her side. Her eyes instantly meeting green and yellow. The green turns out to be grass surrounding her as she wearily looks around, feeling lost and confused. When her eyes land down her body, she finds fireflies with a yellow glow blanketing her body before scattering at her movements and flying away.
It takes another moment until everything comes crashing back to her. Being held hostage, tortured, the brutal war at Corvinn Castle, Stefan and her falling down the side of the castle and down the cliff when she pierced-
Her hands fly up to her chest, the palm of her hand feeling the beat of her heart. Sitting up, she pulls down her shirt to find a cut about two inches long at the center of her chest. The wound is healing and it won't be long until it becomes a faint scar.
The realization dawns on her and she laughs out loud in disbelief. She laughed so much that tears started dripping down her face and at this point she might as well be crazy.
She missed.
She missed her mark.
Her sword missed her heart, only grazing it faintly.
For someone who had kept wanting to die so badly, it was unbelievable to think that when it all comes down to it she couldn't actually kill herself. She was a fool to think she could even escape and leave that easily. A true slave to the pain and misery indeed.
Picking herself up, she slowly drags her feet to the spot where her half-brother lay, a few feet from her. He was dead and in spite of everything she takes her father's sword and starts digging through the ground. It takes her awhile until she could place his body in its eternal resting place.
Ştefan was still a Du Pont. They still shared the same blood. He was still her brother. So, she claws on dirt, pushing back the soil to bury him because despite the same DNA flowing in their veins, they weren't alike as he believed. Beca may have had a hard life filled with nothing but scars of the past but she wasn't like Ştefan who gave up his heart and soul, completely consumed by his thirst for vengeance. Ştefan had no one. No one to keep him sane, no one to give him memories he could hold on to and no one to remind his heart that even in the worst of times there's always a spark of hope.
Hers may have been broken but it was still there no matter how hard she tries to hide it. That single broken piece kept beating, kept catching her whenever she falls and kept her back from completely falling down the depths that Ştefan had fell into.
She pierces the sword to the ground right above his burial and whispers a soft farewell. Because everyone, no matter who they are and no matter what they've done, still deserve that much.
"Rest now, brother. You're finally free,"
Three days. It took her three days walking aimlessly in the vast forest until she finally finds civilization. Ironically, after hitching a ride with a couple of hippies and somehow getting high on something, she lands in a bar. Surprisingly, the same bar that her special buddy Natasha happens to be in in, ripped jeans, dark nail polish, chokers and all.
"Don't you look amazing, Olivia," she drawls in that familiar seductive tone despite the sarcasm dripping in her words as she eyes the state Beca is in. A combination of sweat, mud and whatever disgusting stuff she rubbed herself on in the wild.
"Shut up, Tash. And stop calling me that," she bites back, rolling her eyes at the chuckle she hears from the dark haired female before motioning over at the bartender for a drink.
"Olivia is still your second name and you do still look amazing despite the," she prolongs the last word, eyeing her up and down before speaking, "Little smudge you got there," she smirks and Beca quickly downs her drink, flicking her fingers to order another one.
"Why are you in Romania—wait, we are still in Romania, right?" she asks with a frown, looking around her while Natasha shakes her head.
"Yes, you're still in Romania and I'm actually travelling to Styria. Just took a little detour," she explains, straightening her leather jacket while Beca's eyebrow arches up at her words.
"Austria? Really, why? I thought you said you'd never go back,"
Natasha smiles down at her own drink, her dark brown eyes avoiding hers as she shrugs her shoulders, "Maybe I can't… keep running away forever," she admits before taking a drink.
"So you're going to go for that annoying thing in the form of a cupcake called love. Is that what you're trying to say?" Beca slowly spills sarcastically, turning in her seat to face her.
Natasha looks back at her, tilting her head a bit to the side, "I'm going home, Beca. That's what I'm trying to say. I'm going back to her to tell her what I was too scared to tell her back then," she smiles before hopping off her stool and taking her hand.
"Here, take this as a gift from a good friend who has seen you in your worst and hopes to see you someday in your best. I'm also pretty sure, you'd rather sleep somewhere comfortable," she slaps a couple of bills in her hand. "You should go home too, Beca. You're real home. You've wandered far enough. There's nothing here,"
She begins to step back and head for the door only to pause and look back at her again, "You know I'd hug you if you didn't smell so… amazing,"
"Go away,"
"Bump into you someday, vampire," she yells as she turns to walk out the door, giving her a light wave and leaving Beca looking down at the cash in her hand.
She thought those words would never bother her but as she finds herself back in France, those words follow her tirelessly. It floats around her head even as she sits behind the desk her father used to sit, staring at papers filled with reports of every kind pilling up at the desk and listening to her advisers drone on and on about what they think is important she knows.
For safety purposes, her return had been kept a secret as it turns out, Ştefan had connections inside the council and her life could still be in danger—like she even cares. And as she lays down on her bed, Natasha's words keep coming back to her. Go home, Beca.
Sitting up in frustration, she sighs before opening a bottle of whiskey. Wasn't she home already? She grew up surrounded by these very walls and if there was one place where she could still feel her mother's presence it was there. But unfortunately, her heart remained weary and anxious as if it was longing to be somewhere else.
Beca knew where. It had always been at the back of her mind since she pushed it there, rejecting the idea because there's no way she's going. She won't and never will. She just has to fight whatever it is that keeps pulling her there. One of these days her heart is going to get tired of it and give up.
But as she watches her father's coffin slowly take place at their family crypt, the urge to go and run to the very place she swore to never step foot on ever again intensifies. It was exactly how it was back then. Only this time instead of her mother, it was her father. High officials and decorated soldiers were present and Beca stood still, doing her best to resist the pull of her heart. She stood there for a long time until she finally manages to utter a couple of words now that she is alone, sort of.
"I forgive you,"
She blinks back tears before placing a single long stemmed rose on his burial and walking off towards her escorts who have stood a good distance all over the place as she had requested. Once she is in the car, she places a hand over her chest, willing her heart to remain steady. It doesn't and she goes back to bed drinking the day away until she just passes out. Go home, Beca.
Weeks, it had been weeks already and as time passes her temper increases. She's had mood swings and probably the worst case of insomnia that it's starting to give her a negative reputation. The other day she had threw a chair out of the window for something as simple as a coffee spill. Everything irritated her and everyone around her was extremely careful not to accidentally press buttons that shouldn't be pressed. All throughout a small voice inside her head keeps nagging at her yet she remains firm. Go home, Beca.
A few more days pass and she is heading down to the point of depression that she almost tries to cut or stab herself again. Anything to make her heart stop crying out for home. She could feel it bleeding and if she could only open her chest to free it, it would certainly dash at the speed of light to red hair, bright baby blue eyes and adorable pouting lips. She had yelled out in frustration—in all the six languages she was fluent in—cursing her broken heart, that stupid connection and her eleven year old self who created said connection. It was driving her insane but she kept telling herself that it would eventually go away.
Go home, Beca.
Somehow, it had gotten to a point where even being drunk wasn't working anymore and the tug on her heart was becoming unbearable. It had her on her knees, begging the universe to stop punishing her. But on that particular night the pull was ten times stronger. It was like something was reeling her in forcefully, desperately calling out to her, begging her to come home and her will to resist it is terribly waning.
Closing her eyes, she repeatedly mumbles words that would keep her from hearing the voices at the back of her head. She tells herself that she doesn't have anyone to go back to. She doesn't need anyone. Her cousins would be here when the winter comes and find out she's still alive and still very broody anyway. There's nothing there that would make her go back. She's never going back—
"Becs,"
Her eyes open instantly, heart beating wildly as she sits up and holds her head with both hands. She stays like that for a while until she finally moves. Slowly, she steps out of her bed and opens her drawer, fingers hovering above her passport.
Maybe she needs to remind herself. Maybe she needs to go and prove that there is nothing but disappointment and false hopes waiting for her. That maybe if she got her heart broken again, maybe the stupid connection would at least weaken for the second time and then she could run back to France to live there until her body finally joins her parents back in their family crypt. After proving her thoughts correct then hopefully everything will go back to normal again.
So she steps out a private plane after more or less twelve hours and into a private car heading to where memories of herself ten years ago were kept. When she steps out the vehicle, she stares at the huge Du Pont vacation house. Yet something is still missing. It's like opening a present to frustratingly find another box inside.
She swallows down the lump at her throat when she pauses at the kitchen. Her mother used to sing and dance around there while she made blueberry pancakes for her.
Exhaling heavily, she dismisses her assistants and security, wanting to be alone as she heads to her room to sleep. Jet lag has gotten her exhausted but when she plops down the bed, sleep doesn't come to her no matter how tired her eyes were. She tosses and turns but still nothing happens, that irritable feeling scratching at her heart is still there. She was just about to admit that coming back was a stupid idea after all when she catches sight of the familiar path to the garden out her window.
Grabbing her bag, she heads out, walking to the familiar path she used to sneak out to years ago. She nears the lake and somehow the closer she got, the better she felt. It was a strange but familiar feeling and for a moment she almost turns back around, not wanting to face a different set of memories, ones she's been trying to avoid for the past eight years.
She doesn't stop though and pushes forward.
She was here to prove that there is nothing for her here and her heart is just hoping for things that don't exist. As soon as she reaches the weeping willow, she prepares to lean on the bark of the tree and sleep when her eyes land on a sleeping figure that had now claimed her spot.
Her whole world then comes to a complete stop.
Now, Beca could do a number of things from this point, all ranging from bad to worst. She could start tapping the sleeping person awake with her foot, shove the person out of the way, yell out insults or childishly draw on the sleeping person's face—because it's fun for her and annoying for them.
In the end what she does is crouch down, lean forward with a hand pushing against the tree for balance before reaching out ever so slowly to gently pluck a leaf which fell on wavy auburn locks.
It was just supposed to be pick and leave but when striking baby blue eyes open and look at her, she pauses for a few seconds before taking the leaf, her heart already feeling like it was being lodged in her throat. She was about to throw an insult when warm hands reach out to touch her face as tenderly as possible, rendering her speechless.
No. She thinks this wasn't how it was supposed to go.
She blinks as she awkwardly freezes on her spot. This was supposed to be some sort of reality check for her. This was supposed to be the moment where harsh words are supposed to be exchanged and Beca would quickly book a flight back to France, having accomplished her mission. It's not supposed to be like this.
It's not supposed to feel… good.
She shouldn't even be feeling light and warm.
A warm hand comes up to where her heart beats in a rhythm that matches the heartbeat of the person in front of her.
This can't be
Struggling to get a grip, she finally gets her lips to move, answering the telepathic words in her head, "Exactly, so move, idiot. This is my tree and that's my spot," she replies before clearing her throat and quickly backing away from the burning touch to place her bag down.
But when no reply comes, telepathic or not, she sighs and mutters, "Fine, whatever. I'll sleep over here so don't you dare make a noise because I lack sleep and I won't hesitate on hurting people who try to keep me from getting it," she warns coldly before lying down, using her bag as a pillow.
Ironically, her eyelids start to grow heavy. All her anxieties and irritations have magically disappeared and her heart has started to find its peace. She was about to roll over to her side when a heavy weight suddenly presses down on her. It causes her eyes to quickly open in pure panic, red locks partially covering her vision as she coughs a bit at the sudden pressure.
It's been a very long time since she received a hug from someone other than family. Anyone should know better than to hug or initiate physical contact towards her by surprise. The last person who did that ended up dead. Which means her reaction to it is to push that person away to the far ends of the earth, especially if they are named Chloe Beale.
However, as it happens, her hands remain motionless by her side, unable to move or do anything as comforting warmth spreads all over her body, hypnotizing and paralyzing her completely. She hates it even more how they fit so perfectly, Chloe's head cradled at the crook of her neck, her body covering hers, smooth legs tangled around hers, arms wrapped snugly around her middle and hands clinging really tightly and desperately onto the fabric of her clothes. Adding up to that, her eyelids just continue to grow heavier while her heart continues to feel lighter.
And no, that isn't how it's supposed to go. This is the complete opposite of how it should go. She needs to move, to push her away, to get up, to leave and run to the airport. She just needs to—sleep, hug her tight and never let go.
"What the… fuck…"
Welcome back home, Beca
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