Sometimes, life felt like an impossible juggling act, with so much do to and so little time. Some days were harder than others. But there was a balance to be struck, and when it was found, life was a little sweeter. It was the little things that made the biggest difference- Edward waking up early with Mila so that I could get a little extra much-needed sleep, or taking her for a long walk when I desperately needed to get schoolwork done and study. Sometimes, his late morning class would get out early and he would go pick up Mila so that the three of us could have lunch together. His thoughtful gestures made all the difference in the world. I tried my hardest to reciprocate and make things easier for him, too, but he was constantly assuring me that he didn't mind.

It was a reminder that although Edward and I had not planned for Mila, I had still been able to give her the best father possible. And we were all lucky.

… …

Christmas was drawing closer and closer, and it felt like the holiday would be monumental this year for more than one reason. For one, it marked the end of the fall semester- my first semester of nursing school. Despite starting late and having a newborn at home, I would be officially caught up to my classmates by the time Christmas break rolled around. It would also be Edward's and my first Christmas together, and even more importantly, Mila's very first Christmas. I was most likely going overboard with preparations, but I was hellbent on the holiday being special for everyone.

"Look, she likes the lights."

Mila was five months old now, and Edward had her in a sling wrapped around his chest and we put the tree together. And he was right, she seemed transfixed by the twinkling lights Edward had just finished stringing up.

"Sweet girl," I laughed, cupping her socked foot in my hand for a moment.

Mila babbled happily as we continued decorating the tree, making Edward and I laugh as she grabbed for every ornament within reach. We then started piling presents underneath the tree, excited even though Christmas was still a few weeks away. The gifts were for everyone- the house would be packed, but Edward and I were hosting Christmas here bright and early on the day of. It felt like another milestone in our relationship. Not only were we celebrating our daughter's first Christmas, but we were hosting a major holiday together for our families. We had made other strides in our relationship, as well. Counseling sessions together had been more frequent, and we both found ourselves able to be more open with each other and allow our relationship to deepen.

I had never expected that he and I would share all of this one day. I remembered the night we meet, and how quickly he had gotten under my skin. And that despite all of the rule and expectations, the way we were so hellbent on a casual, no strings attached relationship where we shared nothing but sexual gratification…we ended up here. We shared a child, a home, our feelings, and something more- something even deeper. It was hard to put into words, but it was easy to feel. We respected each other, and accepted that it would take time and effort to erase all of the ideas and feelings we'd both had so engrained in our minds. And it wasn't always easy- we both still struggled with things.

I worried about being there for my daughter, and was sometimes convinced that I would fail. I hadn't heard from my own mother since our last meeting, months before Mila was even born. It seemed like it had been so easy for her to cut me out of her life- the bond between us had broken and it seemed like it had done so easily. How would I ensure that would never happen between me and Mila? What if I failed her like my mother had failed me? I never wanted her to feel the heartbreak that I had felt. I knew that, logically, I would never allow that to happen.

But the insecure, broken part of me still wondered. I thought about how happy my parents had seemed, right up until the end. The affair and divorce had blindsided me and my dad, and there was always fear in me that I would one day go through that again and lose another treasured relationship. I was sure that I wouldn't be able to take that again. I struggled with being in a relationship and not letting those worries poison my mind and come between us. And I was still so scared because I could feel myself falling truly and deeply in love with Edward despite all of those walls around my heart I had built years ago.

And Edward. He worried too, I know. But part of him was still so closed off; I didn't know what was on his mind when he got that look in his eyes, the one that looked so scared. I understood, as best as someone who hadn't actually experienced it, how deeply the end of his marriage had changed him. I couldn't imagine the person I loved going through that and doing was Savannah had done. When Edward had said the cancer changed her, he had been right. A little part of me felt like I knew her now, as just the girl who had loved Edward and been loved by him in return.

… …

"You think we went overboard? We have to wrap this all?"

I bit my lip, looking at the presents still waiting to be wrapped that were spread out in our bedroom. We had finished gifts for friends and family a long time ago, and they were wrapped and ready underneath the Christmas tree. This was all for Mila.

"Maybe it is too much…" I conceded. "I mean, it is her first Christmas, and she's not old enough to really remember it."

Mila, situated on Edward's lap, babbled half-heartedly. She wasn't quite there, but it was definitely less crying and squeaking. In a few months, she'd be saying her first words. "She says she wants all the presents, mommy." Edward bounced her up and down for a moment, making her squeal. "She is growing," he added, his voice more serious. "The clothes are going to be needed, and she is getting too old for some of her toys. We should clear out the old stuff and make room for the new."

"It's still too much," I sighed. "And she won't even unwrap anything…"

Edward shrugged. "Put the clothes in her closet after you get rid of the old ones. And put some unwrapped toys under the tree for her. She won't mind, babe."

I agreed, but later, as I was going through Mila's closet, I found myself hesitating. I ran my fingers over the tiny outfits, wondering how she had already outgrown them. I saw the one she had been wearing for her first visit to my dad's house, and the one she had worn to her first baseball game. The one she had come home from the hospital in looked especially small, and my heart wrenched at the thought of getting rid of it.

And Edward, who I had never considered sentimental, seemed to understand. He disappeared for a moment, and I heard him rummaging around in the hall closet. When he returned, he held a few of the shadow boxes I had been given at my bridal shower.

"Here," he said, putting them down on the floor. "Use one for her homecoming outfit. I bet your dad would love one with that little Cardinals jersey- I still have the ticket from the game and a picture we could put in there, too."

I felt myself tearing up. My arms reached around his waist, and he reciprocated. "Thank you. For…not thinking I'm crazy. The idea of her growing up terrifies me."

"You don't think I feel the same way? I might not be as sentimental or attached as you are, but this stuff is a big deal. This is our baby. And we're doing all of this for the first time."

We stood there for a while, until Edward pressed a kiss to my forehead and pulled away. "Why don't you get the outfits for the boxes, and then I'll clear out the rest of the stuff that she's outgrown."

"Good idea."

It was still hard, saying goodbye to my tiny baby. Even though I knew she was growing, happy and healthy, it was hard.

Edward made it a little easier every day.

… …

Rosalie and Emmett were the first to arrive on Christmas morning. They'd come bundled up, laden with gifts, teeth chattering from the cold. Mila was barely awake, and she settled down in her uncle's arms once he was sitting on the living room couch.

"Everything looks beautiful, Bella," Rosalie said as we walked towards the kitchen. "Thank you for having everyone…I'm excited for my first Christmas with the family."

"Of course, Rose. Even if you weren't with Emmett…well, you're my family too. I'm so happy to have you here today. Mila and I have missed you like crazy with how busy things have been lately."

"I can't believe how much she's grown since I last saw her!" Rosalie exclaimed, sitting down next to be at the kitchen island.

Her eyes drifted for a moment, and I could have sworn that her jaw practically dropped. "Bella Swan…did you do all of this?" The kitchen was laden with food- biscuits and gravy, hash browns, eggs, and waffles were all cooking. Fresh fruit and juice sat on the island, and plates were piled up, ready for everyone to dig in.

"I wish I could claim credit, but no. This was all Edward."

Rosalie gripped my hand briefly. "Did you ever think it would be like this?"

"No," I murmured. "But thank god it is."

… …

Mine and Edward's parents showed up just a few minutes later, followed by Peter and Charlotte. They all came bearing too many gifts, and clamored for a chance to hold the baby. Mila sat with my dad and we all sat down to breakfast, eating too much and talking animatedly. I paused for a moment, taking it all in. This was a happy family. It didn't matter that Mila and I didn't have my mom- we had so much more. Esme doted on both of us, and Sue had become like a mother to me very quickly, with her attachment to Mila coming even faster. My dad and Carlisle seemed to young to be grandfathers, but they embraced their roles. Peter, Charlotte, Emmett, and Rosalie doted on Mila just as much as Edward did.

I wanted to cry right then and there, stunned by the realization that I had a happy family again, and that nothing would tear us all apart. Edward noticed, and slipped his arm around my shoulders.

"You okay?" He murmured, sounding concerned.

"I'm fine," I reassured him with a deep breath. "Just very happy."

"Good."

… …

Thank you guys so much for continuing to read. I wish I could elaborate more, but the last few months have been so busy and stressful that I'm way off schedule. It's driving me crazy, and I'm trying my hardest. Who signed me up for adulthood? I didn't expect all of this.

I hope to get another chapter of Ineffable up this week, so fingers crossed. I've missed you all so much, and hopefully we won't have this much time apart again.

Thank you and much love.