Thank you all for being patient I was going to update during the weekend but I thought that you have all waited enough so here is the next chapter hopefully things will cool down and I will update more regularly. And i apologize if I offended anyone with the handicap parking part a few chapters ago. It is never my intention to offend anyone. Also let me know what you want to happen with Lina and Elliot because I'm so lost right now but hearing suggestions gives me ideas.
"Are you paying attention Mia?"
"Mia!" I snap out of whatever trance I'm in to look at the person who is talking to me.
"What?" I ask looking at my and Luke's mother. My grandma puts her hand on my shoulder and smiles a little.
"Where are you Mia this is important." I see my mom shake her head disappointed that I'm not focusing. But how can I focus when I don't know what the hell is going on. Up until last week this was my wedding and now it is starting to feel like a giant circus and I'm in the middle. I always imagined that my wedding would be amazing and I would feel beautiful but now I'm not so sure. And how can I if all I have been doing lately is questioning my fiancé. That isn't exact though I'm really questioning myself and blaming him. I thought talking to Christian about it would help and even though it helped by making me see that I do have people in my life who care I can't help but be afraid to walk down the aisle in two days. Not even a full two days because tomorrow is the day before the wedding.
"I'm sorry I'm just tired." I say some lame excuse.
"Then just rest Mia we can finish tomorrow." Luke's mom, Tessa is a god sent gift that's for sure. My mom is not happy but she wouldn't argue with her. I can see in my moms facial expression that she wants to but she won't. My grandma hides her smirk. As I say good bye to them I get a call from Luke and although I know i should answer,i press end.
What the hell am I doing? He is my fiancé if anything I should at least talk to him just like Christian told me to. He'll hate me though. Not nearly as much as I hare myself but close. I can't go home. I need to think or talk.
I love this house. Ever since I first walked in here a year ago when they moved in I walked up the stairs thinking how fun it would be to walk up and see Luke tuck our kids in bed then head to the bedroom where we couple have sex until I could not take it any more only to wake up and have sex again.
"They're in the closet." I hear Elliot say.
"I got it. Can I pick out his pjs daddy?" I love Isabelle. She is always trying to be as involved with everything that Lina and Elliot do. She need attention but they love to give it to her. "This one. He likes Teddy bears on his clothes. And mommy likes duckies on her pjs and I have princess and you have squares."
"Mia when did you get here?" Lina asks me from behind. She is in her duck pants and what I'm sure is Elliot's shirt because it hangs off her body. She has her hair in a messy bun and looks as beautiful as ever without trying or even worrying about the fact that she has no makeup on.
"Just now, I wanted to know if you could talk. But if you're busy that's okay. I can go." Hopefully she says yes though because I feel like I'm dying here.
"Yea sure let me just get the kids to bed." I follow her in the nursery and Elliot is not happy to see me. He probably was hoping for sex and now won't get any soon because I'm here. At least Isabelle is happy to see me not that I'm surprised since she's always happy to see everyone.
I watch how easily they interact from changing the baby's diaper to getting Isabelle to change her clothes then tuck Evan in and have him in his bed in no time.
"You make it look so easy just doing things." I comment as we walk downstairs.
"Just tonight because they have had a long day so that makes them tired. Usually Evan is a lot fussier. He doesn't like the bottle before bed and Isabelle is impossible to get into the shower. Plus I have some cleaning up to do and Elliot need things. It's not easy. I love doing it don't get me wrong but easy is not how I would describe things. But I'm sure you aren't here to talk about how I manage to put my kids in bed. I feel like you are her to discuss something about Luke right?" Before I know it I start the waterworks and my brain to mouth filter has shut off.
"I can't get married. What if we get a divorce? I've quit so many things and what if one day he just gets tired of me what then. I love him but it scares me to love him this much. I want to be with him but I'm freaking out." Of course there is so much more that I want to say but I pause to take a sip of water and have her say something to me.
"Mia do you want to marry him?"
"I do but-" she shakes her head.
"Do you think that there will be another man who will come along better than Luke?" I shake my head. How could there be, Luke has given up so much for me and done everything I have asked for but one thing is that he hasn't ever given up on us. "Mia you can be nervous. When I was about to get married I worried that something would go wrong or I would stop loving him, I haven't." Things happen but if you wait for some magical sign that tells you it will last forever, it could be too late."
"I'm going to talk to him I just need to think of what in going to say." I say. Just before I start rambling I see Elliot walk downstairs. Even though I talked to Christian Elliot would not likely understand his response would be to just not do it. He would say that I'm being a brat.
"Can I have her back or are you still taking up her time? She's been with you all week I thought tonight would be our night?" She Smiles but leads him away for a few seconds.
"Sorry. He can be needy."
"Yes, I know." I'm taking her away from her family. "I'm just going to go back to my parents house. I'll see you for the bridal party brunch tomorrow. Thank you for listening."
"Just stay here we can drive together tomorrow and I'm sure you would like a break from the constant wedding talk."
After sending a message to Luke that I'll be staying out tonight I make my way to the guest room.
I honestly hate mornings.
"Morning I brought you some breakfast." Isabelle says cheerily when I open my bedroom door.
"Thanks sweetie. But I was going to eat with you later."
"I already ate with Evan and Mr. Grey and Teddy and Ana. This is for you and for Luke. He just got here." Oh fuck. "Mommy called him. She said he misses you. He has to carry the other stuff but he will come with you so you don't eat alone."
I give Lina a death glare as she approaches the door frame where I'm standing.
"He called saying that he couldn't get a hold of you and Elliot told him you spent the night here. But I did tell him to come because ii think you are putting it off and it isn't fair to him for you to avoid him. He's freaking out." She leans not the wall looking at Evan who is on her hip. "he's really understanding you know that just say something."
As he walks toward me I see his face just light up and smile when he sees me. I almost stop I'm but I can't so I let him put his arms around me and his lips are on mine in an instant. "Morning. I missed you Mrs. Sawyer." He gently pushes me into the bedroom and shuts the door locking it. His lips move to my neck and his hands are on my thighs squeezing before they make their way to the back of my thighs and grabbing my ass. "I need you now." He says taking full command of my body. I throw my head back but his hand is in my hair pulling it back exposing my neck and I can feel his teeth graze the skin and I'm completely weak. My knees give out so his arms move to my legs so he can wrap them around his body. I run my fingers over his back and then back down but this time his shirt comes off and his body heat has become intoxicating cutting off any thought that I might have had. All my doubts are gone because in this moment I know without a doubt that physically we were made perfectly together. If only I could get these doubts out of my head. But then I remember, I can't think my shirt comes off and my bottoms. I move my hand to grab his hard length which is contained in his pants and enjoy the sound of him groaning from my touch. My hands move to the waist band of his jeans and push them down. He gets off the bed and removes his jeans and I sit watching him my legs open and ready for him to come and make me loose consciousness.
"Aunt Mia!" I look at Luke but he seems just as torn as I do. I don't want to ignore her because she really is the sweetest girl but I need sex. Luke puts his pants back on and leans in to kiss my forehead while wrapping the thin sheet around my shoulders. I tighten my grip making sure no body part is showing while he gets the door. He opens it just a bit and she walks in setting a juice carton on one of the tables by the window where our breakfast was set earlier by her. She takes a seat in the chair and smiles up at me swinging her legs completely oblivious to the interruption she just caused. "I brought you my favorite juice because mommy said that you are going to have a busy day and I like to drink it when I have a busy day." I really want to know how a seven year old has a busy day. "What are you doing?"
"Just talking." Luke says taking a seat across from her.
"So you weren't kissing?" she asks taking one of my bacon strips.
"Maybe a little." Luke says taking it from her and eating it.
"Mommy and daddy always are kissing. It's gross." She says matter of fact. "well I have to go help get Evan changed see you later." She runs out closing the door on her way out like nothing happened."
"Do you think she cock blocks Elliot and Lina that way? Because if so then parent hood is going to be a lot harder than I thought. Pun intended." I grab the robe that I left on the bed before going to bed instead of choosing to get dressed because I simply don't want to have to go through the trouble again.
"She does. Lina complains about it all the time." As I'm about to sit in the chair where Isabelle was I decide otherwise and take a seat on Luke's lap. He sighs heavily running his fingers through my hair as I look at his hands.
"Tell me what's going on in that head of yours." It's now or never.
"I've been thinking. I love you more than anything you have to believe that. I've been thinking..." I repeat unsure where to start. I realize he's waiting for me to say whatever I need to say. "Do you think we will last?"
"If I thought you and I were a temporary thing Mia I wouldn't have asked you to marry me. You aren't some fling or flavor of the month."
"I don't want to look back five years from now and regret this, regret us because you are the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life. But how do you know that this is it? That I'm the one you want to be with forever?"
"I know that it doesn't get better than this Mia. I know that you are the one I want to wake up to and go to sleep to. If I have to listen to someone's voice for the rest of my life than I want it to be yours. I want to have kids but if I don't have them with you then I don't want them at all. I want you. And you're scared but I know you want that too." He's right. I do want that with him, just him.
"I want to marry you." I say to him.
"I know you do but I also know you're scared. I can't prove that fifty years from now I'll love you but I can promise to try everyday to make sure that I do everything in my power to love you and keep that love alive. Can you promise me that?" His hand cups my cheek and I turn to look at him.
"Of course I can."
"That's all I'm asking for." He presses his lips on my now bare shoulder. "That and sex at least twice a day."
"I'm sure that could be arranged for the first few months of marriage. But once the kids come we might have to cut down." I watch his smile spread on his face just like it always does when we talk about kids.
I'm so glad I talked to him but I regret not doing this earlier because I would have saved myself a lot of stress over the last few days. Just when things were starting to get heated after breakfast I stopped him. I wanted the next time we made love to do it as husband and wife.
Holy shit I'm getting married tomorrow. I'm getting married and I am just sitting in bed when I could be taking care of so many details that need to be done before the morning because everyone knows that I will be busy tomorrow trying to look my best. Not that Luke really cared but I need it to be perfect.
Lina's house is completely full when we get downstairs. I quickly let her know that everything is okay and thank her for pushing me to talk to Luke.
Considering that everything should have been ready since the wedding was tomorrow I felt that our day was going to be entirely busy, I was not wrong. But having a busy day made it go faster. The faster the day was over the more excited about marrying Luke I became.
"When you first came to live with us we weren't sure we were ready for another child. But we were sure about you. We knew that we would love you for as long as we could. I know that you were or are nervous about not being in love forever and that's normal. But as long as you keep trying in your marriage you will always love him." My dad fixed his bow with his left hand unwilling to let me go, not yet anyway.
When I was six I made him walk me down the imaginary aisle that I created in the backyard of bellevue. Now he wasn't pretending. I remember how he was upset when I had asked him then and it was almost as sad as his face months ago when I asked him to do it again. I think I used red rose pedals that I stole from my mother's garden. I was my own wedding planner, flower girl, and bridesmaid. Now I had a real wedding planner, Isabelle as my flower girl, and four bridesmaids. I was that girl, that girl that dreamed about her wedding and the dress along with every other detail that my six year old mind could come up with. After years of subconscious planning this was it. I hadn't imagined a wedding like this. Slowly I was losing each of my best friends as the song began. Melanie was first. My best friend from high school was aware that this was huge for me. Then it was Luke's two sisters which over the course of the year that I have known them they have become sisters to me and not just because I was marrying their brother but because they are amazing women. Then Ana left to find her way to the alter. Last was Lina. I made her my maid of honor for obvious reasons. But mostly it was because in Luke and I's relationship she was from the beginning the first person to root for us. She went out of her way to make sure that no one got in the way of our happiness regardless of her feelings.
"You ready? I can still take you away. I'll make sure he doesn't find you baby."
"I'm so ready for this daddy." I said tightening my grip on his arm as the double doors opened and I see the guests all stand and turn to look back at me.
"I love you my Mia." He says taking a confident step forward leading me down the aisle. I know by the look on his face that he isn't very happy to be doing this but he looks so proud to get to walk me down the aisle.
"Thank you daddy." I say in my last hug to him as Luke walks down the few steps toward me before he takes my hand.
"She's my life Sawyer." My father says sternly. Luke smiles at me before looking back at my father.
"She is my life too sir. She always has been, always will be." He kisses my hand for a moment before leading me the four steps to where we will stand for the ceremony.
I couldn't do it. I tired to really I did but for the life of me I just could not keep in the tears. We had to stop for a minute because I couldn't even say my vows.
Luke's parents had a tradition where they have all used the same vows from their parents so we kept in that and said what his parents said years ago. It was a blur really. I expected this long thought out ceremony but it wasn't or maybe it was I didn't notice. All I saw was Luke standing in front of me. How after today he will be my husband and I'll be his wife.
"It's very likely that if you keep walking away to talk to everyone else I might just have to kidnap you." I can feel his hot breath around my ear which causes my entire body to shiver. I turn away from who I a talking to face my very hot husband.
"I'm sorry I was just in the moment." I say leading him away from the room where the reception is being held into what is the room where we have saved for wardrobe malfunctions.
"Yes, I can see that but the thing is that I need attention too Mrs. Sawyer." I really did bring him here just to talk but now he is locking the door and the when I hear the click of the locks my breathing hitches in my throat. "See, we came, did our first dance and although I have spent a majority of my time with you today, I need more of you."
"You have me I'm yours. All yours."
I didn't know how much I would love being married until I actually was. Even though we lived together for months before even getting married, everything changed once we got married. There was a calm about us. It felt as if we had started dating agin. I am proud to say that I am obsessed with my husband. I love him. We had some difficulty looking for our new house until we talked to Elliot who just built us a new one. It's going to be amazing. The best part is that it will be done before the baby gets here.
"Luke, wake up." Something has been off lately. I knew I was forgetting something until I realized what it was.
"Sleep Mia. I have to work in the morning."
"Luke I haven't had my period." I tell him. God for someone who wanted babies so much he isn't excited.
"It will come don't worry." He rolls over so his back is to me but swing my leg over his body.
"Sawyer! It's late."
"It is, so lets sleep and talk in the morning." He's so frustrating.
"No, my period is. Luke I think I'm pregnant."
"You think?" he asks sitting up slightly. I tell him about my boobs and my period and how I yelled at christian and Elliot the other day.
"What do we do?" I ask him.
"You don't have an at home test?" I shake my head. "Do you want to wait? Or I can buy a test right now?"
"I'll go with you." I say before getting of our bed rushing to find out sooner rather than later.
In the car I hold his hand while he drives. I watch him ever once in a while and I can see he's happy about this. I can tell from the slight twitch of the corner of his mouth but he is trying to contain it. It's infectious.
"Which one?" There must be at least ten different brands.
"One of each." I tell him causing him to laugh. I laugh to but not because of that. I laugh because I'm becoming excited. I almost took the test at the pharmacy but The employees wouldn't let Luke inside.
"Do you remember on our honeymoon when we were in Paris, the day that you saw the Eiffel tower for the very first time?" I try to make conversation on the way home because anticipation is killing me.
"Yes, when you fell?" I still remember that moment.
"I love that I get to share this moment with you." It's our second week into our three week honeymoon and Luke and I are walking through the streets even though it's raining. He thought it would be stupid for us to walk when it's raining, however I find this too romantic to pass up. I'm curled into his body as much as this umbrella will allow, he has his arms around me. I love him so much.
"I think you are ridiculous babe but if it makes my wife happy then who am I to resist." As we start walking he decides to take a side turn and Even though I know we are going the wrong way I follow along just for the sake of being with him. We talk about the house we are having built, it sounds so amazing I can't wait to move in. He mentions we can see it when we get back but there is something about the way he says it that makes me curious.
"So we have to do this quickly because we really aren't supposed to be doing this okay?" I look around to see that we are hidden in an alley way. From the inside of his coat he pulls out a lock and a marker. I look around and see the bridge of locks. He writes the date of today while I just look at him. I remember briefly that when we would go out when I was still with Ethan I told him I would love to come to Paris and have a lock on the bridge which is exactly what he has us doing now. Our lock is right on the edge of bridge easy to find if when we come back in a few years we want to find it. He really isn't a romantic guy, as much as I love him it would be a lie to say that he is into romance and things that are like that but it's rare omens like this that show me how he at least tries to be romantic for me. I appreciate these moments so much more because they are so rare.
"Mia, the timer is done." He says to me when I am having my short flash back.
"Do you want to see?" I ask him as I stand in front of him. I want him to be the one to see it because if I look and its negative than I can just act cool about it saying that we can try again. But if its positive then I can just react how he does. He walks into the bathroom slowly to where I left the tests on the counter.
