A/N: Thank you! Thank you! For all your reviews! I love when people speculate and wonder and ask questions. I'm terrible at responding, which I apologize for, but please know that every review is helpful and meaningful, especially given that this story is somewhat a writing experiment. So ask away!
Goal Check:
1. 2,000 words + (oh yeah, 3,166!)
2. No exposition (really, let me know, or if you're like "I NEED TO KNOW MORE RIGHT NOW" that's good to know too :) And this particular one was a little tricky, so please do call me out on anything.)
Enjoy!
"Mary was saying you got the green light from Lady Violet," said Anna
They stood at the sales rack. Elsie observed as the girl rapidly flew through different tops, stopping only to check the ones she liked, and occasionally throwing one over her arm. Elsie felt like a turtle just watching her.
"Yes," Elsie replied, a bit too late, "She called on Tuesday. We're being given partial access to Downton and a not quite as gracious timeline of six months."
Anna's eyes went wide, "That's not enough time."
"No, but I know that once we start I'll get my hooks in and make sure they don't want to stop, no matter where we are in six months."
Elsie sighed feeling guilty. The last thing she wanted to do was turn her phone back on, but she couldn't afford to miss a call from Lady Violet. Stepping away from Anna, who quite clearly didn't need her Mumzi looking over her shoulder, she pulled out her phone and pressed the little button on the top. A sense of dread started seeping into her veins. She was saved by Anna.
"Mumzi," Anna said, "What do you think of this one?"
Quickly returning to Anna, and throwing her phone in her purse, Elsie spied the girl holding a flowing red dress that stopped right at mid thigh, "I suppose it's not too short?"
"It's the fashion these days!" Anna laughed.
Elsie bit her lip. It wasn't that she was unfashionable, and she hated feeling unfashionable, she just wondered what Charlie would say if he saw Anna in that surrounded by the London nightlife.
"Try it on, then we'll see how is lays." Elsie said.
Anna added it to the pile on her arm.
"You know," Elsie continued, looking through a few racks of her own, "I think technically it should be Mumsie and not Mumzi."
Anna crinkled her nose, "No, I don't like it."
Elsie laughed, "That's what I thought. Keeping with traditions, just like your father."
"Oh dear, I hope I'm not that bad."
They giggled together.
As they made their way through the various racks of tops and bottoms and jeans and dresses, Elsie looked through the stack of underwear she was holding. Anna had insisted she buy at least one sexy pair. Although Elsie couldn't remember a time where she felt less sexy.
"Oh!" Anna said, breaking through her thoughts, "Look at this one!"
Elsie nodded, "That would look good on you."
"No, I mean for you."
Elsie's eyes went wide. It was a tight fitted dress in midnight blue. It was just the kind of thing Beryl would pick out and Elsie would say no to.
"Try it on," Anna insisted, tossing the garment in Elsie's arms.
"I'm not sure."
"Just try it on."
Biting her lip, she felt the material in her hand. It was sexy. Too sexy. She searched for a distraction, anything to keep from trying it on, "Who's coming on your New Years trip again?"
"I told you," said Anna, who had already moved on to looking at slacks for her internship.
"Yes, but I'm old and forgetful."
"You're not old."
Elsie rolled her eyes, "Who's coming?"
"Mary and Mathew, Gwen, Madge, John, and then some of Mary's friends I don't know." Anna rattled off.
Elsie nodded, trying to remember if she ever met Mathew, and trying to quell the urge to interrogate Anna about Mary's so-called friends.
"Alright," Anna said, "I'm going to try these on. You try that on and we'll share what we think."
"Oh, Anna, I'm not sure I need to try this on."
Anna pushed her towards the changing room, "Yes, you do, you'll look fabulous in it. Go on, 'then we'll see how it lays'.
As Anna disappeared to try on her pile of clothes, Elsie went into her own changing booth. She glanced at the mirror once and knew she wasn't going to try on anything. The mirror was unfriendly. Really, her breasts sagged much father these days than she remembered, and her bottom - she turned in the mirror, her bottom was surprisingly round, and not in a good way. She could see now why Joe might have felt he needed a change in his woman. Good god, was that why he had -
"Come out, come out wherever you are!" Anna cried.
Elsie exited the booth, still wearing her jumper and jeans, lying, "I tried it on, it fits - there's no need to share it with the public yet."
"It's just me, Mumzi."
"Yes, well, anyone might walk in -"
"Then I'll come in with you," Anna said.
"No, no," said Elsie, making her way back towards the main shop, "I'll buy it and wear it later. Come, did everything fit?"
Anna shook her head, "This one isn't right around the shoulders, and this one will need hemming."
The girl held the red dress and a pair of beige slacks. Relieved about the red dress, Elsie pointed to the slacks, "I can hem those if you like."
"Would you?"
"Yes," Elsie smirked, "And I'll show you how."
Standing in line to pay for their purchases, Anna listened while Elsie explained her big plan for the Downton Documentary. A familiar floating feeling took over her as she talked about her latest project. In the back of her mind she recognized that when she was working she didn't think about Joe. She didn't think about anything.
"Did you find everything alright, dears?" asked the sales lady.
Anna and Elsie nodded.
"It's so nice," continued the lady, "to see a mum and daughter out shopping. I wish my daughter did the same!"
Swallowing sharply, Elsie bit back any explanation. For years now, she had learned to hold her tongue. Each time someone mistook Anna for her daughter Elsie found herself instantly transported to when Anna was seven and Elsie had explained to a woman Oh, she's not my daughter, I simply, er, care for her. The look of hurt upon Anna's face that day made sure that Elsie never again explained their situation.
Even if Elsie often thought of Anna as her daughter, which she did, sometimes, she never said it aloud, and would certainly not expect Anna to ignore her real mother. Even if Alice was dead.
Elsie sighed, passing her credit card to the sales lady. Anna as her daughter - it was as close as she ever got to having children. She glanced at Anna. The young woman was just that, a woman; not that little baby Elsie had watched take her first steps.
"You've got that look on your face again," said Anna as Elsie gathered her bags.
"What look?"
"You know the look," said Anna, "It's the look that precedes the words 'I'm just feeling sentimental'."
"I suppose I am feeling sentimental." Elsie said, the image of the small but pudgy baby Anna still in her mind.
"Knew it." said Anna.
They shared a laugh as they walked out the doors of the shop. The weather had held so far, though Elsie was grateful they were going to buy her a new coat.
As Anna started into the next shop, Elsie asked, "I met Mathew, didn't I? At the Crawley barbecue?"
"Last May, yeah," said Anna, "He was there. Mary and he had that huge row afterwards."
"I thought he was a nice man!" Elsie said.
"Oh he is," Anna giggled, "If I'm honest, I, er, I hold him in high regard."
"In 'High regard'?"
"Yes," Anna giggled again, "He's a very likeable man."
"Are you trying to tell me you have a crush on Mary's man?" Elsie said in fake aghast.
"Something like that. I mean, I love John, but Mathew is - he's simply hard not have a crush on. You'd have a crush on him too if you knew him better."
"Oh, I very much doubt that." Elsie said, "He's half my age. Younger, probably."
"Is it odd?" asked Anna as she started skimming her way through the coat rack, "Is it odd to have a crush on someone when you love someone else? I can't be the only one that happens to."
"I don't think it's terribly odd," said Elsie, holding up a light grey coat in front of her, "I had a crush on your father years ago, when you were little, and I still loved Joe."
She stalled, not quite believing she had admitted that openly, and in front of Anna of all people.
Anna asked, "you did?"
Elsie hummed a mild affirmative response, then figured she'd go the fully monty, "I suppose I thought for a while that in another time, another place, we might have made a good pair."
Anna nodded noncommittally. Looking through a few more coats, she mumbled something.
"What did you say?" asked Elsie, starting to regret the words that had fallen from her lips.
"I said 'you do'. You do make a good pair." said Anna.
Elsie watched the girl walk away down towards the ski and snowboarding jackets. Her heart pounded against her ribs. A light dizziness began to catch in her eyes which she tried to blink away but it was too much. She couldn't think about Charlie like that. It was too much too soon. And Anna, how odd this must be for her. But herself and Charlie? They weren't to be. They couldn't be - except now, now things had changed.
But she didn't want them to change.
She jumped as her phone went off. Her fear switched gears as she pulled it out of her purse. She prayed it wasn't Joe.
"Oh, thank God," she said as she saw Beryl's name on the screen. Finding her voice, she answered, "Hello."
"Why didn't you call me?!" Beryl shouted.
"I'm sorry?"
"Joe called!" Beryl said, "Elsie, what's happened? Where are you? I've never been so worried -"
"I'm fine - well, no, I'm - I'm with Anna right now, we're shopping. I'm staying at Charlie's."
Beryl sighed, "Well that's good. He'll keep an eye on you. But my dear, what happened? Joe said you're getting a divorce -"
"-He said what?" Elsie leaned against the wall. Joe was calling her friends? No, that was her job, it was up to her to tell them. How could he - and nothing was finalized -
"He said you were getting a divorce and some shit about another woman - for fucks sake, Elsie?!"
"Beryl, please let's try to be calm about this," Elsie said, closing her eyes and slowly sliding down the wall. She remained standing slightly, finding her pride had not completely left her to sit on the floor in the middle of a shop.
"Calm? You want me to be fucking calm?!"
"Yes, actually, I do," said Elsie, "I need you to be calm, in fact. I'm a mess enough as it is."
"But, Elsie! How dare he do this! That piece of corn shit - I'm in shock. And, oh my Lord, thirty years! It's been fucking thirty years! How could he -"
"Beryl, I'm staying at Charlie's, that's what you wanted to know so I'm hanging up. I really can't do this right now," She was not going to cry in a shop, she was not going to cry in a shop, she was not going to cry in a shop. Or in front of Anna. Never in front of Anna. Still her tears pricked at the edges of her eyes. She blinked.
"Call me, please, anything you need! Oh for fuck's sake, I could ring his neck."
"Goodbye Beryl." Elsie said, pressing the end call button.
Standing still, learning against the wall, Elsie felt her chin drop to her chest. A trembling started from the bottom of her belly, working its way up to her breath. She could scream. She needed to move.
"Anna?"
"Mumzi?" Anna's voice sounded muffled.
"Where are you?"
"I'm here. Right here," Anna said.
Elsie rounded the corner, running right into the younger woman. Anna appeared blurred, fuzzy almost, as if in a dream.
"We need to head home -" Elsie said, "No, that's not quite right. We need - we should buy you some rubbers, for New Years. You mustn't be without that -"
"Mumzi!" Anna hushed her, "I have some, thank you very much. There's no need."
"If you get pregnant, your father will have a heart attack."
"I'm not getting pregnant. You went with me to the doctors and I have rubbers. John doesn't want kids any more than I do right now."
Elsie nodded, her vision slowly returning. She took a deep breath, "That's good then. I think, I think it might be wise for me to head home."
"Back to your house?"
"NO!" She jumped at the sound of her own shout. Then quietly she added, "No, I mean back to yours, your father's, Charlie's."
"Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm fine. I think I just need a bit of a lie down."
Anna was giving her a strange look, Elsie wasn't sure she'd ever seen it before. Then it dawned: Anna was worried about her. Elsie placed her hand on the girl's arm, "It's okay, I'm okay."
"If you're sure."
"Let's just head home."
"What about getting you a coat? You'll freeze. Unless you want to go back to your house and get your old one."
Shaking her head, Elsie said, "No, no, I'll buy one tomorrow. I don't think I plan on going anywhere today."
"But we're having breakfast tomorrow."
"Then I'll go later this afternoon."
Anna's look of worry had not yet left her face.
Elsie forced herself to smile, "I'm alright, really dear. Besides, you said you were going out with Gwen and I don't wish to keep you any longer than need be."
"I like shopping with you, you know that right?"
"I do, but it's nice to hear all the same."
They shared a smile. Elsie gently took Anna's arm and they made their way out of the shop. The ride home was uneventful. Elsie fiddled with her phone, and tried unsuccessfully not to wonder who else Joe had called.
When they walked through the door, they found Charlie in the living room watering plants. A look of extreme concentration graced his face so much so that when Anna gave him a hug, he jumped, surprised they had arrived home already.
"I'll be in my room," Anna said, taking her packages up the stairs.
Elsie dropped her own lone package onto the table. Something felt wrong.
When the sound of Anna's footsteps disappeared and her door slammed shut, Charlie said, "Joe called."
Biting her lip, Elsie attempted to ignore the way her blood had gone cold. Her voice barely muttered, "What did he want?"
Charlie, still standing in the living room almost as though afraid to approach her, explained, "He said 'hello.' and I said 'oh'."
Elsie gave him a watery smile.
Charlie continued, "Then he said, 'so you know?'. And I said 'yes'. And he asked, 'do you know where she is?' and I said, 'yes, she's staying with me'. And then he asked to speak with you and I told him that you were out with Anna. He said he'd call back, but I said 'don't bother'."
"Good," whispered Elsie.
He gave a quick nod then started to shuffle towards her, his worry evident in each step, "Are you sure?"
"Sure of what?"
"That you don't want to speak with him?"
He was standing in front of her. She could feel his warmth radiating off him. She was becoming too warm really, her chest hot and her head swimming. She said, "I want nothing to do with him."
"Elsie," Charlie reached forward, almost taking her hand, "I -"
"I'm not speaking with him, Charlie. I'll get a lawyer and she can speak to him."
Nodding again, Charlie finally met her eyes, "Do you remember Laura?"
"Laura?" Elsie racked her brains, the name sounded familiar but from long ago. "Oh, Alice's sister."
"Yes," Charlie swallowed sharply, "She too went through a divorce. About ten years ago now."
"What are you trying to say?."
"I worry about you - her husband left her for his secretary. Couldn't get any more cliche really. But Laura never got over it. She just sort of allowed it to happen, never fought for it, never said anything, and - and Elsie, she's been alone ever since."
"I'm not talking to Joe, Charlie."
"I know," He sighed, "I just don't want you to be - to be stuck, to not be able to move on. If there's a chance, you should talk to Joe. Don't let yourself wallow in false hope the rest of your life. I - I couldn't bare for you to live like that."
"You don't even know why we're divorcing." Elsie said, feeling herself switch from hot to cold instantly; Charlie's words were hitting too close to home.
"No, I don't know why, or what happened," Charlie took her hand then, his two big paws wrapping around her little one, "And you don't have to say, not if you don't want to. But I do worry about what happens after this. I don't want you to lose yourself."
"I won't." She said with more conviction than she felt, "Please, Charlie, I don't think I can discuss it right now."
"That's fine. But please, Elsie, discuss it, with someone, soon." He let go of her hand.
She wanted to lean into him, for him to wrap his arms around her, to be safe and snug against his soft blue shirt. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Somehow she hadn't cried, and she wasn't going to start now. Instead, she patted his arm and offered a tight smile.
Grabbing her package, she made her way to the stairs. He watched her go. Before reaching the top she turned to say thank you but stopped when she saw his face. He looked as lost as she felt. Not wanting to dwell on it, she finished climbing the stairs and headed to her room. She decided she would remain there the rest of the night, even if it was only half-past four.
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