Chapter 27
Part2
Anastacia Cerise Conrad usually had peaceful lazy early evenings. Being the first to wake up, a fact nobody outside their family would ever believe, she's always considered these short moments of silence a blessing since being in the Du Pont household, and any Du Pont knows this well, ultimately means that peace isn't a word that is common in a manor full of noisy young Du Ponts. Which was why she's volunteered having to cook early in the evening as her main house chore—the most hated task in the household. None of that door banging, stuff clattering on floor or loud voices enough to wake up any sleeping vampires within vampire hearing range.
Now the problem was, said door banging, stuff clattering and loud voices growling in anger is currently happening, waking her up minutes before her phone's alarm clock. It doesn't even help that she's got this raging headache brewing in her head right now.
Exhaling heavily, she gets up wearily with the goal of giving a piece of her mind to the destroyer of her much anticipated peaceful early evenings, who somehow awfully sounds a lot like her cousin, Beca—who also happens to be the vampire who holds the most authority over all of them in the whole world. Sometimes, Stacie takes pleasure in bullying the Queen because when will anyone ever?
Stretching, shuffling and fumbling around, for once not caring about how she looks like shit, she finally gets up to head out to the source of the noise, praying that Beca and her fiancée, Chloe, a former Vanderbilt and now one of the people close to Stacie's heart, aren't having hot angry sex upstairs because it'll only make her jealous and really pissed that other than the fact that her precious sleep had been disturbed, she doesn't have someone to do that with.
Well, there is someone in mind but that's… complicated.
Sighing as she reaches the top of the stairs, Stacie finds her sister and Emily standing in front of their room looking as confused as her. Both girls are also fresh from sleep, sleep which had been obviously disturbed just like hers. Looking over to the other side at Beca and Chloe's room, the door is widely opened as if a storm has barged in, wreaked havoc and left a huge mess. Next to it is Beca's office where the loud angry yelling is coming from and if anyone knows Beca, that voice and tone is usually reserved for when something or someone threatens to hurt Chloe—good luck to whoever it is.
After motioning the girls to get back inside and try to not to worry about anything, she walks over to the room just as she hears some stumbling downstairs where the Swanson brothers are also just starting to wake up and wonder about the noise. Shaking her head, she enters to find Chloe pacing near the window, the encrusted red diamonds of her engagement ring glimmering every time she moves her hands.
"Thank god, it's not angry sex," she mumbles in greeting but one look at Chloe's serious face, she drops the light tone. "Okay, just angry then. Sorry, what happened? Are you guys having a fight? Which one of you do I have to slap?" she says as she crosses her arms over her chest.
"The council," Chloe's dead-pan answer comes and it strongly makes her think of how huge Beca's influence over her has become because that's a very Beca-like answer. She's even got the tone and deadly look right—although that icy glare is admittedly a very Vanderbilt trait.
Anyways, never piss Chloe Beale off.
If the situation wasn't so serious this would be the part where she gushes about how she and Beca are so meant to be together but instead she goes for something like, "Well, that's a lot of people and my palms aren't built for so much slapping but I can make an exception. Now, before I go on a suicidal coup d'état I need some context, Beale,"
Chloe completely stops pacing at this and nods her head over to the discarded letter at the foot of the bed. From where she is standing, she could already make out the council's seal and her gut tells her that this isn't something she'd like.
Tentatively, Stacie takes the letter and reads it quietly. The more her eyes go over the words, the deeper the frown on her face becomes until she feels like crumpling the paper into a ball and burning it into the pits of hell.
"This is bullshit!" she almost screams and Chloe goes back to her pacing.
Reading the letter over and over again to be sure that her eyes aren't deceiving her, in the end she throws the offensive object and lets out a string of French curses.
"They can't do this!" Stacie finally says, facing the redhead who has finally plopped down the sofa, head in her hands.
"You and Beca are engaged! Beca chose you! Why are they giving her shit for it just because—"
"I'm a non-elite who was disowned by my own bloodline and therefore an outcast which they absolutely think is a complete disgrace to the crown? That even if I'm Beca's soulmate, I won't be recognized as her Queen and so, if they want Beca to marry someone else to form a stronger alliance and have a suitable Queen everyone can look up to then we can't do anything about it? That the only way to be with her is to allow myself to be the secret love affair, the Queen's mistress," Chloe completes for her, there's hurt and sadness in her eyes despite the sarcasm in her tone and Stacie shakes her head in disbelief at how horrible the thought is.
People who always get in the way of love are what Stacie despises the most. She strongly believes that love always wins.
But does it, really? In all circumstances?
"But Beca's already declared you as hers. She's already displayed you out to the society. You stood by her side in every god damn occasion, for crying out loud!" she protests. "And you even have a title now. You're the Queen's most beloved! Why are they so bitter about it all of a sudden?"
This time Chloe looks away, a hand running through her wavy red locks, before answering her in a softer tone, "Because nobody dared go against it until… it was brought up,"
Chloe's words falter and Stacie already has a bad feeling about how this is turning out. It's bad, she knows, especially now when whispers of Beca's reign strengthening and the majority of the council wanting her to stay seated at the throne even after the mandatory two years.
"Who… who brought it up, Chlo?"
When the redhead looks back at her, those bright blue eyes couldn't hide its sorrow and it's heartbreaking to watch.
Aubrey was right.
A devastated Chloe Beale is hard to watch.
"Who else, Stace? My own blood of course," she simply says before Stacie crosses the distance to hug her.
In her arms, it only takes seconds for Chloe to break down into sobs. "Beca is my soulmate, Stace. She's my love. We're in love. Why can't I just be with her without any of these stupid people telling us that being together is wrong? Loving someone is not wrong, no matter who you are or who they may be. Love is love."
Love is love.
Stacie silently wipes her own tears because she knows.
She knows how much it sucks. To want something as simple as that but at the same time is deemed as something wrong for her to have just because it's not right for everyone else.
It's madness.
Yet also the truth.
It doesn't take long until she feels a presence behind her. When she turns her head to the source, she finds Beca standing by the doorway. Clearly aware, even from the other room, that Chloe is extremely upset and so, has dropped everything to make her way back to her. She walks over to them and Chloe quickly latches on to her the second she is close enough to do so.
"Your mine and I'm yours. That's it. Period," she hears Beca whisper in Chloe's ear. There's a few muffled words from the redhead which are quickly dismissed by Beca as she continues to tightly hug her fiancée in her arms.
"I will marry you and no one else. You are my Queen, Chloe. I will kill anyone who tries to tell you otherwise and disrespect you, okay?"
It's the most gentle she has ever seen her cousin become and because of that Stacie quietly slips out to give them some privacy. Closing the door behind her with the last image of Beca planting soft kisses at the side of Chloe's head, she makes her way downstairs, passing by her worried looking cousins and shaking her head at their questioning looks before returning back to her room.
She pauses for a while, rubbing her fingers as the wheels in her head start to turn. She needs to do something, say something to be exact.
The room suddenly feels suffocating.
After what has happened, the problems constantly assaulting her head seem so small. It's surely an eye-opener and now she's come to some sort of conclusion. Sort of. So she distractedly moves around, dressing up from her sleep clothes to something appropriate to wear out early in the evening.
Making her way outside, she ignores her cousins growing questions and proceeds to leave the house with only one destination in mind. Her heart grows heavy with each step but she keeps going, never breaking in speed as she finally comes close.
When she steps inside, she breathes in the familiar scent that had always brought her comfort no matter how worse her situation has been. But at the same time, there's that heaviness that has gotten too much to bear. So much that she falls to her knees next to the bed, her breathing labored and her vision blurring from the emotions trying to burst out of her chest. Her hands grip the sheets for support even though it doesn't really help.
There's a soft stir in the bed followed by an equally soft gasp. It takes almost half a minute until she feels a soft hand cautiously reaching out to her own. The contact makes her release the soft fabric in her fingers and replace it with smooth warm hands.
"Stace," Aubrey's gentle voice breaks her internal turmoil as she looks up to find those sea green eyes she's adored the most. That very pair of eyes that don't compare the countless flings and short lived but intense love affairs.
Nothing could ever be comforting as that.
And that's the sad part about it, nothing ever will.
"I'm sorry, I woke you up," she manages to say after a moment. "You know how adorably annoying I could get. It's part of my charm," she adds in jest but the smile she carries with it doesn't reach her eyes. Nor does it reaches Aubrey's.
"It's okay but..." the Vanderbilt glances at her door and Stacie is quick to recognize the concern.
"I won't stay long. I just needed to see you," she quickly says and with that she wipes away a lone tear rolling down her cheeks. Focusing on getting herself together, she inhales and exhales deeply as she slowly stands up, reluctantly letting go of the Vanderbilt's hand.
"I need to tell you something. Don't worry, I'll be quick," she says while Aubrey gets up from her bed to face her, arms crossed in front of her chest just like the first time they ever spoke to each other. It's awkward and their last conversation is to blame for it.
Despite that, she still can't help but think that it's so unfair how beautiful Aubrey Posen is even as she had just gotten out of bed. Stacie couldn't count the times she would stare at the Vanderbilt's face as she starts to wake up. It's a blessing, she knows very well, that she's been given to experience at least even for a short period of time.
Something special, that's what it was, now she knows.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean all those things I said," she begins to say before the memories start consuming her mind and distract her from saying what she had to say. "I understand where you're coming from," she swallows hard, determined to finish what she had started.
"Maybe not completely but I get it," she says and it feels like shards of glass passing through her throat.
"And that is why, I'm here to tell you that this is it. You and me, this is the end. I'm going to stop now," she pauses to control the sobs that long to break out of her chest. She pushes them all down.
"But if," she pauses once more as her eyes start to sting with the incoming flood she keeps trying to blink away. "But if one day, a couple of months, years, a century perhaps in some unexplainable reason or whatever, that you decide to maybe even just look back… if you change your mind," she had to let a small smile at that because of the countless times she's said those last few words to Aubrey, be it in letter or in person.
If you change your mind
"I'll be right here, where you left me, waiting,"
Her tears break out and she almost loses it but she fights through. Putting a hand up when Aubrey softly calls her name. She's going to make it to the end.
"I love you," she blurts out desperately and sincerely. She never intended to sputter it out like her life depended on it but her emotions were too strong at the moment.
She had no control of it.
Her heart decided it from the beginning.
"Goodbye, Aubrey,"
How did it all end up this way?
"Have you been in love at all?"
It's a question that Stacie bluntly asks the Vanderbilt as they stand in a corner of the hallway. What's the point of being subtle anyway? There is a group of killers hunting them all, Beca is nowhere to be found and now they are cooperating with the Vanderbilts by hiding in some cheap motel, hoping to survive this apocalyptic nightmare through scheduled shifts in case of danger.
So, if this was the end then why not just get to the point?
"And why does it matter if I have or have not?" Aubrey replies and there's a defensive tone that's already enough for Stacie to get her answer.
Of course she decides to tease, it's what gets their banter going and maybe there's just a part of her that likes it, the push and pull, that tension between them, that moment just like the one a couple of years ago at a private party where she finds out that cherry is can be a very intoxicating flavor.
"Guys?" Emily's voice cuts the moment short and Stacie's world spins back into its normal pace. Aubrey's hand harshly slips away from her grasp and somehow she doesn't like how that feels.
Bringing her focus elsewhere, she looks over at her cousin and the Vanderbilt boy next to her. To hell with ancient rivalries, Stacie already supports the union. They look good together and there's palpable chemistry so why not? And take note, in contrast to her inability to enter a healthy relationship—or find a person who doesn't end up being too toxic—Stacie never fails when it comes to matchmaking. Sometimes, she would just take one look and know that two people are meant to be. It's one of her most amazing skills. Maybe she really is Aphrodite's problematic child.
So when she deems Emily and Scott a match made in heaven then they are.
But that project has to be put on hold for now because her favorite dance partner is walking away.
"You two should go get some sleep," she says in finality to the potential lovebirds before walking off to the direction where Aubrey literally speed walked to.
Reaching the stairs, she proceeds down towards the landing before sitting on the bottom of the steps as she eyes the blonde Vanderbilt who has chosen to stand and lean by the wall.
"You know, two hours staring at each other is a waste," she begins with a smirk—because she likes to believe that it definitely affects Aubrey.
"Shut up,"
"Still very feisty, I see. How adorable," she comments fondly. This finally makes Aubrey turn to look at her.
"And you're still very annoying,"
This elicits a chuckle out of her, not bothering to correct her. When her smile fades she replies in a rather slightly serious tone, "Is that why you didn't show up that night? Because I was annoying?"
Aubrey seems to stiffen at the questions for a few seconds, a reaction worth noting, before she masks it completely.
"And is that why you stopped writing your little love letters?" she throws right back at her before realizing the implication of her words when she sees the sudden amusement in Stacie's face. So she quickly adds, "Which is a relief, by the way,"
But it's hard to let that slide now and this time Stacie earns a point. In her defense though, Aubrey moved to college in a different state and sending letters would be quite inconvenient, especially when most of the time they are letters of invitations to hang out. Besides, there are too many gossip mongers lurking around and seeing a letter addressed to a Vanderbilt from a Du Pont is like fireworks in the sky. Tongues will be wagging.
"Is it? Maybe I should send you letters again. I mean, I earned a dance for it and something more," she slowly utters and enjoys the look in Aubrey's face.
That gets the Vanderbilt to pull away from her spot to get closer to her—another point to Conrad.
"Alright, that was one time!" Aubrey hisses in low voice while the smile on Stacie's face grows. "I thought we mentally agreed never to speak of this again?"
"Did we? 'Cause I don't think I want to never speak of such a beautiful memory again," she replies mockingly before standing up to level Aubrey's glare.
"Oh but I do," is the immediate answer she gets.
"You wound me, Aubrey. I thought we really had a great time," she dramatically replies yet somehow there's a small sting deep at the center of her chest.
"Then I apologize if I ever offended you!" Aubrey says in the same tone and suddenly it only occurs to Stacie that their current position seemed a little too… close. Standing only inches apart and breathing heavily at each other's faces, she almost forgot how pretty Aubrey's eyes were up close.
Eyes that are now blinking back at her as the tension fizzles down and the awareness of their close proximity grows.
The Vanderbilt clears her throat, "I'm not doing this with you. It's a waste of time," she decides before stepping back to her corner.
Shifting her weight from one foot to another, Stacie takes a few small steps before circling back around, mind deep in thought. In a moment, she starts to hum because it's only been ten minutes since the start of their two hour shift and boredom is her greatest enemy.
Her head starts nodding to the melody, her fingers snapping to the beat until she meets curious eyes.
"What are you doing?"
"Dance with me,"
Aubrey rolls her eyes and sighs, "I don't dance without music. That's stupid,"
Challenge accepted.
"I remember when I first noticed that you liked me back," she starts to sing, lightly swaying as she steps closer, lessening the distance between them.
"No," Aubrey says in a warning tone, shaking her head.
"We were sitting down in a restaurant waiting for the check,"
Closer.
"Okay, you are crazy and I'm not going to partake in whatever that is,"
"We had made love earlier that day with no strings attached"
"Yeah, nice try but no,"
"But I could tell that something had changed how you looked at me then,"
She gets hold of Aubrey's hand and gently tugs her away from the wall and towards her.
"You're not going to stop, are you?" the Vanderbilt groans as Stacie slowly shakes her head, a smile playing on her lips.
It's the end of the world anyway. Might as well dance when there's still time. At least, one more wonderful memory before the final curtain drops? So she holds Aubrey close, gently swaying her with their fingers intertwined as she softly sings.
"Kristen, come right back. I've been waiting for you. To slip back in bed when you light the candle,"
Having given up, she feels Aubrey rest her head on her shoulders.
"And on the Lower East Side, you're dancing with me now. And I'm taking pictures of you with flowers on the wall,"
She buries her nose on Aubrey's hair and inhales that sweet calming scent.
"Think I like you best when you're dressed in black from head to toe. Think I like you best when you're just with me and no one else,"
She pulls her even closer until the space between ceases to exist. Closing her eyes, she just continues to float away.
And they don't talk about that, how good it feels or how perfect they fit together. How comforting it feels and how a part of her missed this.
They don't talk about those things.
They can't bring themselves to do so.
"Stay with me, I don't want you to leave"
Beca is dead.
That's what they've been told, that their cousin has died along with her half-brother Stefan Sala after fighting against each other at the Corvinn Castle.
There was even a video footage of it, the video which they had to plead at their uncle Ivan for them to see.
Somehow, she now wishes she hadn't watched it at all.
Stacie was never close with Stefan. She'd only seen him a few times in huge family gatherings and barely had any interaction with him. Besides, he doesn't seem like he wanted to socialize as he hangs at the back with his whiskey and cigarettes. Well, he didn't seem to want to socialize with everyone except for his little sister, Beca, who at that time kept running excitedly back to him.
And now they are both gone after battling each other in one hell of a battle at the Corvinn Castle.
Gone forever.
Stacie's never experienced such a concept and felt so much about it. Usually it was just old distant relatives or great grandparents but none of that was much of an impact as this. Those deaths were natural. It was their time.
For Beca, it wasn't.
And now the sun has risen up, everyone is probably asleep yet sleep seems so far away for her. Earlier, she had ran off from the madness happening in the control room. It's like everyone just didn't know if they are going to celebrate their victory or mourn those who they've lost. Nobody exactly knows how things like this work. This wasn't the medieval times where war was normal and death was rampant.
So here she was, dealing with it through isolation.
And wine which she had stolen from the kitchen.
There was a lot of places to be alone in such a huge building, given that only the elite bloodlines, staff, security and members of the council have evacuated in it.
One of those places happened to be what seemed to be an empty guest's room. Choosing to keep the lights off, the visible glow of the sun from behind the curtain blinds seeps into the smallest cracks.
Taking a sip from the bottle of wine, she hears movement from outside but instead she remains detached from the world, not really bothering to care whoever it may be. At least, until that someone is snatching the bottle of wine out of her grasp then they can burn at the glare she will be throwing.
Only, she couldn't bring herself to glare at this person.
"Your sister is looking for you," Aubrey tells her and surprisingly there's gentleness in her usually snappy tone. Given the circumstances, it's not really surprising why but still, it was refreshing to hear.
It makes Stacie feel bad for unconsciously thanking Beca for giving her this opportunity.
Shaking the thought away, she sighs, "Can I have my wine back?"
"No, you can have it after you get some sleep upstairs. Your sister is worried,"
She stays silent at that, eyes looking out into nothing before she slowly shakes her head, "I can't,"
"Stacie," Aubrey softly says and it's the softest she has ever heard the Vanderbilt say her name.
"Beca told me that Emily wouldn't know what to do in case something happens to her and," she pauses, closing her eyes at the memory of her cousin before opening her eyes again, her vision now blurry yet she looks up to the Vanderbilt.
"I didn't really took it seriously when she said that it had to be me. I had to make sure she would have the strength to lead," she continues before letting out a light laugh as she remembers Beca's exact words.
"She told me that, 'Emily needs to lean on to someone and you have to be that someone because somehow, you always know what to say at the worst times. You can put the twins in their place, inspire Stella and console Jesse. You have the strongest heart because it keeps giving no matter how many people keep breaking it. You are the most Du Pont of all the Du Ponts that I think you deserve the high seat than me'," her voice wavers and her eyes start to sting from the incoming tears.
She blinks and they drop one by one yet she doesn't look away from Aubrey, "I can't go out there like this, Aubrey. I'm not ready to do all that yet," a sob breaks out of her before she inhales deeply. "Just give me another hour then I'll be fine,"
The sofa dips and when she looks up again, Aubrey's sitting next to her, looking at the bottle of wine before taking a sip and then passing it back to her. Taking the bottle, she takes a huge gulp of it as the silence stretches.
They stay like that for a while until Aubrey finally speaks up, "She's right,"
Furrowing her brows, she stares at the Vanderbilt in confusion. Meeting her questioning look, the blonde continues.
"Beca. She's right about you," she clarifies before quickly adding, "And this is probably the only thing that she and I will ever agree on but yeah I see what she meant. Everyone thinks that being strong means conquering castles and being physically unbeatable but that's not really what it's all about. You're strong because you don't break apart when everyone else does and even if you do, you still hold everything together as much as you can. It's almost impossible," she whispers the last words and suddenly Stacie feels warmth.
It almost brings a proper smile to her face.
"I know how exhausting that could be," Aubrey continues. "I understand," And she really does because Stacie feels like crumbling but she doesn't allow herself to do so.
There it is again, that feeling that only comes whenever the blonde was near. Two years ago she considered it a temporary occurrence, a fluttering feeling due to the thrill of challenging the other. But right at this moment, countless romantic flings and a series of serious relationships later, she thinks that it's a feeling that only Aubrey Posen can evoke.
It's still there.
"Take your time," the Vanderbilt tells her before moving to leave and immediately, Stacie's chest fills up with panic and distress. She doesn't know why but it suddenly scared her, to be left alone.
Instinctively, she quickly reaches for Aubrey's hand without a thought to it. When the Vanderbilt turns to her, she slowly gets up on her feet. Her hands move and it feels like she's in some sort of spell as she gently tucks a strand of blonde hair at the back of Aubrey's ear. The Vanderbilt doesn't even flinch, she doesn't move and maybe she's under the same spell she's in too. Those beautiful sea green eyes looking back at her with something she can't place and Stacie thinks of how much she just wants to drown in them.
Her fingers linger at the side of Aubrey's face before she steps forward to close the gap between them, her lips softly locking with Aubrey's. She pulls the Vanderbilt close, tightly wrapping her arms around her so there's no room for escape. It's not necessary but she does it anyway. It takes a few more seconds before Aubrey's lips move against her own, soft hands desperately clinging on to her and everything else just fades away.
That's exactly when Stacie realizes that after all these years, cherry is still her favorite flavor.
That's exactly when she realizes that it's the only flavor she wants to taste from now on.
But they don't talk about that.
Beca is alive.
Stacie should be mad but she can't bring herself to do so. Not when she breathes in the sweet scent of peaches and honey first thing in the early evening. When she opens her eyes the first thing she sees is blonde hair all over her shoulder bringing her lips to curve into a satisfied smile.
There's an arm draped over her waist and her hands lazily trace every inch of skin as if her brain was internally keeping the feeling of it into memory. Her fingers continue to sinfully run slowly, now creating small circles at the expanse of smooth skin at her bedmate's lower back.
The motion finally evokes a response as her companion stirs in her arms until she feels soft lips tenderly brushing against her collarbones. They travel upwards to the crook of her neck and Stacie's smile widens. Lips brush softly on her jaw and her eyes flutter close in pleasure. Her arms enclose on a soft warm body and her hold tightens as she dips her head down to taste her favorite flavor.
Cherry.
The moment she opens her eyes, she almost sighs out dreamily at the sight of Aubrey Posen waking up next to her in the middle of twisted sheets, hair still immaculate as ever even after how many times her hands have wildly run through it hours ago. She's devastatingly beautiful, even more so when there's a smile on those lips.
A smile Stacie has caused.
And the best part is, it's just one of the few things she's caused.
When her eyes wander down the smooth skin on the curve of the Vanderbilt's neck, she frowns when she finds her little love bites disappearing almost completely and mentally curses at vampire healing genes because Stacie is an artist and that's art, her art to be exact and she's dead serious when it comes to anything she creates from her very lips.
So she doesn't waste time re-creating it much to Aubrey's dismay—because she's going to have to cover that up again and therefore, end up almost being late for her class. But Stacie doesn't care, she likes doing it knowing that it earns her that seductive breathy moan and her name spilling ever so softly in between those lips.
And maybe she likes the fact that on Aubrey's skin, there's a part of her that stays. That wherever the blonde goes, underneath all that expensive clothing and make-up, Stacie has left an imprint. One that screams mine.
But that's the problem, she isn't and also the fact that this was supposed to be some casual thing, as they've agreed upon after the first time.
Stacie is fucked because she's done casual, quite a number of times actually, and this… this isn't casual.
It's not when the first thing she thinks of doing on a bad day is run to Aubrey's side and stay there until it doesn't feel bad anymore. It's not when Stacie doesn't leave the bed like a thief after hours of pleasure and instead stays to hold the blonde tightly against her until the moon shines up above. It's not when at some point they end up just sleeping next to each other after sharing a meal, contemplating about their class subjects and debating about what movie to watch. It's not when Aubrey's defensive walls crack only in front of her and she's crying in Stacie's arms due to the enormous amount of pressure she's carrying because she's a Posen under the Vanderbilt bloodline and Vanderbilts are expected to be perfect.
Aubrey is already perfect.
Stacie is willing to wage war just to prove that point.
But they don't talk about all that because it's just supposed to be a casual hookup and those things are temporary.
They don't talk about how Aubrey frantically calls Stacie to tell her that Thomas Vanderbilt is a monster and Chloe is his victim, and it's big because Vanderbilts keep family problems to themselves. Their image will always be pristine and information like this will ruin them but Aubrey calls Stacie because in a life or death situation if there was one person she can entrust her cousin with it's Stacie.
But no, they can't talk about that. They can't dissect what it all really means deep down or what they really are to each other because…
… Stacie knows she could lose Aubrey if they do.
Aubrey, the girl who she loves.
Yes, she loves her. Stacie knew she did from the moment they danced all night, high on nothing but each other until her self-control dissipates and her lips long for cherry. And maybe her heart has decided even before then but that night was the night she realized that there's just no one like Aubrey Posen. Because no matter how many times she attempts to try another flavor, her tongue aches to taste the very thing she's been forbidden to taste.
So she imagines that things are different, that they don't have to part in a hurry as they wake up in their secret little love nest because that's how hookups work and they can't afford to get caught. That when they are together again, Aubrey is hers and hers alone. That when they kiss it's not something temporary but permanent. That whenever Aubrey holds her in a manner that is all too possessive, that she feels the same way about her too.
That she loves me too.
"We… should stop,"
Those are the words that break her world apart and Stacie never knew any greater kind of heartache before this. It doesn't feel real. It feels like she's underwater and her lungs are burning as the water floods in. A slow, painful death in which no matter how desperate you get, there just seems to be no end to it.
Stacie doesn't snap. She's known to rarely be angry and has even made her parents worry due to the fact that nothing irritates her—hence, the psychiatric appointments which, to be honest, Beca needed more than she did. Having been born on Valentine's Day, ironically, the month of love, her mother had stated that unlike her sister, she was such a peaceful baby, rarely crying and quick to laugh at anything that moves.
As a matter of fact, she remembers, during her childhood, that one mean girl in class who splattered paint at her during art class only to be shocked when she started happily picking up the rest of the other colors and dumping it on her own shirt because 'it looked pretty'. Of course it sparked a 'color fight' with the rest of her classmates doing the same. Her parents were called and despite all that, she goes home with a huge smile on her face because it was fun—before asking her parents if she could splatter different colors of paint on the walls of her room. Even when she's insulted openly, she never fights back or holds grudges. Hell, she even danced through what was dubbed 'the darkest times' of their government or 'the apocalypse' as Jesse calls it.
The closest thing she ever got to snapping is when Beca "died"—which is very reasonable— and when she slapped her ex-boyfriend, Ethan Williams, when he "accidentally" cheated on her. Even then, she never wished him misfortune nor agreed to what Beca had done to him— giving him a couple of broken bones and blackmailing the principal to expel him. If she had known then what her cousin did due to pure outrage with what he did to her, none of that would've happened. He's still alive though, opposite to what everyone thinks, and they're good friends now as she is to all her former relationships.
She isn't called Aphrodite's problematic child for nothing.
The point was, Stacie's constantly calm and level-headed demeanor is an equivalent to Chloe's strong positive personality and Jesse's happy-go-lucky attitude. Together, the three of them, as Nate says, would be hell, a happy kind of hell. The one where you suffer because it's too bright and overwhelmingly cheerful all the time.
Yet…
"Why?"
That's the question she bluntly asks instead of respecting what was agreed upon. There's venom in her tone. It is laced with hurt but at this point she doesn't know which one is stronger.
"It's—Lorenzo. Enzo, my distant cousin is coming from Italy and my mother wants me to… to meet him and—"
"You mean, that's the man they want for you. The guy that you're arranged to be married to?"
It's harsh, the way she spits it out and Stacie doesn't do harsh. Something breaks inside her and suddenly all this rage keeps gushing out all at once.
"I-It's not like that—"
"Then what is it, huh?"
This time her voice spikes up like never before and she knows deep down that it's irrational, this outburst of hers, but she's lost control. Fueled by Aubrey's sudden defensive stance with the matter, she doesn't let her finish as the pain in her chest intensifies.
"No, let me tell you what this is. You're a coward. You talk about wanting to break away, about this exhausting cycle, of all these things you wish you could do but the truth is, you can do something about it! You just don't want to! And for that, you are a coward just like your mother!"
The moment the words leave her lips, the weight of what she had just done comes crashing upon her. Caterina Posen, Aubrey's mother, the woman who could arguably take Darius Du Pont's place when it comes to bad parenting. Talking about her makes everything gloomy.
So it's pretty obvious how bad of a comparison it is because truthfully, Aubrey's nothing like her mother and yet this is an example just how pain works. It's like a virus trying to spread out. It somehow makes her understand Beca's actions more, hurting people because you want them to feel what you feel, spreading your own suffering without even realizing you're doing it.
Stacie used to be better at this. She doesn't condone it. She'd never.
But it's too late and the damage had been done. The consequences of her actions bounce back right at her and the hurt on those beautiful sea green eyes pierces right at her heart.
"And what the hell do you suggest I do? Go against my family? I'm not Chloe. I can't do what she did because unlike her, there's nothing out there for me. You think that I can just walk away and nothing happens? That I can be free?" a tear rolls down Aubrey's cheek and it feels like she's drifting away farther and farther from her.
"This is not some fictional drama that ends with happy endings just because you 'followed your heart'. I'm sorry to disappoint you but that's not how it works. Not everyone is lucky or as strong as you. Some of us have mothers like mine that teach us that love isn't meant for everyone. That all these… achievements I've worked so hard for," she pauses, lips quivering and more tears falling delicately on her face.
"Is all I have in the end,"
Rain falls that night and maybe even the goddess of love, Aphrodite herself is crying at the pain her daughter feels.
"Goodbye,"
Where did it all go wrong? She thought of everything that had led up to the moment where she sneaks in the Vanderbilt manor for the first time and finally pours out her heart to Aubrey. There are probably so many things, all connected in this really huge pile of hesitation, extremely bad timing and intense fear. Funny how she'd been called fearless yet when she falls in love like never before, fear takes over her. Fear of having to lose that love, the fear of being unable to fight for it, the fear of having to watch helplessly as it all slips away from her.
She meant it when she said she'd wait and she will. Hoping that someday, one day, she will wake up once more to peaches and honey, drowning in a sea green, trapped in warm embraces underneath twisted sheets and soft lingering cherry kisses.
But if that day never comes…
Then maybe in another lifetime, in some alternate universe where bloodlines don't matter, where she's just some college sophomore auditioning for some musical group or maybe a simple radio producer, in a life where she's just Stacie and she's just Aubrey.
And their just happy and in love.
Until then, she lets her heart bleed and the tears fall as she clings on to those maybes and somedays.
Author's Note:
List of facts:
Unrequited love is my signature. It ain't a redchocopanda fic without it.
Not everything ends happily- I mean Lexa and Clarke...
Alycia Debnam-Carey is my wife.
Coffee is a blessing.
I've run out of lyrics for my titles.
Damn, it's not even the weekend?!
Check out No Rome's single Seventeen because it's the reason why there's an update now-that and Lany's Thru These Tears. My babes Troye and Matty would agree with me when I say it's like drugs for the soul.
I love you and you and you and yes, you!
